The urge to run away to a seaside town,
To let the salt air peel the paint from the front of my house.
The urge to settle, to let it sink in, to decorate my front porch.
The urge to let my mind rest and work until my back's sore.
The urge to love you
And to be well.
In that salt air town,
Where everyone knows my name.
Most importantly,
The urge to throw it all away.
Jan 26, 2022
Jan 26, 2022 at 8:10 PM UTC
You forget.
You forget things
when you're truly sad.
Not the toaster on or the door unlocked,
Not the name of your ex,
Or the name of that guy you met last week.
Instead,
You forget deeply.
You forget how your dog looks at you,
And how much love he deserves.
How your mum's journey was harder than yours,
and how your brothers were too young
to be treated so old.
You forget,
How your dad is aging 10 years
in the span of 1,
And how you've not been loving
who you need to.
You forget
almost everything,
because you're trying...
really trying,
just to stay alive.
And if you're (un?)lucky enough
to crawl away from the pits
of depression...
You suddenly remember.
It SLAPS you in the face
when you're left alone with your thoughts.
"How could I be so selfish?"
"How?"
"HOW?"
The guilt,
The guilt.
The guilt of forgetting how to care for others,
Of leaving so much destruction in your wake
Is
almost,
Just...
almost,
Enough to make you
Forget.
Apr 9, 2019
Apr 9, 2019 at 4:03 PM UTC
I've stopped writing the way I used to,
because I've stopped feeling the way I used to.
I can't write the same,
my mind's changed quite a bit.
I've gotten much older, you see.
I'm the not the same I used to be.
People are not all kind, wandering, lost souls
as I once liked to believe.
Life was happier then,
innocent.
Rural dirt roads bring me quiet joy,
they remind me of my childhood
but they're not realistic, are they?
The world cannot be all beautiful trees
and unkept dirt roads.
We must advance.
We must get used to highways and airports and cities.
They world is growing,
7 billion people, is it?
The time of innocence is gone.
Apr 14, 2016
Apr 14, 2016 at 10:36 PM UTC
Conor Oberst said
"I want a lover I don't have to love.
I want a girl who's too sad to give a ****
And I'm sorry I think it's romantic
to be that girl.
I'm sorry I'm so bad at changing.
I'm sorry I can't love you more.
I have to leave, because the outcome of us is always this:
broken phones, empty bottles,
and endless drives at four am
when we both aren't taking
because we can't talk without screaming.
I'm sorry I'm too sad to give a ****
I always told you I hated beginnings because beginnings have an end.
You're the most beautiful thing to ever happen to me.
This is the end.
I'm sorry.
Sep 22, 2014
Sep 22, 2014 at 10:47 PM UTC
You have every right to be scared.
They will all break your heart
and your heart is not a bone.
It does not get stronger every time.
Aug 25, 2014
Aug 25, 2014 at 2:45 PM UTC
“You are just fine.
If you are not, you will be just fine.
He does not miss you.
But your mother does.
It’s okay you ****** the guy
with the eyebrow ring.
You are alive.
You are just fine.
The world spins much too fast,
so even when there’s nothing left
convince yourself the world’s on your side.
The sun woke you up this morning.
The rain washed your car.
The darkness hid your cat
from being chased by the neighbor’s dog.
You don’t have enough money to buy that eyeliner.
No one smiled at you today.
Yes, you did **** the guy with the eyebrow ring.
But you’re just fine.
You will be just fine.”
Aug 10, 2014
Aug 10, 2014 at 12:27 AM UTC
This is how we say goodbye.
I haven’t seen you cry since your aunt died last May.
I wish my eyes could stay dry for you.
I promise I’ll stop talking about drowning.
I don’t know how to be in love
when I only trust you enough to **** you.
This is how we say goodbye.
You’re so completely lovely when you cry.
You’re not screaming you love me when I need you to.
I’m whispering I have to go.
This is how we say goodbye.
You’ll find her. She’ll have perfect hands,
and the softest voice. She’ll never date boys
who grab her waist a little too rough
and never walk her to her door.
I love her for how happy she makes you.
Aug 9, 2014
Aug 9, 2014 at 1:46 AM UTC
I've never wanted people who didn't want me.
But I know one day you won't want me,
and I'll still want you.
I'd leave right now if I didn't love you so much,
I make your eyes light up when I say your name.
I'll keep adding scars to my heart as long as you are happy.
I wish your feelings for me wouldn't drown,
but they will.
You'll find a girl who has a stronger heart and a sounder mind.
It's okay,
I love you.
I'll stay with you for now.
Jul 8, 2014
Jul 8, 2014 at 12:40 AM UTC
This is a thank you letter,
but also an apology
for how long it took me to thank you
for all the times you never asked me
how I was doing,
or if I’d eaten today.
I forgot to take my medicine
and the world is spinning much too fast.
I just need it to stop.
I had half a piece of bread
and one slice of an apple for three days.
Thank you for not asking.
Thank you for not wanting to know.
Thank you for not caring about me,
as much as I cared for myself
because I’ve healed without you,
and now I don’t need you to move on.
My stomach is full of chocolate
and the world’s still moving too fast,
but I think I’ll be okay.
I just wanted to say thank you,
for never giving a **** about me.
Jun 4, 2014
Jun 4, 2014 at 5:38 PM UTC
Take me back to your car
where we first moved together in the dark.
I can still feel you under my skin,
just after I told you
I’d never let you in.
Jun 4, 2014
Jun 4, 2014 at 5:37 PM UTC