for a moment, the word stops breathing,
your heart quits pumping and bleeding in the
only healthy way it knows how.
there is silence—and then there isn’t, not anymore,
the sky is shattered by lightning and your
pulse jumps with every rumble, your body flinches with
every roar and the sky is turning far darker than it was a minute before,
the wind is like a turbine, going round and round and round,
tearing, ripping, and seething, you can see the clouds descending,
you’ve been through this time and again and you know the power
this twirling cloud will be rendering, you should be inside,
you can hear Mike Morgan yelling over the static of your TV
“prepare yourselves for the damage this will bring!
hide under mattresses, bathtubs, if you must under the kitchen sink!”
it’s coming your way, it’s picking up speed and you try not to imagine
what has made up the debris, you come to your senses,
realize it’s real, accept the fact that it’s not a drill, you grab who you can,
you shove them down stairs, you start counting heads and start saying prayers,
the cellar is dusty, you choke for clean air but it’s howling outside
and you know you won’t find any out there, metal is screeching,
someone is screaming, sirens are bleating out to anyone who cares,
it takes three men alone to make sure the door doesn’t tear off it’s hinges
in the height of the scare—and suddenly it’s over, you can’t here anything from anywhere.
the world again stands still, but it isn’t holding it’s breath,
it’s watching a thousand electric sparks die a last death.
you push against the doors, you need to breathe better air
and you can hear someone telling you that you need to take care,
but you push and you shove and you break free of your prison,
you climb out to see how your world has faired,
but there isn’t
i want a love
that will make me feel
like the world
was made just for the two of us,
the stars revolving around our lives
like they're connected by a red thread.
i want a love
that will be so strong
it will burn the world to pieces,
build it all back up again.
i want a love
that people will remember,
one that strangers
on the street
will be able to feel
just by looking at our smiles,
and the light in our eyes
when we're around each other,
the others' presence
simply just enough.
i want a love
that will last
longer than a lifetime,
one that would have us
shifting in our graves,
one that would be spelled out
in story books
and love songs.
i want a love,
to be between you and me,
i would do anything for you,
hold your hand,
kiss your tears,
know your mother,
make you tea,
plan out dates,
take you to new york city,
collect sands from the moon,
if only you would ask.
My nerves hurt
From a sledge hammer and wedge
This venomous vicodin
Got me standing over a ledge
Biting my heels
Pushing me closer to the edge
And running from it don't work no more
Shoot me instead
Fallen a victim
To the dagger of remedies
"Oh no your heart broke?"
"Man, get off your knees"
No more anger no more hatred
"Trade your pain for these"
And if I'm broke it's okay
"I can get what you need"
Rose up from the anger
Now ends with regret
The pills keep me alive
If barely not just yet
A shell of what I thought life was
Now, never upset
How to go on living
Gentlemen place your bets
I crave the caress
I can't remember if Jessica or .4 milligrams
Makes me happy- I would lick the wound
Between her legs or crush her on the spoon
Wash her Filter her Suck her through cotton
And find a vein all blue and orgasm
Like the 1st time again
I drempt awake
I could taste/smell her
On the bed sheets
And the form serpentine constricting
Flow purple and black dying of thirst
Aching until the skin is broken
A little sweet blood drips out and runs
Down between the knuckles
Playing warm on nerve endings like poetry
She left some ugly scar tissue
But she would suck god
Off 4 pills- and leave him
Their screams in my face
Seem like an echo of a whisper
If you come in this house again
We call the cops
A thief and a liar are brothers
And they do not change in time
I forgot to feel
Even as her legs
I drempt that my heart stopped
And for the first time in ten eons
I was...what's that word?
There was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.
8 For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.
I don't know how to damage this one just yet.
I almost want to keep it clean.
temptation controls me like a controller.
Grabbing the pencil so lightly, afraid that its going to break.
Grasping it tightly.
I look at the clean pages.
There feel, touch, smell so innocent from the pencils led.
My hands shaking I put the led to the blank page.
Waiting, watching, hoping to see the page full of nonsense letters and word that mean nothing.
The journal was was already damaged when I touched it.
My head exploded with ideas not letting my thoughts come peacefully.
There charging, racing, stomping to get free.
When the pencil touches the paper all the thoughts run with fear.
Now am left with nothing but an empty page with so many ideas at the tip of the pencil.
With nothing I stare blank at the page hoping, waiting, wondering whats to come next.
In the damage journal nothing will come but useless letters and words.
There is in love a savagery of malapropriation
A seething anger that manifests as a cutting dig
Or passing word to hurt
Thrown out to harm in well placed execution
Often when most vulnerable and justified by misplaced emotion
"You made me"
"You don't understand"
"What dont I understand?"
Well it's neither a lack of communication or love
When an individual feels unlovable by no hand of yours
Often it's a retort to avoid discourse that has no part between you
For the discourse lies elsewhere and not with you
A forgotten uke
Hiding by the wall
Longing to be played
To be touched
Poster of Italy
Paintings of a dear friend
To be good, to be kind
He helps me see the way
He helps me see the path
He reminds me to pray
Reminds me to study
Yes, He is the Lord
such an overly used word.
