Here I am
My skin is saddening
She holds the barrier with life
She holds out against the world
She has taken the battering of time
Frail as a leaflet in a decaying newspaper
She yearns for the soft embrace
For time to heal
Time to forget all left wounds
She was once diminished by strong crimson lines
But now there are three
Three crimson line born anew
Crimson lines to match the soft pale blue
Mar 30, 2023
Mar 30, 2023 at 11:46 PM UTC
I am selling myself short to me
I degrade
I ruin
I insult myself
You are not good enough at that
You are not strong enough
You are not deserving
You must be prettier
You must be kinder
You must strive for more knowledge
The world is burning, my brain burns, my heart burns
I am selling myself short because I don’t know how to sell myself for what I am worth.
I sell myself short because I don’t know how to determine my worth
I sell myself short because people can calculate for me what I am worth but I can’t understand their math
I sell myself short
Sep 23, 2020
Sep 23, 2020 at 8:55 PM UTC
I'm feeling super run down and sad. Its been a while, it sometimes comes and goes and other days are better. But its so hard, its mostly at nights where there is nothing to distract my brain. Maybe its even when i am just at home. I feel alone, and i know people are around me to care. I just can't bring myself to feel cared for. I just hate myself for some reason and so strongly that I can't control it and don't know where it is coming from. Its hard for me to recognize my future and if I have any potential. I have been striving to obtain happiness but I have no idea what happiness is because I haven't felt it for such a long long time. I can't remember when I carelessly laughed. I also might just be feeling bad for my self. Maybe I'm just being dumb and don't need anything. I want to seek a future where I can breathe fresh air and that's all I need to bring me joy. I want to be able to be alone and not feel lonely any more. I want to embrace my own silence and be able to control my brain. K want to know where my insecurities and self hatred stem from. I want to learn how to feel loved and how to give love to other people within my own realm of comfort. I'm lost and confused.
Jan 25, 2019
Jan 25, 2019 at 11:12 PM UTC
I haven't written in a while
I'm a changed woman now
My life has flourished
I have persevered
Many of you may not remember me
Nor may I host significant value
Importance
Or face
But I am here and I am me
My mother murdered her thundering
Soul
And this has changed me
Brought me insight
To my life
And how I should be
Who and what I should be
How I should love
And how I should
Live.
Jan 20, 2018
Jan 20, 2018 at 3:28 AM UTC
I witnessed life and death
In the same week
Death
Listened to a heart breaking phone call
My loves voice on one end
His voice
Broken shards of glass
As I heard him choke out the words
"My friend was killed in a car crash"
My dear friend (who is reading this)
I don't expect you to understand
That Death is the ultimatum
That Death has the ability to destroy
Many things in our lives
It succeeds with so little effort
It may send the people who are effected off the rails
Or it may push some to their own SUCCESS,
now that destiny is up to the individual.
To take the reigns and guide their life
Life
I witnessed life this week
The bonding of a couple in love
Quite frankly I don't know the couple
My dear friend (who is reading this)
That LOVE is the ultimatum
It will twist individuals into their
Personal growth
Or it can simply destroy one.
It takes compassion and trust
As you are giving yourself to someone
To care
To allow growth
But love is evil at times,
people tend to abuse the power of love
Life and Death
Take balance
But you must experience it all to
LIVE
Jul 16, 2015
Jul 16, 2015 at 2:19 AM UTC
Depression is a disease like any other
It can be less complex than a flu or it can be as fatal as cancer.
Although there is a broad spectrum to the severity of depression, I lost my mother to this deadly disease
Depression is not a feeling of the person you love not loving you back, it's not listening to heartbreak songs in your room alone and it's hardly anything to romanticize. Depression is corrupting, it takes away the life of a person, slowly or quickly with a snap of your fingers. Although death of a family member is life altering in any circumstance when you loose someone from depression you feel cheated, as it was an unforeseen death and you had no thought of saying good byes or simply being able to tell them that you loved them just one last time.
Mar 27, 2015
Mar 27, 2015 at 12:15 AM UTC
Winter tangled my long wavy hair
Gold pools from the roots of my head
Down down down to my hips
The blue and purple bruises that flower under my eyes show my age
Slight flickering of candle light in my forest emerald eyes
Pale porcelain skin touched by wind kisses
Lips chapped, cracked liked the earths crust
Tired
Tired
Tired
Jan 6, 2015
Jan 6, 2015 at 12:04 AM UTC
I sat on the cold hard ground
My tears soft as the velvet cloudless sky
Slowly breathing
Inhaling one star at a time
Trying to light up my mind
Feeling the ice crack within my lungs
Everything is in slow motion
My blood no longer runs like a rapid thundering river
Slowly it seeps through the broken arteries of my heart
So much has changed, I think of how much I have aged
I can feel the invisible demons clawing their way back
I will sigh as I can hardly control them
As they multiply like a virus
They are silently waiting now
Waiting for something
The perfect moment to release their toxins
But for now
I lay on the silent ground
Listening to the earth breath
Allowing the winter night to swallowing me
Nature keeping the demons at bay
Dec 28, 2014
Dec 28, 2014 at 8:34 PM UTC
I can't believe she's gone
I still expect her to walk throught the front doors with our dog Shilo
My dogs tail would be wagging her goofy tounge hanging out of her mouth
My dad would go and embrace her in his warm bear hug
Kissing her gently
She would tell us about her run
How the wind was so fierce
How Shilo went chasing after deer in the park and how worried she was when she ran away
But only to have her come bounding back over the frozen underbrush
****
All I can think of now is my mom in that car listening to the iPod with the music pulsating into her ears
Slowly drifting of into a never ending sleep
Shilo would lay down between the seats, where her droopy dog eyes would slowly close to dream about chasing rabbits or deer in the park
****
It's a never ending film that keep replaying in my sorrowed mind.
Dec 8, 2014
Dec 8, 2014 at 8:14 PM UTC
Standing just outside the chapel doors
My brother holding the urn that held your ashes
My sister on his left, I on his right
I told myself
"hold it together, hold it together"
God, I didn't want to cry
But just as the musician started playing the piano
Tears welled up within my sorrowed eyes
My heart started to beat so hard I thought it would burst out of my chest
I felt the eyes of so many people follow us as we walked down what seemed to be an everlasting walk
All the people who loved you
That had been affected by your spirit
By the loss of your beautiful soul
Lighting the candles that surrounded you was so ******* hard
My hand was shaking so hard
Tears blurred my vision
Why had this terrible disease chosen you to conquer, why would depressions demons choose such a selfless human being to take from such a loving family
Dec 1, 2014
Dec 1, 2014 at 11:38 PM UTC