DesWillhite - Hello Poetry

To my internet lover.. You asked me to write you something and I thought, perfect time to rediscover. You are someone I never thought I would find. You make me feel things I only envisioned in my mind. I wish forever would be enough to tell you how long I want you in my life. Somehow forever doesn't seem long enough to get to be your wife. Internet lover, how you came at just the right time. Internet lover, how you show me love isn’t always a crime. I swear to always be faithful to you. I swear to always support your dreams until they come true. Internet lover, how you have taken my heart. Internet lover, never did I think we would be here at the start. A wish upon a star led me to you. A wish upon a star made a dream come true. Forever and ever, my love you will be. Forever and ever a team, you and me. Internet love found me at just the right time.. Internet love you and I, like Bonnie and Clyde, our love will forever be a beautiful crime.

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Nov 9, 2022

Nov 9, 2022 at 6:42 PM UTC

Internet Lover

To my internet lover.. You asked me to write you something and I thought, perfect time to rediscover. You are someone I never thought I would find. You make me feel things I only envisioned in my mind. I wish forever would be enough to tell you how long I want you in my life. Somehow forever doesn't seem long enough to get to be your wife. Internet lover, how you came at just the right time. Internet lover, how you show me love isn’t always a crime. I swear to always be faithful to you. I swear to always support your dreams until they come true. Internet lover, how you have taken my heart. Internet lover, never did I think we would be here at the start. A wish upon a star led me to you. A wish upon a star made a dream come true. Forever and ever, my love you will be. Forever and ever a team, you and me. Internet love found me at just the right time.. Internet love you and I, like Bonnie and Clyde, our love will forever be a beautiful crime.

18

You had no right, and yet you broke me. You took pieces of me, when you could have just left me be. You had no right, but you took my trust, and broke it for fun. I gave you the pieces of my heart, I even let you in, because to me you were my one... You had no right, but you took my willingness to love.. You shattered an already broken heart; congrats, you won the champion glove.

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Oct 14, 2020

Oct 14, 2020 at 11:04 AM UTC

No Right

You had no right, and yet you broke me. You took pieces of me, when you could have just left me be. You had no right, but you took my trust, and broke it for fun. I gave you the pieces of my heart, I even let you in, because to me you were my one... You had no right, but you took my willingness to love.. You shattered an already broken heart; congrats, you won the champion glove.

6

She was a girl, so beautiful and sweet. That wouldn’t hold true for long, a nightmare she would meet. She only had one fear in this world, and it came true. She didn’t know how to live without you. She wanted to be everything you thought she could be. But, since you died so has she. She used to smile so bright it could light up a room. Now, she doesn’t even know how to smile through the gloom. She lived in a world of bright colors and beautiful dreams. Now, she lay in her room fearing nightmare screams. She used to be the girl everyone knew was meant to be great. But you see there was a different plan laid before her by fate. The light has left her eyes, and the world has become dim. She wanted to trust you, to trust in him.. She used to believe God was good, and oh so kind.. See, the devil came along and the real world she shall find. She was the strong through any storm. Now, she can barely get words to form. How did this beautiful, bright girl lose her shimmer and shine? How did she go from good to barely able to utter “Fine.” You see, this girl she lost the one thing she had left to love. She lost you momma, that’s why she fits inside sadness like a glove. Who is this girl, and who did she lose? She is me, and I lost my momma and now I’ve got the heartbreak blues. You see, I used to be just like all of you filled with hope and joy. Now I sit in my room because it’s easier than faking it, oh boy. I tried so hard to reclaim my light.. I tried so hard to become like i was once so bright. I have done all I can to fight the darkness growing inside… Sometimes, all I can think is… ‘It’d be better if I died.’

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Jan 22, 2020

Jan 22, 2020 at 10:51 PM UTC

She Used To Be

She was a girl, so beautiful and sweet. That wouldn’t hold true for long, a nightmare she would meet. She only had one fear in this world, and it came true. She didn’t know how to live without you. She wanted to be everything you thought she could be. But, since you died so has she. She used to smile so bright it could light up a room. Now, she doesn’t even know how to smile through the gloom. She lived in a world of bright colors and beautiful dreams. Now, she lay in her room fearing nightmare screams. She used to be the girl everyone knew was meant to be great. But you see there was a different plan laid before her by fate. The light has left her eyes, and the world has become dim. She wanted to trust you, to trust in him.. She used to believe God was good, and oh so kind.. See, the devil came along and the real world she shall find. She was the strong through any storm. Now, she can barely get words to form. How did this beautiful, bright girl lose her shimmer and shine? How did she go from good to barely able to utter “Fine.” You see, this girl she lost the one thing she had left to love. She lost you momma, that’s why she fits inside sadness like a glove. Who is this girl, and who did she lose? She is me, and I lost my momma and now I’ve got the heartbreak blues. You see, I used to be just like all of you filled with hope and joy. Now I sit in my room because it’s easier than faking it, oh boy. I tried so hard to reclaim my light.. I tried so hard to become like i was once so bright. I have done all I can to fight the darkness growing inside… Sometimes, all I can think is… ‘It’d be better if I died.’

