AnonymousFreak - Hello Poetry

“Remember Remember The fifth of November...” Opportunity grew Like a dandelion in a cracked Sidewalk. I had no idea how life would go on, But ***** dishes continued Getting washed, Wind kept blowing, And cups of tea Still were made. It’s only a couple of days shy Of a year Since I tried to Take my own life. It’s been the best year of my life. There are still parts of that night I don’t remember... I do remember the days following. How every Single Part If my body Just ached, Like nothing I had ever felt before. And it felt as if Nothing would ever Get better, That I could never be Better. “Remember Remember The fifth of November, The gun powder treason And plot.” But it did. The feeling of being in way over my head Has hardly ever gone away, Yet things still keep being okay. The world changed, And I changed right along side it. I woke up the morning after, And I woke up a little more Each morning following that one. The decision had been so Matter of fact... “I am going to **** myself later tonight.” I walked down the street through the crunching leaves. “I have to remember to hug everyone when I say goodbye, Because I am going to **** myself tonight.” And the thought had been such a relief. Imagining letting go, Was such a relief. And deciding to take my Second chance Was also So natural, And obvious. I built a life I like. I made myself Someone I wanted to be. I took what I wanted to be an end, And made it a new beginning. “I can think of no reason The gun powder treason Should ever Be forgot.” I remember, Yes, I remember, The fifth of November.

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Dec 6, 2020

Dec 6, 2020 at 3:04 AM UTC

The Fifth of November

“Remember Remember The fifth of November...” Opportunity grew Like a dandelion in a cracked Sidewalk. I had no idea how life would go on, But ***** dishes continued Getting washed, Wind kept blowing, And cups of tea Still were made. It’s only a couple of days shy Of a year Since I tried to Take my own life. It’s been the best year of my life. There are still parts of that night I don’t remember... I do remember the days following. How every Single Part If my body Just ached, Like nothing I had ever felt before. And it felt as if Nothing would ever Get better, That I could never be Better. “Remember Remember The fifth of November, The gun powder treason And plot.” But it did. The feeling of being in way over my head Has hardly ever gone away, Yet things still keep being okay. The world changed, And I changed right along side it. I woke up the morning after, And I woke up a little more Each morning following that one. The decision had been so Matter of fact... “I am going to **** myself later tonight.” I walked down the street through the crunching leaves. “I have to remember to hug everyone when I say goodbye, Because I am going to **** myself tonight.” And the thought had been such a relief. Imagining letting go, Was such a relief. And deciding to take my Second chance Was also So natural, And obvious. I built a life I like. I made myself Someone I wanted to be. I took what I wanted to be an end, And made it a new beginning. “I can think of no reason The gun powder treason Should ever Be forgot.” I remember, Yes, I remember, The fifth of November.

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I used to be afraid Of being honest. I used to let people’s reactions Completely rule me. If it upset someone I loved, Then I rearranged myself To fit their needs. But no more. You, my love, Taught me the difference Between consideration And fear. You taught me how to see The logical fallacies. You gave me room to breath, And you never accept, Anything less than Brutal Truth. I see the difference. I’ve become the difference. You showed me love In a way I never knew existed. And the best part? I get to share it With you.

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Aug 14, 2020

Aug 14, 2020 at 10:39 PM UTC

The Difference

I used to be afraid Of being honest. I used to let people’s reactions Completely rule me. If it upset someone I loved, Then I rearranged myself To fit their needs. But no more. You, my love, Taught me the difference Between consideration And fear. You taught me how to see The logical fallacies. You gave me room to breath, And you never accept, Anything less than Brutal Truth. I see the difference. I’ve become the difference. You showed me love In a way I never knew existed. And the best part? I get to share it With you.

27

Every time I am angry, Every time I yell, I feel like I am failing. I want to talk to the world, And have it hear me. I want to whisper, And have it matter. But I don’t matter Unless I make myself matter. You can’t hear me Unless I make you. You listen when I’m angry, But every time I am angry I feel like I’m failing. Every time I yell, I feel the crazy Buried underneath Surfacing, And I punish myself For days. I want to matter to you, In my silence, I want to matter, When I’m calm. I want to stop failing. I want you to hear me.

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Aug 12, 2020

Aug 12, 2020 at 11:37 PM UTC

“Let yourself be angry”

Every time I am angry, Every time I yell, I feel like I am failing. I want to talk to the world, And have it hear me. I want to whisper, And have it matter. But I don’t matter Unless I make myself matter. You can’t hear me Unless I make you. You listen when I’m angry, But every time I am angry I feel like I’m failing. Every time I yell, I feel the crazy Buried underneath Surfacing, And I punish myself For days. I want to matter to you, In my silence, I want to matter, When I’m calm. I want to stop failing. I want you to hear me.

