I'm sick
I'm tried
I'm depressed
I keep listening to sad songs
While wearing a black dress.
People keep dying
But not in real life
They keep dying in my heart
Because they cannot fight.
They try their hardest to get up and go
But that's not so easy
In the cold cold snow.
So now they're sick
So now they're ill
So now everyday
they have to take different pills.
They have to suffer while living
While living in pain
Which hurts them
Especially in the brain
It's not easy to suffer
Mentally
Emotionaly
Or physically.
Because everyone
Has their own problems
You see ?

I'm brainstorming up a riot.
One where people will die
When they're asleep
And quiet.

I'm brainstorming up a riot.
Where you can hear all types of war cries.
One where all types of people will die

I'm brainstorming up a riot.
With lots of fire and guns.
One where all you can hear are
The traumatizing sounds of bullets being released.
And the blood curdling screams of people dying.

I'm brainstorming up a riot.
That the government can't handle.
With bombs designed as food,
And no ruler is there to rule.

I'm brainstorming up a riot.
To where when you step outside,
There's a 98% chance you can die.

I'm brainstorming up a riot.
Where all you can see is blood,  
And corpses.
And all you can smell is the putrid scent of rotting flesh and dried up blood.

I'm brainstorming up a riot.
One that can't even compete with war.
One where peoples hearts are took over with hatred.
And the only thing on their mind,
Is death and ******.

You read it right.
I'm brainstorming up a riot.
And the funny thing is,
I don't even know why.

If I drink
Then I have a reason
If I smoke
Please excuse my freedom
If I pop a pill
Then know I'm no good
I'm just a accident on this ****** of a world
Where everyone I trust, turns
Where everyone I love,
Hates
Where all the people I'm surrounded by,
Are always late


But hey,
I'm working on getting out
I'm working on it,
You can hear it in my shout
You can see it in my shudder
You can taste it in my tears
You can smell it in my hate
You can touch the wound
But I'm still as good as a freshly new groom.

I'll be doing better by the time you get back
I swear I won't be as intoxicated as I was
When you turned your back.

Love is a feeling
Not a thing
Love is an emotion
That cannot be hate
Love is true
So do not lie to
You
Be true to yourself
And love you
For you

I'm sorry
I apologize
From the bottom of my heart .
I'm being stricken
With this heartbreaking feeling.
With this endless guilt.
And it won't subside.
I'm so very sorry,
And this is how I'll apologize.
If you see this or not,
I just hope you can feel
The pain,
In every conversation we reel-----
Out from the bottom of the sea,
Out from the bottom of me,
This guilt makes me feel so uneasy.
So I  apologize,
So deeply.

It's time to go
I see the light
It's bright as snow
It's so white.

With memories flashing back to me
As vivid as a lucid dream
The colors drunk and bold.
I see
It's time for me to go
Darling.

There was a time I was vivid.
When I repainted the colors of the rainbow.
But sadly,
Now is my time to go
But just so you know,
I will miss you so.

I literally have no one to depend on
I'm breaking inside
I wish I could just go back to happy times
I wish I could have someone by my side
But everyone is gone
I'm always gonna be all alone
Dad I miss you
Mum needs a tissue
I need to start over
Maybe with a knife
Maybe with a rope
I swear to god I've lost all hope
Wait is there even a god?
If there is then that's kinda odd,
Its odd how I prayed
But everything is still the same
So now all my heart is filled with pain
So now all my life is a ****** shame
So now my family is a **** game
So now everything is gone and plain
So now I'll say goodbye
Maybe soon
What about I say it
Tommorow
At noon.

I have all these feelings trapped in my mind
Will they ever go away?
If they do I promise you,
I’ll have even more doubts.
Have more doubts that I’m actually useful,
And that I’m actually charismatic,
And smart,
And deserve the friends I have,
And so many other things.
I always have them; those doubts.
But hide them with a smile.
Because people always believe that trickery.
I guess you can say I’m part of that industry.
But that’s all just fine with me.
I don’t like showing my emotions,
It makes me feel weak.
Yea I’m weak, I admit it.
But that would never be any of your business.
So I’ll stay in this isolated land I’ve made in my mind.
And stay there forever,
And for the rest of time.

I guess I’ve been depressed for a while now,
But to be honest it feels like the world‘s been falling down,
It’s like when I get back up the earths rotation tumbles me around.
The things that make me happy turned out to only be a phase,
Then I get back sad again— I can never win this race.
I try talking to people about it,
But nobody cares about it, about me
They don’t understand the way I feel,
Or the things I see.
I want to leave this planet,
But don’t wanna die.
That’s why I’ve turned all my hopes to the sky,
To build a spaceship and go so far and high,
But there’s always someone to shoot down my ambition-
to make my life a living hell is their mission.
So maybe I’ll just fall into the trap,
Follow their lead,
Or maybe I’ll just **** myself
And make everyone’s heart bleed.
-EL