I hate how I am one of those people who work hard and gets mediocre marks. I absolutely loathe it. I am sad and devastated. My soul is slipping away.
Jan 10, 2017
Jan 10, 2017 at 2:23 PM UTC
Have you ever sat down and thought " wow how am I this unhappy? ! "
You sit there not understanding. How am I actually genuinely unhappy like this ? Also , why am I still breathing ?
Nov 27, 2016
Nov 27, 2016 at 12:49 PM UTC
Tonight I find out that I have 3 more siblings.
Tonight I find out I have been lied to for 17 years.
Tonight I can't believe how naive I actually was.
Tonight I angry that my mother married such a man.
Tonight I am angry that she doesn't know.
Tonight I am furious because she doesn't deserve any of this.
Tonight I will sleep next to her feeling guilty.
Tonight I shall get myself some pills.
Tonight I shall make sure I don't see tomorrow.
I don't want to anyway...
I want to be in my home, a home I call a grave.
Jun 30, 2016
Jun 30, 2016 at 5:34 PM UTC
I wish I was sad because then I can be happy again. Unlike depression where you hurt yourself so much the previous night and put on a phasade the following day laughing with your friends. Ive lost myself alive. Depression, my favourite nightmare to be lucid in. I die in it and I feel myself sinking into a void.
I love black and people ask me why I respond and say that's my soul. I am forever thinking about our conversations, thinking of the almost I love you at the back of my heart. Too often, I love you blindly. I fear that once you see who and what iam will have you crippled. I want to open the doors that will lead you to my soul.
you may not accept my demons of the secret place and I do not want to chase you away. Every compliment you throw at me takes a piece of my soul. I want to submit to your love.
too often, I love you silently, too often I go on about how it doesn't last long. I put such little effort in trying to be happy and when I see you, so much comes out even though I may not show it. The ink, it runs out. You are poetry to me and your name is by far my favourite metaphor. You have left a fingerprint on my soul and it will forever stay there regardless of when you leave. Maybe, I like or love you too brutally? I forbid you to have anymore involvement in me. You are going to leave anyway in the winter. You are going to claim to be hurt when you leave but I am going to stay here bleeding.
I will let it be and let you go.
Till whenever. Goodbye.
I am angry, sad but whatever.
I hate that you know how I feel.
Apr 2, 2016
Apr 2, 2016 at 4:23 AM UTC
Living has become this constant nightmare. I wake up feeling like hell. I feel suffocated and embarrassed. I carry on living two lives, one for the public and one just for me. Depression is the hell that eats me up. I put a phasade of a perfect girl who has everything put together.
I hide and put up a wall that is so high that you will never see my pain or my thoughts.
Mar 7, 2016
Mar 7, 2016 at 2:06 PM UTC
Holidays always hurt, I know. The
bandages on your wounds always seem to fall away this time of year. Let the wounds air, it’ll do those you love good to see how they’ve changed. How you’ve changed.
Dec 29, 2015
Dec 29, 2015 at 6:38 AM UTC
You’ve been so brave and
stitched up all your old wounds, be proud.
It’s time to go back to everything you loved, it’s time to pick up all those hobbies you regret stopping.
Dec 29, 2015
Dec 29, 2015 at 6:37 AM UTC
You’re growing; I can see it. I can see
you’re okay with not being okay and it’s
beautiful.
Dec 29, 2015
Dec 29, 2015 at 6:34 AM UTC
I have to keep reminding myself
My worst days in recovery are better than my best days in relapse
Because perhaps
When the voices in my head
Won’t let me go to bed
I still make the choice to wake up in the morning...
Dec 9, 2015
Dec 9, 2015 at 4:00 PM UTC
My heart is an open museum where people walk in and out for free. Exploring until they can’t find find what they intended for, so they walk away. And I stay with myself
Dec 9, 2015
Dec 9, 2015 at 3:57 PM UTC