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“It looks deep,” I said, face turned up to the sky Looking so high I thought I would float away. You held my hand, And paced up and down the driveway Trying to see every star and planet Above us. You were giddy in that way you get When curiosity Has taken over Your body. Two falling stars Faded into the darkness Like a deep sigh, I pointed them out to you Moments too late. Two wishes, All to myself. And both of them were Something beautiful and secret About you.

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Jul 14, 2020

Jul 14, 2020 at 1:35 AM UTC

We Watched the Stars

“It looks deep,” I said, face turned up to the sky Looking so high I thought I would float away. You held my hand, And paced up and down the driveway Trying to see every star and planet Above us. You were giddy in that way you get When curiosity Has taken over Your body. Two falling stars Faded into the darkness Like a deep sigh, I pointed them out to you Moments too late. Two wishes, All to myself. And both of them were Something beautiful and secret About you.

22

I remember When people looked at me As if I Were beautiful.

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Jul 10, 2020

Jul 10, 2020 at 7:37 PM UTC

Jealous

I remember When people looked at me As if I Were beautiful.

4

Today I needed to remember her, The wild parts of who I used to be. I needed to remember the self destructive taste Of cigarettes and chocolate bars, The feeling of body positivity, Sexuality, And funky fashion. I needed to remember that I am angry, Because I needed to remember why I am moving forward. I let myself remember her today, The wild parts Of who I used to be.

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Jun 30, 2020

Jun 30, 2020 at 5:59 PM UTC

Remember Her

Today I needed to remember her, The wild parts of who I used to be. I needed to remember the self destructive taste Of cigarettes and chocolate bars, The feeling of body positivity, Sexuality, And funky fashion. I needed to remember that I am angry, Because I needed to remember why I am moving forward. I let myself remember her today, The wild parts Of who I used to be.

12

The first sip of wine, The first and last Sentence Of a book. The ending and beginning note of a song. Last words, First words, Gravestones and last meals, Vows meant to last forever, And whatever song Is running through your mind At two AM. And your smile, When you feel listened to.

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Jun 23, 2020

Jun 23, 2020 at 2:56 AM UTC

Things that matter

The first sip of wine, The first and last Sentence Of a book. The ending and beginning note of a song. Last words, First words, Gravestones and last meals, Vows meant to last forever, And whatever song Is running through your mind At two AM. And your smile, When you feel listened to.

14

When I drive, And you get excited About what you see out side, Because you can let your mind wander. When you put your fingers Inside The rips In my predistressed jeans. When you show me A movie, And watch me With hopeful anticipation, To see if I like it. When you get all dressed up In your favorite Hawaiian shirt Or flannel. And that spring in your step When you wear your black converse. When you start falling asleep, And your body twitches. Then when you bury your face into my shoulder. Hell, You’re so cute, I feel it in my gut. It’s been a little while, And you’re so precious to me.

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Jun 23, 2020

Jun 23, 2020 at 2:48 AM UTC

Things that are cute about you

When I drive, And you get excited About what you see out side, Because you can let your mind wander. When you put your fingers Inside The rips In my predistressed jeans. When you show me A movie, And watch me With hopeful anticipation, To see if I like it. When you get all dressed up In your favorite Hawaiian shirt Or flannel. And that spring in your step When you wear your black converse. When you start falling asleep, And your body twitches. Then when you bury your face into my shoulder. Hell, You’re so cute, I feel it in my gut. It’s been a little while, And you’re so precious to me.

27

I read pages and pages Of my life from years ago, And the realization That was so alone Was so loud. Two years later, Some things have changed... But tonight, Hell... Tonight I shouldn’t have been alone, But I am again.

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Jun 13, 2020

Jun 13, 2020 at 12:41 AM UTC

Years Ago

I read pages and pages Of my life from years ago, And the realization That was so alone Was so loud. Two years later, Some things have changed... But tonight, Hell... Tonight I shouldn’t have been alone, But I am again.

11

The sky is a beautiful blue Above this field of dandelions Gone to seed. I laid down in them, And the soft puffy seeds flew around me, I breathed them in And they filled my lungs. Now I can’t breathe I’m suffocating, And it’s so beautiful.

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Jun 1, 2020

Jun 1, 2020 at 3:30 PM UTC

Field of Dandelions

The sky is a beautiful blue Above this field of dandelions Gone to seed. I laid down in them, And the soft puffy seeds flew around me, I breathed them in And they filled my lungs. Now I can’t breathe I’m suffocating, And it’s so beautiful.

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