I watch you talk to three boys at once, a tree hosting a nest full of birds unbeknownst to the betrayal through the veins of its branches.
I hear you talk only of yourself, only knowing the surface of your ocean, rather than the ecosystem of things beneath it.
I see you dressing in things you don't find comfortable, visually or physically, but you paint yourself as prey for your predator in hopes that it will feed you the nutrients and attention you need to survive.
I pray for you. I pray that you flourish and grow and become beautiful, but not if you just pollute yourself for the sake of those living on you.
We were supposed to be art
Art in the form of beings
To see, to touch, to evolve with
From the waters, to art
Electricity & salt fueling us
It is all falling, slipping
We are to enchant one another
To feed off the energy produced
By the touch of two eyes
Staring at the moon
Drinking the Spanish wine
The words we speak
The lust that drives us during sex
It is all to have been art
They shoot each other,
Some hate one another,
Others are blinded by themselves
Do not disappear, great art
We are here in the gardens
Inside the paintings
All around the city glowing together
The voice of art is real but fading
Some pretend, no substance
No passion, no sensitivity to the energy
But here it is, a truth to be told
We are to be art, daily
In our sleep to create
In our actions to be alive
And in our minds to explore all worlds
I feel great
Yeah i should
I tear off bits of skin
From my lips
Their so dry
And my fingertips
In the shower too
I guess i didn't
Want to lose control
Like bang my head
Against the wall
I crave affection
I got many addictions
I put them on hold
Hoping i was going to grow
I'm down the drain
I'm just an echo
When I was 17
Thing I ever did was
When I was 22
The most heartfelt
Thing I ever did was
Never were you mine
When I was 25
Thing I ever did
Was cheat on you
When I was 29
The most beautiful
Thing I ever did
Was giving birth
Never was I with you
Now I am 33
And my life is full of
Things and people
I love and cherish
Beggars can't be choosers
But always wanting you
May be the most destructing
Thing I will ever do.
I tried to kill myself
Moreso, that failure
You know, its so easy to die. Slip into oblivion and say nothing matters. To hide your sorrow until tomorrow disappears.
I woke up with thick grey half moons under my eyes, yellow-grey toned skin, one half red eye and a dozen bruises on my neck.
I dont want to lose the innocence i have left. This is my confession. Hatred burns in my heart, but not just at myself anymore & if it is not my fault i can never change this terrifying world. I feel so small, i could blink & disappear...
But still, somehow, in my absence, in the simple threat of loss, fear and pity enter the hearts of those among me. So vile. So heartbreaking. The tears on my moms face having driven three hours to see me are the worst waters i might encounter. A tsunami of emotion.
Life is pain. Death is emptiness. Suicide may be relief, but failure is guilt.
Is there a balance somewhere?
It's somewhere between
the sweaty dead mid-afternoon
and the drowned devoured evenings,
I recover from an existential thought
and from a presumed never ending sleep,
In this chair of the decayed veranda,
the sky has fermented into shades
of blue and red and this bird has perched
into my surroundings,violating my comfort
I try to shoo it away,but it keeps chirping,
it isn't afraid of the things I could do
for a lonesome evening,
with small pesky eyes it stares me,
almost asking for a riddance of my sight
and we are now tangled into this small sphere of universe
fighting on an evening for sight of silence.
we seem to had have too much such evenings,
facing existential crises,sabotaging the living
for a cure of loneliness,
but it's inner self now seems to realize
it is a waste now to wait.
we both like matter and antimatter can't coexist.
it then chirps a final time and flies
unlike what I had thought and believed
unlike the title I have written.
it betrayed me for a truce to exist,
like every other human does.
like we all do.
How long have your eyes cried for me
Months? Days? Years?
Take all of your love and hide from me
Waste not, all of your tears
How long has your smile ached for me
A decade or more or less
Straighten that grin and stare at me
I am too weak to utter a 'yes'
How long have you stood in front of me
A Child, a youth and a man
I'm doing the best that's in front of me
With the reflection of me while I can
Sometimes I feel like I can run
Run miles away from reality by my shadow still follows
But my heart beats fast like a drum
Wishing the memories of you would burn down to ashes
Only to creep back minute after minute, hour after hour
Of those crazy days we had sleepless nights chatting
Trying to sleep but all was in vain
Highlighting the feelings we had for each other
But all is a chronicle
I guess I lost everything for nothing
It feels awful by this feeling
A feeling that silences the beauty of the past and revives the present
Tattering the hopes and only crushing me to the ground
Weak and feeble, left for the vultures to devour
But still the resonant words of you still whisper to my ears like a passing wind
I try to come into existence with reality,you're gone
But it's as hard as cracking a nut
Trying to flee my convicted mind
Trying to create a new world deemed feet for me
The sky's blue,I can't hold on ,but I'll try
Now as spring light fades into a softly
blue evening, I turn to you and ask?
