I was almost happy once. I was on the edge of a bridge, fingertips grasping to the side when I smiled.
I smiled at the possibility of being free from the pain but then as I slid closer to the end I saw my family and felt their pain and I opened my eyes and I pulled myself up. I was almost happy once.
I looked in the mirror and told myself that it wasn't for me it was for their sake I stay because if it was for me i'd be long gone in that deep bay but for them I stay strong and I hold up my head and I pull down my sleeves. I was almost happy once. They tell you it gets better so you look to the sky and you think of the future and you kiss it goodbye not thinking of the ones who are here on the ground who are crying and wondering how they had never found all the cuts on your thighs or the drugs that you hide. I was almost happy once. I clung to that railing with tears on my cheeks as the wind whipped at my hair and took my will to speak when a person who knew me not grasped at my hand and told me "Don't you dare let go of me now, none of this is worth it come with me and you'll see." I looked in their eyes and found that the key wasn't to find the happiness in me. I was almost happy once.
I know you cheated on me and it makes me feel sick inside.
It hurts because you won’t admit it, you won’t leave me, you won’t do anything about it.
We’ve been together so long and you know it will cause damage, a damage that we might not be able to repair.
I’m hurting and I wish you would just tell me the truth, tell me anything at all.
You cheated on me and we both know it. I know it and you know it.
What did I do to deserve this?
I’ve done nothing but give you my heart, all of me.
I gave you all of me. My body and soul.
Was she worth breaking me into a million little pieces?
Hurting my confidence, my trust in you, my love for you?
Was she worth any of this at all?
A Syrian boy in a pool of blood
He cried in pain calling Mom and Dad
Today, again A bomb exploded,
The entire village disappeared,
Life built with blood and tears
vanished in a split second...
This prosperous village,
... now a barren land.
Dreams of peace is shattered,
Dead bodies are scattered,
Lifeless....
Body parts are blasted...
The whole village on fire...
A massacre...
Perhaps the Syrian boy is still alive
His parents must have battled and fought
with all their might...
Sacrificed their lives for him to survive...
Mercy him, leave this innocent child alone
God will protect this child
Let him live to tell...
How it feels when heaven turns to hell
Where is the love we used to have?
Where is the fairness, the peacefulness in life?
Have we stopped to search in our hearts?
Put your hand on your chest..
Feel your heartbeats .
Feel it in your heart
Love for mankind is in everybody's heart..
Tell me if you think cruelty is still worth...
God bless this Syrian child!!
Let's set fire to the waterparks
Say "I love you" only after dark
Cause in the light you'll throw me aside
and I'm fine with it
Yeah, I'm fine with it
And no one said that Love was easy
But they didn't mention that Hate wasn't hard
so rob my heart
when I'm not looking
Just like a candy bar
Like a candy bar
And eat it up
like you gobble stars
and still hate the fact
that you are who you are
so take a chance
ask me to dance
shoot bullets at my feet
To get past my defense
And I'm not saying "I love you"
but you intrigue me
So
you're worth more than anyone on this world
It feels as if I’m drowning,
Waiting for someone to come and aid me,
But time keeps tick-tick-tocking away
As if it’s in a race.
I wonder if my soul is racing against other souls
To see who could outrun the other
Or who could swim more
Than the person next to them.
I wonder if my soul is determining
Whether or not
This fishbowl is worth
All the fight and struggle.
Because I like to think my brain and my heart
Are battling each other for dominance.
Battling each other to see who could outsmart the other,
To see which organ is needed more.
They say there’s plenty of fish in the sea,
But who’s to say
That there aren’t beasts and sharks
In the tank either?
A hundred miles below the horizon
Lie creatures that haven’t been discovered.
Different,
Yet so similar to our minds.
The grey matter that nurse our ideas
And cultivate them
They hide our innermost thoughts
And dreams lay hidden under them,
Waiting for the right moment to spring up.
My feet are straddling the edge of the cliff.
