Every now and then I get
flashes of you
lighting up the sky
booming in the night
soaking the world and
disturbing my sleep
with sights and
I used to love
holding an umbrella
but drenching myself
in the process
but tonight I keep
my shelter in
the hall closet
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I always have this idea that you were the catalyst
The match that lit my pyre ablaze
I always say that you broke the camel's back
To a simplified extent,
This is fact
But not only you alone truly broke it's weathered back
A mixture of good and bad
Big and small
It all shaped this funeral pyre of my former self
Waiting to be lit
And create something new
For so long I wished for a change in my world around m
When all I needed was to revolutionize myself
There is a slight anxiety still talking about last year's affairs
But for all intended purposes,
This is not me meticulously searching through your words to figure out what went wrong
This is me building myself
Understanding what I have gone through to create a new me
A better me
You lit the pyre,
But also kick-started the revolution
It's been about a year since it began,
And for lack of better words,
It's fucking awesome.
it seems easy to believe,
in you and me
when the promise of the light in your eyes,
seeps through my indecision.
my fingertips sliding across the palate of your every inch.
the spaces i have touched painting, colors tracing my every outline,
intertwining between all the small details that define us.
red, like fire, conviction,
spreading across my chest with blinding heat.
echos of animosity, as the lingering flames crawl across the embers they once drew upon.
blue, breaking against waves of progress,
aches washing away with each pull of the moon.
White froths of inspiration.
the sun lay just above, you see?
forrest green, branching through my veins.
spinning life through my every corner.
your skin like spring,
leaves falling to my feet as you pull away once more.
tears, wrong way signs, fails and falters,
dancing themselves into a web,
tangling me into your response.
deep rust, connection.
iron lending to our foundation.
a place to plot the seeds of what could be.
a place to rest our old souls,
once our bodies can longer be seen.
and when the world threatens to break me,
break this beautiful chaos of color,
i will lay here,
in a sea of lavender,
with you my love,
singing songs, with melodies like rainbows, and clocks that run on shades.
while you fill my dreams with sweet memories of our painted past.
i want a love
that will make me feel
like the world
was made just for the two of us,
the stars revolving around our lives
like they're connected by a red thread.
i want a love
that will be so strong
it will burn the world to pieces,
build it all back up again.
i want a love
that people will remember,
one that strangers
on the street
will be able to feel
just by looking at our smiles,
and the light in our eyes
when we're around each other,
the others' presence
simply just enough.
i want a love
that will last
longer than a lifetime,
one that would have us
shifting in our graves,
one that would be spelled out
in story books
and love songs.
i want a love,
to be between you and me,
i would do anything for you,
hold your hand,
kiss your tears,
know your mother,
make you tea,
plan out dates,
take you to new york city,
collect sands from the moon,
if only you would ask.
The flame quivers and burns.
The skin sizzles.
I am left with a mark.
Like everything else.
leaving me with one message,
"Just passing through."
I wish it would stay
so the world will not be fooled
by the mask I sometimes wear.
As I look over at my sister,
and I remember what I can of the things done to us,
I wish she would just accept it.
We will live and die young,
we were made to suffer.
We are the fire that burns down your childhood home.
We are the car that kills your dog.
Vomit, bile, and rust.
We are the trash in the dumpster.
Walking natural disasters.
At least I'm honest about it.
she looked up at him
as if he were the center of her world
but he saw her as an endless galaxy
before which, he was just a speck
So you're saying you're proud and
Grateful to have so much freedom, opportunity, wealth
Well, I'm not.