30

She was an angel too beautiful for this earth. When she was alive she didn’t even know her worth. She was my superhero, that’s for sure. She was more beautiful than all the other angels were. I had seen her two days before the end… Losing her was a wound I’ll never mend. Beautiful, beautiful angel, i hope you’re dancing up there.. I hope you’re running through fields of gold without a care. Watching down on me from up above.. No one can replace the loss of a mother’s love. Only 18 when she passed away… I wasn’t even there, so goodbye I couldn’t say. It was a cold day in April, when i got the call. I held onto the back of my couch so I wouldn’t fall. Tears came pouring down my cheeks and out of my eyes. I know you’re up there; smiling when I look to the skies. I drove as fast as I could to see you one last time.. I never thought I would be able to live without you; your life ended at its prime. Beautiful, beautiful angel I hope you feel pain no more. Though my heart is broken and sore. They say only the good die young, so you must have been one of the best. This pain is my life's ultimate test. I know you’re home with your love. I hope you’re smiling up there with the angels above. I am slowly learning how to live without you. I knew if I lost you, exactly what I would do. Two years later and I am still here. I am living the life you never got to, with less fear. Beautiful, beautiful angel are you proud of me? Because thanks to you, I am becoming all i can be.

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Nov 16, 2019

Nov 16, 2019 at 6:44 AM UTC

Beautiful, Beautiful Angel

She was an angel too beautiful for this earth. When she was alive she didn’t even know her worth. She was my superhero, that’s for sure. She was more beautiful than all the other angels were. I had seen her two days before the end… Losing her was a wound I’ll never mend. Beautiful, beautiful angel, i hope you’re dancing up there.. I hope you’re running through fields of gold without a care. Watching down on me from up above.. No one can replace the loss of a mother’s love. Only 18 when she passed away… I wasn’t even there, so goodbye I couldn’t say. It was a cold day in April, when i got the call. I held onto the back of my couch so I wouldn’t fall. Tears came pouring down my cheeks and out of my eyes. I know you’re up there; smiling when I look to the skies. I drove as fast as I could to see you one last time.. I never thought I would be able to live without you; your life ended at its prime. Beautiful, beautiful angel I hope you feel pain no more. Though my heart is broken and sore. They say only the good die young, so you must have been one of the best. This pain is my life's ultimate test. I know you’re home with your love. I hope you’re smiling up there with the angels above. I am slowly learning how to live without you. I knew if I lost you, exactly what I would do. Two years later and I am still here. I am living the life you never got to, with less fear. Beautiful, beautiful angel are you proud of me? Because thanks to you, I am becoming all i can be.

30

*Dear little brown boy, don’t be afraid. Do you know how many times momma has prayed? Surrounded by love and light in a world filled with hate. Hands up, don’t speak, otherwise you’re guaranteed one fate. Momma has to teach you things other boys your age don’t need to know… It’s to make sure you’re safe when you go. Dear little brown girl, don’t let them judge your dark skin. God worked really hard, and gave momma a perfect girl free of sin. You’re beautifully sculpted despite what they say. You are deserving of love and respect, EVERY DAY! There are things momma has to teach you, other girls don’t need to know.. So love your brown skin, because baby you glow. Dear little brown boy, you’re growing up way too fast. Momma wishes there was a spell she could cast… One to let the world see your beautiful soul, and not the “weapon” they call skin.. Sadly, little brown boy, this is a war we won’t win. Don’t let them change or break your spirit… Because there are many in this world who will fear it… Dear little brown girl, you’re getting so big and have plans for your life.. You talk of children, and being a wife.. Momma watches, knowing what the world will try to take… Just don’t let them see how much you have to fake. They will fear you babygirl when you walk by… Don’t let them change you into the bad guy! Dear brown babies, mommas got your back. That perfect melanin skin, well momma won’t let it crack. Dear little brown boy, you can be anything in this world you wanna be. Football or basketball, aren’t the only things for you, don’t you see? Dear little brown girl, let your soul shine through… Because momma is here to support whatever you do..*

