While you’ve been smiling
I’ve been dying.

While you’ve been laughing
I’ve been crying.

While you’ve been kissing her
I’ve remained alone.

While you’ve been talking with her
I’ve been drowning in silence.

While you’ve been dreaming
I’ve been thinking of you.

While you’ve been happy
I’ve been writing stupid poems
And wishing death upon myself
Because I see no light at the end of the tunnel.

I wish you a broken heart.
I wish you pain and I wish you tears
Just so you can know how it feels.

I wish you to be consumed by sadness
Where time seems to pass you by.

I wish for you to stay up all night
Unable to sleep
Just wondering where you went wrong.

I wish for you to feel as messed up
And depressed as I did
In every moment of every day.

I wish for you to feel everything
Because it seemed to be
That you felt nothing.

I just want you to have a little taste
Of the misery and sorrow I’ve endured.

But, I really don’t wish you a broken heart
Because it’s worse than torture.
And I’m not like you
I’m no monster.

Why don’t you visit often?
Why do I never see your smile?

Do I make you sad?
Do you not like me?
Why do you glance at me
For a second and turn away the next?

Always with a frown
Sometimes you stand in front of me.
I watch as you brush your hair and teeth.
Putting on some mascara and lipgloss.
Dear, you already have a beautiful face.
I see you often change your outfit
And you sigh, so frustrated -
Yet I thought you looked great.

I watch you sitting on your bed
Silent tears running down your face.
I notice how the time flies as you stay there
Eating one meal a day
Waking up at 12.

I see you on your laptop all day -
Doing homework or just
Distracting yourself from all of the pain.

Writing in your journal
No one else knows your mind -
What’s in your heart -
Your eyes -
The weight on your shoulders -
And all of the sadness that consumes you.

When you finally take your mask off
And step off the stage of life at night -
Only I can see the real you.

A haunted heart
With the eternal
Ghost of you.

Tears are immortal.
They may cease but are never gone.
They cannot die
Nor stop at your command.

They come when they please
And leave at their convenience.
They live within everyone
And take control of your body.

They blind you and make you sob.
They leave you thirsty and with a headache.
Dehydrated, sad, and exhausted
Numb and empty when they leave.

They obey the situation
Determining their place.
And when called are never late.
Although, sometimes they disobey
Time and reality.

Cursed with the promise of return
One can never know
Could be at any moment.
They will reap when you are grim
So call them the Grim Reaper.

The blood of your eyes.
Tears are immortal.

May I say that I miss you
Because it’s true.

I miss your heart
Your laugh
Your eyes
Your tears
Your body
And your words...
All of you.

And I fear that longing
Will never fade
Nor ever leave.

At least
That is
What I say
So you
Do not
Have to
Worry.