I'm choking on words
Trapped within my mind
Hearing brief snippets
Impossible to string together
No easy software
Knows the way
I wish that I could tell you
Maybe once day it'll happen
Another finds this trivial
You may not even understand
Leaving my grasp as I reach
Outstretched to graze it gently
Violets dont compare to the feeling
Evenings spent with bodies entwined
It's a secret
May 15, 2019
May 15, 2019 at 11:33 PM UTC
Tears would pour down my face
Frantically attempting to satiate your thirst
You loved those droplets
Developed a craving for them
The sweetest salt you'd experienced
Every heartbeat was faster
blood rushing like a river
You loved the redness of my face
Required it at every presence
The purest fear you ever produced
Hands tried to pry yours away
Grasping for an ounce of control
You loved the weakness
Fed off of the attempts to make it stop
The darkest marks you ever gave
Eyes pleaded for an escape
Begging for one moment of empathy
You loved the blindness
Glazed over look at your prize
The most pain you'd ever cause
Lips said one word
"No"
Screaming for the silence to carry it
You loved the fight
Wrapped your hand around my neck
And squeezed until you choked it out.
Mar 14, 2019
Mar 14, 2019 at 11:02 PM UTC
I am tired
Of seeing your name wherever I look
You already carved it into my soul
Scarred by the weight of a few letters
So please, just stop
I am cold
Each time I see you
Pretending my heart isn't pounding
Blood replaced by a paralyzing poison
Drowning me in an ice bath
Please stop
I am scared
Loud noises and raised voices
Hands wrapped around my neck
Gasping for air
Nightmares
Stop
You scare me.
Appearing in my life when I ended it.
Reaching out for my warmth when
You asphyxiated the fire.
I need oxygen.
Not you.
Please.
Jan 25, 2019
Jan 25, 2019 at 11:08 PM UTC
Close your eyes and breathe
Just do this for me
No
Do this for you
Feel the contours of your body
The unique curvatures
You own this fingerprinted body
Tell yourself that you are yours
Do this for you
Feel the beating of your heart
That sound is so gentle
So tempting to break down
But you've survived your pains
Pounding on the walls of your chest
Do this for you
Feel your mind
Pulling you through doors
Terrifying at every turn
Who you are comes from those doors
Do this for you
Feel yourself
Because you are all that matter
Because your body is yours
Because your heart is yours
Because your mind is yours
Because you are yours
Crave yourself.
Dec 16, 2018
Dec 16, 2018 at 4:51 PM UTC
The dreams all start so innocent
Running through a hallway
Hiding in a room
Playing gently
It's all fun and games
Until the bad man finds you
Until the running becomes fearsome
Your heart pounding out of your chest
Until the hiding becomes terrifying
You know you'll be found
The hands will grab your legs and claw their way up
Mouths will try to latch onto your body in a frightening attempt to satiate their hunger
Curling upward at the sound of your screams and cries
Eyes will be devoid of humanity as you search for some kind of mercy
That's when you know you lost the game again.
Nov 18, 2018
Nov 18, 2018 at 11:11 PM UTC
Do not say anything
Honesty may be the best policy
But when you are honest and the words
The feelings
The pain
All rush out, pouring like rain in a midnight storm
Dragging you and all you love out of a blissful dream
And into a thundering nightmare
Aug 21, 2018
Aug 21, 2018 at 8:12 PM UTC
How do I know if it's love?
Does a simple moment take control of my mind
Focusing on the sweetest words I heard you say
Grasping at the tendrils of a beautiful future
How do you know that it's love?
Does calling my name cause your heart to stop
Staring into my soul makes you lose yourself
To a sea of vibrant words and passionate eyes
How do we know that it's love?
Do we veil reality with a beautifully woven cloth
Whispering from our honey coated lips
Shivering from a sweetness convinced it's nothing but pure
Aug 2, 2018
Aug 2, 2018 at 3:51 PM UTC
I was in first grade the first time he touched me
Sitting in class enjoying my innocence when I felt a hand on my leg
Confusing
fear
Innocence
I wonder now what innocence means
As his hand slipped into my pants
Threatening me I shouldn't tell
Couldn't tell
I'd be in trouble
The goody-two shoes
The thought suffocated me
It stiffled the fight
Mom would be so upset
It didn't stop
For months
I hated going to school
Hated sitting beside him
The troublemaker
Beside the good girl
Maybe she'll be a good influence
She wasn't
Not while he had his hand in her pants
telling her what to feel
Telling her what he was going to do
Or else he'd tell
Tell the teacher who was supposed to care
Tell the parents who should have protected
Break the girl who had done nothing wrong
Was this what adults meant by love?
Control
Fear
Immense shame
She never told
Who would believe her now
That child is dead
Replaced by someone who claws
Begs for a feeling of innocence again
Something to take it back
To replace the childhood that was shattered
But don't tell mom
Don't tell dad
Break slowly inside
As the emotions roll over
Your fault
You never stopped it
Bet you even liked it
Can't handle reality
Never tell.
I'm so broken now
A shattered child lives somewhere deep in my heart, paralyzed on the floor, trapped by fear, afraid to even cry for help
Mar 2, 2018
Mar 2, 2018 at 11:34 PM UTC
You held me in place with that commanding look
writhing under your gaze
unable to look away from the piercing sight
and afraid to disobey any order
If it was uttered from your lips
my heart would have soared, stretched, and broken
to be praised by your words
or tenderly touched with your rough hands
I could feel your hand on my neck
squeezing slowly until the blood started pounding
my pain was your pleasure
and your pleasure was my purpose
Little did I know that you would be squeezing too strongly
the ropes were too tight around my waist
the collar choking my neck
no amount of clawing would have made you let go
so I went limp with my love
A submissive gives trust
yields to whoever they believe is worthy
submitting more than their body
but their very essence
A dominant is supposed to wield that trust
to protect and realize the significance of it
not squeeze and suffocate it
pretending that lies warrant trust in return
I could not have been enough for your demands
and you broke the trust I gingerly placed in your hands
Take your bonds and pretend to wrap them around someone else
my being can take no more of your bruising
Mar 2, 2018
Mar 2, 2018 at 10:09 PM UTC
My phone battery lasts longer without your name popping up
But I can barely make it 3 hours without begging for a moment to recharge
It's a painful reminder that something so beautiful had to end
Leaving a void on the screen that once blinked and shone bright
It takes me twenty times longer to get things done
My mind will drag me off to a corner and replay videos of playful feet touching under a dinner table
And secret looks shared between passionate eyes
My stuffed animals miss you
That's what they tell me since I have no one to hold at night but them
They whisper and caress my hair until I fall asleep
Or was that another dream of what we should have had
You lied to me
Stop trying to redeem yourself, or justify the facade
I gave you more than three chances to tell me the truth
And it broke my heart that you never once did
I know its easier for you to blame me
So I said I didn't love you like I used to. I spared you the pain that you put me through
but you truly dug the knife in my love
I don't know how to be happy in this eerie place called loneliness
The sun was blocked out along with your laugh and the freckles that painted your cheeks
How does one become happy again, happy when you're all alone
I love you
But you'll never hear those words again because you broke my trust
You broke my heart
And you broke me
I hope that I can face you again one day
But these are the Things I'll Never Say
Feb 19, 2018
Feb 19, 2018 at 11:26 PM UTC