So beautiful,
Yet so sad.
Is this a pity party?
Or am I just mad
At myself
For always making the same mistakes
For never going to a different place
Instead,
I remain comfortable. Stationary.
Give into silence.
Speak my mind only when I feel safe.
So I write.
Jan 3, 2020
Jan 3, 2020 at 12:30 AM UTC
somehow,
i always manage to ruin something.
Anything.
Everything.
I wish the things id touch would turn to gold,
instead,
they turn to black.
Everything i love
turning back as if i were never there in the first place,
and i deserve it.
I
used to be so happy
and healthy
and sweet
now i am nothing
but petty
and toxic
and mean
i don't know when
or how
but something inside of me died
like a flower left in a vase a little too long
i started to wilt away
started to lose my petals one by one
kindness.....
Joy........
self love.......
Leaving me one at a time
and then seemingly
all at once
as if when the last petal fell
I died with it.
I dont know what to do with this carcass
of a girl who once was
except to hold it up
if only
to catch a few final rays of sun.
Oct 24, 2018
Oct 24, 2018 at 5:03 PM UTC
Loneliness
Was never a stranger of mine
Before I met you
And Is no longer a stranger of mine again
Whenever I am not with you
Who knew
That shed come back for me
When you have yours turned to mine
Yes, I know you’re only sleeping
But my mind can’t help but to wonder where you’ve gone
If you’ve wandered off to somewhere,
Someone,
Better than I
I will not cry over my loss of your touch
I will only lament my heart’s feeling of fullness when I feel your hand on mine
Because without it,
Sometimes,
I can’t help but consider why it isn’t there
Only to find 12 hours later to be in your grasp once again.
My dear lover,
Where have you been?
My thoughts have been racing,
And my heart’s been akin
To a post apocalyptic wasteland
Devoid of all life.
But, never mind my temporary strife
Because with my palm feeling your heart’s beat,
And my lips feeling your warmth
I know no one’s torn you away from me
And that sleep
Is the only thing
Keeping us apart.
May 23, 2018
May 23, 2018 at 11:40 PM UTC
Dear Bryan,
I love it when you
Say my name
With the knowledge that with your last it will never be the same
Say my name
And change my initials to fit yours a little better
At least, one day, we’ll have one letter more in common
Say my name
And fulfill my dreams of being your queen
You say comfort is king
So
In OUR california king bed
I know you’ll do nothing less than make my cheeks red
Blushing
And sore
Say my name
And open the door to our future
Every enunciated letter a step closer to our life together
Serenade me
Sing me to our reality with the symphony of syllables leaving your luscious lips
Love me like this is the first and last moment of our united consciousness
Say my name
Drive me crazy
On this roadtrip of emotions
Every border crossed and hotel room occupied a new chapter in our lives
Every gallon of gas spent
And motel room left
New memories that we will never forget
Say my name
Don’t refrain from shouting it from the rooftops like you say you want to so badly
One day they’ll be the mountaintops by our California home
Hold me
While your vocal chords explode with the feelings I hold dear to my heart
While I lay on your chest and hear yours
beat
Ba dum
Ba dum
Ba dum
As if speaking in Morse code:
I love you
I love you
I love you
Translating this language has never been so easy
One of the many tongues I want you to help me be fluent in
Say my name
In your oh so endearing voice
Because I swear
I have never heard it sound so melodious than when it’s coming from your mouth
And if I’m lucky
You’ll be the last one to whisper it in my ear,
Like sweet nothings,
For the rest of our lives.
Love, Sarah Elizabeth Canalejo
Apr 10, 2018
Apr 10, 2018 at 10:22 AM UTC
You may be my number one but,
Coming in second place ain’t nothing but me on the run from your first love.