My heart’s racing,
And my mind is telling me to jump,
But I’m afraid of the unknown
And I don’t know what to expect
Once I dive in.
I try to convince my shadow
That I'm worth following.
You make me feel dizzy
like when I've had one too many
way too fast
you unsettle me
but I always feel secure
in your arms
you make me dizzy
in a giddy, bubbly way
you put me on a high
and I can't come down
you're everything
I ever wanted
You are all
all I need
all I want
but what are we?
I can feel your hesitation
is the risk worth it?
I can feel my own worries
alongside yours
it's like our insecurities
are meant to be together
almost like we are
at least we are in
my head
when I imagine us together
oh god,
it's perfect
everything is perfect
there aren't any flaws you have
that I can't take
and I'm not perfect,
but you take me as I am
just imagining it
makes my head spin
you make me dizzy,
and I kind of love it.
She wants to feel the softness of feathers upon the tips of her toes
Reaching out for comfort that will surely come
Caresses the moments before midnight
With suger kisses so sweet
Like honey coated forgiveness
She smiles into her lovers eyes of crystal dew
Beyond
Her sences reeling
Twirling, dancing
Like the figurine within an ancient music box
As the music surrounds the childs mind so pure
And yet
There is more captured within
The sweetness is soured only by memories
She paints with fingers in the suger
To forget
There are things so worth forgetting
She sees him sleeping and places
mirrors where his eyes once looked upon her
For now she will see herself
The way he see's
The blood from the girl child dried as he slept
There was to be no more sugered moments
No more honey for him to savour
she had seen
Her worth in his eyes
Such a shame sweet child
She should of loved herself with toes touching feathers
Reaching for a comfort
That would only be found in forgiveness of self
Far beyond the place he sleeps
With mirrored eyes of crystal dew
He awakes to find his beloved drenthed in death
He reaches for moments which never come
Her projection of him so false upon this moment
As in a moments seperation
She sees with her angel presence
The suger he tastes on lips so pure
His tears now mingle with the blood
As he tears her mirrors from his eyes
He understands not
The reason
Why white feathers are falling from the sky
Wearing tigers stripes
Like fashion is on my side
I’ve no hope, really
The undergrowth of your long days
Tower above me
Like arrogant reminders of your worth
But trees grow everywhere
With oblivious oblivion
Their lost memories soaked into the past
Damp soil meets conviction and dreams
Until saturated, and then
Nothing but caricatures of nature
Let sleeping lions lie
Sitting in the dappled shade
Watch them pounce
Like wild cats on a chase
For the best seats
But the worst company.
The worries you spout,
As we lay together in bed,
Possess no foundation but for those inside your head,
And the seemingly low self confidence,
How that so angers me,
Because your beauty - in and out - is all that I can see.
It isn’t your personality, either, that bothers me so,
but your refusal to accept yourself - to bow to the will of others so easily -
And I hope that the independence of university will give you the will to see.
The will to be...You - The Best Person In The World.
Now, don’t think that this is me criticising you:
I’m criticising me.
My constant big-headedness, self-importance and ego,
Doesn't cast a shadow upon you because you are part of myself.
And self-improvement is what I’m about,
Because you were part of me I started my task,
But as I went about trying to raise your self worth and rationality,
My mind came across something that implicated Me:
By trying to lessen your peer’s control,
I had already forfeited my role.
I had become just another judge, another parent. A Dictator.
I had become what I hated,
But you didn't know.
I was just trying to help.
I did not realise that I was acting the sculptor.
And I promise I did not think of you as clay to mold.
And don’t forget my stubbornness, laziness and fear.
They’re important too.
I was too stubborn to accept any other view,
Too lazy to even consider voicing my thoughts,
Too fearful that you would want to start anew.
Because without you, I don’t know what I would do.
So let this be the first day of the rest of our lives,
Let our conversation never end, but twist and turn and change us into better people than we could ever be alone
February 2013
