the word family
sits at the edge of my mouth
and throws rocks in the well of my throat
choking me to death
Sep 27, 2024
Sep 27, 2024 at 6:00 PM UTC
in the middle of the day my heart runs heavy
and I feel the heaviness of missing you
running through my veins so fast
that I want to cut myself open
and drip across the city
to your door
Jan 26, 2023
Jan 26, 2023 at 9:20 AM UTC
I keep special memories of you
Hidden deep inside of my chest
So far into my heart
That when I let them out
In the darkness of the night
In the quiet of an empty room
I feel like
I’m having
A heart attack
May 26, 2022
May 26, 2022 at 11:14 AM UTC
My anxiety claws its way up from my stomach to my chest,
makes a pit stop to sit heavily when I breathe,
when it senses I am tensing it rises further to my throat so that when I speak,
I know I am in its company;
My anxiety demands respect
it demands to be heard,
it demands to be felt,
it demands to be seen
so that when I take deep breaths and my eyes dart around
at every exit, every window, every glass of water
everyone will feel that something is wrong
leaving me no choice but to excuse myself
leave the room
and wallow in the comfort of my racing thoughts, listing the things I see, feel, smell, taste and praying
that the invitation to the mental health ball in my head
will expire soon
Feb 17, 2021
Feb 17, 2021 at 3:36 AM UTC
it is the way that I wake up in the middle of the night relentlessly searching for you in a single bed
the way I instinctively say we because I have no more desire to be the solo remnants of an ‘I’ that was too tired to stand up straight
the way I cannot help but smile in fragments of moments when I realise that you have become more valuable and yet more priceless than the next breath I breathe
that I’ve come to realise just how much I love you
Jan 23, 2021
Jan 23, 2021 at 6:07 PM UTC
tell me
how do I become someone's home
when I am all sticks and stones and poor timing
clumsiness held together by suppressed trauma
held back by a dam
I am both the skilled architect and the drunk contractor of my body
my memory has neighbourhoods inside of it each designed to cater to every occasion
tell me
where do I find the house known as me for you
in what neighbourhood do I search
I can't remember the last time I have held onto something
as unfamiliar as being loved back
what I'm trying to say is that
I don't know if I can be a house
but I can be the warm light that somehow takes you through the darkest days
I can be the worn out blanket that holds its charm with a little help of softener
I can be the go-to mug, with spots from over-use and poor maintenance but volume big enough for a comfort drink
I don't know if I can be a house
but I will take my limbs, my bones, my skin
and one by one
become a safe space
Dec 6, 2020
Dec 6, 2020 at 12:16 PM UTC
god am i scared
but amidst the touches that linger longer and longer
and the butterflies in my stomach when i come up to kiss you
amidst the way that you say i love you and really mean it
and the way i rush back to you after every event like a butterfly to the light
i realise
that letting you love me
was the best decision i've ever made
Sep 10, 2020
Sep 10, 2020 at 9:52 AM UTC
the way you say my name has become my favourite melody
my voice saying yours becomes the chorus
Sep 6, 2020
Sep 6, 2020 at 6:12 PM UTC
it feels like it’s been forever
but then on days like this I’m reminded
of the inevitable colour of depression
of the way summer’s stormy clouds form over the mountain
in an all-too-familiar grey
of the way the leaves,
tired from the heaviness of hanging on to branches all summer
finally let go
isn’t there something so beautiful though
about how each dying leaf
tries to make the grey of fall
all the more colourful?
how falling isn’t the failure
but the most beautiful part of the cycle?
I trudge forward bearing the heavy weight of all that fall brings
and knowing the inevitable grip winter holds onto my emotions
stepping on each of the leaves
one
by
one
Aug 20, 2020
Aug 20, 2020 at 12:08 PM UTC
we're two matches burning together slowly
all i feel is warmth and light around me
even if i'm one day closer to dying
Aug 18, 2020
Aug 18, 2020 at 2:06 PM UTC