Have you ever wanted someone to beg for you?
To push against you and plead to feel you ?
To tell you how theyve ached for you .. All... Day ..long.
I need that .
Begging and baring teeth ,
Crazed without my fingertips.
I want him pacing , anxiously awaiting my return, where i can remind him again why im worth waiting for .
I want him up all night counting and recounting the 100 different ways i drive him crazy , a constant game of teasing and rewards.
I want my name to give him goosebumps, closing his eyes and hearing how it sounds rolling off his tongue.....
I want him crazy about me .
May 1, 2014
May 1, 2014 at 11:15 AM UTC
Laying in an ice cold room,
IV in my hand,
I close my eyes and plead with god
Trying to understand .
" im sorry we cant save it ,
But theres a chance that you could die;
I know your in a lot of pain
And Its ok to cry ".
I feel my husband squeeze my arm,
Im trembling in fright ,
Im sad and im defeated
And I dont have that much fight .
" Your bleeding into your belly
We need to operate right now ,
Continue to be strong for us "...
.....But i just dont know how.
A foggy conversation ,
And their whisking me away ,
My eyelids get real heavy
And i just start to pray.
Waking up to quiet ,
Im tired and im sore ,
Depressed without a baby
On the maternity floor.
God must have a plan for me
That i just can not see ;
Even through our struggles
Whats meant to be ...
Will be .
Apr 15, 2014
Apr 15, 2014 at 9:25 AM UTC
I stood in our closet
For what felt like 100 years
Talking myself out of staying
And holding back my tears.
I couldnt form a single thought;
Felt like part of me had died,
I was the one who gave and gave
The only one who had tried.
Shaking hands , hollow heart,
And nothing left to say.
Pack our memories in a box
And ill be on my way.
Anger and sadness fill my heart
And now im just feeling lost ,
Love can be a dangerous thing
And my heart is the cost .
Mar 28, 2014
Mar 28, 2014 at 11:46 AM UTC
I fell in love with the way your demons slow danced with mine , twirling around the floor so gracefully i forgot i was flawed.
Mar 12, 2014
Mar 12, 2014 at 12:36 PM UTC
Its been years since your fingertips
Have lived on my skin.
Months and days since my taste
Has been on your tongue.
It feels like a lifetime since ive woken up
To your smiling face , or fallen asleep to you
Whispering quietly in the dark.
Why does it feel then, like only yesturday that i lost you?
I swear time has slowed to a crawl since that day,
I watched your mom cry as we both said our goodbyes to you, grasping each other ,
Clinging to the only person who loved you as much as I did.
I had packed your things away ,
And as hard as i tried ; the smell of you
And your clothes wouldnt leave our closet .
For a while i masked it as much as possible ,
Till standing breathing you in brought
Me comfort.
I went to visit you today , it bothered me
To see Your life narrowed simply down to
Chiseled cursive in stone reading
"A beloved son and brother " .
It made me want to tell everyone who you were
About the things you did that mattered;
The time i knew you ,
The dash between the dates .
And on the first warm day ; every spring ,ill feel you; with brand new flowers budding ,
I have peace of mind knowing
There is always a new start , even after the harshest of winters.
Mar 11, 2014
Mar 11, 2014 at 10:33 AM UTC
..And in the dark cathedral you call your soul, your broken pieces have formed the most beautiful stained glass windows, i cant help but want to peer inside ...
Mar 5, 2014
Mar 5, 2014 at 8:17 PM UTC
Tiptoeing down the hallway
Praying my parents wouldnt wake
Sneaking out the back gate
To meet you by the lake.
Its become tradition
To grace this spot at night;
And down behind the cattail bog
We can disapear from sight.
Crickets hum and whisper
The lightening bugs aglow ,
They dance and flit about us,
Putting on a show.
Summer heat , a giant moon
and only you and i ,
On a blanket making love
Beneath the twilight sky.
Mar 4, 2014
Mar 4, 2014 at 3:38 PM UTC
She said "please take just one more bite , then you can leave the table"
I push the food around my plate ,
I dont know if im able.
Skinny wrist and tiny arms
And never fitting in , clothes that
All hang baggy , its a battle i cant win.
I assume that they can hear me
In the bathroom down the hall,
Getting rid of that last meal ,
To make myself feel small.
They make my favorite meals ,
To try and keep me pleased ,
They dont understand my
Sickness, this is a disease.
The world shoves it down our throats, how women and girls should be , perfect hair and body and not over a size three.
This sickness has been an anchor , my hands and feet are tied. The qualities that matter shouldnt be found on the outside.
I wish that i felt good enough ,
And expectations would be fair ,
So i could eat what i wanted ,
And no one would have to care.
Feb 7, 2014
Feb 7, 2014 at 9:37 AM UTC
You' ve changed .
And i cant point at any event and say " it happened then" ...It just happened.
Like a snow storm and flurries and it adding up before my eyes.
I never realized how much hurt had accumulated... till i was standing knee deep in sadness.
Feb 7, 2014
Feb 7, 2014 at 8:29 AM UTC
Do you find me in between lyrics in your songs ?
Jan 22, 2014
Jan 22, 2014 at 3:38 PM UTC