Egyptianqt - Hello Poetry

I write because of you. I wanted to die because of you. I begged you to take me with you Many a drunken night in the bathroom floor, While pain slipped from my wrists, But it was just another failed attempt. Im not as brave as you. I couldnt go all the way like you. I know I failed you, but you left me here in this miserable place, With the bitter taste, Of the biggest mistake, Of walking away, When u obviously needed me to be there for you. I knew you were in pain, I know ur mother walked away I know ur brother illuminated the way. I know your dad couldnt give you a place to stay. I did though, I loved you more than anything You were my best friend We have endless memories I still hear your laugh... You never acted like it was so bad. You never displayed the traditional red flags. No cutting No crying No pity pleas No whining. Where did this come from? You didnt even give me a warning. I heard from mutual friends You were on a bridge. Im convinced you were murdered, by a stranger who looked like you, claimed to be you, Someone I never met. He took your life that night. He jumped because the guy I know would never do that .... Right? I couldnt believe it was true It couldnt be you Until I had to face the truth I sat at a strangers funeral While your father cried on my shoulder For a guy we didnt even know. But when I picked up the phone to tell you I saw your dad today You didnt answer me When I called you to ask you why you werent there You let it go to voicemail But when I called to tell you I was afraid to look in the casket And your voicemail was full I realized Id never hear your voice again.... The rest of my life It hit me. That I didnt think of my life.... How it would be... Every day was harder than the last Because the memories of you started to fade fast I couldnt remember your voice But I can still hear your laugh. Its been 5 years since the coldest December Ive ever felt. The ice on my heart I thought would never melt. I will never stop missing you Or wishing you Could be here just one more day One more hug, One more chance One more ..one more .... just one more second But I have to accept it Theres no more one mores Its over and time doesnt rewind It the only thing that keeps me alive.... Knowing that once youre gone youre gone And theres no way to change your mind. Sometimes we dont notice depression The warning signs are transparent Some smile on the outside The cry for help disguised They don't show any signs of being sad.... I can still hear his laugh.

0

Sep 6, 2017

Sep 6, 2017 at 12:28 AM UTC

I still hear his laugh (for josh)

I write because of you. I wanted to die because of you. I begged you to take me with you Many a drunken night in the bathroom floor, While pain slipped from my wrists, But it was just another failed attempt. Im not as brave as you. I couldnt go all the way like you. I know I failed you, but you left me here in this miserable place, With the bitter taste, Of the biggest mistake, Of walking away, When u obviously needed me to be there for you. I knew you were in pain, I know ur mother walked away I know ur brother illuminated the way. I know your dad couldnt give you a place to stay. I did though, I loved you more than anything You were my best friend We have endless memories I still hear your laugh... You never acted like it was so bad. You never displayed the traditional red flags. No cutting No crying No pity pleas No whining. Where did this come from? You didnt even give me a warning. I heard from mutual friends You were on a bridge. Im convinced you were murdered, by a stranger who looked like you, claimed to be you, Someone I never met. He took your life that night. He jumped because the guy I know would never do that .... Right? I couldnt believe it was true It couldnt be you Until I had to face the truth I sat at a strangers funeral While your father cried on my shoulder For a guy we didnt even know. But when I picked up the phone to tell you I saw your dad today You didnt answer me When I called you to ask you why you werent there You let it go to voicemail But when I called to tell you I was afraid to look in the casket And your voicemail was full I realized Id never hear your voice again.... The rest of my life It hit me. That I didnt think of my life.... How it would be... Every day was harder than the last Because the memories of you started to fade fast I couldnt remember your voice But I can still hear your laugh. Its been 5 years since the coldest December Ive ever felt. The ice on my heart I thought would never melt. I will never stop missing you Or wishing you Could be here just one more day One more hug, One more chance One more ..one more .... just one more second But I have to accept it Theres no more one mores Its over and time doesnt rewind It the only thing that keeps me alive.... Knowing that once youre gone youre gone And theres no way to change your mind. Sometimes we dont notice depression The warning signs are transparent Some smile on the outside The cry for help disguised They don't show any signs of being sad.... I can still hear his laugh.

