As the serpent pulled me under,
I recognized my blunder.
My prophetic dreams warned me that
although the leaves are natural,
they seek your brain as collateral.
Anxiety fills as I face the journey I must embark.
But first, I tear down and grind up this tree and roll it in bark.
Memory loss is a habit.
Often I struggle to make a thought and grab it.
Were these faults from the past or caused by finely grated blades of grass?
Mar 13, 2019
Mar 13, 2019 at 7:31 PM UTC
I see a restless canvas
Colors jumping through the surface
Layers and layers of the uncertain
I imagine being covered like a curtain
Darkness held under wraps
While the light fights through
I sit with my paintbrush trembling
Thoughts slowly but surely dismembering
One stroke could ruin my beautiful work
Doubt sets in my process
Not much more, but I can’t evision success
But I will take it
I slide the brush across the canvas
May 20, 2018
May 20, 2018 at 2:44 PM UTC
I haven’t been myself since I was 9 years old
That’s what I told my sensei
Fast forwarding through time on my bicycle
Not keeping memories
Why bother?
Pain is what keeps my attention
The horror of having to look into the mirror
Hoping to find a purpose that’s eluded me since birth
Numb to everything I sit and ponder my future
Or lack thereof
As I sit in my hole I wonder
As the weather changes again, will I again?
Will I pretend again?
That I’m all good
That everything’s okay
I don’t smile for me. Never have
The monks that knew me knew I was troubled
Even they couldn’t get to me
They shunned me away
They say my negativity was so heavy
That my vibe could **** a room
I take a sword to my gut
Of my own doing of course
Not that I can feel it
I can’t feel a thing
May 5, 2018
May 5, 2018 at 2:34 PM UTC
I thought you needed closure?
I did, but I was told you can’t find reasons for everyone’s actions.
That I’d need to close that door myself.
“You think you’re the first to feel pain? I know it plenty.”
My mama said.
“Just get off the floor, dust yourself off and brace for many.”
This wasn’t supposed to happen to me mama. I was safe, didn’t let many people in, and stayed in my place.
“Oh cause you guarded yourself you think you would never feel it? You’re human like me, best chance you have is to heal it. Let the tears flow, I know you say you don’t but try. You’ll probably feel like a new man once your eyes dry.”
Mama I’m not built for this, there’s only so much I can take.
“Boy do you know exactly what’s at stake? You’re a king who always tries to help others. Now you need our help and you know we’ve got you covered. But we’ll need your help more.You can’t heal if you don’t want to. And if you’re down in the dumps how’s anyone gonna want you?”
Mama you know I don’t care about that. I’ve been alone for so long I don’t even know where I fit in at.
I put other people first yeah, but that just scares them. It’s too much pressure probably, so I get treated like a witch from Salem.
But I ain’t here to whine or beg. I just want out of this misery.
“But you’re a King.”
I don’t care where I go down in history.
I want out.
Jan 23, 2018
Jan 23, 2018 at 9:58 PM UTC
Don’t reset your fresh on less than the best
Don’t respect what’s next if what’s next ain’t success
Umm, God bless the believers in you
Make those ************* proud for believing in you
God bless you
For those long days and lonely nights
It gets better
You look better in light
I acknowledge your plight
We acknowledge your plight
Simple to see you look strong to me
Strong as can be
Keep fighting
I had to put this in writing because the feeling that nobody cares is so frightening
I do
We do
He does
She does
Keep your head up and maybe when you fly you’ll see doves
Dec 31, 2017
Dec 31, 2017 at 2:15 PM UTC
Last post I was in a daze.
This one I’ve found my way.
His goodbye was lengthy,
He knew he’d never be back
Down this path, from which no one has ever returned, was frightening but necessary
See his village was dying, every night he’d lose blood, and loved ones.
His people feared it as the wrath of God
But God wouldn’t do this would he?
They were good people
He was stronger than them
He didn’t know why, but he still needed them
He stumbled down the dirt road.
Water in his eyes, he could barely see down in
No one could speculate on where it went, just that it went, so he went
Corpses litter the ground, he knew these people well
They all seem to have been coming back
He wanted to turn back too but he knew what needed to be done
He began to run
The energy he mustered surprised even himself
Leaves ruffled in his presence
He sprinted for so long it felt like hours
All until he stopped
Dirt flew from under his feet down the giant canyon in his way
A sharp fall awaited him
He grit his teeth and spun around
Mumbling to himself, he began to walk back
He felt a subtle pressure on his back and turns
Like someone guiding him, someone present, but not in his presence
He loved his God he knew his faith was strong
But was it stronger than his fear?
Before he allowed himself to think he ran and jumped from the cliff the canyon floor seems to be nonexistent as he fell for days
He had lost all hope until a bright light emanated below him
He sprouted wings but couldn’t fly
His clothes turned a sharp white
So did his eyes
Suddenly, Kudzinayi was amongst the clouds
Everything felt right, and God, was in sight
Dec 25, 2017
Dec 25, 2017 at 1:58 AM UTC
My blood has a whole lot of black in it
My skin has a whole lot of black in it
My kin has a whole lot of black in em
No darkness in this blackness
Just beauty, spirit and love
My Kings are this color
My Queens are this color
My wings are this color
Located up above
You can't **** us
Immortal we are
Our words, our art, our treasures will
live
Our pride will live on
What a ride we've been on
The ties to our Homeland have been gone
Cut from the neck, we still cling to life
A King’s right
Nov 13, 2017
Nov 13, 2017 at 8:18 PM UTC
I never thought that, people really cared about me
I mean I didn't even care
I never fought back, the demons always win against me
Blissful sorrow in the air
I don't think I'm worthy of your love, yes you
The pressure pounds against my chest everyday
But selfishly I want you to stay, yes you
But I know I'll push you away
Always thought I was better by my lonesome
Couldn't hurt anybody with my ups and downs
If I call for you, please don't come
Cause all I'll do is make you frown
I'm good for no one but me
No one knows me but me
No one hates me but me
But no one loves me
Before I end this, I just want to end this
I just needed a witness
To witness this
Thank you for your time
Sep 4, 2017
Sep 4, 2017 at 12:35 AM UTC
With Alice Cooper blasting through the speakers,
I turn to my love and tell her how much I love her,
She smiles and considers it idle talk
We fly through the sky with a pocket of metal around us,
What about love makes a man that's hardened in his ways, soft?
That makes a man who had once lost all hope, full of it?
It's the year 3017
Through my cryo-sleep I never wavered
She used to cry to sleep, bad men doing bad things
Through the pain was the only way she'd sing
I wonder if she could tell how much I favored,
Her, a friend and me, pretend
Until that fateful day
Where it all changed
Where it rearranged
Where love blossomed into a flower
A key that opened doors to happiness
To feelings so immaculate
I'm free without a shadow of a doubt
She looks at me and waves, eyes
innocent
“Whatcha thinkin about?”
Aug 12, 2017
Aug 12, 2017 at 9:08 PM UTC
I get perplexed stares like there's something on my face
But there's only brown on my face
Have they never seen a ***** before?
I look around the ice capped mountains.
**** maybe they haven't.
This slope is steep.
Cold, but not as cold as my old life
The north freezes my fears
As I create new ones
True ones
No time to fight them so they'll be permanent
I caint go back to what I once was
A shut in, who hurt whoever I let in
So now I'm really shut in
Nothing but strangers and a bottle of whiskey
The sun is my only friend here
And he rarely comes around
I think he's heard about me too
Aug 10, 2017
Aug 10, 2017 at 3:24 PM UTC