EllaRose - Hello Poetry

What am i supposed to do When everything is too much When the idea of getting out of bed Sounds like the hardest thing of my life I stand in front of the mirror I need to wash my face I need to brush my teeth So why can't I? Why does that feel impossible What am i supposed to do When my entire life is a game of minesweeper Always one move away from game over From an explosion And when I say explosion I mean of emotion Anger that shakes me to my core Anger that makes it impossible to do anything Anger that makes me yell at you Even if you don't deserve it. Or maybe it'll be sadness Soul crushing heartbreaking sadness Tears that won't stop until you are choking Literally choking for air. What am i supposed to do When I can't seem to enjoy anything When everything is lack luster When everything is pointless. What am i supposed to do? What can I do? nothing.

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Jul 15, 2019

Jul 15, 2019 at 2:12 PM UTC

What am I supposed to do?

What am i supposed to do When everything is too much When the idea of getting out of bed Sounds like the hardest thing of my life I stand in front of the mirror I need to wash my face I need to brush my teeth So why can't I? Why does that feel impossible What am i supposed to do When my entire life is a game of minesweeper Always one move away from game over From an explosion And when I say explosion I mean of emotion Anger that shakes me to my core Anger that makes it impossible to do anything Anger that makes me yell at you Even if you don't deserve it. Or maybe it'll be sadness Soul crushing heartbreaking sadness Tears that won't stop until you are choking Literally choking for air. What am i supposed to do When I can't seem to enjoy anything When everything is lack luster When everything is pointless. What am i supposed to do? What can I do? nothing.

29

I'm sorry Sometimes it feels like thats all i say I'm sorry for being a mess And being unstable Sometimes it feels like i'm sorry is all that i am Everything i do wrong My existence hurting everyone But no more than me Im sorry It falls from my lips over and over again A mantra that i cant stop repeating Im sorry feels like the only thing The only thing that can make you stay I'm sorry Please don't leave me im trying I say it over and over Until it annoys you And then once or twice more to apologize for that I'm sorry That I cant get control I'm sorry That all i do is fall apart I'm sorry That I hold you back I'm sorry That I’m alive

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Jul 15, 2019

Jul 15, 2019 at 2:06 PM UTC

Im sorry

I'm sorry Sometimes it feels like thats all i say I'm sorry for being a mess And being unstable Sometimes it feels like i'm sorry is all that i am Everything i do wrong My existence hurting everyone But no more than me Im sorry It falls from my lips over and over again A mantra that i cant stop repeating Im sorry feels like the only thing The only thing that can make you stay I'm sorry Please don't leave me im trying I say it over and over Until it annoys you And then once or twice more to apologize for that I'm sorry That I cant get control I'm sorry That all i do is fall apart I'm sorry That I hold you back I'm sorry That I’m alive

26

As I lay in bed alone Darkness closes in. I realize all I am up against, The battles that I may not win. I stress and fuss Until all seems lost And desperately I try to sleep. But all is well, When you come home. You slip in next to me, Gently to not wake me. Your warmth fills my heart, Drives out the darkness. Peacefully I sleep. Knowing that with you by my side, There is no battle I can lose.

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Apr 7, 2016

Apr 7, 2016 at 1:12 AM UTC

My night

As I lay in bed alone Darkness closes in. I realize all I am up against, The battles that I may not win. I stress and fuss Until all seems lost And desperately I try to sleep. But all is well, When you come home. You slip in next to me, Gently to not wake me. Your warmth fills my heart, Drives out the darkness. Peacefully I sleep. Knowing that with you by my side, There is no battle I can lose.

16

"Think of something that you know to be true. There are no wrong answers and only one rule, Do not overthink this." My mind is racing, What do I know to be true. The grass is green, And the sky is blue. I know these to be true, but these can't be worth writing down. Love hurts, Stress kills. People are mean, My mind won't sit still. I know these to be true, but these are too intense to write down. We need to dream big, but start small. Appreciate everything, regret nothing at all. I know these to be true, but these are too cliche to write down. So what is something I know to be true? I overthink, quiet literally everything.

