This Pisces Energy
Is so heavy.
Lately, I’ve felt like I’m shrinking
And honestly, the idea of slinking
Back into my shell seems so ideal
To avoid everything that’s real.
Expansion hurts, and it’s terrifying.
Everything is unraveling.
Tearing at the seams
And I’ve been experiencing emotions to the most extremes
And often, I wish I could hide
From them but I can’t ignore what’s on the inside.
I’ve often been afraid to see
What comes up from the depths of me.
I have to remind myself that it’s okay to feel a little broken, shattered
When reaching out for what I desire has me feeling a bit torn, tattered.
There’s happiness in the heartache,
Right in the mistake;
Clarity in the confusion,
Comfort in seclusion.
I will never have a sense of stability
If I continue searching for it externally.
Where do I belong?
I found that all along
My heart is my home
When I’m on my own.
What’s left but to let go of that which is not true
So I can be woven into something new?
Even the most rigid of glass can be smoothed by the sea
I’ll be tossed among these waves until I’m finally set free.
So I’ll love deeply
And live wildly
As I was created to be.
Mar 16, 2021
Mar 16, 2021 at 5:37 AM UTC
A plant
Ripped out of the Earth
Dirt falls as roots dangle
Reaching down
Grasping for the ground
The nutrients…
How long can I survive like this?
I’ve been resilient to weather
To the tread of feet
But how can I continue on
So… ungrounded?
Need. My. Mother. Back
Where I’ll be replanted
I don’t know
But it won’t be anyone else’s garden bed
But my own
Where I have the most room to grow
Deep and wide into the Earth, I’ll go
And gaze upward to the Sky
Opening up to the Sun Rays and Rain
Fire, Water
Earth, Air
Roots. Heart. Crown.
I once was a seedling
But there’s a flower waiting
To emerge from my flesh
As the light consumes the dark
And as they become one
I Become One with Myself
My strength flows in my Soul-Veins
And this is what sustains
Every. Single. Cell
Inside my physical body
My courage remains, always
Feb 19, 2021
Feb 19, 2021 at 7:13 AM UTC
Get me off this ride of Emotions
Growing tired of the mental commotion
I’ve been slowly unpacking my bags
But I keep getting distracted
And my feet begin to drag
Walking around in circles
Looking for an answer from an external
Source
Losing sight of the course
And then I realize I’m lost
And overwhelmed, under the shadow of exhaust
Maybe I just need to stay still before moving forward
Delving inward
Introspection
Of my own reflection
Staring back at me
Sometimes I’m afraid of what I’ll see
All the hurt I’ve carried for so long
And all that I’ve ever done wrong
Unknowingly
After acting impulsively
And the past is just waiting to collapse underneath
But if it crumbles, where will I be?
I’m either falling…
Or transcending.
I have the choice to make
Because this present moment is mine to create.
And it’s becoming more evident every day
That in letting it all go, it is going to be okay.
Feb 1, 2021
Feb 1, 2021 at 9:02 AM UTC
Sometimes the chapter doesn’t end the way you predicted
It’s on a cliff hanger but you can’t read ahead
Because it’s not time yet
You’re too tired
You need rest
But what the hell comes next
And you’ll lose a little bit of sleep over it
But isn’t that life?
You make your bed, you lay in it
But your dreams aren’t always pleasant.
What the **** is up with soggy pizza, anyway?
Walked out on a peer
Expecting you to be there
But all I saw was a girl, drunk
With some lake water logged dough.
She offered me some, but I passed her up
And proceeded down the planks to find you
But I couldn’t go any further because it ended
At the dark, murky edge.
**** I see your hands when I look at mine
And you are standing in front of me
When I close my eyes.
Coming face with reality,
But what is it anyway?
Woke up and felt like these past months were all a dream
2019
All the agony
Of losing you
Was all I felt to be true.
Emotional distress,
Was what I saw in my lack of rest.
A million tear meltdown
I just cried
These past two years held inside
And there’s that whisper, be here now
Even in the darkness
These shadows of pain
And psychological disdain
It’ll be okay, it’ll be okay
It’s not the end
Just a new beginning
That hurts as bad
And it’s the past that makes me sad
Much more than the present
Maybe it’s about time I let it go, I let you go
And even when I can’t seem to
What else is there to do?
Just feel it out,
Ride it out,
These Ocean waves
Tumbling me across
The Stormy seas
It’s much more than the gentle breeze
I felt when I caressed your face
While getting lost in your gaze.
I thought I was ready for this
But all I wanted was the bliss
Holding you close, heart on the mend
Now alone with my own dread
Waking up
With nightmares of you dying,
And me without you, crying.
Jan 10, 2021
Jan 10, 2021 at 5:11 PM UTC
Carrying a torch together,
We can’t forget about our own.
Tend to yours, I’ll tend to mine
And I’ll lend you my flame
When yours begins to fade
And I only hope you’ll do the same
Jan 10, 2021
Jan 10, 2021 at 4:37 PM UTC
She still stands, vibrant as ever
Despite the short days
Despite the cold creeping in
Alone in the shadows of the mighty trees
Allowing just enough sun through to let her thrive
Day after day, I stumble upon her beauty
And she doesn't cease to remind me
That all we need is the soil to root in
That all we need is the light to breathe in
Dec 5, 2020
Dec 5, 2020 at 11:52 AM UTC
Sleep. Crawl out of bed. Coffee. Walk. Eat.
Sleep. Eat. Sleep.
Repeat.
Deep. Rest.
Depressed.
So
Obsessed
With
How I feel -
What’s even real?
