CaseyAF - Hello Poetry

Two finches perch on my balcony railing They stare at me through the window I watch, sat at my desk, as they fidget Their tiny bodies expand with breath Feathered bellies rise and fall Short black talons hook around metal, clutching Glassy black bead eyes taking in my cloudy winter blue They stretch and shake out their wings, waiting The birds don't know that you moved I get your mail sometimes I wonder who you must've been I wonder where you are now You must've cared about these birds, that they came back for you It's a strange feeling, piecing together the parts of you I know your name and your interest in fashion magazines While you don't know that I've lived here now, too The woman below me leaves out a flat and shallow dish on her patio She keeps it filled to the rim with seeds and corn kernels Squirrels and rabbits dive for it Like a child into a pile of crispy autumn leaves The birds take too, of course They peck at the spill-over piles on the concrete When I see them, I think some could be the ones that visit me often, the two Although I know it's unlikely; there must be a thousand finches in this city Yet, I wonder if the act at least reminds them of you You probably get prior tenant's mail Do you discover a story? Or do you simply throw it out, without a glance? Am I overthinking this? Are these two birds just random birds, taking a rest? Does it matter? Two finches don't know that you moved They perch on my balcony railing They stare at me through the window Black meets blue They stretch and shake out their wings, leaving I hope they find you

0

Sep 11, 2025

Sep 11, 2025 at 1:32 PM UTC

The Birds Don't Know

Two finches perch on my balcony railing They stare at me through the window I watch, sat at my desk, as they fidget Their tiny bodies expand with breath Feathered bellies rise and fall Short black talons hook around metal, clutching Glassy black bead eyes taking in my cloudy winter blue They stretch and shake out their wings, waiting The birds don't know that you moved I get your mail sometimes I wonder who you must've been I wonder where you are now You must've cared about these birds, that they came back for you It's a strange feeling, piecing together the parts of you I know your name and your interest in fashion magazines While you don't know that I've lived here now, too The woman below me leaves out a flat and shallow dish on her patio She keeps it filled to the rim with seeds and corn kernels Squirrels and rabbits dive for it Like a child into a pile of crispy autumn leaves The birds take too, of course They peck at the spill-over piles on the concrete When I see them, I think some could be the ones that visit me often, the two Although I know it's unlikely; there must be a thousand finches in this city Yet, I wonder if the act at least reminds them of you You probably get prior tenant's mail Do you discover a story? Or do you simply throw it out, without a glance? Am I overthinking this? Are these two birds just random birds, taking a rest? Does it matter? Two finches don't know that you moved They perch on my balcony railing They stare at me through the window Black meets blue They stretch and shake out their wings, leaving I hope they find you

37

Dump my body on the steps of Capitol Hill They know what they did Know that I didn’t go silently Know that I was biting, scratching, fighting the whole way down Seek justice, not vengeance Vengeance is only for my soul to reap Do not give them any peace Rest should not come to them, for it will not come to me If it was one, pay them some heed, it takes a great effort to break me If it was many, shame them forever Only cowards and fools need a mob to succeed Take time to mourn, There is great power in feeling Then rise up, up, And fight like hell for the living

0

Nov 16, 2024

Nov 16, 2024 at 12:35 AM UTC

In the event of my ******

Dump my body on the steps of Capitol Hill They know what they did Know that I didn’t go silently Know that I was biting, scratching, fighting the whole way down Seek justice, not vengeance Vengeance is only for my soul to reap Do not give them any peace Rest should not come to them, for it will not come to me If it was one, pay them some heed, it takes a great effort to break me If it was many, shame them forever Only cowards and fools need a mob to succeed Take time to mourn, There is great power in feeling Then rise up, up, And fight like hell for the living

15

I dreamt last night of someone waiting at the end of an aisle And the sunbeams streamed through a morning mist The piano clinked a charming tune I walked through a garden towards them But I think it was me watching myself from my partner's view Because my parents were at my sides It was as if no time had passed at all And that's how I knew it couldn't have been me Because my dad was tearing up And maybe he would, But I find it hard to believe that a man so averse to joy Would be there and happy for me But that's not the point I was happy and it was more than a dream Because it was a wish for something I desperately want to come true I'd say I'm not a dreamer but I still hope for things that I know I will never have I went to therapy again and decided that maybe I don't need it anymore But then I sit up at midnight journaling and writing poetry in my notes app I said I want to find happiness in the moment Instead of forever grasping at it, never holding it

