You rang me.
After dinner.
Right after dinner.
I got happy, of course.
And I asked why you were calling.
You said you had to tell me something.
My brain, made the connections very fast:
You talked with him during dinner.
You left him.
Yes.
You left him.
The back of my mind was still calling me stupid.
After all, it would be nonsense if you left him. Totally nonsense.
Still, for once, I didn’t listen to the sane and truthful voice in the back of my mind.
I was laughing,
Smiling,
And hoping.
I wanted it to be.
Please,
Tell me,
You left him.
You left him.
Tell me.
And then you say:
“I wanted to see you smile.”
Of course you do.
Of course that was it.
After all, it would be nonsense if you left him.
“I have to talk in a lower tone, because... you know... I’m not alone.”
Of course I know.
Of course you have to talk in a lower tone.
After all, it would be nonsense if you left him.
I say you are sweet.
You indeed are.
And I smile, and say:
“My heart is racing, and I don’t know why”
Of course it is racing.
Of course I could not mention why.
After all, it would be nonsense if you left him.
And you say that you love me,
In a even lower tone.
Oh please, I cannot even hear you.
He will not hear you, don’t worry.
But I understand, I do.
After all, it would be nonsense if you left him.
I don’t know if it will happen.
After all, it would be nonsense if you left him.
It will never be the right time.
After all, it would be nonsense if you left him.
You will never be ready.
After all, it would be nonsense if you left him.
You cannot leave him.
After all, it would be nonsense if you left him.
Because he would hurt.
He can’t hurt.
I can hurt.
You have known him for years.
It would be nonsense if you left him.
And you won’t leave him.
And that’s ok.
Sep 6, 2020
Sep 6, 2020 at 5:49 PM UTC
And this is why I’m hanging from the ceiling
I’m hanging from the ceiling
To stop this feeling
Quietly and with no mess
Clean and with your favorite dress
So maybe you could feel
Maybe feel the blood in my veins
To make you remember
That you made me an object
An object
While I was a body
Full of joy and faith
Mar 12, 2020
Mar 12, 2020 at 7:26 AM UTC
Can you remember when you were here?
I haven’t experienced any worse
I maybe should feel relieved
But I have never believed
That being free from your
Would mean emptiness
Mar 12, 2020
Mar 12, 2020 at 7:14 AM UTC
Please take me
Bury me
Hurt me
Nothing can save me now
Lit to me
Play with me
Stay awake with me
Nothing can save me now
Mar 3, 2020
Mar 3, 2020 at 3:49 AM UTC
1998, I came to the world
A sweet little girl
That later would be the opposite
But I was still so talented
Playing guitar and piano
Like my father did
I was holding his hand
Until I was 9 and moved to another land
My dreams and hopes were left behind
I couldn’t see a future
I was totally blind
And I began to grow and cry often
And when I turned thirteen
I was so lost
My skin couldn’t no more stay clean
Bleeding like a horror movie in the screen
I started running away
I had no more reasons to stay
I was only there to cause problems
My nights became days
And my nights became helpless
I know it sounds selfish
But I just didn’t have
I didn’t have any reason to keep fighting
And I’m the same self-destructive behavior
I kept spinning
When I was 18, I moved to my father’s house
I couldn’t even handle my own thoughts
My memories from I was 14 were little dots
I was living stuck with my voices
Hurting myself
And being enable to make my own choices
I only wish I could have made my family proud
But I couldn’t stand in my own feet
When I was already nineteen
A simple task I couldn’t complete
I wish I had made you happy
But I will always need help when myself
I have to defeat
I should have been doing better now
Get over my mom
And make my daddy proud
And I hope someday I will
Somehow
Feb 25, 2020
Feb 25, 2020 at 5:49 PM UTC
Please don’t hear
Please don’t listen to me
I’m all that you can now see
A storm in a cup of water
And I have warned you from this
From the day you borrowed me your sweater
Stop taking every word I say
You can’t believe every single sentence I say
I’m sorry for being that way
It will everything turn out to be fine
The suns is still coming the next day
It feels so empty
But I don’t want this to affect you
You are still a teen
You are twenty
I wish my words weren’t so clean
You look quite happy tonight
And I’m once more here again
To destroy it
You are still a teen
And someday you will find someone else
That can give you back love again
Feb 20, 2020
Feb 20, 2020 at 6:18 PM UTC
1,2,3
I count to 3 and swallow all of them
I got no letter because I have my head filled up with nothing
Nothing else that this is my last night
My breath is slow and silence as a man haunting
I know my family hoped this day would never come
My heart beat is slowing down
My toes and fingers starts feeling numb
I’m sorry mother and dad
But if you understood the real reason
You would be glad
The internet says 20 would be enough
So I took 25
So maybe I won’t disappoint anyone
Feb 1, 2020
Feb 1, 2020 at 12:38 PM UTC