Ten thousand tears I never cried for you
Nine thousand smiles I never showed you
Eight thousand frowns you never caused
Seven thousand kisses I want you to have
Six thousand longing glances you've never seen
Five thousand drops of blood not spilt for you
Four thousand walls punched in frustration
Three thousand doctor trips for broken fingers
Two thousand pies (just to make you smile)
One thousand tears actually cried for you
Five hundred screams of frustration
One hundred tears of happiness cried for you
Ten flowers of hatred not grown in my heart
Five minutes of rapture given to me by you
One constant thought:you

I fell down, but I'm back on my feet
And I'll remember, the next time that we meet
That strangers who kiss you aren't always so sweet
And sometimes it hurts to be swept off your feet

Your name hurts
six letters have the power
to make my heart ache
and I have tried everything
to make the pain stop
repetition
repetition
repetition
but it doesn't work
and usually the more you repeat things
the less they mean
but with your name it doesn't work
sometimes I get used to the pain
it is just a lull that I learned to ignore
but then someone speaks your name
and it resonates through my veins
and sinks into my bones
your name is carved into my brain
and when i hear it what follows is
usually pain
pain that follows the fond memories
and the knowledge that you're not there
you consumed me and left me with no air
and so here i am trying to breathe
then you come back and air fills my lungs
breathing becomes easier when you're around.

We all have secrets.

But walls have thousands

I crawled into your back pocket quietly and folded myself up small, like the smoke from the cigarettes you always lit but never smoked.
I bumped into your last name everywhere because I may have managed to escape the slum but we all crawl back to where our hearts first beat.
You escaped with a lens in your fist and roads I will never drive down, buried deep in your feet.
I sat on your shoulders and kept quiet. I watched every girl you fell in love with and I felt burns on my hands every time one pushed your hair back out from your eyes.
The girl from Missouri with the long brown hair counted 49 freckles but I knew about the 2 that were kept hidden under your knees and I scolded every girl who thought they loved you like I did.
I sleep with bones who cry out for my touch but sometimes they whisper for a girl whose name is different from my own. Her name tastes like sewage in the back of my throat.
I know love because I curled his hair around my finger. And I know that someday my children with have a head full of it.
But when you taught me love it was filled with new beginnings. But you went too far and I waved you off and sat back in the dust I had come from and told myself I was better off and you were crazy.
You traveled through towns I may never know and shook hands with people I will never see. Sometimes I imagine what it would be like if we kept holding hands. Mine got sweaty and your long legs moved too fast. My heart became heavy and held me down. You
Sometimes I sleep across your room on the old blue chair with my back towards you. Sometimes I hear you whisper my name and I know you still feel my hands slipping up your shirt and drawing constellations of how our future should have mapped out between freckles and old acne scars.

We're a romance for how my heart beats for you
We're a sad story for how that statement isn't true for you
We're a comedy for the humorous irony of me and you
We're a a fiction because it will always be me space you
We're a fantasy because the concept of we're is all in my head

I am sorry, and you are sorry, we can make up in the morning, wake up in our torment, go back to bed and do it all again, before the storm hits, as it's the fragile moments that make this what it is, and it's, beautiful,  ~ whatever it is.