I walk to the great oak
Who already had enough on his plate
With birds nesting in his branches
And moss growing up his roots
And I ask him
“What can I do
To stop this ache?”
He looks down at me
Old and exhausted
“Stay put
And let it happen”
He says
Roots settling deeper into the ground
I nod and turn around
I walk to the river
Who hasn’t got the time
Rushing down the bend
With all sorts of life
And I ask her
“What can I do
To stop this ache?”
She glasses up at me
Quick and busy
“Keep moving
And leave it behind”
She says
Already moving by
I nod and turn around
I walk to the field
Lush and green
And a bug lands on me
It’s young and thin
It’s purpose known from birth
And I ask it
“What can I do
To stop this ache?”
It buzzes and walks up my sleeve
I can’t tell where it’s looking
And before I can get my answer
It flies off
I nod and turn around
I walk home
Or at least where I sleep
Its walls are old
Its floor is warped
And I lay down one my bed
To sleep
“What can I do
To stop this ache?”
I ask to my dreams
Who shift into faces and places and feelings
I don’t get any answer
I already didn’t know
And when I wake
I feel
Just the same
1d ago
Jun 2, 2026 at 10:23 AM UTC
I don't know
If I'm bad
For the people around me
For the world i live in
For myself entirely
I don't know
If I'm evil
I don't think anyone truly can be
And I'm sure even the worst of people
Don't wake up everyday
And choose to be evil
Still
I can't help but worry
That no one would tell me
If I was coming off that way
My actions seeming
More malicious than benign
Constantly i find myself checking
And rechecking
That i am not doing wrong
Self aware to a fault
In which i often trip over myself
Just to get a thought out
Of the maze within my mind
But just because you know
Where your blind spots are
Does not mean you can see
What is in them
I don't wish to cause harm
Or to bother
But intentions do not dictate impact
A hard truth I've had to learn to swallow
So yet again
In front of my mirror
I ask
Am I bad?
And if i am
What must I do to repent?
How can I scrub my hands clean
Of the filth of me
Wash my soul
Of the plague which is my very being
If I am evil
Can I still change?
Who will I become after that change takes place
How unrecognizable will my reflection look
Is there any redemption left for me?
Others may seek a higher being
To calm these woes
But religion has never sat right with me
One man's god is another's hell
As these truths
And questions
Settle in my stomach
Like heavy sediment
I curl and uncurl my body
Pull and tug at my hair
Insanity and nirvana
Push at the edges of my vision
And i feel the fall of collapse
Ego death and revival
Over and over
Do i manipulate others
By hiding parts of myself away?
Is it cruel to be blatantly broken
And blunt with my pain?
Who am I
when I am not constantly
Aware of myself?
Can I ever feel whole?
Is this all life is?
Will death be a relief or just further suffering?
Am I a good person?
My bed is empty
With only me and my pillows for company
Yet my mind
Is full of questions
That can never be answered
And I feel like I am eating
My own tail
A mirror sat in front of a mirror
Reflecting itself
Until the image is but a vague silhouette
In the distant fog
If I could
I would turn it all off
Close my mind to these intrusive thoughts
But they rush in
Like a muddy river
I curl and uncurl my body
Restlessness turns within me
Like a headless snake I writhe
And like a prisoner on death row
I cry
Empty and all too full
Full yet entirely hollow
Ripping my hair out in fist fulls
Knowing that I will never know
May 19
May 19, 2026 at 1:23 PM UTC
I dont know how much of this fear
Is real
Honest gut feeling of danger
And how much of it
Is resistance to change
I'm not sure
If this drowning feeling
Is from me holding my breath
Or from the water surrounding me
I can't be certain
When to jump ship
If the storm clouds ahead
Will sink my safety raft
Do i wait till the water swallows the deck
To jump off
Or do i make my escape while the clouds stay light?
How close do I stand to this fire
Because any amount of heat is burning me
And i must stop myself from yanking my hand back
Even when the stove is off
So often have I been burned
That even a warm breeze
Will cause me to feel burning in my hands
I move towards coldness
Even though that too burns
Because at least frost bite
Is more predictable than fire
Do i wait
Till the perfect moment arises
Wait until heat no longer scares me
How much of my life am I missing
Just becuase i am frozen in place
Holding my own head under water
Shocked each time i drowned
Yet
Even when I push through the fear
I find that it was justified
And i end up sinking back down
Into the frigid waters
Still I keep my hand on the stove
Hoping that this time
It wont burn
May 5
May 5, 2026 at 12:02 AM UTC
I have always been lonely
As far as I can tell
As far as I can remember
Hiding this deep empty
In me
Like it was second nature
Only when I was alone
Did I ever let it out
And then I'd cry
As I cry
I try to think
Of people I know who could comfort me
I can only come up with two
Yet still they arent here
And in this moment
I know I am truly
Alone.
