To Zoe
always standing on the outside of the group
the one that walks behind when the pavement becomes to small
the shared experiences I miss out on
Always standing outside the toilets
Waiting
hearing the laughs from the conversations that you will never join
never fitting in with the boys
not having anything in common
the casual homophobic comments
the ***** looks
feeling like I’m standing outside looking through a window
a window made of impenetrable glass
the images of friendship, love and happiness there to taunt me
seeing something I will never have
Jan 28, 2020
Jan 28, 2020 at 6:01 PM UTC
As she steps forward to take the final bow
and as she steps back into the dim amber glow of the fading spotlight
that once shone so brightly
she realises this is her last
she looks out towards the applauding crowd
their eyes twinkling like stars
their claps roaring like thunder
the velvet curtains close
leaving her in darkness
leaving her Alone.
Jan 27, 2020
Jan 27, 2020 at 2:12 PM UTC
[ in-kuhn-sis-tuhnt ]
Adjective
Contradictory, irregular
I call my self inconsistent
and despite the way that I fluctuate between
one thing has always been
the way that I can see
the world that spins madly around me
when all is said
and all is done
I will always be the one
that can see through the fog on the overcast day
or that can always guide the way
I may not be the best
I may not be the brightest
but when it comes to me
I'm the rightest
Jan 27, 2020
Jan 27, 2020 at 6:21 AM UTC
For Katie & James
It’s so easy to talk, it’s so easy to compare, but you aren’t the one that is standing there, feeling myself slip through the crack, worried that I might not come back.
And as I sit there doing nothing in particular with a stack of schoolwork piled up on my desk, I can feel it eating into me like a weight on my chest.
I can feel myself wasting time and I sit there not knowing why.
So, I wait, do something else but as soon as I finish that menial task, I come back to a pile of work that seems so much taller than before.
So, I repeat and repeat until there is nothing left to do, so I look around and suddenly I see you.
Food the saviour to all my problems, your there wrapped up in plastic ready for consumption, always.
You never break my heart and you rarely disappoint.
Whenever I need a text or a call the I will never receive, your there to fill the gaping hole I feel inside.
So, I eat to fill the hole, and for a split second I feel happy, content and I don’t feel empty, sad and lonely, like I am spiralling out of control down some lonely gaping hole.
But then it comes back, and I feel lonely once again, the hole now ten times bigger.
So, I eat, and I eat, and I eat even more, till I’m left crying on the bathroom floor, my guilt eating me up and the hole even bigger.
wishing that the ground would swallow me up, wishing someone would just pull the trigger.
Jan 27, 2020
Jan 27, 2020 at 6:08 AM UTC