Darkness_within_soul - Hello Poetry

There are times she feels so alone Trying to do this thing called living Aimlessly she wanders and roams A path that's rocky and unforgiving There are times she wants to quit She's trying so hard to rid her depression It isn't easy she must admit Sometimes she feels it's her only possession She is so comfortable feeling this way A familiar place to be And sometimes she would rather stay In the dark, instead of free Some people just don't understand When you've been through trauma and pain It doesn't matter who holds your hand Things will never be the same

0

Mar 2, 2025

Mar 2, 2025 at 9:09 PM UTC

Comfortably numb

There are times she feels so alone Trying to do this thing called living Aimlessly she wanders and roams A path that's rocky and unforgiving There are times she wants to quit She's trying so hard to rid her depression It isn't easy she must admit Sometimes she feels it's her only possession She is so comfortable feeling this way A familiar place to be And sometimes she would rather stay In the dark, instead of free Some people just don't understand When you've been through trauma and pain It doesn't matter who holds your hand Things will never be the same

16

I wish i could explain it all, BUT I BARELY UNDERSTAND IT MYSELF Pple say I'm crazy and i don't listen Don't throw me away because you think im broken Im afraid that everyone will leave me I push you away because i can't stand to be the one left behind It doesn't matter how you treat me, I'll do anything if you just stay, To me your perfect ,But i hate you Do you still love me? I don't know who I am, I used to be someone else But that person is gone, I don't want to become the person i am, I do things im ashamed of , You tell me to control my urges. Thats all i do is TRY, I wish i could stop, The pain is unbearable , I don't want to die, i just don't want to exist I know you don't understand Hurting myself eases the pain, You say im not trying, im better than that, I feel so many emotions all at once, Most of the time im in darkness or i feel nothing at all I have a void that i cant fill.... Im a hollow shell... I lash out at people around me... Say things i dont mean, I hurt you before you can hurt me I don't know my own mind from reality Lost in confusion I just want to run away But in the end it finds me I'm scared, I'm sorry i hurt you Im not a monster, Please don't give up on me

0

Mar 2, 2025

Mar 2, 2025 at 9:08 PM UTC

My BPD

I wish i could explain it all, BUT I BARELY UNDERSTAND IT MYSELF Pple say I'm crazy and i don't listen Don't throw me away because you think im broken Im afraid that everyone will leave me I push you away because i can't stand to be the one left behind It doesn't matter how you treat me, I'll do anything if you just stay, To me your perfect ,But i hate you Do you still love me? I don't know who I am, I used to be someone else But that person is gone, I don't want to become the person i am, I do things im ashamed of , You tell me to control my urges. Thats all i do is TRY, I wish i could stop, The pain is unbearable , I don't want to die, i just don't want to exist I know you don't understand Hurting myself eases the pain, You say im not trying, im better than that, I feel so many emotions all at once, Most of the time im in darkness or i feel nothing at all I have a void that i cant fill.... Im a hollow shell... I lash out at people around me... Say things i dont mean, I hurt you before you can hurt me I don't know my own mind from reality Lost in confusion I just want to run away But in the end it finds me I'm scared, I'm sorry i hurt you Im not a monster, Please don't give up on me

37

Well someone just looked at me weirdly What the **** is weird about me? Am I doing something wrong? What do they see? Whatever man, I don't care Go off and just ******* stare Never mind I'm going back inside This kind of **** I just cannot bear It feels cozy in here A day worth forgetting Time to try to sleep Eyes no longer viewing Again and again I sense that comfort is near I think I feel like myself now As my identity is starting to appear This feels great I'm able to think straight Well these thoughts are atrocious now What a stupid ******* trait The sun is setting Without making it too upsetting Mind is now skewing Just another night of intrusive thinking I guess that's what I'll be doing Again and again And all I can do is ask myself What will I feel? And when?

0

Mar 2, 2025

Mar 2, 2025 at 9:07 PM UTC

Is it me?

Well someone just looked at me weirdly What the **** is weird about me? Am I doing something wrong? What do they see? Whatever man, I don't care Go off and just ******* stare Never mind I'm going back inside This kind of **** I just cannot bear It feels cozy in here A day worth forgetting Time to try to sleep Eyes no longer viewing Again and again I sense that comfort is near I think I feel like myself now As my identity is starting to appear This feels great I'm able to think straight Well these thoughts are atrocious now What a stupid ******* trait The sun is setting Without making it too upsetting Mind is now skewing Just another night of intrusive thinking I guess that's what I'll be doing Again and again And all I can do is ask myself What will I feel? And when?

