CourtneyScheuble - Hello Poetry

Unexpected and now I’m afraid You said you’d never hurt me but guess that wasn’t true One little fight spiralled Out of control and now we’re both alone Wish I’d never said I love you, wish I’d never even met you This is my first love, my first heartbreak, a puzzle that I just can’t solve. My chest is tight and my heart aches, I thought together that we’d grow old. Trying to figure it out, but I just can’t. I’m confused and scared and all these questions keep rushing through my head. Was it me or my insecurities, was it something more or was it someone else. It wasn’t good enough but for me it was true love This is my first love, my first heartbreak, a puzzle that I just can’t solve. My chest is tight and my heart aches, I thought together that we’d grow old. All I feel is your touch across my body like an infection, they say I’ll get over it but I just want you near, you’re my addiction. The memory of your laugh and smile pulls me from sleep for a little while. Hold me in your arms and tell me you love me then next day push me from your arms and tell me you’re done with me. This is my first love, my first heartbreak, a puzzle that I just can’t solve. My chest is tight and my heart aches, I thought together that we’d grow old.

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Feb 17, 2020

Feb 17, 2020 at 7:04 PM UTC

First Love. First Heartbreak.

Unexpected and now I’m afraid You said you’d never hurt me but guess that wasn’t true One little fight spiralled Out of control and now we’re both alone Wish I’d never said I love you, wish I’d never even met you This is my first love, my first heartbreak, a puzzle that I just can’t solve. My chest is tight and my heart aches, I thought together that we’d grow old. Trying to figure it out, but I just can’t. I’m confused and scared and all these questions keep rushing through my head. Was it me or my insecurities, was it something more or was it someone else. It wasn’t good enough but for me it was true love This is my first love, my first heartbreak, a puzzle that I just can’t solve. My chest is tight and my heart aches, I thought together that we’d grow old. All I feel is your touch across my body like an infection, they say I’ll get over it but I just want you near, you’re my addiction. The memory of your laugh and smile pulls me from sleep for a little while. Hold me in your arms and tell me you love me then next day push me from your arms and tell me you’re done with me. This is my first love, my first heartbreak, a puzzle that I just can’t solve. My chest is tight and my heart aches, I thought together that we’d grow old.

9

19 and held down by her shoulders her shirt still on, he doesn’t try to remove it it’s a hastily act that wakes her up abruptly as a penetrating pain spreads over a low section of her body she feels like a ragdoll so out of control, like she can’t scream for help because she didn’t say no to the first or second time but now she’s asleep and surely that’s a sign his hands on her neck and she thinks it’s just ***** but it’s to muffle her cries and make him seem less guilty it’s the third man she’s been with and she’s confused about counting it, she didn’t say yes but she still has to guess whether she should remember this and try to grow or remember it and let it cover the glow

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Oct 21, 2019

Oct 21, 2019 at 1:49 PM UTC

Number 3

19 and held down by her shoulders her shirt still on, he doesn’t try to remove it it’s a hastily act that wakes her up abruptly as a penetrating pain spreads over a low section of her body she feels like a ragdoll so out of control, like she can’t scream for help because she didn’t say no to the first or second time but now she’s asleep and surely that’s a sign his hands on her neck and she thinks it’s just ***** but it’s to muffle her cries and make him seem less guilty it’s the third man she’s been with and she’s confused about counting it, she didn’t say yes but she still has to guess whether she should remember this and try to grow or remember it and let it cover the glow

6

Husband smiling down at his wife’s baby bump: He wonders if it will be a boy or a girl He wonders if it will be a man or a girl He wonders if it will be his son or a girl, A girl… a gender he disconnects from because they come with topics that people should keep away from If it’s a boy he can congratulate him when he brings home a girl But… if it’s a girl he’ll have to warn her about boys Boys will be boys and girls should beware. He wonders how he would cope if his little boy blue decided to wear pink How he would cope if his son, this man sat crying in his room and was too afraid to say. He looks down at his wife’s baby bump and wonders…