How about you call them:
Magnificent Lovely Radiant
How about you call them something other than beautiful?
For a month a part of me was missing.
At least I thought.
So when I found it again, I was overjoyed.
Life made sense again because a void was filled.
But everything that glitters isn't gold.
You can't miss a part of you that was never there.
There's not a word for it either.
I tried to conquer the lexiconical gap.
So I watched as the petals grew crisp
And his words lost tenderness.
I relived the feelings of before that were the reason I left.
I questioned why I ever came back.
I watched myself and my movements.
Wondering why I did everything with him in mind.
Just wanting to be seen as imperfectly perfect,
Be any and everything.
To others I was everything and more,
To myself I tried to be more, to be that part he never could seem to find in me.
But yet again the lexiconical gap stopped.
I couldn't miss the part of me I never had
Especially because I never knew what it was.
Summer came and went.
Our summer was the sweetest.
I miss what I actually did have then.
Those constant conversations, that eagerness and anxiety we'd get when too many hours passed without seeing or hearing from each other.
We did have that.
Now summer comes again and I'm faced with the
everlasting gaps that are me waiting to hear from you.
That denial I have when I finally do.
A gap, the lexiconical gap that may never be filled.
Not even Lexi can fill it, not even Lexi can keep you.
A pilgrimage to Thy feet someday I hope to make
where I no longer will be, except as dust, for my sake
to please You and seek Your pleasure to date
when knowing You are really my best mate.
If You appear to be hard on me I will know
there's something more You wish me to forego.
You have a habit of working in unfathomable ways
mind boggling to those who attempt such displays
as knowing Your will when Your whim's holding sway
revealing their ignorance and causing some dismay.
You have and use the capacity of a universal mind
staggering to the imagination leaving it far behind,
being the subtlest of the subtle and pervading all planes
throughout the three worlds You're the One who entertains.
Whether in apparent joy or sorrow remaining always the same
established in reality and far beyond the opposites' game.
You're the perfect mirror reflecting what and where we are;
as being unrealistic and caught in illusion, not going very far.
When we recognise our situation and let You take us by the hand,
with all faith and humility, we can reach that place where You stand.
Outwardly You appear to have a most unassuming stature
yet inwardly possessing spiritual wealth of an infinite nature.
You radiate divine love to all who come before You;
in Thy presence it's like drowning and melting into
a supremely blissful existence beyond any worldly experience.
An intense yet somewhat cooling fire of love, in all conscience
like an inner awakening and emerging into a fathomless being,
all around as inseparable parts of an infinite ocean and seeing
that there is nothing else to behold in formless eternity
which is really our true nature and immaculate reality.
You have indicated that You're the One many seek but so few find
and that You are the Ancient One; being The Only One of a kind.
This time around though You have come not to teach but to awaken
and by remaining silent, through Your silence, the world will be shaken.
Perhaps like an oncoming storm where lightning is seen before thunder
Your glory will manifest regardless of what is going on down under.
Eventually ushering in the New Humanity of which You have spoken
and uttering One Word, everywhere resounding, Your silence is broken.
Revealing Your greatest manifestation as You long ago stated
thence Your Final Declaration will thus never be outdated.
You exist eternally having no beginning or end
and in reality You're the most sought after friend.
In those who are pure at heart and mind You are so easily found,
and if anyone learns to speak Your language You always come around.
In times of need, especially when the world is in much turmoil,
You make Your appearance on earth undergoing incredible toil.
To one and all You give each a gentle push forward
doing Your ages old duty bringing all closer toward
that state of existence which is indescribable for any to express
making available Your glorious nature by compassion nevertheless.
You are the Avatar - God incarnate in human form,
the oldest and wisest being exceeding all rivals born.
In each new age that You are brought down
by those Five who have been chosen to crown
You as The Highest of the High and hand over the reins
of the entire creation for You to steer away from the pains
and hidden fears of seemingly premature self-destruction,
by Thine infinite divine attributes You overcome all obstruction.
You haven't come here to establish a new society, organization or religion bring
but to revitalise and bring together all that have come before like beads on a string.
Undergoing infinite suffering while in the body for humanity's sake You are
only asking for love in return from those who know You as MEHER BABA.
A great deal of Thy work was done with those Wayfarer souls,
Thine intimate lovers, scattered all around, playing their unique roles,
but appearing somewhat dazed and destitute like other madmen around,
You recognised they were intoxicated from Divine Love true and profound.
Nourishing and satisfying their inner yearnings You helped them all get along
and when realising Whom they were with, knew it was to You they did belong.
Also You washed, clothed and fed many of the other unfortunate ones
sharing with each an intimate moment of love for which You had come.
It was because of Thy greatness and glory that You achieved all this and more
showing all mankind, by love and compassion, the road that leads to Your door.
AVATAR MEHER BABA KI JAI