I'm feeling a thousand years old,
my head is grey, as grave as pale,
dead faces. I'm already dead,
as of now, I'm reflecting on it.
I'm feeling a thousand years old
like a thousand year old patient
with a black hole for a soul
and curtains over the head
to keep it dark like the black universe
but the stars are supernovas
split open like a woman
giving birth to despair.
She bleeds pain from her eyes,
clear like deep epiphanies.
I'm feeling a thousand years old,
my head is grey like heavy clouds,
it rains all day and never stops,
I want to shed
my hair like teardrops
from my cheeks to the floor,
sad, deranged and nothing more.
I'm feeling a thousand years old
like a thousand year old agent
of reproduction. I'm giving birth
to so much chaos and entropy,
it amazes me. I don't see
any reason to live,
any reason to be.
Jan 26, 2016
Jan 26, 2016 at 8:01 AM UTC
I want to die.
Today is my birthday
and I wish it wasn't
such a disappointment
but everything feels so
pointless.
I don't want to live
in this constant discomfort;
even the air is a nuisance
and I'm irritated.
Just shut up
and get the **** away from me...
I feel nothing.
Jan 24, 2016
Jan 24, 2016 at 6:52 PM UTC
I want to melt
and never get up,
just sink
and give up.
I want the floor,
me and the ground,
we'll be happy together.
I'm safe and sound.
I want to faint
for lack of motivation
to stand and be
a good little human.
I want the floor
to consume me,
for the door to open,
let through my heart,
my entire heart
to rest someplace
where I feel less wanted,
just dead, you know?
Human.
Everything's the same to me,
just another trap,
but I'm free now.
Jan 23, 2016
Jan 23, 2016 at 10:37 PM UTC
Self hatred
is my way
of telling myself,
"I love you,
even if you're a twisted ****
Jan 17, 2016
Jan 17, 2016 at 9:35 PM UTC
Crescendo!
Kindness is evil,
break my heart instead.
Rolling and rolling
and going nowhere,
keep going and going
to nowhere, honey.
You're so sweet to me
like the moment you realize
the end is close, hope is lost,
and resistance is futile.
****** is mercy.
Jan 17, 2016
Jan 17, 2016 at 9:27 PM UTC
Oh, how the time moves
like a rushing wave,
I was out of place,
I sorely hated the day.
Oh, how can I prove
anything but black?
I was wishing so hard,
I'd forgotten the facts.
It was so natural to me,
at least with time it would be
stapled into permanence--
I walk in sheer memory.
Jan 17, 2016
Jan 17, 2016 at 6:52 PM UTC
Let's be happy in the October
pumpkin-colored sunset vantage
before your tranquil eyes.
Let's lie and sink
into each other's souls
beneath the smoke powdered sky,
white like lightly sketched veins
against the pale blue
canvas of morning.
Your shy-colored glances
kissing my stomach like
medicine in my blood,
blinding my senses
til' I cannot sense
anything but love.
Jan 17, 2016
Jan 17, 2016 at 6:48 PM UTC
I'm in the tallest area,
no higher than a fathomless well
to trap oneself in,
in wide, deep questions.
My ribcage opened
and out came the moon
harvested in the daylight,
splashing yellow-orange flickers
across the dark gulf of my soul--
like autumn stars against the darkness.
Perhaps I care too much
about the facts:
the "truth",
I've lost faith in that.
Jan 17, 2016
Jan 17, 2016 at 6:43 PM UTC
The universe dims,
grows dimmer and seems
to want to eat me alive!
so I scream, the cosmos
morphing in and out
the doors and windows and
nothing is making sense anymore.
There is a disturbance
close in the vicinity,
the clamor distorts in stabs
and wisps and hiss-like kisses
upon my soul, trying to run away
yet stay with it.
I'm in two, the air
twists my head, rips my chest
open and I am not sure of
left from right, up or down,
wrong and right, just
pace back and forth,
half flying, half shifting,
lifting hysteria building storms
in your failing body.
The atmosphere could open wide
and swallow me whole.
My escape is a trap!
and all of tomorrow
to look the other way and find
chaos for today and days after
the first time I felt frightened,
confused and disturbed.
Jan 11, 2016
Jan 11, 2016 at 10:10 AM UTC
I love your brother,
Christianity;
light for pepper
shoes the elevator
hope and dope-ianity...
Jan 6, 2016
Jan 6, 2016 at 8:40 AM UTC