slender fingers outstretched,
palms upturned,
your wounds are your stigmata,
an unholy ecstasy.

alabaster skin stained red,
sheets soaked in sweat,
hair plastered to your face.
how can agony be so beautiful?

surrounded in filth you are an angel
fallen to earth,
fallen to the gutter,
fallen into sin.

have you returned to your heavenly home?
i think i can hear your sigh
as you are welcomed to salvation.
the smell of your blood makes me puke.

the angel on my shoulder
picked up smoking,
the devil on the other
took up yoga—

they don't know
how much they have
in common.

My name is Erin
and i was *****
at the age of 7

it has taken me
14 years of my life
for those 13 words to escape
my hollow mouth

the only questions i come to now
is why
why lock me in that room
why take everything from me
my innocence
my purity
my childhood

in that room
where my family trusted you
where i trusted you
the night terrors i have to this day
still haunt my mind

like a never ending
drive in movie that plays
over
and
over
only the moon in the night sky
isnt made to be found here
there is no light in these terrors

i cant sleep this time of year
because every time i do
its you
in that room
locking the door
shutting the windows
******* me
yelling at me
every single night
i close my eyes

it has taken me 14 years
to accept the fact that i was taken by you
i have been numb ever since
left in the dust
rotting away at the core
thinking i was nothing
thinking i deserved nothing
because you took everything

but not anymore
i will recover from this
i am strong enough
i believe in myself
i believe in my own happiness
and i promsie
that when i have children one day
i will never ever let them rot at the core
i will find happiness
the darkness will not take over this time

i’ll forgive you
when you hurt me
because i like to think
i have endless
petals to pluck
and somehow still
remain grounded


c.w.