There is this anger within me
you left me
I needed you the most
and you just gave up
you were on the floor
you didn't cry for help when you collapsed
why didn't you yell?
we could've saved you
you just laid there
and let it happen
you left me
I scream your name at night
I don't even know I do it
I am scaring people
I need you
you left me
you left me for what?
you don't believe in a heaven or a hell
you left me for nothing
you were supposed to be there for me
you were supposed to take care of me
you were supposed to walk me down the aisle
because my real dad is in and out of prison
abusing every girl he sleeps with
injecting every shot he is presented with
you were supposed to be my safe haven
you left me
you died
you.
Feb 12, 2020
Feb 12, 2020 at 6:51 AM UTC
This is just a confession
no metaphors
no hidden meanings
just a confession
i was in the 8th grade
i was at a very low low
but not my lowest
i failed my math test that day
i was wearing blue-ish green skinny jeans
and my black jacket like always
but in that jacket i hid my "just in case"
and that day I needed my just in case
I went into the bathroom
I took out that blade
I cut the deepest I have cut on my thigh
than I needed a label
a label for my idiocy
I carved "idiot" on my thigh
I like it
I want more...
Feb 6, 2020
Feb 6, 2020 at 10:53 AM UTC
Dear Depression,
You are everywhere
You are my nightmares and daydreams.
You are the contradicting thoughts in my head that consume me.
You are the void I feel when I get done laughing.
You are the thing scratching at my brain when I am alone.
Despite all this, Depression, today I beat you.
I beat you when I got out of bed and didn’t even think about putting on makeup.
I beat you when I saw my face and thought I was beautiful.
Still, I know that you’ll be back.
I know that you never really left.
Because you do that, you leave and make me think you are gone for good.
But then you show up on a good day.
To remind me that you will always be there.
But today, Depression, I beat you.
Jan 18, 2020
Jan 18, 2020 at 2:14 PM UTC
Eminem. He reminds me of you. Both of y’all ruined your lives at one point, both beat up on the mother of your kids, both neglected your kids at some point, let drugs take over your lives. So many other things you have in common too. But just a few differences; one of you has talent, one of you made a life for yourself, one of you did all the things and regretted that his kids saw it all, one of you I like and look up to. I’ll give you a hint, it ain’t you.
But I started thinking. I love Eminem so much, he is awesome and amazing. Why do I like him so much but I don’t like you? He is rapping his heart out about beating on the mama of his children… and I rap along. I rap along rapping my heart out with the lyrics of his songs. How come I copy his words and not yours? Interesting isn’t it?
I was laying in my bed a few days ago, and I just got done watching Ant-Man. I love Marvel, did you know that? No, OFCOURSE you didn’t. Why? Because you don’t bother to ask. Ever. Maybe I would have a little more respect for you if you did ask. When was the last time you asked me personally what I liked? Marvel, I like Marvel. Ant-Man in particular. Do you know about Ant-Man? Well here is the important parts I am getting at, he went to prison, for stealing a huge amount of money so he can provide for his daughter. People blame the bad guy, but do they ever get to the root of the problem? No.
Do you know what Ant-Man, you and Eminem have in common? You all have a daughter you try to provide for, and you all took the wrong ways. That is what I at least want to believe why you broke probation, for us. Doubt it, probably for drugs. But you know what Eminem and Ant-Man have in common that you don’t? They told the truth to their daughter’s faces about what they did. Eminem is not afraid to tell the world about what he did. Ant-Man is not real, so I can’t compare you to him. Eminem is real. You may be thinking “but he is famous you can’t compare me to him either”, but guess what? He started from dirt and he ended up where he is today.
His mom did nothing for him, I don’t even think he talked about having a dad providing for him. You know what you had? A mom, and a dad. Who put a roof over your head. His mom made him drop out of school to help provide for the home or move out.
You know what is really funny? Why do I know so much about Eminem then I do about my own father? I don’t even know who you are… All I know about you is you have a criminal record, you are somewhere in the southern part of the U.S, and your name is Richard David Lowe. You know that I had to find out your middle name by asking momma. The only thing that I kept holding on to that I knew you liked was Eminem. I remember traveling a long way to see you and then I was SO excited to tell you that I listened to Eminem, Mocking Bird to be exact. Do you remember that?
So, I look up to Eminem, because he is honest… You have so many similarities, but one huge difference. He told the truth…
Dec 6, 2019
Dec 6, 2019 at 10:43 AM UTC
I feel so numb
It is back again
I thought I was dealing with it
Silly me
I am numb
Why am I so dumb?
Sep 9, 2019
Sep 9, 2019 at 9:29 AM UTC
I hope you know where I am at today.
I also hope you know where I was last year.