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Nov 16, 2019

Nov 16, 2019 at 6:44 AM UTC

Dear Brown Boy

*Dear little brown boy, don’t be afraid. Do you know how many times momma has prayed? Surrounded by love and light in a world filled with hate. Hands up, don’t speak, otherwise you’re guaranteed one fate. Momma has to teach you things other boys your age don’t need to know… It’s to make sure you’re safe when you go. Dear little brown girl, don’t let them judge your dark skin. God worked really hard, and gave momma a perfect girl free of sin. You’re beautifully sculpted despite what they say. You are deserving of love and respect, EVERY DAY! There are things momma has to teach you, other girls don’t need to know.. So love your brown skin, because baby you glow. Dear little brown boy, you’re growing up way too fast. Momma wishes there was a spell she could cast… One to let the world see your beautiful soul, and not the “weapon” they call skin.. Sadly, little brown boy, this is a war we won’t win. Don’t let them change or break your spirit… Because there are many in this world who will fear it… Dear little brown girl, you’re getting so big and have plans for your life.. You talk of children, and being a wife.. Momma watches, knowing what the world will try to take… Just don’t let them see how much you have to fake. They will fear you babygirl when you walk by… Don’t let them change you into the bad guy! Dear brown babies, mommas got your back. That perfect melanin skin, well momma won’t let it crack. Dear little brown boy, you can be anything in this world you wanna be. Football or basketball, aren’t the only things for you, don’t you see? Dear little brown girl, let your soul shine through… Because momma is here to support whatever you do..*

30

She’s in the dark place. She knows it’s not a safe space. She’s fighting demons no one can see. She smiles and laughs often.. sad? Couldn’t be. Her brain is a cage and she is trapped inside. Who would really care if she died? She’s losing the battle in her head.. Another night spent crying in her bed. A mother in the grave and one lost to her call. She’s on a cliff and to the dark place she’ll fall. Tears streak her rosy cheeks. She hasn’t felt herself in weeks. The dark place is familiar and cold. A friend you’ve grown up with, & one you’ll grow old. Lost and alone she is calling. With each passing moment deeper she is falling. The light has faded from her eyes. Curled up, hiding away she cries. The dark space offers old friends. Razor blades & negative thoughts, it never ends. Slide the blade against her skin? If so, then depression will take the win again. She will not be another statistic on a sheet. Today death, she will cheat. She’s fighting back against the dark place. She’s remembered her safe space. The words, to get the feelings out. She’s powerful, she knows what she’s about. She hasn’t won the war, she won on this night. It’s been long and hard but she’s ready for a fight.

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Aug 12, 2019

Aug 12, 2019 at 7:28 AM UTC

Dark Space

She’s in the dark place. She knows it’s not a safe space. She’s fighting demons no one can see. She smiles and laughs often.. sad? Couldn’t be. Her brain is a cage and she is trapped inside. Who would really care if she died? She’s losing the battle in her head.. Another night spent crying in her bed. A mother in the grave and one lost to her call. She’s on a cliff and to the dark place she’ll fall. Tears streak her rosy cheeks. She hasn’t felt herself in weeks. The dark place is familiar and cold. A friend you’ve grown up with, & one you’ll grow old. Lost and alone she is calling. With each passing moment deeper she is falling. The light has faded from her eyes. Curled up, hiding away she cries. The dark space offers old friends. Razor blades & negative thoughts, it never ends. Slide the blade against her skin? If so, then depression will take the win again. She will not be another statistic on a sheet. Today death, she will cheat. She’s fighting back against the dark place. She’s remembered her safe space. The words, to get the feelings out. She’s powerful, she knows what she’s about. She hasn’t won the war, she won on this night. It’s been long and hard but she’s ready for a fight.

30

**I don’t wanna **** myself to die, i don’t think i could anyway..pride. There is just..something inside me… Sometimes all i can do is sit and cry, it hurts so much to just be.. There is a monster, and he lives inside my brain. He whispers in my ear, and drives me insane. I don’t wanna **** myself to die, i want to **** myself to **** the thing inside. I don’t wanna **** myself, but if something were to happen I wouldn’t stop it. If a man with a gun shoots me, thank him for me. He did the one thing I was too scared to do, he set me free. If a man with a car were to hit me while I am walking down the street.. Thank him for me, because finally life will have me beat. I don’t wanna **** myself, but in this world i just don’t fit. I don’t wanna **** myself, but I welcome death with a smile. There are days when things go so well and I forget about the monster in my head. There are days when all I can do is try to sleep through it in my bed. I have tried so hard to save myself, but I don’t know how much more i can take. There is a smile on my face and it’s so beyond fake.. I don’t wanna **** myself, but I won’t avoid it by going the extra mile. I didn’t wanna **** myself, but he just got so loud and I couldn’t keep him hushed. I climbed into a warm bath, needing the comfort as i made my choice. I had screamed so loud on the inside, begging for help, I had lost my voice. I rolled up my sleeves and looked at the scars from before… I would never do this again, I swore! I look down at my wrists and to the water, it was red as the blood rushed. Now here I am looking down at a lifeless me, and I know I am finally free. The monster, he is gone..but only to go onto the next innocent life he will claim. I will have just 15 short minutes of fame.. They will say kind words about the girl i used to be, tell stories of my life. They will say how loved I was, and how it all washed away with the swipe of a knife. I didn’t wanna **** myself, but now he finally can’t keep his hold of me.**

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Mar 14, 2018

Mar 14, 2018 at 3:09 AM UTC

I Didn't Wanna...

