My biggest fear is being buried alive
When I see scenes in movies where that happens,
I can’t breathe, it feels as if the walls are closing in
Claustrophobia makes my brows glisten with moisture
Like the dew on strands of grass in the early mornings
But some people spend their lives buried alive,
Like my father, who buries his emotions
Subsequently teaching his little girl to do the same
Cramming each tear, frustration and sorrow down
Forcibly making them fit into a container
Like placing your weight on a moving box while taping it
Lest all of the contents spill over, like angry lava pouring down the sides of Mt. St Helen’s
My grief had no room to fit in the box, my box
That soft spring day with sunshine beaming down
I don’t think he had room to place his grief in either
So everyone had to bleed as he did
Me, the girl in my history class,
The blonde from debate, her friend too,
The upperclassman I always saw opening her locker
So I buried my grief, I buried that 16 year old girl that was *****
She had been gutted, ripped open
Flesh and muscles split
To reveal the bones underneath, the skull of a **** sapien
The only proof that she is still human
I shoved her entrails back inside of her
Sewed her up to stop the blood
And buried her
I buried her in the fields with the sunflowers,
Dug her grave so deep, not even the animals could find her
I imagined her becoming a skeleton, losing all of her human features
Becoming bare and dry, underneath the soil being baked by the Midwest sun
But she’s been alive this entire time
She’s been breathing through the lungfuls of dirt
The changes of the season, each planetary retrograde and falling star
I buried her six feet under,
I couldn’t carry all of her grief, her tragedy, her pain
So I condemned her, caged her
Like an exotic animal left to pace its enclosure
I buried her alive
But she’s been knocking-
No, pounding
Pounding with two balled up fists
Filled with rage of biblical proportions
Disturbing the Earth, making the flora shake
She has been the thunder roaring like a hungry beast
The torrents of rain slicing through the air
The monstrous crashing of waves slamming against the shore
The deafening smash of boulders colliding with other boulders
She has been the screaming in my nightmares
The flashbacks that I can’t erase
The thoughts swirling in my head until it aches
She has been the guttural moans that escape my lips
When I can’t breathe and my cheek is pressed to the bathroom tile
She has been the burning ember
That I feel in my chest
The tiny beads of sweat coating my palms,
Making them slick
She has been the angry, thrashing bird
Trapped within the walls of my chest
Like a caged bird
Hitting the interior near my heart
Like windowpanes and glass doors
Once I finally heard her screams
I returned to the burial site
I didn’t need a grave marker or a headstone
I could feel the vibrations
Underneath the ground
Shaking everything above
I’ve unearthed her
My trowel delicately parting the earth
Revealing the skeleton of the girl I once was
All of the bones still intact
As the soft bristles of my brush
Wipe away the soil and earth
The first gentle touch
She’s felt in over a decade
I buried myself alive
Like the ancestors before me
But I’ve been breaking apart the soil
Listening to it whisper its secrets
Taking the weight off of that little girl’s shoulders
She was buried and erased
But she will be erased no more
There is no longer a box or a cage
Because she was never meant to be condemned to one
I have breathed life back into her
Reanimated her bones
Brought her back from the Midwestern earth
May 14
May 14, 2026 at 7:28 PM UTC
I love you as the desert loves the dunes
As the dahlias love the bees
Like the orioles that are colored maroon
Love to sing in key
I love you as the sea loves the moon
As the anemone loves the clown fish
Like the color purple loves blue
As you mix it together with hues of red in a dish
I love you as the mountains love the sky
As the stars love the heavens
Like the trinkets love magpies
Like a Pisces loves the number seven
I love you as the ants love honeydew
As fish love moving water
Like rainbows love vibrant hues
Like the rivers love otters
I love you as children love sunsets
As cats love catnip
Like an addict loves a cigarette
It’s an unbreakable habit
Apr 8
Apr 8, 2026 at 1:32 PM UTC
When I look in his eyes
I see the Little Rock skyline
The string lights hung
Zigzagging the street lamps
Across the River
The towering buildings
Give me vertigo
Just like the butterflies in my stomach
As they take flight
When I hear his voice
Mar 11
Mar 11, 2026 at 10:44 AM UTC
I didn’t always have such sharp teeth
I wasn’t born that way
I did not exit the womb with fangs
White as porcelain and sharp like a sword
But my canines grew in
The very first time that a boy touched me
Grabbed a fistful of my ***
As I ran across the softball fields
They grew longer still
With each married father
Who complimented my *** in my “tight little jeans”
When I was only fourteen, running a cash register
They became longer than my other teeth
The moment I heard my father
Laugh along at the jokes other men would make
About *** about their wives, about Pam Anderson
My fangs broke past my lips
When I was held down and *****
In the back of a ****** four door car
His weight pressed against my frame, impossible to run
They pierced my bottom lip so hard
That I could only taste blood
Instead of ***** and *****
Unwelcome in the back of my throat
They throbbed with hunger
When I learned that 15 months of probation
Was the price to pay for serial ****
For serial dehumanization, brutalization and degradation
They ached with growing pains
Like wisdom teeth crowding through
When I woke up in a daze
With a boy I didn’t know on top of me
They’ve grown longer and longer,
Like the tusks on an elephant
With each and every single ******* man
Who has put his hands on me
My sharp, sharp canine teeth
Have grown so long,
Longer than can be measured
So that I am no longer human,
I am all canine teeth
Jan 31
Jan 31, 2026 at 11:31 PM UTC
Who
Am
I when
Tragedy
Is stripped out of me
And my hollow heart is displayed
Nov 27, 2020
Nov 27, 2020 at 4:44 PM UTC
I am a motel with flashing neon lights
With the vacancy sign emblazoned on the horizon
Travelers stop to rest
Fall between my legs
Rest their heavy heads on my chest
Drain the life out of me
To put a little more into themselves
But who will pour more life into me?
Oct 19, 2020
Oct 19, 2020 at 6:51 PM UTC
Her
Touch
Left traces
Across my
Flesh so that it parted
Never to come back together
Oct 15, 2020
Oct 15, 2020 at 10:41 PM UTC
Drugs, parties, and selfish people rarely
Mix to a positive combination
And I of all people should know that truth
Hours upon hours in meetings with addicts
Hearing real tales of human beings
Falling down a nearly endless black hole
Friends, family, and humanity lost
Ripping into the tapestry of life
How foolish to believe with conviction
That my obviously selfish best friend
Could possibly be any different
Increasingly more pernicious until
That final blow where I have to let go
To tend to my gaping wounds all alone
Feb 21, 2018
Feb 21, 2018 at 8:04 PM UTC
I hate you for ruining my life
My will to live has slipped through my fingers
And all that I can think about is your metaphorical knife
I hate you for ruining my life
You ****** your crime upon me, resulting in strife
Your voice singing my name now lingers
I hate you for ruining my life
My will to live has slipped through my fingers
Feb 20, 2018
Feb 20, 2018 at 1:14 PM UTC
Your grip is so firm and tight
I can’t even say enough to start a fight
This protectiveness is so present
At first charming, but now not so pleasant
Your concept of space gripping upon me
When you’re gone my sadness is as deep as the sea
You and I are tangled together like vines
Slowly but surely ignoring warning signs
If I leave I don’t know how to survive
But at the same time what if we never thrive?
Feb 8, 2018
Feb 8, 2018 at 9:22 PM UTC