25

When it comes to the fear of abandonment, I’m no stranger. I see pretty much EVERYTHING (a ****** expression, a sigh, body language) as a sign that someone is going to leave me. I’m worried that if I make a mistake, mess up, aren’t “good enough” or disappoint my “favorite person” in any way, that people will get sick and tired of me and leave. And then — even with a lack of evidence that there is any real, true cause for concern (the person has reassured me they have no intention or desire to leave me), the spiral is already in motion. I behave and react from that place of certainty that they would leave me. I panic, freak out, and go to extreme lengths to stop abandonment from happening. When this happens, understandably, it’s really confusing for the other person. Essentially, I’m interpreting little things as being big (and certain) indicators that someone is going to leave or abandon me when, in reality upon checking, the other person is NOT wanting to leave me. This can be really confusing for people on the other end of this: lovers, friends, family members, colleagues, bosses, subordinates, therapists… Sometimes they feel an obligation to reassure me. I worry sometimes that I am wearing them out. And sometimes I do think I have evidence for this, because,, as they put it, “What can I possibly do to make you believe that I am not going to leave?” Sadly, if I don’t break this pattern when fear of abandonment rears its ugly head, I realize that people can become very burned out. I may be doing the exact thing I don’t want to do by pushing people away and alienating them. This hurts others, and they may end up feeling uncomfortable and unhappy enough to leave at some point…for real. Well, this just proves that everybody leaves and rejects me, right? Not exactly. I need to understand my responsibility in all of this. I keep repeating the same patterns and having the same outcomes without the tools to communicate and express my fear in a way that is not off putting to others. I don’t know how to ask for what I want and need and trust I can get it in healthy ways. I don’t know how to establish and enforce boundaries that help me feel safe and secure. I don’t know how to trust that I am worthy of someone loving me and sticking around. So, I respond the way I always have…I get hysterical…I have panic attacks…I get very clingy, jealous, and sometimes angry and even paranoid. And then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy that people are going to leave. But it’s because I’m pushing them away.

0

Mar 2, 2025

Mar 2, 2025 at 9:05 PM UTC

My BPD

When it comes to the fear of abandonment, I’m no stranger. I see pretty much EVERYTHING (a ****** expression, a sigh, body language) as a sign that someone is going to leave me. I’m worried that if I make a mistake, mess up, aren’t “good enough” or disappoint my “favorite person” in any way, that people will get sick and tired of me and leave. And then — even with a lack of evidence that there is any real, true cause for concern (the person has reassured me they have no intention or desire to leave me), the spiral is already in motion. I behave and react from that place of certainty that they would leave me. I panic, freak out, and go to extreme lengths to stop abandonment from happening. When this happens, understandably, it’s really confusing for the other person. Essentially, I’m interpreting little things as being big (and certain) indicators that someone is going to leave or abandon me when, in reality upon checking, the other person is NOT wanting to leave me. This can be really confusing for people on the other end of this: lovers, friends, family members, colleagues, bosses, subordinates, therapists… Sometimes they feel an obligation to reassure me. I worry sometimes that I am wearing them out. And sometimes I do think I have evidence for this, because,, as they put it, “What can I possibly do to make you believe that I am not going to leave?” Sadly, if I don’t break this pattern when fear of abandonment rears its ugly head, I realize that people can become very burned out. I may be doing the exact thing I don’t want to do by pushing people away and alienating them. This hurts others, and they may end up feeling uncomfortable and unhappy enough to leave at some point…for real. Well, this just proves that everybody leaves and rejects me, right? Not exactly. I need to understand my responsibility in all of this. I keep repeating the same patterns and having the same outcomes without the tools to communicate and express my fear in a way that is not off putting to others. I don’t know how to ask for what I want and need and trust I can get it in healthy ways. I don’t know how to establish and enforce boundaries that help me feel safe and secure. I don’t know how to trust that I am worthy of someone loving me and sticking around. So, I respond the way I always have…I get hysterical…I have panic attacks…I get very clingy, jealous, and sometimes angry and even paranoid. And then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy that people are going to leave. But it’s because I’m pushing them away.

