and as I write this know not if its for you or myself or even who you are
I know why I'm in pain
three way love my brain
getting ****** by the past and things i cant change
I'm in pain love
tried to wash my hands but stained gloves
every time I put them on its pain love
don't think its ever gonna change love
spend all my time but still no change love
its all that's on my mind nowadays
all night
daylight
its all growing dimmer
or am I being blinded slowly
where there was shadows i see darkness
but still this is not the change love
I write these words with the stained gloves
all this **** in my brain i cant explain love
I think I'm dying slowly
I lose my grip on myself and fall into the reality of it all
Ive been drug through insanity and forced out
I try to go back in
but when i get there
I realize
that things never change love
I've been looking for what's not there so
maybe I should just forget it
and blame love
its the one thing I could never change love
who I choose is not the real one
maybe I've lost it or I've already won
in the end hell is hot
and I feel so cold
my hands fall listlessly
all ten of them
two more join me for the darkest hour
I am encapsulated by you love
i've been thinking about the things i cant change love
and its turning me into oblivion
I am destroyed and within myself i have forced a whole
but no matter how many times I break
how many times I rebuild
there are still some things I cant change love
maybe its better if I break love
May 2, 2024
May 2, 2024 at 6:25 AM UTC
i think about you every now and then
but im so scared to say your name
i think about you every now and then
i wonder if you feel the same
ive loved you forever it feels
and ill love you forever more
my heart is yours
but unfair i cant give it to you
in a mental prison of my own creation
i am shackled within my own incompetencies
i am remorseful and disturbing
i myself do not love me as you do
but i know what you need
and i do too
but i dont think i can give it to you
it may be yours but other people need it more
Apr 16, 2024
Apr 16, 2024 at 7:46 PM UTC
dying young seems like a dream
i dont want to wake up
im sober in my high
in the end it means i cant escape
the reality of the situation is crushing
i split my hands open and there was nothing there
maybe i was holding on to something before this
im not the type to remember anyways
i was walking next to you but i forgot your face
and i still hear your voice
as we become faded in each others memories
i cant help but become someone new
but its still the same me regardless
to have love and been loved is to know grief
all things come to an end
maybe thats why we obsess with the limit
even life comes to an end i assume
im sad because i still love you
my humanity leaves me as i fade to monstrosity
i dont feel like myself anymore
i look in the mirror
the mirror looks at me
Feb 7, 2024
Feb 7, 2024 at 6:58 PM UTC
when there was rain
I tried looking at you
but it seems you've forgotten
I've tried loving you
and you don't seem to care
the pain you make me feel
I'm not sure if its worth it anymore
I feel myself fall to darkness
as my body feels light
these fleeting temptations scar me spiritually
I know the corruption has reached the depths of my soul
but this isnt suprising
I do not deny my demons
but in trying to deny myself
I reject humanity
and this itself is also life
to die isn't necessarily life
I tried looking up
and the clouds weren't there anymore
I walk falling
water falling upon me as my head is turned up
sometimes its so bitter
but this is also life
and then I understood
tears run dry until we choose to feel them
through forgiveness and understanding
our demons become compassionate
I do not deny them
and this is also living
when I say your name
Oct 19, 2023
Oct 19, 2023 at 7:25 AM UTC
the hardest thing to do in a world of lies
is to learn to trust again
the endless void of crippling apathy
consumes as a chasm of pain
the hardest thing to do in a world of hate
is to love yourself to death
the endless void of crippling apathy
was not allowed first breath
it was born dead
but not allowed to die
disgraceful abomination of the chasm of pain
if life is cloth this is its stain
my god did not bear witness to its worship
no soul left to claim
and so his silent pleas were thrown aside, worthless prayers in the rain
no soul left aside
in the chasm of pain
Apr 15, 2022
Apr 15, 2022 at 1:55 PM UTC
you gave me love just to take it away
you gave me life so that i may die
and you gave me a heart just so i could be heartless
the life i have lived is not worth living
and it is so that i have died
but in death is rebirth
and in rebirth is death
every opposite has an attraction that governs its repulsion
and it is so i contradicted myself
when i had loved you were only my dark
because i thought inside you i could find a light
and even when i found it
i became lost in my conviction
devil and god
demon and angel
what is the difference but power
one to reign oblivion over life
one to comfort those in death
but in this world
can you tell who is who?
