Searching for your love
but for what?
For you to put me down into the depths of your soul?
For you to wreak havoc
Oh but it was nothing old
For every compliment there was an insult
Was I really all that there was for you?
A doll for you to poke and ****
Just some gum under your shoe?
I must've been a hindrance for you
even in the end, I wanted you to love me
was that too much to ask for?
To search for me the way I did for you
But the loss of your ego was too much for you to bare
so you broke a piece of mine too to make something new
to keep it
Just for you
Sep 12, 2023
Sep 12, 2023 at 1:59 PM UTC
I struggle to my beauty
You tell me what you do not see
But all i see is the flaws that deceive me
My hesitancy to look in the mirror
is the fear of my appearance
Yes i seem confident
But proceed with caution
how you perceive it
Aug 7, 2021
Aug 7, 2021 at 9:38 PM UTC
Dear OCD,
You made me hate myself
You made me scared
You made me angry
You made me suicidal
You are not even a person
You are a chemical imbalance in my brain
In my mind
Feeding off my pain
And torture is your everything
You made me lock myself in my room scared of something i will never do
You made me nauseous
You made me inflict self harm
You made me so scared of my own beauty i couldn't even see through my own eyes
How beautiful and strong i am
Blinded by your words
i hated it
I hated your presence so much i even was ready to end it all
But
I am not alone
There are many like me in this world
I know now that you do not define me
You will never make me do these things
I do not fear you no more
I am tired of this fear
I am letting myself be happy whether or not you are here
My pure obsession
Jul 30, 2020
Jul 30, 2020 at 9:30 PM UTC
My anxiety pulls me in my room and locks the door
My anxiety throws out the key that never existed and taunts me
Makes me think I am not loved
Makes me not reflect on my actions that cause pain
Makes me feel crazy even though I am not
Makes me feel like I am the only one in the world that feels this way
My anxiety ruins the good things in my life and turns it around to hurt me
But my anxiety can't hurt me
My anxiety is only in my head
AND because of this I have overthought and painful thoughts about what is going to happen to me so I stay in a state of fear
Torture
Anger
Sadness
I have even thought of how it must feel when I am gone
But once I thought that I realised once I am dead I am dead and who knows if you still feel the pain or not
So I decided to keep on living to get rid of this constant anxiety and live a better life.
SO
But my anxiety does not define me
It does not define my actions
My thoughts
My pain
My happiness
My tears
MY anxiety will not lock me in my own room in a state of fear and sadness
MY anxiety will not take away everthing I have ever loved and will love in the future
I threw my anxiety out the window and made a key to get my self out of this room
And If it comes out
I will throw it out over and over again and find and create new keys with the heart of people and my own
And although my anxiety is an emotion that makes me hate myself
I will continue to love myself and stay the amazing person that I know I am and not change for something that is insignificant and cruel as anxiety
And I will learn to grow, love and learn to never Ever let anxiety define ME
And so should YOU
Sep 21, 2019
Sep 21, 2019 at 11:22 AM UTC
What are you thinking right now? What are you doing? If you are doing something stop, think and read this.
Do you love yourself?
Do you feel strong enough to walk this path alone?
If you aren't strong enough, search.
Search for that one that you can truly rely on. If you believe that there is no one, you at least have yourself.
I used to think, not talking to people not "worth" my time was the best thing to do. I thought separating myself from others was the best thing to do. I even thought, what is the point of this, if in the end I am lonely, by myself, scared of my environment. I was too scared of making a connection with someone and them destroying it. I imagined thee pain and closed myself off.
Instead I built a wall around myself, which was meant to protect me, but instead hurt me in more ways than it should. I saw people with friends, walking, laughing, sometimes crying. I thought that was best. No it wasn't. I was mean to everyone who I did not know. I cried by myself thinking no one can see my tears.
After months of questioning myself, I realized, I was missing out. Missing out on more time with my family, missing out time with others. Most importantly, I was missing out on myself. I realized things about myself that other loved, and I loved even more.
From then on I began to really love myself. Because I became comfortable with myself I made more friends. I stopped pushing people away, I stopped blaming others for my mistakes.
I learned to love myself. Love yourself first, and then others. If others don't love you, love yourself.
Self Love is not limited. Nor is the love you give others.
So please, remember this, and go on living the life YOU want to live.
Jan 12, 2019
Jan 12, 2019 at 3:30 PM UTC
Unknown Caller
I am like an Unknown Caller
I call Once, you decline
I call Twice, you decline
I call Three Times, you think "What is wrong with this person?"
Until, a person stupid enough to answer and say's
"Hello?, Who is this?
Why would you answer? I think
And if you didn't, why won't you pick up? I think...
Why am I like an Unknown Caller? You might wonder.. If you haven't figured it out yet, that's because you don't know who I am, they don't know who I am.
Another reason I am an Unknown Caller is because when I call, you might not pick up.
Just like when I need help, you might not help.
Just like when I cry, you might walk away.
That... is why I am an Unknown Caller.
Jan 12, 2019
Jan 12, 2019 at 3:09 PM UTC
Once I am awake I go to the bathroom and look at the mirror and see what God gave me. God puts great work to create the beautiful human beings we all are. And when I look at myself I see my mother. A beautiful women who was brave enough to give birth to me. I look like that women and I am proud to be that women's daughter. I am proud to see the parts of my face that look like my father.
I believe that everyone should do the same. You should see how God cared so much about you and how you should take care of what God put his hard work in.
I wonder if everyone thinks the same way as I do. And trust me, not everyone loves them self as much as I do. How I feel about beauty is what makes people love themselves because it is those people who loves themselves(not as far as they think everyone is nothing) that becomes successful not just in a career but as a person.
Everyone deserves at least one person in their life that tells them they are beautiful and if you don't have that person, it is okay because you have yourself and if you keep the mindset that no one loves you for who you are, you will not be able to live the life you want to live.
Remember there is at least one person in the world who loves who you are, where you are and how you are.
Sep 15, 2018
Sep 15, 2018 at 8:05 AM UTC
Have you ever messaged yourself thinking you are happy with how others treat you but you aren't happy with how you treat yourself?
Do you fear being alone or being left out? As human beings it is natural to feel that way.
Have you asked yourself, are you okay? Am I lonely? Do I seek attention?
Why do I correct others but not myself? What is loneliness? Why does god have no power when it comes to a humans mind? We are born to die. But are also born to live.
God is unable to completely control us humans. I have hoped that God will change someone's mind. But, God is only able to show us the way, not go through it with us.
What you hoped for was a sign of loneliness. A sign that you must not rely on God and rely on yourself. And the only way to live life the right way is to get through the loneliness and live the way you showed yourself.
Sep 14, 2018
Sep 14, 2018 at 5:05 PM UTC
I am No...
Unlike you, I don't show my pain. I don't say it loud and clear and I am no guessing game.
I am not player 2 whom you think you can trick. I am not the piece of the puzzle or what makes a clock tick. I am no tick-tack-toe. I can not be trapped because I know your games.
They are not smart but they aren't stupid. The truly stupid thing was that you thought that you will win, but there wasn't something to win.
I am not a toy that you can pull to talk,when you feel like it. I am not your friend but a mirror of what you would become if you weren't going down this path. To you I am not your friend, but to me you were the only one who will understand.
I guess I was wrong. I am me. And you are you and I can't change how you act. But I can change how I act.
Because I am not what you want or need or think.
I am me
And that's it.
Sep 14, 2018
Sep 14, 2018 at 4:21 PM UTC