19

I hated being alone more than a day, but I often found myself hiding away, because I needed to be alone. when you feel the need to be close because everyone you love seems to drift away. So, I would chase them like it was a race to keep them close. I thought I needed their presence to feel safe, but the chase for their heart costed me. Those abandonment issues were unhealthy attachments to never face my trauma, until I came face to face with my demons. I was chasing comfort in the people who left me, I abandoned myself. There Are there doors in my mind Some closed and locked with secrets to hide, Some wide open like a book-begging to be held by anyone's hands, my head sometimes feel on fire,With all those memories that burn (the good and the bad)? Nos-talgia can do that to you. Heartbreak too. I sometimes wish I could be someone new, And dump all the keys to all my doors somewhere where nobody has been before, And nobody could find them,Then maybe I wouldn't feel so lost. But I can't just put my life on pause. It doesn't work that way. I just have to trudge on day by day and pretend I know which direction my feet are taking me and where my mind is at.

0

Mar 2, 2025

Mar 2, 2025 at 9:04 PM UTC

Abandonment issues

I hated being alone more than a day, but I often found myself hiding away, because I needed to be alone. when you feel the need to be close because everyone you love seems to drift away. So, I would chase them like it was a race to keep them close. I thought I needed their presence to feel safe, but the chase for their heart costed me. Those abandonment issues were unhealthy attachments to never face my trauma, until I came face to face with my demons. I was chasing comfort in the people who left me, I abandoned myself. There Are there doors in my mind Some closed and locked with secrets to hide, Some wide open like a book-begging to be held by anyone's hands, my head sometimes feel on fire,With all those memories that burn (the good and the bad)? Nos-talgia can do that to you. Heartbreak too. I sometimes wish I could be someone new, And dump all the keys to all my doors somewhere where nobody has been before, And nobody could find them,Then maybe I wouldn't feel so lost. But I can't just put my life on pause. It doesn't work that way. I just have to trudge on day by day and pretend I know which direction my feet are taking me and where my mind is at.

7

My family's generational curse is unkindness. Unkind words, harsh voices. Screaming, shouting, arguing. They wear it like a badge of honor. And they expect everyone to forget. Sweep it under the rug and never talk about it. No matter how much it hurts. And never change no matter how many boundaries you create.

0

Mar 2, 2025

Mar 2, 2025 at 8:59 PM UTC

Wilted flower 🥀

My family's generational curse is unkindness. Unkind words, harsh voices. Screaming, shouting, arguing. They wear it like a badge of honor. And they expect everyone to forget. Sweep it under the rug and never talk about it. No matter how much it hurts. And never change no matter how many boundaries you create.

7

we are the children who instead of being raised, were always left hungry despite a full plate. we are the children who had a home that never felt like home, surrounded by family yet still all alone. we are the children who were forced to grow up too fast, whose mothers used to cry an ocean in our lap. we are the children who never got to be children at all, who never had loving fathers to catch us when we'd fall. we are the children who grew up despite all the pain. reaching to the sun, even in the rain. we are the children who blossomed with broken hearts 💔

0

Mar 2, 2025

Mar 2, 2025 at 8:58 PM UTC

Inherited hunger

we are the children who instead of being raised, were always left hungry despite a full plate. we are the children who had a home that never felt like home, surrounded by family yet still all alone. we are the children who were forced to grow up too fast, whose mothers used to cry an ocean in our lap. we are the children who never got to be children at all, who never had loving fathers to catch us when we'd fall. we are the children who grew up despite all the pain. reaching to the sun, even in the rain. we are the children who blossomed with broken hearts 💔

7

I've spent my life recovering from things that I should have been protected from. I was too young to become a ghost full of grief, children are supposed to be happy and free. don't tell me I wouldn't be who I am today, without all the struggles I faced. I already know that. I could have been a kid instead of being forced to grow up. the people who were supposed to protect me,, failed me. no amount of healing will change that. **** right I'm angry, I'll never get my childhood back.

0

Mar 2, 2025

Mar 2, 2025 at 8:56 PM UTC

**** right I'm angry

I've spent my life recovering from things that I should have been protected from. I was too young to become a ghost full of grief, children are supposed to be happy and free. don't tell me I wouldn't be who I am today, without all the struggles I faced. I already know that. I could have been a kid instead of being forced to grow up. the people who were supposed to protect me,, failed me. no amount of healing will change that. **** right I'm angry, I'll never get my childhood back.