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Mar 9, 2019

Mar 9, 2019 at 11:49 AM UTC

Pink and Blue

Husband smiling down at his wife’s baby bump: He wonders if it will be a boy or a girl He wonders if it will be a man or a girl He wonders if it will be his son or a girl, A girl… a gender he disconnects from because they come with topics that people should keep away from If it’s a boy he can congratulate him when he brings home a girl But… if it’s a girl he’ll have to warn her about boys Boys will be boys and girls should beware. He wonders how he would cope if his little boy blue decided to wear pink How he would cope if his son, this man sat crying in his room and was too afraid to say. He looks down at his wife’s baby bump and wonders…

11

She looks in the mirror and can’t bare what she sees. He says that she’s perfect but she can’t see how that can be. You see to her, her face is too round and her chest is too flat When she looks at her hips all she can see is fat. He sees her raven hair and blue ocean eyes that hold nothing but care He sees her heart through her chest and her love for all things He sees his person the one that is perfect.

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Jan 17, 2019

Jan 17, 2019 at 2:11 PM UTC

Perfect

She looks in the mirror and can’t bare what she sees. He says that she’s perfect but she can’t see how that can be. You see to her, her face is too round and her chest is too flat When she looks at her hips all she can see is fat. He sees her raven hair and blue ocean eyes that hold nothing but care He sees her heart through her chest and her love for all things He sees his person the one that is perfect.

7

I feel your arms around me, but turn and you’re gone I feel your breath on my neck, soon replaced with the cold draught I see the scratches on your back but open my eyes and see the bruises on mine They’re matched with the scratch running up my side from the night I made you mad Your face burned red and your hand was raised as I cowered and feared and cried He said things that broke me but now my mascara is too expensive to be ruined by his harsh words I told them I was broken but they passed it off as a bad day and all they could say was “you’re okay”

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Jan 17, 2019

Jan 17, 2019 at 2:07 PM UTC

Hurtful Love

I feel your arms around me, but turn and you’re gone I feel your breath on my neck, soon replaced with the cold draught I see the scratches on your back but open my eyes and see the bruises on mine They’re matched with the scratch running up my side from the night I made you mad Your face burned red and your hand was raised as I cowered and feared and cried He said things that broke me but now my mascara is too expensive to be ruined by his harsh words I told them I was broken but they passed it off as a bad day and all they could say was “you’re okay”

8

July 4th 1776 a simple man’s holiday December 6th 1865 a true man’s celebration Unalienable rights became truly unalienable “We the people” stopped meaning “we the white people” or did it August 10th 2017 a supremacist’s torch is lit August 10th 2017 three people did get hit March 8th 2018 a woman fights back 2018 maybe now they’ll understand

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Sep 22, 2018

Sep 22, 2018 at 11:23 AM UTC

Independence Day

July 4th 1776 a simple man’s holiday December 6th 1865 a true man’s celebration Unalienable rights became truly unalienable “We the people” stopped meaning “we the white people” or did it August 10th 2017 a supremacist’s torch is lit August 10th 2017 three people did get hit March 8th 2018 a woman fights back 2018 maybe now they’ll understand

9

Beware his smile that traps all the girls around him Regret the feelings that you wish you could forget Envy the girl with her arms around his neck Never look back it’ll only break your heart more Deny that you still love him, it’ll only cause you pain Envy the girl with her arms around his neck Never forget how it felt when he called you stunning even if it hurts

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Sep 10, 2018

Sep 10, 2018 at 4:13 PM UTC

Acrostic Love

Beware his smile that traps all the girls around him Regret the feelings that you wish you could forget Envy the girl with her arms around his neck Never look back it’ll only break your heart more Deny that you still love him, it’ll only cause you pain Envy the girl with her arms around his neck Never forget how it felt when he called you stunning even if it hurts

7

Who have I become, I don’t like this version of myself, the version of myself that you have pushed me to become. We spoke 24/7 let me say that again 24/7… twenty-four hours seven days a week for nearly a year and then it just stopped. Did you get bored? Did you finally have enough of messing with the feelings of a girl who was completely and hopelessly devoted to you. You moved on and I hated you for it. I hated you because I was still completely and hopelessly devoted to you, I still had hope that it was all a bad dream and I would wake up to sunshine and glow instead of the clouds of grey that now “shine” over my life. I saw you for the first time the other day since, well since, that day when time stopped and I stopped dead in my tracks when I got the message “this girl I’m seeing.” Those four words tore me and I could feel the physical pain of heartbreak. That’s when everything changed, I became a person that I look at in the mirror and don’t feel anything towards. I used to look every morning and hope. People have an ideology about hope that it looks and makes you look beautiful and youthful, almost innocent, but hope as far as I’m concerned can go and take a hike. Hope was the shackles that caged me from being the true me. Now I said at the beginning that I don’t like this version of myself. This is still true but I’ve grown comfortable with being her and that ones on you.