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Aug 25, 2024

Aug 25, 2024 at 2:30 PM UTC

Dreamer

I dreamt last night of someone waiting at the end of an aisle And the sunbeams streamed through a morning mist The piano clinked a charming tune I walked through a garden towards them But I think it was me watching myself from my partner's view Because my parents were at my sides It was as if no time had passed at all And that's how I knew it couldn't have been me Because my dad was tearing up And maybe he would, But I find it hard to believe that a man so averse to joy Would be there and happy for me But that's not the point I was happy and it was more than a dream Because it was a wish for something I desperately want to come true I'd say I'm not a dreamer but I still hope for things that I know I will never have I went to therapy again and decided that maybe I don't need it anymore But then I sit up at midnight journaling and writing poetry in my notes app I said I want to find happiness in the moment Instead of forever grasping at it, never holding it

20

I was born running heart and mind ceaselessly churning never-ending, never-ending Told to keep running, encouraged, demanded I got older, the path got longer The coaches scrutinizing from the sidelines Yelling, constant, demeaning It's not enough it's not enough I despise it I can never catch my breath I cross the finish line and another appears I've learned to stop and walk, put up boundaries, healing healing healing My legs planted now, but my heart and mind ceaselessly churning Life isn't a race, I keep reminding myself But I was born running

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Jun 10, 2024

Jun 10, 2024 at 8:18 AM UTC

Rat Race

I was born running heart and mind ceaselessly churning never-ending, never-ending Told to keep running, encouraged, demanded I got older, the path got longer The coaches scrutinizing from the sidelines Yelling, constant, demeaning It's not enough it's not enough I despise it I can never catch my breath I cross the finish line and another appears I've learned to stop and walk, put up boundaries, healing healing healing My legs planted now, but my heart and mind ceaselessly churning Life isn't a race, I keep reminding myself But I was born running

16

I want to live forever with you, when our bones intertwine and turn to dust I see the future with you I trust myself in that I can taste the red in the sunset we'll paint when we go

0

Dec 9, 2023

Dec 9, 2023 at 10:22 PM UTC

Ashes

I want to live forever with you, when our bones intertwine and turn to dust I see the future with you I trust myself in that I can taste the red in the sunset we'll paint when we go

5

Sometimes I get tired of my body Not in a self-hate way, More of like a disdain for all the things I have to deal with Tired of the stiff, clunky joints Not bad enough to warrant a diagnosis, yet not functional enough to get through a week without some kind of ache or pain Sometimes I wish it would just hurry up and get worse instead of being in this in-between, In a place where a professional would excuse it as something I brought upon myself rather than an actual problem The matter of fact is, I am 20 and losing flexibility and mobility of my joints, mainly in my hands This started in February of 2023, and has been getting worse. So much so that even when I don’t aggravate my hands (for example: by taking a **** ton of notes at uni) they can still hurt It was July, and I was at the zoo with my mom. It was going to rain later that day, and I could feel that in my hand joints. Which was a first. My hands flared up so much that by the end of the day I needed to wear my compression gloves. This lasted for about a week, with the first two days being the worst. This was the first time that my hands hurt without me having done a lot of writing. I haven’t had a random flare up since then. My hands have been hurting about every day now that I’m in uni, but it’s manageable. I haven’t needed my gloves yet. It’s mostly because I need to write a **** ton for uni and I can’t use my computer because I don’t retain information by typing. It’s not writers cramp. It’s in my knuckles. The joints of my fingers. I know this will only get worse. My mom thinks it could be rheumatoid, since that runs in our family, but I don’t get swelling. My left wrist hurts sometimes, and my knees hurt if they don’t have support when I’m sitting. My hips hurt if I stand or sit for too long as well. So I guess Overall Something is not working like how it’s meant to. But until something break breaks, I guess I’ll never know.

