I know you've forgotten about me,
Most people do.
Quick runs into love and they never were true.
I'm a devil in diamonds,
And an angel in dirt,
I was born with missing pieces,
I've been eager to hurt.
But the look in your eyes
Like a thousand knives,
Ripping through all the walls I've built around me.
And the tip of your tongue,
Sings the melodies I've sung,
For what feels like a thousand years.
The things that you said,
Play inside my head,
Like a million counts of reverb.
And it's hard to know that you're just for the day.
What do I do tomorrow when I'm not okay?
It's hard to explain,
Makes me feel I'm insane,
And the look you made when I wished I was dead.
I'm too honest for my own good,
Say more than I should,
And it pushes away every time.
But the look in your eyes
Like a thousand knives,
Ripping through all the walls I've built around me.
And the tip of your tongue,
Sings the melodies I've sung,
For what feels like a thousand years.
The things that you said,
Play inside my head,
Like a million counts of reverb
And it's hard to know that you're just for the day.
What do I do tomorrow when I'm not okay?
And I know you've already forgotten about me
Feb 8, 2019
Feb 8, 2019 at 12:32 PM UTC
I’m missing you near
Wish you were here,
I'd send a postcard to my first love.
Down below,
So as above,
Always the best when push comes to shove.
Everyone says
That it comes in waves
Now it's crashing and covers my face.
Ashes in jars,
All that you are,
My beautiful boy, what a waste.
If you were the wine,
I'd have a taste,
Stuck in the maps and still misplaced.
If my love didn't die,
You'd still be alive
And we could get out of this place.
My heart calls to you,
With notions of gloom,
Locked in a room, in the dark.
The clock and the time,
They fall out of line,
Eternity has no ending or start.
Everyone says
That it comes in waves,
Now it's crashing and covers my face.
Ashes in jars,
All that you are,
My beautiful boy, what a waste.
Jan 18, 2019
Jan 18, 2019 at 1:03 PM UTC
The moon was hidden,
And the sky was missing any sight of stars
Or a glimmer of hope, in this case.
Walking into the room with the anxiety of falling back in a chair, awaiting inevitable pain and wishing I had taken the time to be careful and avoid this.
I keep thinking it's wrong to hate seeing you with someone else,
And the way your face lights up at the thought of someone else,
How you get your haircut and clean your entire house for someone else.
And the lights that flash,
And the music that blasts
Can’t deafen me or blind me from the fact that
I can feel the lump in my throat wrap into a swift breeze of nausea when she wraps her arms around you and kisses you like I'm not there at all.
I told you she was so pretty because I wanted to be kind,
You might be more apt to love me more if I was kind right?
I settled in the back and drank all the drinks,
And took off my glasses in the hope that blurring the sights would make them not so real,
But alas, the pain was there and was real already.
Too much to dissipate with the removal of glasses,
Just staring at blurry black shadows and smiling a look of extra approval when you turned around.
And I can never let you know,
Because I'm not a selfish person like that.
It's called love, not possession,
So I’m having to love you from across the room, and possess only the overworked smile smacked across my face.
Because I don't want you to be unhappy,
I just wanted you to be happy with me,
Not somebody else.
Mar 17, 2018
Mar 17, 2018 at 12:38 PM UTC
Something keeps telling me to let you go,
Something keeps telling me I should have never let you know,
I can see it in your eyes and they melt like the snow,
When I talk about my love for you and how like the March blossoms, it just grows.
The sweetness in the wind,
Sweeping under my chin,
Like your breath on my neck letting me know I'm too deep in.
I don't feel us parting ways,
But I know it won't be the same,
When you're twelve springs ahead of me in these silly games we play.
But I'll feel you in my chest,
When the fire you've planted begins to die,
And you'll stoke the embers inside my heart,
While the winter melts out my eyes.
Mar 14, 2018
Mar 14, 2018 at 8:58 PM UTC
Listening to you talk about someone else
Like a stab in the chest ripping all the way down
In the car after dinner,
With a ****** gaping hole,
That you couldn't see, but I felt all the same.
You were smiling and I was smiling too.
You said she was great and you met her dad by chance, and it was the best one in a long time.
I giggled childishly
And let the wound fester and ooze,
You didn't even notice.
I saw it in your eyes,
It was a love,
And it was different than ours.
When you dropped me off,
I felt guilty and nauseous.
It’s not your responsibility to cradle my ego,
To be my romance.
You told me you loved me and you'd see me soon,
You'd see her tomorrow,
Filling the wound with rocks before attempting to sew it up,
Or at least, it felt like it.
Jan 12, 2018
Jan 12, 2018 at 9:33 PM UTC
Death boy need you by my side
Come and be my ride or die
Even if only for the night.
