DTmiller - Hello Poetry

A pretty girl smiled at me I looked away I find myself in this position often Life-- Begging me to make the first move To say something To call first To stop standing there I hear life in my ear "The phone works two ways you know!" But I never dial One girl One smile A moment that could of ended just as a began Or a moment that could have lasted a life time I'll never know I'll never know... I'll never know... I'll never know... I want to know... I want to know... I want to know... ...What it's like to live To try--- To smile back

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Dec 2, 2020

Dec 2, 2020 at 3:25 AM UTC

Smile... I dare you

A pretty girl smiled at me I looked away I find myself in this position often Life-- Begging me to make the first move To say something To call first To stop standing there I hear life in my ear "The phone works two ways you know!" But I never dial One girl One smile A moment that could of ended just as a began Or a moment that could have lasted a life time I'll never know I'll never know... I'll never know... I'll never know... I want to know... I want to know... I want to know... ...What it's like to live To try--- To smile back

25

I see now that you never loved me Even now I think You try to believe you still can one day-- Love me But my love for you was like a flower Several little petals The kind that If the wind blew, Would float away It wasn't the kind of flower you usually shopped for But it was beautiful enough So you put the flower on display One that took up enough space So that you noticed it everyday you never loved me you loved the way I made you see Yourself And on days you needed to love yourself You plucked a petal You gathered them in a glass box But when the glass was full It broke And when there was nothing left But an ugly stem-- You never plucked again

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Feb 17, 2020

Feb 17, 2020 at 3:59 PM UTC

Petals

I see now that you never loved me Even now I think You try to believe you still can one day-- Love me But my love for you was like a flower Several little petals The kind that If the wind blew, Would float away It wasn't the kind of flower you usually shopped for But it was beautiful enough So you put the flower on display One that took up enough space So that you noticed it everyday you never loved me you loved the way I made you see Yourself And on days you needed to love yourself You plucked a petal You gathered them in a glass box But when the glass was full It broke And when there was nothing left But an ugly stem-- You never plucked again

26

Some call it depression But I like to think of my parents as dancers Step 1 Step 2 Step 3 They come together Step 1 Step 2 Step 3 They drift apart Making eye contact the whole time Some days Dad takes the lead Starting slow Staring out into nothing Maybe it's for a second A second is okay right? A second becomes minutes I watch his mouth His eyes For some movement And nothing A steady gaze A graceful dancer The music speeds up and so does he Step 1 Step 2 Step 3 His jaw tightens His fists clench His voice shakes As if he's scared Scared of his own ability to destroy Like a strike of a match Or a shot of a gun Slowly the music fades He watches his moves carefully Letting the music guide his last step Holding his hand steady in front of him Lending the floor to Mom She touches the dance floor Suddenly, rapidly Making her way to the spotlight Mom never cared for slow music Swift movements Step 1 Step 2 Step 3 Faster and faster as the beat picks up Lifting her head up towards the sky And down towards the ground rapidly Using her fists as hammers Against anything closest to her Doors Cabinets Counters Her eyes move just as fast as her feet Losing direction Her voice gets louder Louder and louder Until it cracks away to silence All or nothing The music stops And so does she Voices become muffled Almost as if no one is talking at all Call her name a few times She'll hear you then Speak up if that doesn't work She'll give you a gaze Mom and Dad love dancing Some will say my parents are depressed But my parents are just dancers

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Jan 24, 2019

Jan 24, 2019 at 1:01 AM UTC

Dancing

Some call it depression But I like to think of my parents as dancers Step 1 Step 2 Step 3 They come together Step 1 Step 2 Step 3 They drift apart Making eye contact the whole time Some days Dad takes the lead Starting slow Staring out into nothing Maybe it's for a second A second is okay right? A second becomes minutes I watch his mouth His eyes For some movement And nothing A steady gaze A graceful dancer The music speeds up and so does he Step 1 Step 2 Step 3 His jaw tightens His fists clench His voice shakes As if he's scared Scared of his own ability to destroy Like a strike of a match Or a shot of a gun Slowly the music fades He watches his moves carefully Letting the music guide his last step Holding his hand steady in front of him Lending the floor to Mom She touches the dance floor Suddenly, rapidly Making her way to the spotlight Mom never cared for slow music Swift movements Step 1 Step 2 Step 3 Faster and faster as the beat picks up Lifting her head up towards the sky And down towards the ground rapidly Using her fists as hammers Against anything closest to her Doors Cabinets Counters Her eyes move just as fast as her feet Losing direction Her voice gets louder Louder and louder Until it cracks away to silence All or nothing The music stops And so does she Voices become muffled Almost as if no one is talking at all Call her name a few times She'll hear you then Speak up if that doesn't work She'll give you a gaze Mom and Dad love dancing Some will say my parents are depressed But my parents are just dancers