0

Sep 16, 2023

Sep 16, 2023 at 1:12 AM UTC

Not Able-Bodied But Not Disabled

Sometimes I get tired of my body Not in a self-hate way, More of like a disdain for all the things I have to deal with Tired of the stiff, clunky joints Not bad enough to warrant a diagnosis, yet not functional enough to get through a week without some kind of ache or pain Sometimes I wish it would just hurry up and get worse instead of being in this in-between, In a place where a professional would excuse it as something I brought upon myself rather than an actual problem The matter of fact is, I am 20 and losing flexibility and mobility of my joints, mainly in my hands This started in February of 2023, and has been getting worse. So much so that even when I don’t aggravate my hands (for example: by taking a **** ton of notes at uni) they can still hurt It was July, and I was at the zoo with my mom. It was going to rain later that day, and I could feel that in my hand joints. Which was a first. My hands flared up so much that by the end of the day I needed to wear my compression gloves. This lasted for about a week, with the first two days being the worst. This was the first time that my hands hurt without me having done a lot of writing. I haven’t had a random flare up since then. My hands have been hurting about every day now that I’m in uni, but it’s manageable. I haven’t needed my gloves yet. It’s mostly because I need to write a **** ton for uni and I can’t use my computer because I don’t retain information by typing. It’s not writers cramp. It’s in my knuckles. The joints of my fingers. I know this will only get worse. My mom thinks it could be rheumatoid, since that runs in our family, but I don’t get swelling. My left wrist hurts sometimes, and my knees hurt if they don’t have support when I’m sitting. My hips hurt if I stand or sit for too long as well. So I guess Overall Something is not working like how it’s meant to. But until something break breaks, I guess I’ll never know.

33

"A man so flat and boobless you could skip him across a lake like a prized stone" I showed my surgeon the text post, and she said "We'll get you there!" **** right, she did. Staring into the mirror, I see all of me. Mortal boundaries declaring who I've always known myself to be Thank you for all of your support throughout the years, dear readers <3 Finally, finally, finally I am free

0

Jun 15, 2023

Jun 15, 2023 at 9:03 PM UTC

Free

"A man so flat and boobless you could skip him across a lake like a prized stone" I showed my surgeon the text post, and she said "We'll get you there!" **** right, she did. Staring into the mirror, I see all of me. Mortal boundaries declaring who I've always known myself to be Thank you for all of your support throughout the years, dear readers <3 Finally, finally, finally I am free

9

Once, and again, and again. How many times will I hear the same words? The same diagnosis? I can tell you all about how it’s not fair and how I’m sick of the people I love being told how long they can expect to live. But this is so common. Get over it, right? Until I hear it again.

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Apr 12, 2023

Apr 12, 2023 at 10:02 PM UTC

Cycles

Once, and again, and again. How many times will I hear the same words? The same diagnosis? I can tell you all about how it’s not fair and how I’m sick of the people I love being told how long they can expect to live. But this is so common. Get over it, right? Until I hear it again.

7

“He’s actually been less angry since…well, probably since he thought I was going to die.” I stop and stare at her. Didn’t expect her to say that, but it makes sense. I had forgotten about her diagnosis. “…right.” “He hasn’t said that to me but from how he was during that time, I think that’s what he thought,” She explains, breaking eye contact. I don’t want to remember this. I don’t want to talk about this. She hugs her arms. I flashback to the drive back home with him. “The drainage port got infected and those idiots, the doctors, they didn’t notice.” His brow furrows, but his eyes betray his resolve, tearing up as he tells me. He wipes his face and clears his throat. “She nearly died from that, you know.” I didn’t know. I was 15 and all I knew was that I was getting picked up from my at-the-time girlfriend’s house because he texted me that she was in the ICU. I lied to my ex. Told her it was an appointment. I was scared. I think I was in denial, probably. I know that I didn’t stay in the room with her very long because I couldn’t keep pretending like everything was okay. I don’t like talking about this, but I don’t like pretending like it’s not reality, or ignoring her when she’s still clearly sick even when she’s not on chemo anymore. Still. I hate the uncertainty. I hate not knowing how much longer I’ll have my mom for. Back in the present again. “Maybe.” I reply.