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Mar 23, 2016

Mar 23, 2016 at 11:05 AM UTC

Overthinking

"Think of something that you know to be true. There are no wrong answers and only one rule, Do not overthink this." My mind is racing, What do I know to be true. The grass is green, And the sky is blue. I know these to be true, but these can't be worth writing down. Love hurts, Stress kills. People are mean, My mind won't sit still. I know these to be true, but these are too intense to write down. We need to dream big, but start small. Appreciate everything, regret nothing at all. I know these to be true, but these are too cliche to write down. So what is something I know to be true? I overthink, quiet literally everything.

23

37 sleepless hours, Felt like a mistake. Competition over, Tests all taken. But the memories are just beginning. The room goes dark, 100’s of DECA kids go silent. The hypnotist begins to talk. Slow, methodical rhythm. All care disappears. The stress of competition is gone. Seeming to melt off my body. Eyes become heavy, Heavier. Bodies become heavy, Heavier. And somehow I'm asleep. Leaning against you now. If I only knew then all I know now. The trauma that would come from this conference I would have made it 38 hours Or even 40 without sleep.

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Mar 1, 2016

Mar 1, 2016 at 12:52 AM UTC

Sleepless mistake

37 sleepless hours, Felt like a mistake. Competition over, Tests all taken. But the memories are just beginning. The room goes dark, 100’s of DECA kids go silent. The hypnotist begins to talk. Slow, methodical rhythm. All care disappears. The stress of competition is gone. Seeming to melt off my body. Eyes become heavy, Heavier. Bodies become heavy, Heavier. And somehow I'm asleep. Leaning against you now. If I only knew then all I know now. The trauma that would come from this conference I would have made it 38 hours Or even 40 without sleep.

22

Your words continue to bounce in my head Everything you say, Seems to have so much weight. I can't help but think, Analyze, Over-analyze. No matter if it was something said yesterday or last year. The words continue to bounce around.

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Feb 29, 2016

Feb 29, 2016 at 2:31 PM UTC

Words seem to bounce.

Your words continue to bounce in my head Everything you say, Seems to have so much weight. I can't help but think, Analyze, Over-analyze. No matter if it was something said yesterday or last year. The words continue to bounce around.

9

Why is it I am so drawn to you? Days Months Years have passed. Yet still, im wrapped around your finger. I fight it, oh so desperately I fight it. Yet everytime you come back into my life I seem to almost start over. Two steps forward, one step back. That's how i've been living my life. Why? I really need to know.

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Feb 29, 2016

Feb 29, 2016 at 2:24 PM UTC

Why

Why is it I am so drawn to you? Days Months Years have passed. Yet still, im wrapped around your finger. I fight it, oh so desperately I fight it. Yet everytime you come back into my life I seem to almost start over. Two steps forward, one step back. That's how i've been living my life. Why? I really need to know.

14

Strong hands Loving heart Your wish is my command Your words send shivers down my spine Or console me to sleep. Blind fold me, Taste me, Play with me to your hearts content. Hold me, Sleep with me, Keep me safe throughout life

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Dec 16, 2015

Dec 16, 2015 at 12:04 PM UTC

My master

Strong hands Loving heart Your wish is my command Your words send shivers down my spine Or console me to sleep. Blind fold me, Taste me, Play with me to your hearts content. Hold me, Sleep with me, Keep me safe throughout life

11

I am yours, Solely completely utterly yours. Master you truly control me. My pleasure is yours. I do as you say, Your wish my command. My master.

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Dec 16, 2015

Dec 16, 2015 at 12:02 PM UTC

Yours.

I am yours, Solely completely utterly yours. Master you truly control me. My pleasure is yours. I do as you say, Your wish my command. My master.

7

She loved you. And she told you so often. Would curl up in your arms, Night after night, And remind you of her love. She never complained that you didn't care, Never got mad when you didn't say it back. She'd cry silently to herself. And now its done, And she won't ***** Or get angry. She will let you decide, To be 'just friends' She will just cry silently to herself.

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Nov 1, 2015

Nov 1, 2015 at 11:07 PM UTC

silently to herself

She loved you. And she told you so often. Would curl up in your arms, Night after night, And remind you of her love. She never complained that you didn't care, Never got mad when you didn't say it back. She'd cry silently to herself. And now its done, And she won't ***** Or get angry. She will let you decide, To be 'just friends' She will just cry silently to herself.

14