I've been working all the time,
Tryna give you all my light,
Tryna give you all my life.
I see you in the dark,
A break between the stars,
I give you all my heart.
Come to me,
Like the ocean,
Like the tide,
Take me down and pull me in,
Death boy, I'm ready to die.
I can't wait very much longer,
This yearning’s getting stronger,
I give you all my life.
After the first time I saw you,
Hiding in your black clothes,
Smile on your face.
I can recall every second,
Recall every moment,
Know the time and place.
I see you in the dark,
A break between the stars,
I give you all my heart.
Come to me,
Like the ocean,
Like the tide,
Take me down and pull me in,
Death boy, I'm ready to die.
I can't wait very much longer,
The yearning's getting stronger,
I give you all my life.
Jan 5, 2018
Jan 5, 2018 at 11:43 AM UTC
I'm noticing less and less of a separation
Between the woman in my head,
The woman who stands before you,
And the hungry wolf I've fed.
I keep telling myself,
“To be numb will make it feel better”
But then it backfires on me.
I don't feel anxiety or embarrassment from what other people see,
For what I've done or what pushed me there,
I know, it's always me.
Sitting in bed,
Replaying in my head
Everything I ever did or said,
That wasn't me, but just a loose bolt in my head,
Crawling around trying to find a source
To feed the cravings and quench the thirst,
For attention I wanted and thought I would need,
And left me wondering why I'm never the one to leave,
Why I'm always the last woman standing in an empty crowd,
Because my pride is too strong,
Because I refuse to back down.
I wake up angry and sick with my other side,
That put me to sleep and took my body for a ride,
And I don't care if the whole world forgives me,
Because I can't forgive myself,
For starting the night as one person and morphing into someone else.
Maybe it's time to start over and invent someone new,
Or keep true to myself,
which I've never had the nerve to do.
But being numb isn't real,
When I was just born to feel,
A sensitive girl painted with false *** appeal.
Aug 1, 2017
Aug 1, 2017 at 2:06 AM UTC
Floating between heaven and hell,
In the middle of an ocean I've made for myself
I keep feeling so alone,
But that everyone is watching me,
That someone put me on the earth to study my tendencies.
To take me away if I’m not my best,
To teach me a lesson in the art of my death.
Is everything a sign?
Yeah.
And I'll feel when it's about to go wrong.
Like I didn't die in that accident because I bought those kids soda after prom.
And I won't die on the anniversary either,
Because on Friday I went to the club,
And I ran into that lady and thanked her for when she gave me a ride from the pub.
It's like I'm racing the clock and making excuses to be kind,
Because I feel like I have to, in order to survive.
To be polite?
No.
I don't care to be kind,
Well, I do, but I’m also scared I'm going to die.
Prematurely, way too early,
I didn't get to travel or see the world.
Maybe before I hop the plane I'll donate money to a local charity.
So I can have some peace of mind when I'm leaving the states,
That I'm not leaving the world yet,
That I'm in good grace.
Paranoid?
Yeah.
Yeah I'd say so.
But how many second chances until karma lets you go?
May 14, 2017
May 14, 2017 at 11:13 PM UTC
There's a girl with curls in her hair,
Smelling of cigarettes and ice cold air,
I'm sure you've seen her before,
Maybe in a message of tea leaves,
While she's been living in the lines I write,
And in the threads of my seams.
She's a creature of the sea,
Washed ashore in a dream,
Living life that's unkind to her,
But unkind to everyone it seems.
She's careful and careless,
Articulate and aloof,
She walks along my collarbones at night,
Leaving no footprints for proof.
There's a girl with curls in her hair,
Smelling of cigarettes and ice cold air,
She's the sun to my earth,
She's a small crying child,
She's the tangy sweet juice,
From an orchard on fire.
Feb 10, 2017
Feb 10, 2017 at 8:31 PM UTC
In a darkened corner,
Maybe half past 9,
Perhaps even later than that,
But I lost track of time.
He was beautiful and strange,
He was sitting at the bar.
I stuck out my tongue said, "buy me a drink."
Who knew he would take it so far.
Something came over me
Like a warm blanket on a cold night,
I was falling asleep,
But still walking underneath the glow of streetlights.
Stumbling around the neighborhood,
Yeah, I know it was a mess.
He held me close to his heart,
He just wants to see me undress.
There was blood on the sidewalk, there was ***** in my hair,
There were people holding onto my hands.
Trying to keep me there.
I said, **"He just wants to **** me"**
They said, "He's just trying to kiss you."
I said **"He's trying to **** me,"**
They said, "I wish I had that issue."
And then I was home,
Somehow and someway,
Feeling drained and disgusted,
I slept the day away.
Nov 22, 2016
Nov 22, 2016 at 12:47 PM UTC