How sad it is

when I care enough

to erase all that I know in my head

so I can follow along your story

and truth will become lie

how sad it is

when I tore down my pictures

to no longer think back to those months

so I can follow along your story

and I can forget about there ever being an us

how sad it is

when I write this

to recollect my thoughts

so I could pour every minute back

and your story would crop them out

how sad it is

when I scribble out the tic tac toes on the wall

so I can walk by the brick by brick without

remembering at all

how sad it is

but if youre happy

it's not so sad

ME: I'm such a failure Natalie, and then there's you. You;re so fucking perfect in my eyes. You say you don't know because you're afraid of hurting me. I'm so wrecked, you are the only thing that can save me. Not even kidding...
NATALIE: :( I shouldn't be the only reason. Trust me, you'll find someone better then me. More beautiful, a better reason to stay on this earth. Don't leave!! I hope when we're older we meet again and you'll be happy. Don't leave Ali!!
ME: I was right. Tasman, Hannah, YOU. You guys are keeping me here. Besides, nobody will give a damn if I'm gone. I won't find anyone better, you're everything I've been looking for my whole life.
NATALIE: We will care if YOU'RE GONE. God damn it Ali, I care!
ME: But you don't feel the same way back. Am I right?
NATALIE: No you're not right, you're wrong! I love you Ali......
ME: You love me as a friend... right?
NATALIE: Stop asking Ali cause the answer is yes
ME: Wait... yes what???

Now that you´re far away I can´t sleep,
which is weird,
we used to be in the same city
living in the same streets
and I missed you
like you were far away from me,
and now that you are
all I can think is
how lucky I was
when you where next to me.

murphys law states,
"if you can have something you will".
I'm not sure that's copy written,
but oh well

I've got nothing but a cup
and it's freezing
thinking of you
passing season to season


if you had me would your past
would it be something youre afraid to feel


murphys law takes shape
afterall there is only space to fill
im not sure if that's been said
but I will not stop to say how I feel

I've got nothing, no pick me ups
I'm seeing with clear eyes
thinking of you and if you lie


the stores are a lunchmeat container
if you had me earth would be better

murphys law states
if you can have something you will
im not sure of one thing
i just hope i am your thrill

boy I cant lie I’d miss you,
your voice, my laugh, the way I kiss you
youre not the kinda guy that I get into
cause all these perfect moments make me wonder
if i need you.

My life is brilliant

His voice has been with me
so long

that pain
that joy

cos Ill never be with you

listening,
CD in my mom's car,

dark nights,
lights along the highway,
full moon watching over us
like a parent

knowing every beat
of the drum,
every strum of
the guitar.

every break in his voice

like a second skin,
pulling over me,

youre beautiful,
youre beautiful,
youre beautiful, its true.

every time i needed him,
he was there,

and i could
sing along with him,
without ever looking at the lyrics.

and i don't know what to do.
cos ill never be with you.

4:00
its been months since ive seen you
alot has changed but not us
i just redid my makeup
4:30
the mirror wont leave my hand
i want to impress you
5:00
30 more minutes and youll be here
i changed my clothes again
5:30
im standing on the sidewalk
still holding this mirror
i just put my hair up
i think it shows my cheekbones
6:00
youre just stuck in traffic
or something
6:30
i havent left this spot
i want to see you drive up
i put my hair back down
it compliments my eyes
7:00
theres heavy traffic this time of day
you stopped to buy me flowers
or something
you know i love surprises
7:30
today is the day right?
of course it is
ive been counting down for months
8:00
its getting cold
he'll be here any minute
8:30
any minute
9:00
i go in for a sweater
soon he'll be my warmth
soon
9:30
soon
10:00
soon
10:30
a tear rolled down my cheek
its okay though
he'll dry my tears
11:00
alone

No running rain, no game.
No running rain, no quiver
What would you do?
But go where your ancestors call you
In the netherworld
They sing
They play pony games and walk across rivers as they overflow with fish
No running rain, we cant let you
No running rain, mother cant give you
What could you do? But go where grandfather calls you
In the netherworld
They laugh
As they dance around the fire they made to celebrate you
No running rain, no space for you
No running rain, mother earth she isn’t on talking terms with you
No running rain, cant go till you can hear them call on you
Oh, running rain youre coming through
Reach and grab a piece of us
and we'll help you.

i rode a bike straight up the side of a mountain
no motorcycle
im talking ONE SPEED
im talkin straight up the side
65, 70 degree grade
i mean, i was defying the laws
physics medicine the constitution man
because im the only person
that knew what was waiting
shit
she was sitting full lotus
reading leaves of grass
an orchid behind her ear
smiling
whistling when it struck her

and she knew my fucking name
and i hers
we would take a leisurely stroll
floating above craggy cliffs
spiraling downward from the pinnacle
slowly toward the lake at the bottom
where we would pick wildflowers
and then pass them out to strangers

heaving with breath and anticipation
i arrived
to hear her
"youre adlan, right?"
just then my bike chain broke
and with no grace whatsoever
i tumbled down
end over end
occasionally battered
by a handle bar
a tire actually rolled directly up my back
and in my arched position
the wheel took flight as if off a ramp
at the base of the looming edifice
i was plunged into the chilled lake
clothes shredded
i covered my self
much like adam or eve would have
with wildflowers