Twenty two years
No fun, no revelry, no fame
Twenty two, nine years past thirteen
No more hope
No more dreams
Like the match brightly lit
Illuminating the darkened corner of the room
Slowly fading as its snuffed out
As the flame meets with the end of its stick
And so it is that that which is by my own guilt and pain
For the you can’t change the past but strive for a better tomorrow
Yet the future is all to much the same.
Nothing more now for all that’s left is time
Watching left hand move forward
As the days of my future
Slowly fall by the wayside
Its pain of the morrow
The feeling that persists
The edge that tears the hole
The demise of any hope thats left.
May 5, 2019
May 5, 2019 at 12:41 PM UTC
What is and somehow is there again
For the arms that gripped tight at the waist
Now seem to give way
To embrace this a new cold a formless shape
If life is the sum whole of one’s fleet joy
Somehow the light of life has never shone upon me
This toil upon which vanity stole
Never again do I find such feelings arise
The death of all hope
The dreams that snuffed out
For long past memories seem to fill with hope
A promise of a chance for joy to resound again
A way to break this hold
And yet again I find myself alone as I am
In the greater distant as I choke
For in way it was never just what lies in between
What separates the two from them and me
An endless divide for that which can never be crossed
Wanting to reach out yet the connection is invariably lost
The pain is not of the coming silence it brings
But to watch the days role by falling to their waste
Pining for what one can assume will never be
In the greater distant brought again to my knees
Mar 17, 2019
Mar 17, 2019 at 3:52 PM UTC
To be guilty
Is to be ill received
To struggle within
Is that of its own effort in futility
For just as a new day dawns
Illuminates the coming of day
So is the begging of the coming dissolution
So is the inevitable distaste
Like the man at the edge of street
Sitting in the glow of artificial light
However hollowed a reality received
The weight pressed within one’s mind
It was in this worldly injustice
Founded upon the breaking of ones will
Yet in this subjective sense it seemingly shatters
While the rest remains ever still
Mar 15, 2019
Mar 15, 2019 at 9:40 PM UTC
Don’t leave this darkened hall for I'll always look right beyond
Whether it be shattered on some silent evening
Snuffed out by the light of the new days dawn
And while I wait by the letter for the word that never came
So much to my own amusement is this joy my only pain
For my efforts in futility seem to be
Yet they never were
Why hold out for change
When your destined to be cursed
A mock of my own contempt
Yet she always is in vain
This love of mine is that in this alone
Has left nothing but a darkened stain
And as this light becomes my host I am yet to be proud
For every day she draws near I am forever to be enshroud
This noise I come to hear as years of misery drag on
For that which I cannot have has become my only friend
Feb 13, 2019
Feb 13, 2019 at 10:46 PM UTC
Lust is such a pain when held in the mind
A home to some solemn a morning
The outer rim of sight distorted
Never to see for I am blind
How arduous a task it must be filling this void within
Though you try to no avail still this longing persists
Never is it quite the same this flushed face hangs in singularity
Never is it quite the same the caress of her hand around your cheek
This warmth could never fully replace but yet seeks to comfort
On to my own left again am I to this bitter taste
As dark dreams are held fighting to resurface
What is it this wistful yearning to that which I despise
Casting aside vanity's vision as somehow I am left to my own demise
However monotonous the day to day may seem as my mind tapers on
To be trapped between her sheets I find ecstasy replaced with solitude's forlorn
For like moon that sits alone hung in the luminescence of a winters sky
So dull is the ache within my chest
As the darkened walls do double as they revolve around
Only to ruin what bliss I have taken upon myself
For tomorrow is to resurface
And so again I will chase the blame
For all the inevitable I attempted to thwart
Yet it all remains the same
Jan 20, 2019
Jan 20, 2019 at 3:07 PM UTC
Solitude binds the hold within
For transgressions of the past
Sins of tomorrow quite prepared
Under the weight of its inevitable collapse