Sociocentrism is an ugly, unnatural state
Everything we have takes away from someone else
We try to pretend there's no connection, that the plight of others is cause by their own failing
That we are deserving
Convinced that this is all here for us
We take and take and take
But every terror we inflict on anything "else" is a terror upon the self
We protect our so called civil liberties with wage slavery, chemical abuse, and ecological terrorism
Profit baby, profit über ales
Well congratulations to us
This is nationalism at its finest
No, I'm not fucking proud of it
If you want to take credit, be my guest
Just ask India about policies of profit over regulations, about denim and dye and death
Ask Mexico about farming, their take on the "Fair Trade Act"
Ask the rainforest if it remembers what it was like to have trees
Try to find an Arawak to ask anything
Ask 63 countries what it feels like to have a US military base keeping watch
And what would happen if another country tried to build a base on this soil
Or maybe ask why you never learned shit about any other country
Much less about your own
Back in History class
Survival of the fittest, you say?
A dog eat dog world?
Alright, let's play
This country is overrun by dogs, that's true
But honey, we're not eating any other dogs
We're eating poison and calling it food
While our leaders give Monsanto handjobs under the table
We are "the world's leading nation" and we're dropping like flies
No, not dead
Just into hospital beds and prison cells
Our country is filled with poverty, racism, violence, and terror
Not to mention obesity heart disease depression anxiety and PTSD
We're over-medicated malnourished and spiritually starved
We're pissed off at a whole lot of bullshit
That means nothing in the scheme of anything
Fully engaged in the myth of a two-party system
Even though most of what we see and hear is merely distraction
Thank you, media, all 6 of you big beautiful monoliths
I'm so lucky I have the opportunity to be informed!
We're a nation divided by details
While our leaders run in circles pouting fat fingers at each other
Engrossed in this thing we call "politics"
I'm really glad you're proud
They say ignorance is bliss
But I think it's more like a shiny polyester suit
Holding together a parasite infested mess
Sitting in a recliner after a hard days work of trying to stay afloat on a mountain of debt in a drowning economy
Bottles of medication on the table, GMOs in the fridge
Quietly doing what they're told
Never wondering why
Falling asleep to the glow of the TV whispering fear and terror, us and them, buy and buy and buy
The sweet purr of "freedom"
Shifting like a coward back then forth,
I watched my lover vacant.
His eyes looked at me as if there where nothing else in the whole world.
And I told him so:
“I do not love you any more.” I said, so confident and proud.
“I swear to god you will not see me in heaven
and I'll find my own heaven somehow.
I value my beer
and my places and dreams
and perhaps some new lovers for now.
And though it may hurt
you cannot calm my screams
and that matters
it fucking matters
He looked down as if I had just ripped something out of him,
I loved it so much
and cried like a baby all night
wishing I had him to hold on to.
His jewel was wrapped around my neck like a noose.
I tugged on it to see if he would notice.
And in that moment I tugged so hard that it broke.
I threw what was left at him.
Broken gems hit the scattered floor.
They where gone.
I revved my engine and hoped for hell that he would take me back!
And those eyes like marbles rested comfortably upon his ugly cheeks.
His face all torn up by liquid and hate.
Then he kissed me so sweetly that I felt like the devil.
And I knew just then that I would never forget that moment.
There is nothing worse in the world than
Yelling, I can't take the pressure
Being put on my back
For me to collapse, because
You use those words
To break me
Down, and there is nothing giving me the strength to
Get back up.
So why can't you turn your
Anger into love
The same way I turn my
One yell at a time
I can feel myself
These words I long not to regret
Words of such I'll never forget
A shining light; cascading
unto my soul
Your guiding might, one of
such I'd like to call my own.
A love to call my own.
The universe is guiding me, eventually;
she'll lead me home.
Forever in the place, I'll infinitely call our own.
Your love is calling me, leading me down these winding roads.
Such a beautiful heart; my beautiful heart,
love Is all I know, and love, it's all you need to know.
Nothing more, and nothing less, is more important or second best.
Those four little letters, you mean the world.
Every little piece of you, perfect, imperfect; my mold.
The fates destined this to be, soon; one day
we'll finally meet. I'll fill your hear with joy.
A smile I'll wear, only you can adore.
Here in my heart you'll grow.
© 2013 Christina Jackson