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Jul 16, 2018

Jul 16, 2018 at 3:59 AM UTC

Who am I

Who have I become, I don’t like this version of myself, the version of myself that you have pushed me to become. We spoke 24/7 let me say that again 24/7… twenty-four hours seven days a week for nearly a year and then it just stopped. Did you get bored? Did you finally have enough of messing with the feelings of a girl who was completely and hopelessly devoted to you. You moved on and I hated you for it. I hated you because I was still completely and hopelessly devoted to you, I still had hope that it was all a bad dream and I would wake up to sunshine and glow instead of the clouds of grey that now “shine” over my life. I saw you for the first time the other day since, well since, that day when time stopped and I stopped dead in my tracks when I got the message “this girl I’m seeing.” Those four words tore me and I could feel the physical pain of heartbreak. That’s when everything changed, I became a person that I look at in the mirror and don’t feel anything towards. I used to look every morning and hope. People have an ideology about hope that it looks and makes you look beautiful and youthful, almost innocent, but hope as far as I’m concerned can go and take a hike. Hope was the shackles that caged me from being the true me. Now I said at the beginning that I don’t like this version of myself. This is still true but I’ve grown comfortable with being her and that ones on you.

11

I sat on the side of the hospital bed waiting for the tubes to be removed I sat on the side of the hospital bed praying for you to breathe I sat on the side of the hospital bed hoping for you to live I sat on the side of the hospital bed happy your pain had been relieved They said it’s okay to be sad I sit on the side of your grave praying for a sign I sit in the rain praying for more time I sit in the coffee shop reading a book I thought you might like I sit in an office waiting for a chat They say that crying helps I cry out to the heavens why I cry out if you love me then why did you leave I cry and sob and break I sat on the side of your hospital bed, I sit in the rain, I cry out for help

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Jul 11, 2018

Jul 11, 2018 at 5:40 AM UTC

I sat, I sit, I cry

I sat on the side of the hospital bed waiting for the tubes to be removed I sat on the side of the hospital bed praying for you to breathe I sat on the side of the hospital bed hoping for you to live I sat on the side of the hospital bed happy your pain had been relieved They said it’s okay to be sad I sit on the side of your grave praying for a sign I sit in the rain praying for more time I sit in the coffee shop reading a book I thought you might like I sit in an office waiting for a chat They say that crying helps I cry out to the heavens why I cry out if you love me then why did you leave I cry and sob and break I sat on the side of your hospital bed, I sit in the rain, I cry out for help

14

I wish that I could forget Forget everything from the pain you caused in my head to the pain you’ve caused in my chest Just a general pain that I wish I could forget I wish I could forget Forget the way you’ve looked at me when you think I’m not focused Forget the smile plastered on your face to the tears that roll down mine These things that I wish I could forget I wish that I could feel something Feel anything My heart is broken, my trust demolished and everyone is now stuck an arm’s length away I wish that I could stop feeling this numb I wish that could close my eyes Close them without an image of you finding its way into my mind Your sea blue eyes matched with beach blonde hair, that I said I never liked I wish that I could close my eyes

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Jul 2, 2018

Jul 2, 2018 at 5:29 AM UTC

I wish

I wish that I could forget Forget everything from the pain you caused in my head to the pain you’ve caused in my chest Just a general pain that I wish I could forget I wish I could forget Forget the way you’ve looked at me when you think I’m not focused Forget the smile plastered on your face to the tears that roll down mine These things that I wish I could forget I wish that I could feel something Feel anything My heart is broken, my trust demolished and everyone is now stuck an arm’s length away I wish that I could stop feeling this numb I wish that could close my eyes Close them without an image of you finding its way into my mind Your sea blue eyes matched with beach blonde hair, that I said I never liked I wish that I could close my eyes

15