7

. It’s like I don’t know why I search for answers , when I know my heart wants nothing to do with life. Even mustering words to be noticed doesn’t matter. Anyone can say anything, truth is life is unfair, we just want to squeeze some false hope out of it. I hate myself, and I hate people. but as time passes I lose my state of thought, now I don’t even respond to pain like I use to. I just let it soak in, I don’t eat like I use to , I just let my stomach feed off of me, I don’t speak to anyone anymore, I just stare at them and pretend the voices is some eyrie soul telling me to end my life. We hold on to life because we don’t know what’s going to happen. As I slip away day by day in my thoughts I find I’m dying slowly. Slavery was around the corner. The world is not over it. I won’t speak of power, who cares who wants it. All I want is the same as you , to forget everything and not forget how much I hate being alive , I have no friends I don’t want any, I don’t see family I don’t want any. Alone makes you crazy, I talk to myself, and I bleed. When you become lost. Nothing matters what ppl say. Cause everyone is a hypocrite me too . Hope you find a way to live. If you have to go then sit and pray to anything , the devil God the plants pray to the insects that bit you. Just find energy to deter your mind. Because you will do it **** your soul then you will **** yourself. Don’t research anything on the internet it’s designed to make you wanna die more. Nothing can help you in life when you give up. That doesn’t mean nature cannot help. Hug a tree , lie in dirt and roll and scream out loud make the world hear you. If your ashamed to do any of this then you haven’t reached the stage of suicide you just feel life is unfair and wanna die. For me , im crazy and won’t accept help, Why is like this, because all I see is slavery in life. Freedom is there but you suffer if you don’t input to society , so be here if you want go if you want. Stop worrying about who has the better answer for your problems , none of them can help you. Not even me, so die if you want live if you want post a message about dying if you want. You will still feel the same. I pray to the universe that the strings of your life be plucked differently so that your burdens in thought will fight for you and not against you. L.S.

0

Mar 2, 2025

Mar 2, 2025 at 8:54 PM UTC

Lost soul

. It’s like I don’t know why I search for answers , when I know my heart wants nothing to do with life. Even mustering words to be noticed doesn’t matter. Anyone can say anything, truth is life is unfair, we just want to squeeze some false hope out of it. I hate myself, and I hate people. but as time passes I lose my state of thought, now I don’t even respond to pain like I use to. I just let it soak in, I don’t eat like I use to , I just let my stomach feed off of me, I don’t speak to anyone anymore, I just stare at them and pretend the voices is some eyrie soul telling me to end my life. We hold on to life because we don’t know what’s going to happen. As I slip away day by day in my thoughts I find I’m dying slowly. Slavery was around the corner. The world is not over it. I won’t speak of power, who cares who wants it. All I want is the same as you , to forget everything and not forget how much I hate being alive , I have no friends I don’t want any, I don’t see family I don’t want any. Alone makes you crazy, I talk to myself, and I bleed. When you become lost. Nothing matters what ppl say. Cause everyone is a hypocrite me too . Hope you find a way to live. If you have to go then sit and pray to anything , the devil God the plants pray to the insects that bit you. Just find energy to deter your mind. Because you will do it **** your soul then you will **** yourself. Don’t research anything on the internet it’s designed to make you wanna die more. Nothing can help you in life when you give up. That doesn’t mean nature cannot help. Hug a tree , lie in dirt and roll and scream out loud make the world hear you. If your ashamed to do any of this then you haven’t reached the stage of suicide you just feel life is unfair and wanna die. For me , im crazy and won’t accept help, Why is like this, because all I see is slavery in life. Freedom is there but you suffer if you don’t input to society , so be here if you want go if you want. Stop worrying about who has the better answer for your problems , none of them can help you. Not even me, so die if you want live if you want post a message about dying if you want. You will still feel the same. I pray to the universe that the strings of your life be plucked differently so that your burdens in thought will fight for you and not against you. L.S.

2

I survived and im not stroger for it... I am not proud to wear the scars. They are a reminder of the pain i endured .. although my body has healed ,my mind still feels like its fresh People around me are so tired of my same story, I don't even tell it anymore ,i wish they understood how tired i am to ... Tired of pretending im okay, and that time heals wounds ( they Don't) The trauma literally changed ny brain hippocampus, weakened weak prefrontal cortex.... L.S.

0

Mar 2, 2025

Mar 2, 2025 at 8:51 PM UTC

I survived

I survived and im not stroger for it... I am not proud to wear the scars. They are a reminder of the pain i endured .. although my body has healed ,my mind still feels like its fresh People around me are so tired of my same story, I don't even tell it anymore ,i wish they understood how tired i am to ... Tired of pretending im okay, and that time heals wounds ( they Don't) The trauma literally changed ny brain hippocampus, weakened weak prefrontal cortex.... L.S.

5