“Where is it I must go?”,
I ask my mirror’s reflection
Is there truly something missing,
Or do I miss imperfection?
I’ve yet to wander far enough
To dull my soul’s reverberations
My body, a holy temple fueled by resounding purpose
GONGG…..GONGG…..GONGG…..
Do I truly know my calling,
Or is my longing just a comfort?
If I am grateful for my life,
Should I worry time is too short
To spend any of my days
Without some type of progress to report?
I worry I am drifting asleep. I need to wake up before it’s too late
GONGG…..GONGG…..
What if I gave it up?
I fear it might end really bad
Would the universe reject me
And crumble everything I had,
Make sure that I was forced
To fulfill some sort of soul contract?
If I knew which one was my opponent, I could be prepared to fight
GONGG…..
I wonder, will I ever make it?
Is there even an “it” to make?
If there is something I desire,
Then is it something I will create?
Do I focus on my blessings
Or on a treasure that might be fake?
I ask for a sign that I am doing the right thing
…..
Aug 15, 2024
Aug 15, 2024 at 12:02 AM UTC
Yet another attempt to recreate our trio of faces
A red rippled reflection reminds me of the time:
Two hands up
My visage confronts me as
One bitter taste of giving up reaches my lips
So close yet again..
Just one face missing
Aug 11, 2021
Aug 11, 2021 at 1:29 AM UTC
I wish that I could call you
Tonight at 4 A.M.
To pour out all the secret feelings
Hidden in my head
You need to know “I love you” is a
Phrase I’ve never said
And at 4 A.M. I gasp for breath
As those words fill my lungs instead
Maybe you believe
That I’m shallow with intentions
If I can clear the air,
I’ll have so much more to mention
At 4 A.M. I can’t admit
Our hearts have no connection
Though hot and cold,
When we’re alone, I often feel our tension
I really want to ask
If I should make a move
Because the way you talk to me
Just leaves me so confused
At 4 A.M. I beg the stars
And wish upon the moon
That I don’t ruin what we’ll have
From needing to know too soon
I wish that I could call you
But for now, I’ll hold my bluff
Cause even though it’s 4 A.M.
I know that you’ll pick up
Jun 29, 2021
Jun 29, 2021 at 3:02 AM UTC
I'm so sad. I'm so sorry.
This time unlike before.
I am absolutely certain I can't do this anymore.
I no longer wanna be happy.
There's no soul left in me to aspire.
If giving up is punishable, then throw me in the Fire.
I know Heaven's not for me,
And even if it is, I don't wanna go.
Please let me leave in peace..
That thing I've never known.
Feb 10, 2021
Feb 10, 2021 at 4:02 PM UTC
I can't forgive you
For making me give up hope
Thank you. I am free
Feb 2, 2021
Feb 2, 2021 at 12:42 PM UTC
I will live the rest of my life becoming the best me that I could possibly be.,
Proving every day that I could never be enough in the most glamorous way that I could ever know how to do it.
I will become a true mosaic of hopelessness.
Tell me that I matter so that it makes less sense.
Ingrain the knowledge of my true worth inside of me so that I cannot deny that my lack of love and life is outside of my control.
Inspire me to inspire you, to wring every last drop of my passions onto the fire of your fears.
Take the rest of the life that's left in me, and cherish me as the light you never knew you needed-
The light she never needed.
I will live out the rest of my days feeling loved by everyone
EXCEPT for the people who I love so much.
I will break the cycle.
They'll never see it coming.
Feb 2, 2021
Feb 2, 2021 at 12:16 PM UTC
History repeats
I could never be worthy
..But for you, I’ll try
Sep 18, 2020
Sep 18, 2020 at 5:50 PM UTC
To be mundane and in love is all I could ask for,
Simple minded in my pleasures instead of always striving to get more
To be content with my shortcomings as if they never even existed,
Dreaming towards such grounded goals, so attainable I could not miss it
My one true wish is for simpler bliss- a lower bar for jubilation
So that I might have an actual chance to experience self-actualization
May 21, 2020
May 21, 2020 at 1:51 AM UTC
I should have learned by now that there aren’t any “signs”-
Any sort of supernatural clues that hint I should make
someone mine
And I should have guarded myself the first night we met
We saw so many shooting stars I almost lost count of them
I quadrupled the amount of shooting stars I’ve ever seen
And we laid so peaceful next to each other while you lost your
falling star virginity
Not a single time that night did I think to make a wish
Because feeling loved beside you brought back the feeling I have
missed
But that feeling and I soon went our separate ways
As I slowly noticed you weren’t eager to hang out most days
That I was that call when you were drunk or lonely,
An afterthought, and I was supposed to respect that completely.
Shame on me, you said, for saying the same way you treat me is
how I am going to treat you-
That we can continue to be “back pocket” friends, tried and true
I never wanted being true to who I am to interfere with what we
had,
But I couldn’t stay quiet while inside I felt so sad
You made me feel stupid and clingy for asking for your time
I felt like I was the idiot for trying to make you mine-
To be more than that guy you sleep with when you want someone
to hold you
If I wanted this all to be casual, I just would have told you
And now at times I wish I wouldn’t have told you
How begging for your time made me feel so ugly and blue
I wish I would have gritted my teeth and stayed quiet
So that maybe in your own time you would treat me with respect
And maybe that’s what I should have wished for upon those
shooting stars
That God would’ve kept you and I together or that he would
prepare our hearts
To understand each other and love each other and work through
our problems-
Act like adults instead of fighting and crying when you made us
be done
I know what I’ll wish on my next falling star
That you would miss me or call me- not change who you are-
But that you being you and me doing me would work out in the
end
That we could be together without either of us having to pretend
I hope that’s not too much to ask for- not suppressing my feelings
Or being able to speak my mind without having you hate me
Was it really necessary that you block me after you were offended
If you ever loved me the same, it never would have ended
But I refuse to compromise who I am or what I want
I’ll never accept less from a friend whether I love them or not
I guess what I learned is to never love someone until I really know
em
And that’s why I write yet another sad poem
Jul 18, 2019
Jul 18, 2019 at 2:45 PM UTC
Ready to explode
Wait a minute, don’t leave me
Things will get butter
Mar 24, 2019
Mar 24, 2019 at 1:15 AM UTC