Deep inside my chest
There's a hand next to my heart
It likes to play with it when it's bored
Which tends to be most of the time
After all there's not much to do
Where the sun can't reach
It grabs my heart and makes a fist
Whenever I think of you
Nov 9, 2020
Nov 9, 2020 at 3:22 AM UTC
I look at you and wonder,
If you're hiding depth behind,
That cheerful disposition.
Are those calm waters,
All there is to you?
Don't get me wrong,
It's nice to stand,
In the shallow end,
With your head above water.
But I need someone with experience,
In open ocean swimming.
Someone who can hold their breath,
When a wave comes to wreck you.
Nov 9, 2020
Nov 9, 2020 at 2:57 AM UTC
If I fall in a forest,
And no one is around to hear,
My graceless collision with the ground,
Did I make a sound?
I would still have the bruises,
Or whatever the tree equivalent is,
And my bark may still sting,
But would the echo ring?
If I fall in a forest,
And no one likes my post,
My strategically formulated caption,
Why does everything feel like it's caving in?
I would still have the moment,
Where I took the picture,
Locked in my memory,
Or maybe not–
I chose instead to exist as pixels.
May 22, 2019
May 22, 2019 at 4:19 PM UTC
You remind me of color.
Perhaps it's because,
Of your love for it,
And all the beauty,
It creates.
Or maybe it's because,
When I am around you,
Just like with colors,
The world seems so vibrant.
But I suspect the reason lies,
Within the fact that you,
Like color,
Are not what you claim to be.
Light's wavelengths come down,
And you absorb them,
Reflecting back everything else.
So you see,
You are not red.
You are everything but that.
And if you are color,
I am the cones in our eyes,
Interpreting you as what you reflect,
You are to the world.
Believing your facade to be true.
Feb 13, 2019
Feb 13, 2019 at 9:30 PM UTC
It's not you that makes my heart flutter,
Inspired and striving,
To be like the butterflies in my stomach.
It's the chemicals and hormones,
That enter my bloodstream,
When you're around.
My smiles not for you,
It's my body's natural reaction,
To the surplus of dopamine and oxytocin.
So don't let it get to your head,
That waking up to a text from you,
Distracts me for the rest of the day.
And don't pity me,
That I still cry when I think about how,
You chose her,
Over me.
Dec 12, 2018
Dec 12, 2018 at 10:34 PM UTC
Throughout my day,
There’s a constant buzz,
White noise and distraction,
To keep the thoughts at bay.
If self doubt is blasphemy,
Then I’m full of sin,
Thanks to the voice,
Swirling around in my head,
Repeating the word broken.
I am broken,
Unworthy of kindness,
Unworthy of love,
Unworthy of life,
A complete and total mess.
I may trick people at first,
But if they know me long enough,
My fragile mask will crack,
Just enough for them to see,
The wreck inside,
I was never that tough.
Sometimes I even fool myself,
Into believing I am whole,
That the shattered doll,
Has somehow glued its pieces back together,
That I am not broken,
That I am mended,
That I was never broken.
Aug 27, 2018
Aug 27, 2018 at 9:32 PM UTC
He picked me up in his car,
And asked me what happened,
That's always the first question,
First thing that people think to say.
They want to know why,
Tears have formed in my eyes,
And roll down my face.
They want to know where,
The pain is coming from,
So that they might stop it.
They want to know who,
I am thinking about,
When I claim to feel alone.
I'll tell you what, why, where, and who.
What happened is nothing,
It came out of nowhere.
The why is nothing,
There is no cause.
The where is nowhere,
Nowhere they can reach.
The who is no one,
At least that's what I feel like.
I know you don't believe me,
When I answer your questions.
I told you the truth,
You just don't understand depression.
Just like him,
You have that look in your eyes,
And close your mouth,
Deciding not to push it for now.
But just wait until next time,
If I give you the chance.
And you will ask again.
Not realizing your questions,
Only remind me that I am broken.
Aug 10, 2018
Aug 10, 2018 at 1:13 AM UTC
Is it a sacrifice to spend so much time thinking of you?
I have convinced myself I am honoring your memory, I suppose,
But that little person that lives in my brain,
The one that monitors my mistakes and yells at my flaws,
Keeps telling me that I am selfish.
Selfish to indulge in this sadness,
Selfish to cry when thinking of you,
Selfish to see you in my dreams,
When I could have, should have, done so much more,
When you were still alive.
Aug 4, 2018
Aug 4, 2018 at 12:55 PM UTC