If you can tell me more.
The river doesn't flow as rapid as before
the lake is still dry, no breeze blows
away dust of broken dreams.
If you can tell me more tell me now
Before light is a space and
The stillness has lost its echo
My skin that bled for days
And I thought I might drown in such blood
He came to heal my wounds
My new skin
Covering my lashes and panic
To bring new light.
To bring new hope.
But yesterday I fell
And I scraped my hands and cracked head open
I sat there and watched the blood run down my body
I watched the blood drip from my mascara painted eyelashes
And my tears made a bloody mess
I tasted like copper
Little by little I faded away
Because my new skin was ruined
And I couldn't see it anymore
My new skin had vanished
All his light
All my hope
i’ve heard people explain
if weed and cigarettes are smelled
it’s coming from me, a perfume
i only have to light.
they’re used to my repetitive nature,
my decaying body stuffed inside
a six year old leather jacket.
it's a running gag that I
destroy myself on an
hourly basis. it's funny that I
spent most of high school
clawing at my wrists to get
the fatal flaws out.
I put myself on display
and then get uncomfortable when
I'm asked for a blow by blow
of my most recent suicidal episode.
the gashes on my arms seem to be
an invitation for people to ask me
personal questions whose answers
are only given as whispers under the blanket of night.
i am open and yet how closed am i,
the wanting to be heard conflicting
with wanting to create an air of mystery.
so when you smell smoke just know
i am around, i am waiting
for my name to slip out
when friends bring up
One thing about rain,
it's not just water nor droplets
but bullets of different emotions
a match stick that burns your soul
in a deep, vague coldness
some found happiness from it
i once did
and some did find something
they did not want nor expect
but a thing about rain
is that you will always
it will always give you a thing
even if you're not aware
and when you're not aware,
let me tell you,
it is the rain
a thing about the rain,
it's a door
a door that leads to a place
you once went
a door that opens widely
for a rent
it's more than a water
it's a memory
you can't assume that it's the same place
you once longed to be
we can't say that the door is safe
or the door is free
some were trapped
some managed to escape
some managed to smile
and I managed to fear
I fear that rain prolongs and bears fruit
but it did not, it just plucked up
a great root
how wonderful the rain could be
how it crashed to ground
a resilient tree
how one could change
with a single memory
and how rain heightens my anxiety
I want to kiss the nape of your neck
Follow the treasure trail to the Cape of regret
Be lost in your hair without any cares
Their tendrils of longing caress
Carried along by the rhythm of eternal tides
Floating in that ocean of dreams
My siren sings to me
Bringing visions of you in time and space
The smile on your face
The way you taste
The smell of your breath
Your essences washes away my fears
Scudding along on a surfboard of cares
I can do without.
my body is a hotel full of guests who do not pay their bill
room 1 houses a boy who wraps his hands around my throat as he asks about my father
whispers from next door ask him if he is really afraid to die
they seem to come from inside the foundations of the building
and his upstairs neighbours are always banging on the floor in the hopes that he will notice them
my walls want to cave in on themselves
and the dining room is always full of monsters
bathroom drains clogged with hair and piss, pipes moaning in fear
i am filling up and it is terrifying
a sick, sick man is squatting in the basement
all of my residents know, but nobody says anything
out of politeness or fear
until it is too late, until
he has breathed his infection into the air
then transferred into the lungs of my occupants
using me as a conduit
Sometimes I'm pushed, sometimes I fall but often I go there with a will of my own,
The traps of my thoughts,
Destination yet unknown
From there it moves quickly the sadness appears,
I can't breathe, I can't sleep
My thoughts are my fears.
This time, I think to myself, it's really quite bad,
I think again and wonder,
If it's the worst anxiety
That I've ever had?
But the worst is yet to come,
And the worst has all ready been,
Because every single anxiety attack,
Is the worst you'll ever feel within.
Some say that falling in love can have similar neurological effects to that of cocaine. This “drug” does not only affect the depths of the heart’s desire, but the complexity of the mind as well. Love is more than just a feeling, and so when the feeling does exist, it becomes a power, and this power can overcome almost anything. Love though, may not always lead to a happy ending; in fact, its power may lead one unto the path of heartache. Mahatma Gandhi once said, “Love is the strongest force the world possesses and yet it is the humblest imaginable.”