79

Some days I look at her and see remnants of the innocence she used to possess. Other days I don't know who this girl in the bathroom is watching me as I get undressed. Although I know every curve and crevice of her figure, every freckle on her face. Every imperfection, every flaw, every strand of hair out of place. She is a stranger. Her eyes are filled with a sorrow of a self afflicted pain. Insecure delusions of her own self worth decorated in shame. Some days I watch her paint her lipstick on to hold her smile in place. Other days I watch as she swallows her disguise from a bottle that grants her a small window of a pathetic illusion of a fabricated happiness. She never cries in front of anyone, But she cries in front of me. I know her every expression, even the awkward faces she doesn't let anyone else see. She pleads for me to hold her, but as I reach for her she puts her arms out in defense, She looks at me like I'm her worst enemy, Like she hates the thought of my presence. She constantly asks me why I exist, My lips move when she talks, But the words never make sense. I try to present myself the way I would like her to be. But I'm only the REFLECTION of a girl she used to be.

0

Sep 4, 2017

Sep 4, 2017 at 5:02 PM UTC

Untitled

Some days I look at her and see remnants of the innocence she used to possess. Other days I don't know who this girl in the bathroom is watching me as I get undressed. Although I know every curve and crevice of her figure, every freckle on her face. Every imperfection, every flaw, every strand of hair out of place. She is a stranger. Her eyes are filled with a sorrow of a self afflicted pain. Insecure delusions of her own self worth decorated in shame. Some days I watch her paint her lipstick on to hold her smile in place. Other days I watch as she swallows her disguise from a bottle that grants her a small window of a pathetic illusion of a fabricated happiness. She never cries in front of anyone, But she cries in front of me. I know her every expression, even the awkward faces she doesn't let anyone else see. She pleads for me to hold her, but as I reach for her she puts her arms out in defense, She looks at me like I'm her worst enemy, Like she hates the thought of my presence. She constantly asks me why I exist, My lips move when she talks, But the words never make sense. I try to present myself the way I would like her to be. But I'm only the REFLECTION of a girl she used to be.

28

I never knew how much power his words still had over me until I heard them spoken to me with someone else's tongue You .. You .. Yea you have to go And no Not the echo... of the haunted memory Etched into my bones. You This innocent new guy, that doesn't even realize the power his words have, Squeezing my soul like a bitter lime The fresh juice seeping into my reopened wounds, a fire burning into the fiber of my existence. You don't even realize those aren't your words They are the undressed synapses electrifying my memory Untangled pure torture that follows a direct nerve to my heart and causes me to have a reflex you are not EVEN prepared for. Yea, You'll be the umpteenth failed relationship And when I say" it's not you it's me " I'll really mean it's he.... He..the voice in my head who won't let me forget He who holds me hostage in my regret He who ***** any shred of innocence I ever possessed. He....not me His voice rings the loudest in my head. And you You mimic his words like he told you exactly what to say To make me squirm Like the worm on the hook when I was little and he took Me fishing cuz he wished I was the son he didn't have. Until that son came along and I became his trash. You are the same Youre him all over again And him and him And him And every failed attempt at me trying to receive a love He wasn't willing to give.

0

Aug 30, 2017

Aug 30, 2017 at 9:51 PM UTC

Him

I never knew how much power his words still had over me until I heard them spoken to me with someone else's tongue You .. You .. Yea you have to go And no Not the echo... of the haunted memory Etched into my bones. You This innocent new guy, that doesn't even realize the power his words have, Squeezing my soul like a bitter lime The fresh juice seeping into my reopened wounds, a fire burning into the fiber of my existence. You don't even realize those aren't your words They are the undressed synapses electrifying my memory Untangled pure torture that follows a direct nerve to my heart and causes me to have a reflex you are not EVEN prepared for. Yea, You'll be the umpteenth failed relationship And when I say" it's not you it's me " I'll really mean it's he.... He..the voice in my head who won't let me forget He who holds me hostage in my regret He who ***** any shred of innocence I ever possessed. He....not me His voice rings the loudest in my head. And you You mimic his words like he told you exactly what to say To make me squirm Like the worm on the hook when I was little and he took Me fishing cuz he wished I was the son he didn't have. Until that son came along and I became his trash. You are the same Youre him all over again And him and him And him And every failed attempt at me trying to receive a love He wasn't willing to give.

38