I won’t kiss him on the lips.
To intimate for me.
Too afraid he’ll see the real me.
Touch me so I can feel alive even for a temporary high.
Kiss my neck and tell me how beautiful you think I am.
All of this means nothing but I’d do almost anything to feel anything at all.
Sep 21, 2019
Sep 21, 2019 at 11:40 PM UTC
It’s funny...
There are nights...
when the crickets sing and the breeze at night is warm..
I find myself craving you..
Your touch.
Your kiss, that stopped time.
Passion that engulfed my soul.
I miss a lie.
Because you were never real.
And neither was your love.
Sometimes I pretend you’re real.
Kissing me with such passion it lights me up like all the stars in the sky.
Sep 21, 2019
Sep 21, 2019 at 11:23 PM UTC
Call me crazy.
**** Call me what you will.
But I think karma is really real.
Live a life full of wickedness.
**** everyone over.
Lie..
Cheat..
And steal..
Then repeat.
And do it all over.
Don’t forget to play the victim.
Don’t forget to smile.
You’ve put on a real good show.
You’ve played the part so well.
You’ve played them all so well.
You think you’ve won.
But nothing lasts forever.....
Because karma’s a bad *** *****
Jul 12, 2019
Jul 12, 2019 at 3:17 AM UTC
I placed my heart in your hands..
That summer, long ago.
So naive.. so pure before I let myself go.
It was there I fell for you.
Behind that Oklahoma sky.
In love with a man who had the devils grin.
These are all faded memories, scattered, deep within my mind. Places I never visit.
Places I never give any of my time.
The only evidence left in these memories, is one undeniable truth...
.
If you had never ripped my heart in two,
I would have never become bran new.
I had no idea who I was back then.
All I knew was that I loved you.
Who knew,
That I’d find strength from the pain.
I have you to thank for showing me my greatest lesson I’ve learned thus far.
Thank you for breaking my heart, it was the worst pain I’d ever felt.
It took you not loving me at all, for me to fully and completely, love myself.
May 19, 2019
May 19, 2019 at 7:50 PM UTC
I thought of you today...
****
It’s been at least a year...
Thanks to Halsey...
But I can’t complain..
Music is beautiful that way..
In the sense where a song can be so beautifully written, with lyrics that depict all the things you experienced, and especially all that you wanted to say but couldn’t.
****
(I hold back a laugh...)
This is kind of painful...
I shake you off.
My heart only associates you with pain.
I won’t let myself go back there.
But I can’t deny these lyrics.....
Because they were our story for the longest time...
I am speechless because I never expected a song to pull that hard on the heart strings of my past.
Oct 10, 2018
Oct 10, 2018 at 2:20 PM UTC
George Bernard Shaw once wrote: "There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it."
Obviously, Shaw had his heart broken once or twice, in his life.
But when you experience it yourself, what are you going to do give up? Quit? No. Not me.
I realize now that when your heart breaks, you gotta fight like hell to make sure you're still alive. Because you are.
You may feel as if you're lost.
As if you've lost yourself.
But we're never lost forever.
And that pain you feel? That ache in your stomach...
That sting in your heart....
That's life.
The confusion and fear?
That's there to remind you of one very important thing.
And that is that somewhere out there, is something better, and it's not always going to be easily found or easy to happen.
But it will, and that something is worth fighting for.
Jun 12, 2018
Jun 12, 2018 at 8:45 PM UTC
In my thirty two years of life I’ve come to the conclusion that if having things turned out the way i wanted them to is a measure of a successful life, then some would say I’m a failure.
I don't know a lot about life, and I'm nowhere near the realm of perfection. But If there's anything I've learned it's to not to be bitter over life’s disappointments.
You will come to a place in your life where you will learn to let go of the past. And recognize that every day won’t be sunny, with rainbows and talking unicorns.
But, when you find yourself lost in the darkness and despair that is sometimes just life....
Remember it’s only in the black of the night that you will see stars. And those stars will lead you back home and where you need to be.
You're never forever lost, although it may feel that way.
You've just lost your own way.
So don’t be afraid to make mistakes, to stumble and fall on bruised knees, because most of the time, the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most.
I chose to look at the positive sides of things...
For instance, maybe you’ll get everything you wish for.
Maybe you’ll get more than you ever could have imagined.
Who really ever knows where life is going to take you.
This road called life is a long one and in the end, the journey is your destination.
Jun 12, 2018
Jun 12, 2018 at 4:28 PM UTC
When you're here with me, there's really no other place I'd dream to be.
Wrap yourself up in me.
Peel back your mind.
Lower your walls for just a short period of time. Tell me all your secrets, hopes, and dreams.
Tell me all the good things about you and all the bad things too.
Your disappointments and your fears.
Then as your shoulders soften and lower, and you feel that heavy weight you usually carry fade...
Hug me a little tighter, and let me love every inch of you, filling all the holes of your insecurities and all the things you think you lack.
Jun 12, 2018
Jun 12, 2018 at 2:30 PM UTC
I know you might think life is unfair.
I know you might be frustrated and angry.
I know you feel like you can't get ahead sometimes.
I know you want fancy things.
I know you want to excel in life.
I know you may get lonely sometimes.
I know you miss your friends, all the people you once thought had your back that are now gone.
I know you may think, maybe you've had your happiness, with a man you once loved.. your first love, who took you for granted and took all your love.
I know you think there's nobody out there who could ever possibly love you.
I know there are days you doubt yourself. You think maybe this is all you'll become.
This is all I'll ever be.
Mediocre...
Living pay check to pay check where nothing in life is free.
Thinking I'll never amount to anything.
Dear future self listen carefully,
If I could I'd shake you silly.
I know life gets extremely hard, and there's nothing you can do about it....
Certain things, situations in our lives will be out of our control.
Except one thing.
Ourselves.
We can control how we choose to look at our lives. We control how we choose to react to certain situations, and the people in our lives.
So future self, when you find yourself... mind body heart and soul laying in the gutter with not even a glimmer of hope for better days, remember this if nothing else.
You are not your past, or what has happened to you there. Just because you went through it does not mean it defines who you are.
You can choose your own destiny if you never allow yourself to loose hope.
You are beautiful.
Worthy, and worthy of being loved by the right person.
You're not the ****** situation you may be in.
You can rise above any circumstance that has brought you to your knees because you are more than any obstacle or fear that has hindered your path temporarily.
You ******* got this, and I believe in you.
I love you,
Sincerely, future self
May 4, 2018
May 4, 2018 at 2:13 AM UTC