0

Nov 27, 2022

Nov 27, 2022 at 8:54 PM UTC

Dragon

“He’s actually been less angry since…well, probably since he thought I was going to die.” I stop and stare at her. Didn’t expect her to say that, but it makes sense. I had forgotten about her diagnosis. “…right.” “He hasn’t said that to me but from how he was during that time, I think that’s what he thought,” She explains, breaking eye contact. I don’t want to remember this. I don’t want to talk about this. She hugs her arms. I flashback to the drive back home with him. “The drainage port got infected and those idiots, the doctors, they didn’t notice.” His brow furrows, but his eyes betray his resolve, tearing up as he tells me. He wipes his face and clears his throat. “She nearly died from that, you know.” I didn’t know. I was 15 and all I knew was that I was getting picked up from my at-the-time girlfriend’s house because he texted me that she was in the ICU. I lied to my ex. Told her it was an appointment. I was scared. I think I was in denial, probably. I know that I didn’t stay in the room with her very long because I couldn’t keep pretending like everything was okay. I don’t like talking about this, but I don’t like pretending like it’s not reality, or ignoring her when she’s still clearly sick even when she’s not on chemo anymore. Still. I hate the uncertainty. I hate not knowing how much longer I’ll have my mom for. Back in the present again. “Maybe.” I reply.

9

I’ve been thinking about writing this for a while but I got stuck on how I thought it should sound and look and read so i thought to myself **** it” and decided to just write down exactly what i want to say. Sometimes I feel like I don’t know how to say what I feel, actually scratch that, all the time I don’t know how to say what I feel. I wanted to write this as a nice cute song but I got hung up on trying to make stuff rhyme and it’s not about it being good to anyone else I just crave approval so I know that I didn’t **** up. But enough about me. This is for you and you know who you are and if you don’t, well then, if it resonates with you then it’s for you. I don’t know how to describe how I feel love, but I know that I feel it. It’s not something I can pin down with a word like other people can, how they say “exhilarating” and “selfless”. It feels like a fluttering, an overwhelming joy, but at the same time it feels nothing like that, it feels like a cool breeze off the lake. So, for me, the feeling of love is always changing. But I can see it. I can see how I love you when I look at pictures of us. I can see my love when I feel my eyes crinkle and my cheeks ache from a smile. Everyone around me has always tried to define my love for me, but my love is not like theirs because it is subtle and quiet. I’ve been working on saying it out loud when I feel it. If it’s ever changing for me, it must be confusing as hell to everyone else. Because others have tried to identify what they think is my love based on what they think they know love to be. It is not a universal feeling, I understand. So, you may see a blank face sometimes, but I provide the clarity, and I say, I love you.

0

May 12, 2022

May 12, 2022 at 11:55 PM UTC

Love Is

I’ve been thinking about writing this for a while but I got stuck on how I thought it should sound and look and read so i thought to myself **** it” and decided to just write down exactly what i want to say. Sometimes I feel like I don’t know how to say what I feel, actually scratch that, all the time I don’t know how to say what I feel. I wanted to write this as a nice cute song but I got hung up on trying to make stuff rhyme and it’s not about it being good to anyone else I just crave approval so I know that I didn’t **** up. But enough about me. This is for you and you know who you are and if you don’t, well then, if it resonates with you then it’s for you. I don’t know how to describe how I feel love, but I know that I feel it. It’s not something I can pin down with a word like other people can, how they say “exhilarating” and “selfless”. It feels like a fluttering, an overwhelming joy, but at the same time it feels nothing like that, it feels like a cool breeze off the lake. So, for me, the feeling of love is always changing. But I can see it. I can see how I love you when I look at pictures of us. I can see my love when I feel my eyes crinkle and my cheeks ache from a smile. Everyone around me has always tried to define my love for me, but my love is not like theirs because it is subtle and quiet. I’ve been working on saying it out loud when I feel it. If it’s ever changing for me, it must be confusing as hell to everyone else. Because others have tried to identify what they think is my love based on what they think they know love to be. It is not a universal feeling, I understand. So, you may see a blank face sometimes, but I provide the clarity, and I say, I love you.

17