Although the times seem tough
I want you to know
You're always enough
Through every stumble and fall
You spring back up
And stand so tall
You'll always have my heart
My muse, my love,
I'll talk you down from pain
I'll hold you tight
Through sun and through rain
I'm here for you till the end
you're still my best friend
You are but a beautiful spirit…so much splendor, that it cannot be contained within the halls of the spirit word. Your beauty ignites! It escapes like flames from a candle in the darkest of corners to illuminate our physical world thru your delicious contours and sweet face. You are celestial my Love! descended from the heavens for us to celebrate perfection in a woman.
Thank you my Darling...as a gaze from you justifies my existence. Call upon me with your angelic voice…watch me shatter in bliss.
Eres un espíritu bello...tanto esplendor en ti que no se puede contener en los pasillos espirituales. ¡Se enciende como fuego tu belleza! Escapa como luz de vela en lo más oscuro a iluminar nuestro mundo físico en tus deliciosas curvas y hermoso rostro. ¡Eres celestial mi Amor! Desciendes de los cielos para nosotros celebrar perfección en una mujer.
Garcia Querida...ya que una mirada tuya justifica mi existencia. Llámame con tu voz angélica...mira como me rompo de alegría.
- Luiz D. Syphre
Just a note to let all of you. My Hello Poetry friends, know how much I appreciate you reading and/or following my poems or posts for the past 5 years ( for some of you), Wow, the time has sure gone by quickly. Futhermore, you have all made such a positive impact on my life that I can not picture my life without you all in it. When I count up my blessings in life ,I count you all twice. You have been so nice to know! Thank You, so much for being part of this online community! You make a difference in my life and the lives of others too. Keep writing!
With Sincere Gratitude,
From Your fellow poet friend,
Ann M Johnson
"Why did you cut your hair? You looked so much better with it long!"
i hate this question because it makes me think
I am a strong woman I can have short hair and be stunning!
i want to scream this
i have my freedom to look like this!
i want to yell in anger
but the truth is
i didn't think about what others were going to think
and that makes me feel powerful
but i didn't think much besides what was going to make me happy
It was one super selfish action i have made
I took control over my body after the rape
i was vulnerable again
open to the world
willing to show my beauty and strength
if happiness was
i wouldn't get
i would circle around it,
wanting & drooling
but never daring to
take a slice.
waiting for everyone to take
& when everyone has taken
one or two,
i see the empty cake plate
my stomach grumbles at me
i am hungry, starved of food
but i refuse to take a slice
& like a sick girl, if i was offered
of someone else's slice & i ate it,
purging myself of the things i'm not
allowed to have.
because i'm not a girl who deserves
& i cry myself to sleep asking myself
why can't i just eat the cake
& be happy?
but i still refuse to take a slice
because it seems so much easier
when i'm empty.
you don't know what my handwriting looks like
i don't know what your yawn sounds like
you don't know my reaction to the end of my favourite film
i don't know your reaction to eating your favourite meal
i don't know what your hand feels like
and you don't know what mine feels like
we may not know everything
but we are still in love
Why am I given some thing that I would gladly not have this very day
Why does it have to be this way
Humans destroy each other in such ungodly contradiction and why should any other have to pay
Crying doesn't help or take the pain away
The train ride is now safe and arrives without delay
The only problem is that the train after so much time is not ever going to stay
Time delivers many things sometimes over rivers and Oceans or by flight of the heart all you can do is pray
I am sleepy today; walking to the kitchen in a haze;
soft, pink toes on a cold floor.
I don't mind 5am's of awake.
There are bigger things in life than refrigerators ―
crackling of a fresh newspaper from the living room; the empty green, park benches.
I am singing a song,
while I pour water in an ancient saucepan
and it smells like bonfire outside.
There are bigger things in life than coffee tables ―
making up constellations of flickering stars, perfect fallen leaves; someone that holds your face while they kiss you.
Warm hands from the stove now, I walk,
quickly to put them against your stubble
Listen ...the neighbour's dog is singing love songs,
And it smells like tea here.
There are bigger things in life than Ideal ―
your cold nose at my cheek, sweet biscuits for breakfast, remembering the words to an Italian song from years ago.
This cold morning of you and tea, in an empty house of dusty floors
There are bigger things in life.
Rain clouds in the distance
can’t harm me.
I am above them
as far as I can see.
they are weeping for you
and for now
I am dry
your storm has passed
left me parched
moving fast. The
rainclouds in the distance
are headed for me
against the wind
aim and shoot!
the fire cant burn
my sodden soul
so I yearn
and earn my place among the drowned.
my mind is playing tricks on me
I thought I saw your face
next second gone, just like that
not the slightest trace
I must be going crazy
I thought I heard you call my name
but only silence greeted me
is my mind really playing games?