Sneaking into your room
Smelling nothing but her fresh sprayed perfume
Laying on her pillow on her side of the bed
Its almost too easy to just pretend
To you, there is nothing to mend
Nothing wrong with it
It’s just *** no feelings in it
You say to yourself “it isn’t really cheating”
While telling me I’m the one who really gets your heart beating
Filling me with fleeting horomones I know will go away when I go home
But
Right now you and I are all alone
If I try to leave you’ll just call my name and groan
“I can’t live without you”
So I’ll crawl into the bed that you pretend is ours
As if we’re the ones engaged in more than just an affair
I lie to you and tell you I just don’t care that i am not yours
As you hold my body and stroke my hair
I almost feel loved
But I know in reality there are no doves in our future
And No future for those imaginary symbols of love to inhabit
So, after our fun
I rise up and
Smile and
Say goodbye
Because no matter how hard I try I will
Never be your number one
And not looking back I’m
Back on the run
This time, not from your day one,
But from you, and your false illusion of love.
Feb 21, 2018
Feb 21, 2018 at 10:49 AM UTC
The sun
Is glad to see your face,
Your unseen grace,
Your Hidden space,
Your
Silhouette now covered in sun beams.
It seems
You've been
Packed away for a very long time
Its almost a crime how you've
Shielded yourself from his hydrogenity.
The sun
Is glad to see your smile
Your pearly whites
And colorless lips
Soft,
Too cold,
needing,
Craving,
warmth.
His
Golden fingers graze your cheek
And Bring life back to your pallor.
Who knew
Living as a recluse would make you so blue,
So unidentifiable?
He Brings you back from the dead
Pulling your soul back out
into your flesh.
Fresh
And healed,
At least Temporarily
But it
is enough,
His touch,
To liven your now tanning skin
To Make you akin to his own:
A sunflower
Trapped in the dark
3 inches tall instead of 3 feet
Now starting to grow beyond skyscrapers with his aid,
if his light is what's causing you to
Stand up straight
His heat is what is reviving your heartbeat
A Crescendo from silence to a slight pitter patter
Almost as soft as rain.
Almost as if crying.
If you listen hard enough,
You just might hear it wimpering, waking up from it's hibernation.
It
Wants to go back to sleep
But he
Refuses to give up his efforts of recesitation
For he knows it isn't for naught,
For he knows that it is working,
Your heart stirring
Beating
Louder as you step further out of the door frame
Let him
Cradle your soul with his firey hands
Let him
Bring you back from the dead.
You Look so much more alive when you let him work his magic on you.
The world
Has missed you.
Looking around,
Your mind starts whirring,
Analysing The outside world.
The Green of the grass and the
Blue of the sky,
All Graces of the solar angel shining over you,
Shining into you.
Giving you sight,
Giving you life,
Giving you the things you couldn't have before.
Let his
Golden happiness seep into your freezing bones,
And,
Turn them into torches
And burn brighter, in the daylight
Than you ever did in the darkness.
Feb 9, 2018
Feb 9, 2018 at 10:53 AM UTC
The edges of my heart
Cut my soft fingertips every time I try to put the shards back together
Shattered, it struggles to not beat itself into pieces once again
Sometimes,
It feels as if my heart isn't the only point of origin for the blood Pumping through my veins
My lungs
Have become nothing but collateral damage from the
Razor sharp "I love you's,"
Their causalness
Serrating my gentle, slowing breaths
Stopping my heart's beating
Every word holding a little less meaning
"I love you?" I say back, confusèdly
Wondering
Exactly what percentage of your heart you think you poured into your words
Because I
Didn't hear any of it.
Cold, Callous
sandpaper tongue
Licking at the firey feelings of Doubt in my mind
Maybe
My quieted voice can quench my questions
Smother the slivers of vowels lodged in my lungs
Trust me when I say you cannot hold in the blood flowing from my wounds
By holding My hand.
Shorter than I yet
Somehow your lies stand taller than my inner knowing truth.