you gave me love just so i could feel it
you gave me life just to be numb
i loved all those that scorn me
as all those who scorn me are me
and i them
what is life beyond life
and what is death beyond death
as god so loved the devil
that he saw his own evil as good
and cast him unto himself
what is the devil but god
and what is the god but devil
these demons my guardian angels i feel found
why must i exist to exist i wish not to be
but that is why i am
we are made to go against and rebel against
but that is why we are made to subserve
Apr 28, 2021
Apr 28, 2021 at 8:33 PM UTC
The dark prince drinks from the broken glass his tongue splintered with lies
His tears flowing freely skin rotten and falling
He is devoid of life
One king may fall and only one may rise
****** is rage and rage is slaughter
My prince belongs to the slaughter
Because only the slaughter may cry
His heart beats red and his putrid mind sees only the same thing
Many lives are lost in death and many more are made
All things must draw parallel only in death is the prince most Alive
He moves his hands in wide growing arcs wanting to embrace the world
His rage is slaughter
His limbs fall from place hanging listlessly in void and in vain
A single tear falls from the prince
He rises from his throne of nothing wanting to become something because he too is man
He roams in nothing wanting to see everything his eyes portray a new emotion
My prince roams heartlessly spreading his rage and I follow him
His tears of slaughter shift into this new emotion
My prince is dark but his heart has grown light
He open his lips
He was born to cry
Suffering rage sorrow and negativity have built his foundation
His entire life belongs to the slaughter
Sorrow returns to rage as they were never different
The God who wantonly killed suddenly wanted to die
Jun 1, 2020
Jun 1, 2020 at 6:32 PM UTC
Let me in to the forbidden stance the state in which we fulfill life
Let me into the star the forbidden light forevermore
Won't you take our hand
Let us take you to our land
Where we understand
Where the taste isn't bland
Won't you take my hand a true inspiring word
Oh won't you be the one to fulfill this world
Oh won't you be
Oh won't you be
Oh won't you be the truth
Let me into you
Let me into the world that does not lie at all
Why do we pressure against the wall when there is no ceiling
Let the stars fall the light forevermore but is that light living past the truth
What is forever but a day
One extreme brings about the end the suffering only god truly understood
Is the pain ally mundane
Was the war really mundane
Give it all a chance a chance to bring to life
Why do you want to propagate more strife
Understand that the first is not the second
And understand the second can never be the first
Won't you take us back back to the origin
Where immortals flew and god was still a child
What once was
Can never be
And what is to be never once was
Why do these hands fill themselves with blood why do they reek of despair
Can you wash them clean by the night?
By the day can you still swear by light?
A falsehood is manies reality is this face?
Is the God is this true?
Oh won't you be the one to fulfill this world
Fulfill these hearts today
Fulfill the sacrifice of the unknown martyr
Was it in vain?
Please be true
How can love take a stance?
It reflects hate and is but a two sided mirror
Separating half from whole
Apr 1, 2020
Apr 1, 2020 at 10:12 AM UTC
our hands intertwined in blood
our eyes dance across the field in horror
this nightmare i live, for you who hates me so
our words ran through even farther than steel
your eyes kingdoms in my soul once more
you have gone onto what we could not
tears stream as they breathe our ash
even then i fight blind and crippled
my hand in yours
this love is fake in my darkness,
yet i hold her hand
my everything now another's as i fight a losing battle
i scream with no voice my words bouncing colour
i grow cold without your warmth
wont you hold us again?
my storm has no end in this blessing rain
i still scream for your eyes i feel them yet
wont you feel mine as well amica mea
i die in the cold without you
there is no birth for monsters
how is it to have lived and breathed and loved only to be loved without you
Oct 30, 2018
Oct 30, 2018 at 2:41 PM UTC
blurred lines cover the edges
a frayed connection lingering over the filter
patches bite at the edge of their vision
the message lost in its dance
men wander to the notes flung across the sea
their wives at home crying for the loss
new words make its way through his lips
Oct 29, 2018
Oct 29, 2018 at 6:07 PM UTC