For so long laying alone
Waiting for what will never be
As times hand passes by
Never is it gracious to thee
For all of the riches I’d trade
For its tender console
The bleakness never leaves
Seems to place its grip around my throat
Yet as you reflect on the past
The memories seem so strange
What was once filled with hope
Now left with a bitter disdain
And as you look forward to future
Every day’s exactly the same
You hope for the best
While you try to stomach the bitter taste
Left behind I seem to be
Never was I really there
Collapsed under this weight
Another victim of its darkened stare
Jan 20, 2019
Jan 20, 2019 at 12:29 AM UTC
To thwart the inevitable
What lies in the failure to succeed
Something that like that of ghost
A haunting force never to be perceived
So, much you try
Only to come up short
For long you held tight to the fond memories
Now blanketed with remorse
Whom shall you blame when your
Efforts fall in vain
Is it a tragic force dwelt within man
Turning the hand of fate
For so long you have battle against the tide
While others float along without a ripple in water
You sea lay barren in your own demise
Yet try as you might
Somehow it never seems to relent
The tide never turns in your favor
You lay waste in your own lament
Yet not by your own folly
It seems you are undone
For so long you have fought
Yet the battle is never won
What is this that has laid ruin to mine
Taken that which I had coveted
That which I admired
What is the meaning
If in the end it all goes to waste
Like a child we are out of the womb
Only to meet our inevitable grave
Nov 2, 2018
Nov 2, 2018 at 9:42 PM UTC
How am I if ever to come to grips
With this world I wished to be dismissed
Like grey sky’s that fill the autumn days
So does the emptiness resound within this hollowed space
Never at all if ever does it turn around
With the inevitable change it brings
Trapped beneath the current
as you begin to drown
The hardest part is not the wading
rather watching others in calm ahead
Laughing at ease
While slowly your suffocating
What shame this has all become
As you ruminate on past mistakes
Validating your sorrow
Justifying your distaste
As you sink ever farther
The blackness surrounds
No more to fight against the current
As slip farther down
Oct 17, 2018
Oct 17, 2018 at 10:29 AM UTC
To live is to die
To die is to live
What is the point of it all
If it all contradicts
Too much I have seen
And not enough I have known
Watching the atlas spin around
As this fable becomes my own
So much I have wanted for
Any yet soul less I have tried
For this motivation to live
I have yet to find
And wasted away again
As another romance blooms
Crushed under the weight
The affixed clench of this gloom
Like a sailor in the night
Searching for land
No plunder to be found upon me
So alone I must stand
No more do I ever want
To be in such state
However much this world gives
Your defiled as it slowly rapes
However ever much are you to be
All the more you are contrived
Fantasy the only escape
On a plane of exilic defile
Muffled are your breaths unto
Another catatonic night
While you patiently wait for something
Something you will never find
Oct 2, 2018
Oct 2, 2018 at 11:07 PM UTC
Bewildered in my own dissolution
Never thought It would come to this
As I stare down the barrel of the past 22 years
I can’t seem to find myself to be missed
For so long I have laid
Scattered like a sheet
Like a ghost throughout the hallways
No eyes to ever meet
How much my soul has lust after
She who is not mine
A friend to call upon
In the darkest of my nights
For there is no escape in this entrapment
Which binds me to the bed
Forced to sit and watch others enjoy their pleasantries
While alone in this room I have bled
As I hold out for what may not appear
Gripping on to the edge for I feel it so near
I wait for the sweet caress of the morning to come
Only to arrive at blackening of my very soul
What I begin to lack in empathy
I make up for in shame
So much this has taken out of me
There’s so much I wish to say
As I sit alone in misery
Watching my youth slowly fade
What he gives
He in turn takes away
For the world has been so callus
Never is anything free
What it rips from your hands
It only replaces with its vile deceit
Nothing more do I want from it
For so long it has remained the same
Take me away from it all
Release me from this state
Aug 20, 2018
Aug 20, 2018 at 2:17 PM UTC