I hope you know what I was back then.
Dad, I was just an innocent little child.
All I wanted was some food.
Maybe a cookie from time to time.
Or you to acknowledge me.
You to love mom.
For you not to try to **** her every night.
For you to not cheat on her.
For my brother to have been born, but you know what you did to him.
To have friends.
Not to move every ******* month.
Cousin JJ, I was just a child maybe 3 years old.
Not old enough to know what you did to me.
You told me that everybody did it.
So I went along with it.
You undressed me.
Then you ***** me.
For years every time I went there.
I was scared to go there.
But my mom said I was hurting my grandma's feelings so they made me spend the night.
They forced me to go.
So year after year you ***** me.
Until I was 7.
Uncle, you did the same thing.
But you lived with my dad.
Down in Mississippi.
So you weren't that often.
But for days my dad disappeared.
I was left alone with you.
I told no one.
Last year my baby cousins spoke up.
You did the same thing to them.
My dad refused to believe them.
That is when I spoke up too.
You went to court.
But I spoke up too late.
You aren't getting punished for ruining our innocence.
My ex-boyfriends, all I wanted was love.
I was young.
I was so ******* dumb.
You hit me.
Over and over again.
So I left.
But you came back and begged me to stay and you said you loved me.
You never hit me again.
But you yelled.
A lot.
You screamed at me for nothing.
All I did was hug my best friend.
But that was not allowed.
Sometimes I preferred the hitting, at least there was evidence it happened.
One day I yelled back.
You hated that.
You punched me so hard I blacked out.
When I woke up, you were gone.
I was scared.
So ******* scared.
You said you loved me, and I was an idiot and believed you.
I never yelled again.
Just let myself be pushed around.
One day you left me.
I was devastated.
I started to cut.
Blood all over my body.
But I met this wonderful guy.
And the cycle started again.
Aug 27, 2019
Aug 27, 2019 at 10:12 AM UTC
They say she is ugly
She was just a girl
Her father neglected her
Her cousins abused her
Her friend ***** her
She was just a girl
She looked into the mirror
Why aren't I pretty?
She was bullied everywhere she went
She was too fat
Too dumb
Too ugly
Too this
Too that
So her best friend was some ****
And some coke
She was with **** for awhile
But she drowned herself with *** in her room
With the lights off
She was just a girl
She wanted to be loved
She started cutting
Almost died about a dozen times
Once a truck
Twice a noose
Three times she tried to drown
Four slitting her veins
Twice an overdose
No one cared though
She was just a girl
She was gay
Everywhere she went she was called a ***
She tried to date
But she messed up too many times
She just wanted attention
They were scared of her depression
They thought she was bad
But really...
She was just a girl
She was scared of the world
Her dad and cousins
******* her up
She stopped speaking
Stopped smiling
She lost friends
Lost hope
Lost love
Aug 26, 2019
Aug 26, 2019 at 12:08 PM UTC
You asked me what is wrong.
Like you even care.
But for a second I almost believed that you still cared.
So I said that everything was wrong.
But then I started to think.
How could anything be wrong if nothing was ever right?
The day that we decided to split I cried even though I was the one saying the words.
But you said that we would still be friends and I would always be yours.
I thought that splitting was a good idea.
But soon after I saw you with her.
The new me.
The one who has replaced me.
The one that you now choose over me.
The one that you hug.
The one that makes you laugh.
The one you give all your attention to.
So I sit alone at lunch.
Starring at you two.
The way that you look at her.
Like you used to look at me.
Like she is the world.
I cry silently.
I kick myself.
If only I would have stayed quiet that night.
It was only a little fight.
But you did not like that I fought back.
So you threaten to break up with me.
So I went home and sat on my bed with a blade in my hand.
Knowing that I was never good enough.
So I broke up with you before you could get to me.
That was the worst decision of my life so far.
Because even though you hurt me, I still love you.
I am with him now, because my mom approves.
But I always keep looking at you.
So you asked me what was wrong.
How could anything be wrong if nothing was ever right?
Aug 26, 2019
Aug 26, 2019 at 12:07 PM UTC
Do you know what the worst feeling is?
Feeling lonely in a crowded room.
You are surrounded by so many people,
Some of them you might recognize and some you have never met before.
So you are not alone.
But why do you feel so lonely?
At least if you are alone, you have a real reason to feel lonely.
But you are in a crowded room with other people.
You shouldn't feel alone.
But you do.
And you hate it.
You are just there.
No one even notices you.
And sometimes you are okay with that.
But deep down you kinda hope that someone strikes up a conversation.
But they don't.
So you are lonely but not alone.
Aug 26, 2019
Aug 26, 2019 at 11:33 AM UTC