I disappeared this week
lost my mind for a moment
forgot the time
I was dancing with the light
as it glimmered on the surface
I almost felt alive
But then I remembered
the light likes to play tricks
and what you see
isn’t always what you get
I reckon at least I learned quicker this time
that even though its nice to sometimes lose my mind
nothing compares to getting lost inside
So let the light have it’s tricks
I belong to the depths
Nov 15, 2025
Nov 15, 2025 at 2:38 AM UTC
Is this h a p p I n e s s?
Can I only write as I s ?l a
p r
i
Aug 20, 2025
Aug 20, 2025 at 1:14 AM UTC
I can only go so long ignoring what I really want.
I crave depth more than you could ever know or understand.
Everyone around me lacks what I seek.
Maybe I'm the one lacking the ability to make a connection.
Everything feels so stagnant lately.
and there's nothing more dangerous than something stagnant,
especially a woman.
Where is my mind?
I'm dreaming of mermaids and the ever changing tides.
I just can't seem to find my way, the ocean is far to deep.
Depth. Depth is all I need.
A soul connection.
Someone who can get on my level, no matter what level it is.
I've got my highs and lows and in betweens and my fuckitalls.
I am woman.
Aug 20, 2025
Aug 20, 2025 at 1:14 AM UTC
I'm genuinely thankful for the 5 friends who make time for me, check on me, don't allow me to suffer in silence, or cry alone, give me a hand to hand, a heart that knows. Loneliness is killer man. There's only so much one can do stuck in their room, living in a home of emotional abuse. Struggling to find a job, a way out, because my health put life on hold. I've always been kind, given my all to who ever required it, still do. Guess I'm not good at doing others like they do me. I won't let my heart grow hate. Sadness though, my soul knows too well. So profoundly. If one had taken the time to read my poetry, to actually listen to me, they may understand why I just don't exist. The more I'm unheard, the more it rings true. I don't actually believe demons control my mind, nor do I want to literally sell my soul. Poetry speaks metaphorically and I speak of my darkness boldly....that's BPD. It's in the sitting with it that I've grown and began to find my light. Both most co=exist....I admit though, it's getting harder to hold onto the light, the will to exist. No it's not dependent solely on others, but loneliness should be a sin. Honestly I want to disassociate, let the demons win. Now I'm sitting here crying. I've been trying to hold it in. I reckon it's the need for a long hug, touch starvation is rough. Guess I'm gonna hit my shin with this ink. What better to do with all of these emotions. OH, my period just started....that's why I'm so emotional...and the BPD
Aug 20, 2025
Aug 20, 2025 at 1:06 AM UTC
Emotions are weird and uncomfortable
It's a ******* ***** to feel nothing and everything so god **** heavy.
Barely sure that I exist.
Some say they see....but do they really?
My head's a mess, I've ignored it.
Controlling it.
Can't let go.
Then one thing and I'm undone.
What the **** is this?
A smile?
A laugh?
I've fooled myself before.
Push it away.
Let it in.
Revel in your sins, as holy as you can.
Balance has never been something I can hold for long.
I'm sick of needing to be in control.
It's time for someone to force me, to let me go.
I want to not exist.
There's an itch.
I like it there.
**** this.
Take me.
I'm no longer in control.
I'm going to enjoy playing in my bones.
Aug 20, 2025
Aug 20, 2025 at 12:52 AM UTC
*Fall deeply in love with self
*Get a cult following...at least
*Blast everyone, good and bad
*Unrealistic, but meet Marilyn Manson
*Give everything away....thoughtfully
*Write my will and allot my bones
*Do lots of drugs
*Get really HOT before I die
*Share a glizzy Lady & the ***** style with a hot *****
******* literally die while orgasming...and I don't mean just any ******
*Sell my soul
*Get famous for something crazy...for all the wrong reasons
*CEASETOEXIST
*Steal someone's soul
*Spend a night amongst the trees, higher than them
*Leave a legacy.....whatever would it be?
*Make a **** list...be the *** everyone thinks you are
*Leave everyone with a bombshell that they never truly knew who I am
Aug 20, 2025
Aug 20, 2025 at 12:49 AM UTC
What delusion is feeding the belief I have something for the world to see?
Is that the BPD....or is this?
The finite reasons i know idontexist.
I've tried before.
Thought maybe I might have something to live for.
Have I always been this, just never allowed?
Aug 20, 2025
Aug 20, 2025 at 12:40 AM UTC
You said you wanted me and not like all the others have before
For who I am, a hand to hold, intimate moments
At least I thought thats what you meant.
I'm trying to show you I want this too.
I wish your mind was more focused on me
and not on things you cannot see.
Feelings are ******* scary.
Just kiss me one more time...please?
Aug 20, 2025
Aug 20, 2025 at 12:36 AM UTC
I kind of just want to be lost in it.
Am I healing or perpetuating my feelings when I choose to just sit in them?
I guess some growth has come...
I haven't totally lost control for another
and I can now admit, I kinda like myself in it.
Aug 20, 2025
Aug 20, 2025 at 12:31 AM UTC
Today I felt irritated, sad, nothing, creative, turned on sexually, spacey, sloooooooow moooooooo, itched to learn, rabbit hold, focus, tears, joy, uncare, not there, stuck (in my head), tired, restless.
Aug 20, 2025
Aug 20, 2025 at 12:24 AM UTC