Tell me
Because
I don’t know,
Maybe just leave me alone.
In my comfort zone
That is becoming hell.
Stuck in a shell
That is crushing me,
It’s getting smaller,
I can’t breathe.
Help me… crawl. Out.
S p r a w l o u t
G i v e m e s o m e
S P A C E
and some fresh air
In case
I run out of it here…
Nov 21, 2020
Nov 21, 2020 at 8:15 PM UTC
Children in backyards playing in the sunshine of summertime;
Swing sets and trampolines, ***** feet and scarred knees.
Wandering through the forest, free to be explorers;
Sleeping in tents always made the most sense.
Those were some good days, living in our old place.
Come winter, we’d jump out of bed, gather the sleds;
Adventures to the big hill, always a thrill.
Snowball fights on starry nights
Until we were satisfied, then warmed by the fireside.
Those were some fun days, living in our old place.
As we got older, life seemed colder;
From my brothers, my father and my mother
The distance increased and the days ceased
When we would play and it was all okay.
Those were some lonely days, living in our old place
Depression visited me too young, the isolation wasn't fun;
Eleven years old, I was sternly told
That of it I should not speak, life became excessively bleak.
Overcome with sadness, an innocent girl navigating through the madness.
Those were some hard days, living in our old place.
Wondering where all the love went and the quality time spent,
Lacking a meaningful connection, absent of familial affection.
Alone in a poorly lit bedroom, experiencing psychological gloom.
Riddled with confusion and fear, everything became more unclear.
Those were some scary days, living in our old place.
We moved on our separate ways, trying to land a job that pays
And find friends who would make amends
To my broken heart, offering a brand new start.
But nothing quite compared to the love that I had for you...
During all those good days, living in our old place.
Maybe emotional neglect has a lifelong effect,
Remaining difficult to let go of the hurt that continued to grow
When I was only a child. Still longing to be reconciled
While learning how to cope, forever holding on to hope
Throughout these restless days, living in our new place.
Nov 21, 2020
Nov 21, 2020 at 8:12 PM UTC
My Mother:
I ground my feet into Her
Gaze up at Her mountain peaks, tree tops and blue skies
Taste Her springs, swim in Her seas
Feel Her Love embrace me in the air that I breathe
Caressing my body, filling my lungs.
Her light brings life
Her dark brings depths of emotion
She blinds me yet helps me see so clearly
She inspires,
Fulfills my heart’s desires
Which is simply to feel Her
Underneath and all around me.
Nov 18, 2020
Nov 18, 2020 at 7:17 AM UTC
Staring at my phone, feeling kind of alone, getting a little ******
It’s ok to be on my own at night, there’s glow from the moon light.
Although I don’t see her yet, I must not fret
Over the lack of her face, she’ll soon present me with grace;
Showing me in all her glory what’s the meaning of this story.
Wondering what it’s all about, head often filling with doubt;
Sometimes overcome with fear when the vision isn’t clear.
It’s been blurry due to thoughts being in such a hurry.
Always on the go, but not often in a meditative flow
Or honoring the moment as I should because the divine owns it
And so much in it is blessed.
Why do I feel stressed? Depressed? Out numbered? Outweighed?
I still often feel shame, or lost, as if I don’t know my own name.
My identity is in constant fluidity.
This is just me, maybe it’s how I’m meant to be...
As long as I survive, live and thrive
In one way or another. Give love to my mother,
A gift for her upon my birth, Entering Earth.
And then I looked into her eyes, asking her my consistent “why’s”
Until it seemed in vain to repeat the same
Question over and over again upon realizing that I need to begin
Listening to the answers inside my heart, allowing the uncertainty to finally depart.
And here comes my father, who’s words have helped me get stronger.
Told me not to give up, told me not to stop
Simply due to frustration And a combination
Of my own lack of confidence and consciousness.
The stars in the sky tell me everything will be fine.
It’ll be okay, I won’t be led astray.
Comfort the light brings as the cicadas sing
In the tree tops and the fear stops.
I can breathe in the air, feel the earth beneath;
Sometimes life isn’t fair.
Despite the darkness who stares Into my soul, I’ll again become whole
If that’s what I seek; The truth I wish to hear speak
Once more to my heart space.
All that’s required is to trek on through the muck and the mire.
I was once wild until I lost touch with my inner child:
The adventurer within.
And it slowly begins to sink in that I found her here
In the absence of fear.
Engulfed in the night, it’ll be alright.
“Remember to pray, it really helps.
Look in the mirror
And say you love yourself.
Rewrite your story.
The journey itself is the point.”
With the intention for spiritual freedom and heart healing
I departed to the woods for their good tidings.
No expectations but love from the trees,
Themselves and their falling leaves
to the Earth’s floor.
I remember now -
From the Earth’s floor is where I find my freedom,
The kind the Divine Kingdom brings to the wandering soul
Seeking out the presence of it;
The shining light within the darkness, the darkness itself...
The one I no longer run from
Because I do not fear
For the path is illuminated,
Clear to walk on
As the vegetation is free to grow all around
With no tread trampling upon it.
The fear within to begin
Was only a deterrence from that which the soul desires
For often reoccurrence.
Rewrite your story;
Remember the mystical drive on the parkway that came again today.
Fog ahead, fog in the mirror.
And I finally hear her voice echoing to the depths of my being:
You’re no longer alone as this Earth we both roam
Together heart to heart, we never part.
Love is here. Love is clear. Get into gear. Get out of fear.
Nov 3, 2020
Nov 3, 2020 at 10:42 AM UTC