Pain like none other
darkness around every corner
heartache to make devils weep
I could never have imagined what I feel now
the agony of her loss is so strong
it drowns out everything else.
Hope is dead
and there is nothing to comfort me
I’ll never hear her voice
and worse
I’ll never escape the image of her laying there
surrounded by blankets
resting on a cardboard box
burning
The sound the furnace made
my sister sobbing
puking
her gray hair streak that wasn’t there when I saw her the first time
or maybe in my agony I missed it
the lack of scent
aren’t the dead supposed to smell?
her face. not hers and hers all the same
in my mind is a building
white stone and stark in its beauty
stairs in the front leading up
a dim cool spartan room
carved from snow white rock is it granite? or marble?
in the center of the room is a dais
but before we get to that….
roses. 20,955 roses. One for each day of her life
all of them red. Red for passion and blood.
each bunch in a clear vase
now back to that dais….
a flat white dais raised to waist height.
on it, there she is as i last saw her.
shirt raised to cover her trach. She’d appreciate that
hands loose
gray hair streak
and a white sheet draped from mid torso down, covering her legs.
dead….but not in my memory
Why did my mind want so badly for her to wake.
why can’t it all be not real
Why can’t I make it more than a week without a late night breakdown
Why can’t I make it more than a few hours without visiting that room
How do I move on from an unspeakable loss
How do I continue?
worse is the realization that all humans die
and my daughter will one day hurt
as does my mother’s daughter now.
Nov 3, 2016
Nov 3, 2016 at 9:46 PM UTC
I wish I could write things
To make young lovers sigh
I wish I could write things
To make old lovers cry
I wish I could write things
That spoke right to the heart
I wish I could write things
To tear a soul apart
I wish I could write things
To introduce pain
I wish I could write things
To show love's dark stain
I wish I could write things
To be read again and again
I wish I could write things
Steeped in passion's sin
Jul 14, 2016
Jul 14, 2016 at 9:05 PM UTC
Waking Here
Is Failure beyond Hope.
Loving You
Is Destroying my soul
Changing This
Is Pain personified.
Mar 6, 2016
Mar 6, 2016 at 9:54 PM UTC
suddenly I'm overwhelmed by a desire for shisha and hot tea and warm weather. A desire for the thirst caused by hours of kissing. A desire for you.
Mar 6, 2016
Mar 6, 2016 at 8:52 PM UTC
How can I let myself think
Of you. There is no
Possibility of togetherness
Every thought stings
Leaving me floating in
Excruciating memories of you
Saying you love me
Saying goodbye
Jan 22, 2016
Jan 22, 2016 at 10:16 PM UTC
Slowly fading drop by drop
Leeching out of my brain
Feelings of betrayal
Sluicing off like so much waste
Jan 2, 2016
Jan 2, 2016 at 1:02 PM UTC
"Who needs a death wish
When all I want is you?"
You don't even try
But you tear me
Apart.
My heart is shattered
My dreams are as dust
In my mouth;
All that I lived for before
Is no longer enough.
Why do I love you?
There are better decisions to make
And yet
You are all my in between thoughts
The beginning and end thought
Every day
I continue to suffer
A constant hope to see you again
Someday.
For now I'll pine after you
As if you are everything
Even though
The least of my concerns
Should be our next moment.
Nov 4, 2015
Nov 4, 2015 at 6:08 AM UTC
I used to breath music and poetry
Second-hand smoke and second-rate coffee
I roamed a giant chessboard
Towards a marble staircase in a dilapidated building
Secret moments under a magnolia tree
Earl gray tea in an orange mug
Pentacles in the snow
Hope, dreams, and ice
Friends
Nov 3, 2015
Nov 3, 2015 at 7:06 PM UTC
So many things unsaid
Mostly we stare at one another
In silence searching for
Love in each other's eyes
Enjoying thoughts that make us
Smile
Oct 30, 2015
Oct 30, 2015 at 9:16 PM UTC