My room went askew
Several months ago
And today
I put on my music
Turned it up loud
And put it back together
But certain songs
Came along,
Pounded in my heart,
And for a moment I fell apart
Music too loud to hear my sobs,
Too loud to hear my screams,
Too loud to hear the crashing
Of things I threw.
But then I stopped.
I crashed to my knees.
My scarred,
bleeding knuckles
Fell to my lap.
I collected myself.
Reorganized.
Put it all back together.
Music too loud to hear my sobs,
Too loud to hear my laughter,
Too loud to hear the steps
Of my unchoreographed dance
But loud enough
To learn the mess
Was not in my surroundings.
The mess was always in my mind
My mind went askew
A long time ago
And today
I put on my music
Turned it up loud
And put it back together
May 13, 2022
May 13, 2022 at 8:42 PM UTC
I drag my feet soberly
Retire to my darkness
My back to the world outside
Complete disinterest
To the chaos happening 'round me
Music blaring
Their Anger
Fear
Love
Tears
Joy
Confusion
Hurt
Comforts me
Their intensity my calm
My lullabies
My coffee-colored curls unfurl
From the place they were restrained
Held tight and out of sight
And gently fall down my spine
Freed and once again wild
I wrap myself in your jacket
It smells of you
It eats me whole
It is a hug you gave me to wear
When you aren't there
My corpse gently settles on its shelf
Resting in the ridges from years of use
A sigh of rest
A sigh of relief
A heavy blanket stretches over
Crushes me softly
A last breath
As the day decays
I don't watch the beauty of its death
I lay in deafening silence
Hoping
Praying
The sun melts away
The hell the day gave me
My corpse buries itself
Gives its last
And turns to stardust
Until the light is reborn
And my pieces shall fall back together
And I am forced to exist
Until the day shall die again
And I
Again
Die
Feb 26, 2022
Feb 26, 2022 at 10:53 PM UTC
What is a gift?
Surprize.
What is a gift without a box?
Without its fancy paper?
Without a bow or ribbon?
Without a card?
Simply an object
Sitting in place
Collecting dust
Lacking importance.
What is a gift?
A talent.
A passion.
A calling.
Potential.
What is a gift
If others do not experience it?
A waste of talent?
A hobby?
A secret?
A hidden piece of you.
Why is it a gift
Only if
You give it to others?
Is talent only a gift
When deamed worthy by others?
Whats in a gift?
Always a surprize.
Jan 30, 2022
Jan 30, 2022 at 3:15 AM UTC
Tug at my shirt
Unhook my bra
Pull my jeans off my ankles
Praise my body as it is
Take me as you see me
A vulnerable state
...for most
I don't care
If you accept me for how I look
I don't care
If I'm not enough on the outside
On the inside?
Turn around.
Don't look at me.
You won't like what you see.
Im ugly, turn away.
On the outside?
Follow my hand with your eyes
Come closer
Don't be too gentle
Pull a little harder
Inside?
Trembling.
But I'll try..
Its okay, I got it.
Please dont touch me,
I'm already scared.
At the edge of my shirt,
My hands tremble.
A little skin shows
Before I pull it back down in shame.
I try again,
but forget how buttons work.
I can't do it.
Outside?
Pull them off.
Kiss the exposed skin
Let your hands
Wander as they please
I may get undressed for you
But inside I'm still just a tease.
Nov 9, 2021
Nov 9, 2021 at 5:06 AM UTC
Once again
You have hurt me
Crying
Shaking
Overheating
Nauseous
Losing control
because you
found someone new
and you blind-sided me,
didnt you?!
how could you not know
why I was angry
why i pushed you away
why we arent talking right now
how could you not know
im still in love with you
isnt it obvious?
i still love you
but you,
unlike me,
have moved on
its been over a year but
i still cant seem to
let
you
go
but now
i will let everything go
become someone you dont know
i now revert to
who i was before you
once again
i
go
numb
Jun 25, 2021
Jun 25, 2021 at 5:44 PM UTC
Spring bringeth back the roses I love,
But alas,
My love not bringeth me roses
So as the rain comes
With a sprinkle of sunshine
To make flowers bloom
I still miss that love of mine
Whom taketh away my gloom
Skies grow dark
As grey clouds cover;
I deeply miss my Park,
My one true lover
And if these feelings you shall ignore,
Just know this is
Sincerely,Eleanor
May 25, 2021
May 25, 2021 at 3:10 AM UTC
Why must you treat me like I'm yours?
I'm not your lover.
I'm not your sweetheart.
Might not ever be,
The way you treat me.
Why must you treat me
Like I belong to you?
I'm not your pet.
I'm not your puppet.
I do what I want.
I change when I want.
I live and grow how I want.
I am not yours to control.
Grow up.
May 16, 2021
May 16, 2021 at 4:35 PM UTC
No.
Stop.
Stop it.
Stop it,okay?!
I'm not doing this again.
Alice will never again
venture down the rabbit hole.
And why should she?!
The rabbit is always out of reach.
The rabbit never sticks around for her.
She chases him
With a heart full of hope
And legs that can only carry her so fast..
But now
She is too tired to keep going.
Her hope has left her behind,
Turned its back on her,
Just as everyone else has.
Dont you dare
Taunt her with a new adventure
Dont you dare
Lure her in with promises of it being
"Different"
"A new path"
"Uncharted territory"
Because that will never be true.
The Weeping Willow stands
On Heartbreak Hill,
Watered only by its visitor's tears..
And Alice refuses
To keep watering a dead plant
She once hoped would live.
The hope of it living
Made her pain seem worth it
But now..
Alice has grown the **** up.
May 14, 2021
May 14, 2021 at 4:16 AM UTC
the hardest thing one can do
is pursue their happiness
despite the pain it may cause
the ones who love them.
is being happy worth their sadness?
will it actually make you happy?
and what happens,
once you make the choice?
what if it's all a mistake?
what if there is no going back?
then what?
what now?
Apr 29, 2021
Apr 29, 2021 at 12:57 AM UTC
When we are lost
We look within ourselves
Not realizing
It is precisely ourselves
That we must find
It may become especially hard
To find who we might be
When we dont know
Who we are or want to be
We become forever entangled
In this labyrinth of the mind
Searching for answers
Finding ourselves
That we often look elsewhere
Elsewhere may often be the danger
For we look in the wrong places.
We do not find ourselves
Among stems
Among bottles
Among the smoke
For we must set a fire
In our hearts, not our lungs
We especially do not find
Whom we are meant to be
Within another
They may have found you
But you are now lost together,lovers
Often, one more lost than the other
No one will ever
Take your journey
For you,
Although paths may cross,
So you must venture out
Making your own path
So you may once again
Find you.
Mar 8, 2021
Mar 8, 2021 at 2:11 AM UTC