I thought I felt your tender touch
when I turned, you were not there
although goose bumps broke out on my skin
couldn't find you anywhere
you left me, oh so long ago
yet still you're on my mind
you'd think that I'd be over you
living life and doing fine
why then, am I seeing you
feeling your familiar touch?
why then are you haunting me?
why do I miss you this damn much?
I wish I could just let it go
banish thoughts of you away
I wish I could erase it all
or make it so you stayed
but I don't have that power
so here I am alone
hour after hour
trying to make it on my own
my mind is playing tricks on me
for here you are again
like I'm dreaming while awake
when will this madness end?
always the same, you show yourself
when void of company
when no one's here to witness
the way you come to me
perhaps I am going crazy!
it could be worse for me
at least one thing is certain
I won't ever again be lonely
I'll finally have you back again
and life won't be so sad
living in my crazy world
might not be so bad
I may have lost touch with reality
I may be lost in wonderland
but I've made up my mind, I'm staying
reality will just have to understand
A nation great and strong we stood
The symbol of a dream
A city on a shining hill
A torch, a glowing beam
A statue tall and proud we built
Of copper and of gold
Its feet of clay away were cut
It crumbled into mold
Corrupted now our leaders are
And sunken into greed
An illness growing in our land
A toxic spreading weed
Now all the people stand in awe
From sea to shining sea
Fearfully they all behold
The tears of Liberty
walked down this paved place before
all face toward the pointless structures,
being the fallacy of really seeing
while the others drown with content I've obliterated the faceless expression I've met, creating someone else I've forgotten
soaring the road to an alternate place
over and over–windows mourning vibrates this air,
arrhythmic pulses in this dying heat wreak of irrational thoughts
pained by a barrier sealed in me,
I keep walking far away
further in, thorns prick violently
In between the separation—trees divided vividly,
faces divided easily, eyes follow me completely
An imaginary place to see where they keep changing
comfort in a falseness too surreal I believe
through I see the only place for me
carried away over the weightless sea I believed
finding it hard to breathe in a hopeless dream
why can't it be?
oh why can't I see?
Oceans rise higher than me, pleasant a sight to see
an uneventful day it seems, autumn comes too late
down a bridge I'm free, over a rail I was released
no where to be found, a static breeze surrounds me
Ventured along another side it seemed,
over me a rain poured silently
no eyes to be seen, a changeless scene
Lonely I was
until it came for me, the dream
ohh the dream
Hypnotized I was to believe
down an extensive road I wonder
To another place I could release
I've never looked good in a bath
The bits sticking out make me laugh
And no matter how many bubbles
I make with my chuckles
I'm embarrassed on my own behalf.
The shower is much better for posing
I do so enjoy a good hosing
And as I sing into my loofah
Like an ageing old crooner
Who cares if I'm over-exposing?
“Sauna Enchanted Evening ..."
Notice the difference between before and after your presence, weigh the after effects of the termination of the bond between binary ambiances which resulted from not appreciating.
Evaluate the conditions of our hearts during the juncture of the best love affair we have ever got into. Feelings extracted from deep within the sentiment is what I always offered you.
Give yourself time to realise that you were never grateful, no matter what I offered to you it was just not good enough since it was below the standards you put for yourself based on the beauty you possess.
Love, affection is what I offered at all times but material possessions remains to be the root cause of your love for a guy. Sadly, I never had what you wanted but I had what you deserved and that is love.
Expressing the conditions of my heart is now futile because the heart that withheld true feelings for you was tossed in the mud and thrown in the trash bin by you who was supposed to treasure it.
Communicating with you is like visiting the graveyard to shred tears on my special one who is extinct from this Earth. Whether I cry or not the situations remains constant, you are dead to me.
Taking away everything I had in a wonderful home which existed deep within you. I am leaving and opening space for another man who will be brave enough to accept your behaviour because I can’t.
Inflicting the same pain you caused me when I always believed that you were miss right but never did I know that you would only serve to teach me that a book cannot be judged on its cover.
Never will I make the same mistake ever again when I meet the one who holds much beauty. Your presence made me acknowledge the availability of a mask a woman can have on her face yet evil inside.
Going home back to my original roots where I never met you. Meeting you was not a mistake and I appreciate the lesson you taught me but you deserve nothing but heartache.
Letting go of the thought in my mind that you would grow up to be the mother of my children and the daughter in law of my mother who would love you as much as I did.
Oppressed deep within is how you made me feel everyday but I am wide awake, realising my worth on this Earth and I deserve much more than what you offer.
Voices in my head screaming there’s no beauty that exists in the world which is more radiant than that of which you possess of but I am not going to consider such because beauty exists everywhere.
Everything we had was just a fluke and I can safely walk away from this household that I received a blind eye when I was ought to be cared for, loved and cherished by you whom I loved.