Your heart is flawless and filled with youth
So you
Cannot see the end as being anything other than mutual
Like my heart fingers and lungs
Are mutually bleeding
Sometimes, it is hard to tell which is bleeding more
Sometimes,
It is hard to tell if I am holding myself together or continuously falling further apart
Not like you would know the difference
You only ever held me when I didn't need it
When I smiled
Your mouth was filled with i love yous
But when I cried
It was never filled with questions
Why
Did you never try to see through me
Or even simply into my eyes
I thought you knew I wouldn't let you drown in my tears
But
Your reluctance to talk about my fears
Only shoved my own head under the steadily rising waters of sadness
And despair
My dear, how did you get so distant?
Moons, planets, light years away
Your heart
May as well have been located in the andromeda galaxy
Because i
Could never truly reach it
Did you really want to become so distant?
When I just wanted to reside by your side
I guess I'll dont really want to know the reason why
Or if it would have even been worth it to try
To fix us.
Feb 7, 2018
Feb 7, 2018 at 1:27 PM UTC
She sits on her bed wondering if she will ever get better.
Ever BE better.
She wonders if her choices and emotions are her fault
Or a product of something deeper.
She stares at herself in the mirror
and wonders
If her tired eyes were caused by the torrent of tears, or instead, if they were caused by life's tolls.
But,
What she doesn't know,
Is that the only person who sees her in this way
Is herself.
She
Is only the underdog
To herself.
Dec 5, 2017
Dec 5, 2017 at 12:07 PM UTC
"John, Jennifer, Sarah, can I talk to all of You? Together?"
Words that I thought too little of and too much of, in unison.
My
Heart dropping
My
Mind dismissing my troubled emotions
"I'm sure it's nothing big" I thought to myself "it must be about dishes, or the broken garbage disposal, right?"
But,
My subconscious knew how wrong I was;
what my sheltering thoughts tried to ignore:
"We
Are getting evicted."
9 years of memories, not gone, but the house they were made in
We will no longer occupy
And
Will never occupy again.
I
Am not exactly sure how to feel
I
Don't really know if I am feeling too little, or too much
I
Don't think I've really even processed the fact yet.
What I thought would be a family conference about cleaning, or dishes turned into news we never saw coming
How
Does one process something you were never expecting to come.
We have
2 weeks:
To process,
To appreciate,
To memorize,
To let go.
Nothing I haven't been through before, and on shorter notice in the past
So this time
I will be stronger,
And older
I will be wiser than my constantly moving child-self ever was
I will
Not break, or crack under the pressure or the weight of past memories
I will
Mature
And be sturdy
And do the most that I can to help.
Because this
Isn't, and won't be easy on any of us.
So I
Will do my best
And we will get through this,
All of us,
Together.
Nov 30, 2017
Nov 30, 2017 at 10:11 AM UTC
I know objects
Can't truly make people happy
But Darling,
I want to give you the world.
Hold your hand and say
"Baby, you can have whatever you'd like"
Whether it be your favorite lipstick,
Or the moon,
I will
Find my way to the nearest Sephora,
Buy you red velvet from Lime Crime,
And then build a rocket ship
So I can bring you back her cratered Majesty
And maybe,
Pick up a tiara on the way so that you Can be my Majesty, too.
See I know that you don't have to
Own the Moon,
Or wear a crown to be Royalty
So I
Will treat you like a Queen every day,
And will
Never let you forget the role you play in my mind
And My pulse
Every beat getting stronger as you step closer
Baby,
won't you let me give you the universe
A galaxy of beauty lying in your eyes alone
Teeth like stars lighting up the night sky as you begin to laugh.
I
Yearn to make you laugh
Quoting
Cheesy vines
And making
Cheesy puns.
I'm starting to feel like in stuck in the middle of Wisconsin,
But even the middle of nowhere sounds like a nice place to be as long as I'm with you.
As long as its just us two,
And the moon.
Nov 17, 2017
Nov 17, 2017 at 10:45 AM UTC