A whisp of a person
Begging to be known
An apparition
Who the living get chills from
When ever they walk through me
Standing alone
At a party
In a park
At a restaurant
In a club
I could be standing
In front of everyone
And still not a single one
Would be able to tell
Sometimes
I fear
That I dont really exist
That I'm more thought than man
Many have mistaken me
For a hallucination
Due to the lack of anyone else
Acknowledging that I'm there
I feel closer to a hallucination
Than I have ever felt towards anyone else
I can put on a brave face
Smile like nothing is taking place
As if I dont feel myself
Disappearing from others point of view
Even if I haven't moved
I can act friendly
Even as I watch them leaving
Already forgetting my face
And name
And eventually
The fact they spoke to me entirely
Apr 11
Apr 11, 2026 at 12:56 PM UTC
I hate being called cute
It feels demeaning
And infantilizing
I don't like when I am looked through
And erased into something else
Its cute
That I think I'm funny
That I laugh at my own jokes
That I wear clothes that make me happy
Its cute
When I get angry
When I get frustrated
When I get so overwhelmed that I shut down
Its cute
Because thinking its anything else
Would mean taking me seriously
And God forbid anyone actually do that
Do more than just laugh and smile
At everything I do
Regardless of meaning
To actually look past what you see
To what is actually happening
Where my disabilities
Stop being endearing
And start being something
That is debilitating
But becuase of my demeanor
The way I talk
The way I dress
I am not given the opportunity
To be listened to
Beyond what is easy to hear
How cute
I am when I cry
And sob
And suffocate on my own thoughts
How cute
It is when I self destruct
And tear myself apart
Until I am nothing but raw gore
How cute am I
Starving for your affection and care
Like its the only thing there is
That will heal me
Just for you to turn away
When I stop looking appealing
You take the part of me
I show you
And twist them into a pretty bow
Willfully ignorant to the pain you cause me
You take my screams
Like a bird's song
Beautiful for a moment
Annoying if it persists
You take my pain
Like a rock in your shoe
Bearable for the hike
But not for the trip back home
When will this stop being cute?
Stop being something not worth seeing
When will I be worth seeing?
Apr 7
Apr 7, 2026 at 2:45 PM UTC
You vent about some *******
Who you shouldnt be wasting your time on
You're talking about
How he hurt you
And how you feel guilty for feeling bad
I bite my tongue
Stopping the tumble if words
Mostly curses
On how you should never feel guilty
For being the victim
I know its not the comfort you need
So i swallow the words down
Nodding instead to the beat of your voice
You're playing it off
Like it isnt awful
Justifing why you deserve to be hurt
White heat rises in my chest
Im angry
But i know thats not what you need
So i listen
Offering my opinion when I can
Softening my tone
Even as I feel like boiling over
I wanna ask you for his number
To give him a piece of my mind
I wanna get his address
To give him a piece of his own actions
I wanna destroy and ****
But I know thats not what you need
And thats not for me to do for you
You dont need protecting
Or rescuing
You are old enough
And smart enough
To make your own choices
And you dont need me budding in
And fixing what doesnt need fixes
I don't want to impose my presence
But I can't help but wanting
To be your white knight
Apr 7
Apr 7, 2026 at 2:39 PM UTC
The kind of guy
To bring out an umbrella
On a sunny day in spring
Hidding under its man made shade
As if the sun was flaring down at him
He tells others
That he doesn't care what people think
When they see him on the streets
78° with a sweater and hoodie
All hidding under a black umbrella
He shifts his umbrella
This way and that
To hide the eyes of thoes staring
He'll mumble under his breath
About how nosy people get
How its not odd at all
To want a little shade
The kind of guy
To keep his head down
While he walks around town
Counting his footsteps as he goes
Restarting at four like a metrodome
He tells others
Its just to keep his mind busy
He doesnt mention
How he matches his breathing
To each right step of his foot
Or how he didnt even realize
That he had started counting to begin with
The kind of guy
Who wears a mask to hide his deformed face
That looks like everyone else's
The kind who covers his eyes
From the worried glances
Formed in the back of his mind
The kind who mouths the same words
Over and over
"You can't dig yourself out of a hole"
As if it could make the feeling go away
1...2...3...4...
