I understand now
Countless days and quiet nights
Pondering on how my course
Was altered
Chasing time that will never be
Recovered
I understand that it was never
About you and I through your eyes
It was only comfortable
Seeing how hard I wanted to love
I wanted to open, welcoming
Vulnerability in hopes of connection
My dream state kept me floating
Reaching for you as you continue
To drift
Ignoring reality in hopes of this mirage
Becoming permanent
I understand that the person I loved
Never existed
Walking away was an understatement
You ran and not once, a glimpse back
Onto the next comfortable
I won't cry, for you are simply not
Worth it
I understand now, the delusion
Shattered once you displayed
Your true self
A waste of everything I hold now in
My hands
Forced to simply move forward
Losing trust from my heart
And I can't condemn it for the
Amount of turmoil I put it through
Believing the illusion
Jan 3, 2025
Jan 3, 2025 at 10:18 PM UTC
“The world is a cruel place, but it’s also very beautiful.”
Yet, I have yet to see the allure.
Selfishness and a disregard for authenticity
Greet me at every turn.
My efforts to see tomorrow as a new beginning
Quickly dissolve,
A fleeting dream
As I am reminded, time and again,
How barbaric my surroundings remain.
I wrestle with the thought of giving in,
Becoming like you.
But the fear of losing myself
Swarms my consciousness,
A tide I cannot escape.
Still, I am weary—
Exhausted by being taken for granted,
My greatest strength dismissed as imperfection.
Fatigued from giving everything,
Only to be left behind.
All I know is the savagery of this world.
Yet, I wait.
I hope.
That the beauty will step forward from its hiding,
Unveiling itself at last.
Dec 2, 2024
Dec 2, 2024 at 1:25 AM UTC
As this life comes to an end, I want you to know that "it's okay...I hated it here."
Oct 30, 2024
Oct 30, 2024 at 7:44 PM UTC
I've said "I love you" thousands of times but yet we still end in destruction.
Dec 24, 2022
Dec 24, 2022 at 11:32 PM UTC
How is this possible
To fall back to where I've escaped
I've spent countless hours
Finding worth, purpose
Healing from scars that
Left permanent markings
I was finally okay, content of the
Person staring back in the mirror
How is this possible
Is what I thought when you first
Walked into my life
Not sure if I was ready but
I was willing to start over
I gave you everything I had
Finding myself desperate
To want this to work
Ignoring all possible judgements
For who am I to adjudicate
But now I see
You preyed on my kindness and goodwill
Every downfall, trauma, and
Disappointments projected towards me
My pure mind blocked any discernment
And now I remain with hurt and anger
While you move on to new
Adventure and opportunities
Like today moving on to tomorrow
How is this possible
For me to be painted as the black hat
Slowly dragging my name through
The mud never to be rinsed
In the eyes and ears of those
I showed the opposite to
I elevated for you, for us
All to be thrown away and
Be picked up on Monday morning
No remorse, no shame or repentance
Just self-praise, propelling yourself
To the next lost soul
While I sit here confused
Wishing I never listened to your
Companions to begin with
Wishing I never became vulnerable
Wishing I never displayed my love
For you didn't deserve it
But it's stolen now, never to be
Returned
How is this possible
To have this feeling of gullibility
To have this feeling of foolishness
To have this feeling of insanity
Alone once again only to put
Forth more countless hours
Creating new scars and
adding them to the collection
How is this possible
To still love you
When every bone of my existence
Tells me not to
I understand now when they say
Love is blind
I'll do you one better
Love is pain and pain is love
I've ran out of possibilities
Dec 24, 2022
Dec 24, 2022 at 7:42 PM UTC
Can I trust you?
yes
But how do I know?
How do I know you're safe?
you don't deep down
but I will finally show you
peace
i've felt you from a long distance
i've seen you remove your heart
i'm here to stitch it back in place
i've saved this tourniquet
to stop your bleeding
your pain is heavy
your tears have filled this cup
to where you see your life as
half empty
rest
lay your head upon my sternum
you see the world as inhumane
with your restless eyes
but can you see me?
i won't depart
not again
you feel you're at the end
of the road
and of all the street signs
point to destruction
stay
please for one last time
and I will direct you
back on course
i haven't forgotten
i haven't forgotten your innocence
i haven't forgotten your purity
the world took these morals
from you
i stole them back like
a thief in the night
i've found myself pouring rivers
feeling your torment
rest now
i'm here to fulfill what you
so desperately have
been yearning
love
Dec 4, 2022
Dec 4, 2022 at 11:14 PM UTC
I know we'll never be in unity
But for once in a long time
I saw you in my dreams
And that's good enough
Nov 29, 2022
Nov 29, 2022 at 6:47 AM UTC
It's not easy holding up this cup
Looking for a break
The way you look at me
Causes me to hide my face
I had dreams
More than you could imagine
Now I'm lucky to make it in time
For shelter before the coldest
Hours of the night
Praying the sun will keep me warm
As my feet scream for me to
Take a break
I had a family, a life, an identity
I wasn't so fortunate when
The wrath of those waves
Poured in
To be forgotten and never
Searched for pains my pride
I gave in, thinking my dreams
Are just that now....dreams
Reality is these lonely
But loud streets
"Go get a job!"
As you spit on my embarrassment
Never to be thought of again
As the light turns green
And you drive away
But me...I'll be here
Fighting for turf that
Belongs to no one
If only I can just
Make it to shelter
Before those coldest hours
Nov 28, 2022
Nov 28, 2022 at 10:56 PM UTC
Who do you see?
huh?
Who do you see...when you look up there?
i don't know
i see PEACE colors SELF space
Do you see her?
Come on...don't look at me like that
The way you get lost looking at the sun Maybe hoping she's looking at it too...
At the same time...
So are you aligned?
Do you see her?
no... she's too far...she couldn't wait
And you hold that regret?
yea...everyday
But you must certainly feel her
no... not anymore
Oct 8, 2022
Oct 8, 2022 at 10:44 PM UTC