i just
i hate it
you know
that feeling of
of
sadness
of emptiness
and just
a big empty hole
in your chest
not being able to do anything
yet having to ignore it
and move on
and move on
i just wish something
or someone could fill it
i wish someone cared enough
enough to stop
and help me figure out what the hell i'm doing
and what the hell i'm supposed to do
because this hole in my chest just keeps aching
and i don't know what to do anymore
i don't know
i don't know
i don't know
why don't you care
why
i just want someone to care
because sometimes i think i care too much
but then my chest hurts again
so i don't care enough
and my heart is playing tug of war
but eventually my heart will rip
in half
i just wish you cared
i just wish
Mar 21, 2021
Mar 21, 2021 at 12:08 AM UTC
i just think
that if i was gone
then it wouldn't matter
anymore
it wouldn't matter
anymore
anymore
Feb 19, 2021
Feb 19, 2021 at 3:13 PM UTC
i’m so lost and
confused
tired of my tears
and my screams
leaving me silent
my hoarse voice
and tear stained cheeks
mean nothing to you
there is no remorse
or guilt
in the way you treat me
i’m sorry
you say
but those words are hollow
and hold
no meaning to me
they are locked in a box
deep inside my mind
is this what love is
you have broken me
and now i don’t know
who i can trust
i’m afraid i am no longer
loveable
my body and mind
are in too many pieces
for someone to try and put me back together
but that word
try
is another word i have locked away
because you have taught me
that to try
is to fail
and to speak
is to disappoint
but as you taught me
you beat me down
so now
after you
there is nothing left of me
for someone else to love
and how do i explain
why i have nothing left
and that the scars covering every inch of me
are from you
how do i explain
why i think this is love
Feb 9, 2021
Feb 9, 2021 at 10:29 AM UTC
i’ve been told once before
that when you stare into the Darkness
it begins to stare back at you
until i visited
your grave
i never believed Them
i sat and stared
at the nameless headstone
callously placed amongst the shadows
and i mourned
my tears falling delicately
on the loose soil that concealed what was left of you
until i held your hollow lifeless Skull
in my trembling fragile hands
and met your tender gaze
Feb 9, 2021
Feb 9, 2021 at 10:20 AM UTC
my cold dead heart was made
absolutely empty
so,
they tell me i can
take a knife to it
though
it would be,
for me,
easier
to face myself
with my soul
having been stained
Feb 3, 2021
Feb 3, 2021 at 12:30 PM UTC
this thing we
choose
to call beautiful
he
takes his time and
stirs up still things
hidden inside
to
exhaust the mind
then
settles down and
infests, but
come o beloveds of
darkness and decay
for day
is near
Feb 3, 2021
Feb 3, 2021 at 12:18 PM UTC
i frequently
weep in silence -
for those i treat well
are the ones who most of all
seek yet to harm me
and label me crazy
because of this
i am lost
and confused
and you,
i want
you to suffer
the insanity -
in myself i am aware of this
but the one i call ‘you’ is simply
myself
and i find that i
am the cause
of my
insanity
Feb 3, 2021
Feb 3, 2021 at 12:15 PM UTC
i have butterflies
every single one unique in its own way
beautiful delicate wings
with intricate patterns and a variety of colors
each individually carved from stone
by the anxious claws that embed themselves into my skin
i focus on those butterflies
if only to distract me
from my thoughts in my head
from my tingling fingers turning numb
from my pounding heart
and from the air that is no longer in my lungs
i focus on those butterflies
on the way their rough wings scrape along the inside of my stomach
their screams from being crushed by those sharpened claws
and the heavy
sickening feeling
they leave behind
Feb 3, 2021
Feb 3, 2021 at 12:11 PM UTC
and what about me
my heart
my
p
a
i
n
was it all just a thousand page novel written
with invisible ink
Feb 3, 2021
Feb 3, 2021 at 12:10 PM UTC
the only way you can hate, is to love
hate is love
betrayal is trust
we were one
the words, like fire in my mouth
left scars
to keep you, i had to lose myself
but was i holding onto you
like a child that grips their teddy bear
to save them from the never ending darkness
or were you holding onto me
like a child clenching a bag with a fish
wondering what will happen if you shake it
and just like that child's foolish hope of the teddy bear protecting them
it's all just pretend
an illusion that we wrap around our hearts to shield from feeling
your words have become cobwebs of lies stuck to the walls of my mind
hands that hold my head below the surface of the lake
the lake made by the darkest parts of my mind
the soft and gentle hands that once held mine are now calloused and cold
they no longer create
instead
they destroy
it was never supposed to be like this
i squeeze the teddy bear
you shake the bag
the lake fills my lungs
i'm going to drown
my fault
your fault
we were both
too
heartless
my apology that i gift to you
is made from the tears i've shed these past few years
my love is this gift
that i hope
you accept
Feb 3, 2021
Feb 3, 2021 at 12:08 PM UTC