30

I just need one, because you were it. So what am i supposed to do now, sit? I Just need one, because I have so much to say and no one to tell. Tape and glue can only hold me together so well. I just needed one, and as I lie in the grave... Now they all stand around, tear stained cheeks looking for someone to save.

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Mar 2, 2018

Mar 2, 2018 at 12:34 AM UTC

Just One

I just need one, because you were it. So what am i supposed to do now, sit? I Just need one, because I have so much to say and no one to tell. Tape and glue can only hold me together so well. I just needed one, and as I lie in the grave... Now they all stand around, tear stained cheeks looking for someone to save.

6

I'm falling apart, as i sit here and write this. I am trying so hard to fight off the darkness, but it's left it's kiss. She was stolen from me and now i don't know what to do. Look up at the sky and scream, scream till you no longer have to. I can sometimes see her when i look up at the moon. She was stolen from me; her story is finished Too Soon.

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Feb 28, 2018

Feb 28, 2018 at 4:54 PM UTC

Too Soon.

I'm falling apart, as i sit here and write this. I am trying so hard to fight off the darkness, but it's left it's kiss. She was stolen from me and now i don't know what to do. Look up at the sky and scream, scream till you no longer have to. I can sometimes see her when i look up at the moon. She was stolen from me; her story is finished Too Soon.

6

Dear Diary, The tears came crashing down like a dam with too much pressure put against it. I thought i would be able to push all my emotions down until the tiny box i had would make them fit. I don't know how to live in a world where my mom isn't. I am fighting, but it's like i am trapped in a maximum security prison. How do I pick up the razor sharp pieces of my heart and sew them together again? How do I leave the only home I've ever known for somewhere I've never been? Dear Diary, The pain is here and it is getting worse. I don't know how much longer I can survive this curse. I have cut my fingers till blood picking up the remains of my soul. I don't think there is a place for me in this world, life has taken its toll. When you wake up and it physically hurts to get up, why continue trying? You're not here, so why bother trying to keep from dying? Dear Diary, It has gotten worse, I tried to tell someone about the pain I feel. The only response I get is, "It's not real." They say the only way my pain could be real is if they can see it on my face. My smile is cold, and dead but somehow it seems to satisfy them enough not to chase. I am almost to the edge, i don't know how much longer i can hold on. Please, I am begging you hear my plea and help me stay strong. Dear Diary, I have had enough, the pain has come to a head. All i ever do is lay down crying in my bed. This is the last day i shall take a breath. I am holding onto hope someone will see, and stop my death. They didn't notice... or maybe they just didn't see, it's not fair. Well this is it world, take care.

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Feb 8, 2018

Feb 8, 2018 at 12:01 AM UTC

Dear Diary

Dear Diary, The tears came crashing down like a dam with too much pressure put against it. I thought i would be able to push all my emotions down until the tiny box i had would make them fit. I don't know how to live in a world where my mom isn't. I am fighting, but it's like i am trapped in a maximum security prison. How do I pick up the razor sharp pieces of my heart and sew them together again? How do I leave the only home I've ever known for somewhere I've never been? Dear Diary, The pain is here and it is getting worse. I don't know how much longer I can survive this curse. I have cut my fingers till blood picking up the remains of my soul. I don't think there is a place for me in this world, life has taken its toll. When you wake up and it physically hurts to get up, why continue trying? You're not here, so why bother trying to keep from dying? Dear Diary, It has gotten worse, I tried to tell someone about the pain I feel. The only response I get is, "It's not real." They say the only way my pain could be real is if they can see it on my face. My smile is cold, and dead but somehow it seems to satisfy them enough not to chase. I am almost to the edge, i don't know how much longer i can hold on. Please, I am begging you hear my plea and help me stay strong. Dear Diary, I have had enough, the pain has come to a head. All i ever do is lay down crying in my bed. This is the last day i shall take a breath. I am holding onto hope someone will see, and stop my death. They didn't notice... or maybe they just didn't see, it's not fair. Well this is it world, take care.

28