64

There's gotta be something more than this. For the past few days I catch myself whispering this A daydream You're next to me Your smile still looks the same You smile only when your genuinely happy I know its real I've always loved that about you Your hands lay in my lap Our legs against each other I look at you There's gotta be something more than this I tell you how there must be I squeeze your hand tight Knowing that I would have to hold it tight if I wanted to keep it We stare out into the ocean until the daydream becomes faint A daydream The one that enters my mind when I'm alone I whisper There's gotta be something more than this but you see there isn't My name only comes to your mind when your phone screen reads my text Your smile is just a moment It came, it went And perhaps this daydream is just the thing I wish I would have told you when I felt us drift Almost 2 years ago now I don't know if that makes me crazy Obsessive Tender hearted Or just someone that really, truly loved you After all this time I can't ******* believe it's still you There's gotta be something more than this.

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Jan 5, 2019

Jan 5, 2019 at 1:13 AM UTC

A daydream

There's gotta be something more than this. For the past few days I catch myself whispering this A daydream You're next to me Your smile still looks the same You smile only when your genuinely happy I know its real I've always loved that about you Your hands lay in my lap Our legs against each other I look at you There's gotta be something more than this I tell you how there must be I squeeze your hand tight Knowing that I would have to hold it tight if I wanted to keep it We stare out into the ocean until the daydream becomes faint A daydream The one that enters my mind when I'm alone I whisper There's gotta be something more than this but you see there isn't My name only comes to your mind when your phone screen reads my text Your smile is just a moment It came, it went And perhaps this daydream is just the thing I wish I would have told you when I felt us drift Almost 2 years ago now I don't know if that makes me crazy Obsessive Tender hearted Or just someone that really, truly loved you After all this time I can't ******* believe it's still you There's gotta be something more than this.

32

Words carved on the bedroom desk in a mental hospital - My path is oblivious - You are not alone anymore - I still have my blade - Dont cry - My ex made me insane - Some can't be saved - I need to talk to Austin! My anxiety is acting up! - I insert heart ***** - Better off dead - Stay Strong - I'm ****** - We're even, 911 - Bella insert heart - I'm on a rollercoaster that only goes up - I choose death - Smile, you're beautiful - I'll never tell - God will show you the path - **** those who said they'd always be here for me! - Dear people, don't do this ******** - Get me out of here, I feel trapped - Life's complicated - **** this system! - Why can't she love me like she used to? I insert heart Anaquin - God is heal - Him insert heart - Her insert heart - You don't need someone else to make you happy - It gets better - We're not even - **** your faith - Sometimes I feel like no one understands - I'm gay - Nero Michelle Granillo + Mario Jonathan Larios 12•06•13 - I'm scared - Let it be 11-23-13 - Help me get out - You're pretty - Eat me out - I like your face - Tired - My taste in music is your face - I've been here 2 weeks - I want out - Stay strong - I only want to see you laughing in the purple rain At the time these words comforted me and brought me closer to something. I felt closer to peace the more I wrote. I'll never know the people who wrote these things or why I wrote them down nearly three years ago and decided to write about it publicly now but I do know who carved the last one. Stay strong, time will give you peace.

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Sep 21, 2018

Sep 21, 2018 at 2:40 AM UTC

Carvings

Words carved on the bedroom desk in a mental hospital - My path is oblivious - You are not alone anymore - I still have my blade - Dont cry - My ex made me insane - Some can't be saved - I need to talk to Austin! My anxiety is acting up! - I insert heart ***** - Better off dead - Stay Strong - I'm ****** - We're even, 911 - Bella insert heart - I'm on a rollercoaster that only goes up - I choose death - Smile, you're beautiful - I'll never tell - God will show you the path - **** those who said they'd always be here for me! - Dear people, don't do this ******** - Get me out of here, I feel trapped - Life's complicated - **** this system! - Why can't she love me like she used to? I insert heart Anaquin - God is heal - Him insert heart - Her insert heart - You don't need someone else to make you happy - It gets better - We're not even - **** your faith - Sometimes I feel like no one understands - I'm gay - Nero Michelle Granillo + Mario Jonathan Larios 12•06•13 - I'm scared - Let it be 11-23-13 - Help me get out - You're pretty - Eat me out - I like your face - Tired - My taste in music is your face - I've been here 2 weeks - I want out - Stay strong - I only want to see you laughing in the purple rain At the time these words comforted me and brought me closer to something. I felt closer to peace the more I wrote. I'll never know the people who wrote these things or why I wrote them down nearly three years ago and decided to write about it publicly now but I do know who carved the last one. Stay strong, time will give you peace.