1...2...3...4...
1...2...3...4...
I can't think myself
Out of my own mind
No matter how hard I try
All I can do
Is count my steps and breath
Looking at the sky when its cloudy
And keeping my chin up
When no one is around me
Apr 7
Apr 7, 2026 at 2:33 PM UTC
I'm not typically the type of person
Who gets asked
I tend to fill silence with my voice
Talking and keeping the conversation going
Even if its a dying thing
I give answers to questions that weren't asked
Unprompted facts about me
Pretending you care enough to notice
10 minutes in and you still haven't asked
30 minutes turns into an hour
Of unasked answers
Spilling out of me like unhurried tears
I try not to think about it
Try to keep this illusion steady
This illusion that you know me
That eventually you'll ask me something
Instead of waiting for me to start
Its always me who starts
Who texts first
Who calls
Who checks in
Who keeps the relationship going
Even if its a dying thing
Surely
Eventually this will be paid back
All this effort I've put it
It has to
I keep speaking
And reaching
Out to you
In hopes you will meet me half way
Knowing that you probably won't
This knowledge weighs heavy on me
The knowledge that if I stop telling
You will stop knowing me entirely
That if I stop reaching out
You will never hear from me
And i know its unhealthy
To pour my empty cup
Into the mouths of the drowning
To ring my towel dry
In hopes that emptying myself
Will lead to fullness
I know its unhealthy
But I also know
That you dont mean to hurt me
Its part of my nature to give
And yours to take
My whole life
I have been giving myself away
To anyone who will have me
Kissing the ground they walked on
Just becuase they spared a look at me
But i have grown past that
No longer a doormat
But rather a closed glass door
Which others see as just a window
Not knowing there's more to explore
I know i should let go
Stop dragging this out
Beating this dead horse til its glue
But i don't know what i will do
If I have to sit
Alone
In silence
Mar 28
Mar 28, 2026 at 12:24 AM UTC
I'm not good at love poems
I have trouble twisting poetry out of the good
But when I look in the mirror
I see poetry
I see me
So here is a love poem
To all the me’s that have ever been
And to all the me's I will ever be
Your unique style shows the unique wonder that is you
Your eyes are beautiful, wondering things
Ever observing
Your hair is one of the gods
Flowing into perfect waves and curls
Complementing your beautiful features
Each beauty mark
Each scar
Only serve to add to your wonder
I look at you
And I see the life you have lived
The lines of your story
How strong you are
How worthy you are and have always been
Your sweat is like the roots of a plant
The smell of fresh ocean salt
The taste of a fine wine
It's nothing to be ashamed of
You have nothing to be ashamed of
Your voice is like a harp
A tool
Each syllable you speak sounds like poetry
Your body is of excellent form
The perfect you it could ever be
Capturing and captivating all
Your hands are so crafty
So clever
Twisting stories out of nothing
Making fine art with only a pen
You are art
You are beautiful art
But you are not your body
You are not your work
You are not broken
You have never been broken
There is nothing about you to fix
There is just you
You are you
And you is enough
You have always been enough
And you are perfect
Mar 25
Mar 25, 2026 at 11:40 PM UTC
On an island
I watch myself stand
Alone in the sand
One tree and a patch of grass
Is all that makes up the island
I stand on
And i watch
As I crouch down
And start writing symbols in the sand
But I'm too far away
To see what I have written
Before it gets washed away by the tide
From a distance
I stare at myself
I look me in the eyes
And I cry
But I cant tell which me
It is who sobs
In the mirror
I watch myself
Poke and **** at my skin
Until it is red and ******
I reach out to stop myself
But all my fingers reach
Is cold glass
That I cannot break
From the closet
I can hear myself screaming
I can hear as I tear out my hair
And stomp my feet so hard the ground shakes
I can hear as the rage fades
Into quiet resentment
Then even quieter regret
I tried to open the closet door
But I held it closed from the other side
In a book
I read about myself
It's my own book
Though I don't remember writing all the pages
I read about heart break
I must've gone through
And joyful moments
That slipped out of my mind
I read until my eyes burn
From something I am unfamiliar with
And an ache that feels endless
Before long
I pick up a pen
And start writing
And although I cannot read the words I write
Through these blury eyes
I know that one day I will
Mar 17
Mar 17, 2026 at 12:01 AM UTC