and just like that day turned to night / and just like that my problems came to light

it might've been the cobbled stones that you saw that reminded you of me, or the way that she stood next to you, a proud 5'2 like me, or the way the bag full of your clothes that you'd left at my place smelled like me thanks to the perfume i sprayed in the bag, my attempt at forget-me-nots, sense of smell fading slower than our history together

it might've been the way he looked at me first that made me forget about you, five months deep in the end of our relationship still agonising about whether you were okay, whether depression ****** you into her grasp once again, whether you'd managed to get out of it alive this time, might've been the way i started travelling to learn instead of travelling to see you that helped me realise even if you weren't at the end of every flight or every train it would be okay

it's amazing how we went in opposite circles and still ended up at the bottom of it together, amazing how despite all of our history we still play it off like it was nothing, amazing how you keep throwing a ball that i keep having to not catch because my muscle memory has forgotten how to play games with you

i'll slowly tiptoe into your mind, my voice will crawl back into your ear, slither down your throat, escape from your lips, get down to your stomach, release the whole ******* zoo, stampede into your veins, supercharge your heart with 100 horse power and cause you to keep running back to me the way i knew you would

and the best part? i finally have the power to watch you do what i did so long ago, finally have the power to have someone else tiptoe through my mind and build a home there, finally have the power to stop your voice from entering my mind because i've finally stopped saying it

being with him may have felt like an eternity but i promise you it was only a year and a half and in comparison to your 21 years on this earth, that's just a small drop in your ocean
2. you are every single sunrise and sunset anyone will ever need. you are enough.
3. stop trying to fit into a perfect circle image of what you think women should be, gender is fluid and at the end of the day nobody gives a **** about whether you have a nose piercing or not - stop trying to please him, he is out of your life.
4. don't deny yourself love when it comes running to you at 100 mph, don't sit in your chair and convince yourself you don't deserve to be happy because lonely is where you are comfortable
5. you deserve to be happy. you deserve to be happy. you deserve to be happy.
6. know that eiffel towers might not be enough to completely block out old memories but they'll be enough to make you forget about the pain you felt for months after he broke your heart and didn't give enough ***** to fix it again
7. honey, sugar isn't only in your coffee, it's in your blood - you are everything sweet in this world, please don't let a little rain melt it all away
8. nobody can promise you what tomorrow will bring but i can promise you that today will matter only on you, so go out there and go for that walk and eat that cake and ignore him and block them until you feel ready to face them again
9. don't let yourself soak up your depression, even flowers can drown from too much rain
10. remember you're only human, it's okay to make mistakes; but do not actively tell yourself mistakes are in your muscle memory - this is not true

------------------

you will be okay, it will be okay.

she’s a flower, tall beaming and bold ready to take on the winter and summer as easily as she flicks her wrists to get ready to write that next stanza, a force to be reckoned with, kaleidoscope of emotions delving into personality traits you didn’t know existed but wish you had so you could understand that flick of the wrist that much better, secrets screaming through quiet whispers down the channels of her ears when she swallows truth like a multivitamin, filling her body up with things like horoscopes and music and the constant thought of an inevitable end

you like her sort of mystery, like her dark eyes because they remind you of the peaceful nights you had back home, her dark hair because it reminds you of the way nature somehow decided to bless her with those Balkan genes once again, hollowed out vegetables becoming instruments and cold soups becoming delicacies, you’ve never had it so good

dance to melodies only the winds of the mountains know, sing to songs only the shepherds might hear, grab her by the hips and sing and dance and take that hand of hers and kiss that tired wrist just so she can lift it again and hug you so as if to say thank you, thank you for staying whole up until now, thank you for finding me

his lips collided with mine at 120 awkward miles per hour, teeth hitting teeth, lips biting lips, nervous chuckles and ****** hands clashing together to make something beautiful

the way you want it to stop but don’t, the way you know you’ve found someone nice, the way you know it’ll end but part of you doesn’t care

maybe that’s being 21, running towards and away from commitment with every quick brush of the hand in anticipation something greater than like but less than dating

maybe that’s being 21, being okay with that, no expectations for the first time in a long time

the smell before it rains and the taste of that first sip of tea in -20 degrees

the slow untangling of your thoughts with every beat of the drum, the way the wind blows right through you just enough to move you forward and never enough to blow you down

the sound of typing fingers when you know you're onto something good, the feeling of your own, and finally not his, skin

the seasons are changing and baby so are you / six senses are helping you develop into someone new