48

I crave fire My chest ignites the flame The desire to burn What belongs to me; My life My feet carry me through the flames A flame for every regret Every prayer that went out my mouth Just to fall at my feet I will pour gasoline on every floor board And wipe the dust of the footsteps Of the people that stood still I will turn my pain into a pile of ashes And cradle it in my hands To feel what it is to hold my pain Instead of letting it hold me I will let the light of the fire guide me out of the shambles And to a place where my name exist only in my head Where the smoke that will paint the sky Will come out of my lungs And the flames that swallowed the sorrow Will flicker in my eyes

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Jul 15, 2018

Jul 15, 2018 at 5:48 PM UTC

Ignition

I crave fire My chest ignites the flame The desire to burn What belongs to me; My life My feet carry me through the flames A flame for every regret Every prayer that went out my mouth Just to fall at my feet I will pour gasoline on every floor board And wipe the dust of the footsteps Of the people that stood still I will turn my pain into a pile of ashes And cradle it in my hands To feel what it is to hold my pain Instead of letting it hold me I will let the light of the fire guide me out of the shambles And to a place where my name exist only in my head Where the smoke that will paint the sky Will come out of my lungs And the flames that swallowed the sorrow Will flicker in my eyes

21

For what it is worth I saw the light in you I tried to find ways to tell you this But I realize now that the light I saw Was just a hope that you would see it too

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Jul 14, 2018

Jul 14, 2018 at 10:47 PM UTC

Blank

For what it is worth I saw the light in you I tried to find ways to tell you this But I realize now that the light I saw Was just a hope that you would see it too

5

I look around me I find myself in a graveyard There are people walking aimlessly The way they walk The way they talk Makes me wonder if I too am dead Their eyes robbed from light Pulled, plucked by a bird without wings Their lips That once danced with smiles and anticipation pulled down by the weight of their regrets Their legs That could once carry them to everything they could dream Shaking with every step I watch them tiptoe as if they are playing hide-and-seek Hide-and-seek with the things that led them here perhaps I look around me longer And realize that I know their faces I wander, I wander, I wander Until the names of these faces are before me They are etched in stone I find myself in front of a line of tombstones Lined up like broken soldiers waiting for their fate I read the names of every person I know out loud Until I can no longer mutter a word I need to find my way out of here Before I wonder too long And find the tombstone with MY name on it

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Jun 20, 2018

Jun 20, 2018 at 11:43 PM UTC

Through the Graveyard and Out My Mouth

I look around me I find myself in a graveyard There are people walking aimlessly The way they walk The way they talk Makes me wonder if I too am dead Their eyes robbed from light Pulled, plucked by a bird without wings Their lips That once danced with smiles and anticipation pulled down by the weight of their regrets Their legs That could once carry them to everything they could dream Shaking with every step I watch them tiptoe as if they are playing hide-and-seek Hide-and-seek with the things that led them here perhaps I look around me longer And realize that I know their faces I wander, I wander, I wander Until the names of these faces are before me They are etched in stone I find myself in front of a line of tombstones Lined up like broken soldiers waiting for their fate I read the names of every person I know out loud Until I can no longer mutter a word I need to find my way out of here Before I wonder too long And find the tombstone with MY name on it

28

I remember being told to stand in a corner for a "time out" when I was a kid. I also remember how Bad I wished I could move... Bad thoughts have sent me back to that corner again Corner of my mind Where the things that defeat me created a home They decorate it how they want to Pictures, flowers, furniture As if they are houseguests instead of intruders I'm standing in that corner My face against the wall And I wish I could move The same thing I told myself as a kid Only this time I've done no wrong Why am I backed in this corner? I watch the clock I'm in "time out" And **** it my time's out

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May 30, 2018

May 30, 2018 at 10:50 PM UTC

Time out

I remember being told to stand in a corner for a "time out" when I was a kid. I also remember how Bad I wished I could move... Bad thoughts have sent me back to that corner again Corner of my mind Where the things that defeat me created a home They decorate it how they want to Pictures, flowers, furniture As if they are houseguests instead of intruders I'm standing in that corner My face against the wall And I wish I could move The same thing I told myself as a kid Only this time I've done no wrong Why am I backed in this corner? I watch the clock I'm in "time out" And **** it my time's out

17

Someone in between My reflection stares back at me My face is painted with the word "but" I spoke truth and love softly But those that spoke loudest were heard first Perhaps I'll never feel whole A face drawn with ink Almost art But the rain smeared the image A girl that was pretty But only when she was sculpted to be what others wanted to see Someone in between

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May 29, 2018

May 29, 2018 at 3:01 AM UTC

But

Someone in between My reflection stares back at me My face is painted with the word "but" I spoke truth and love softly But those that spoke loudest were heard first Perhaps I'll never feel whole A face drawn with ink Almost art But the rain smeared the image A girl that was pretty But only when she was sculpted to be what others wanted to see Someone in between

12