You still linger inside of my mind
I want to love you and be with you
But i know this dream of mine will never happen
Thinking of you is like a drug
I can't stop
I can never fucking stop
You are part of my sickness and wellness
I feel so broken when thinking of you
This feeling of love is slowly killing me
You are my death sentence
So I say to thee, sing of me to future lovers.
Do not hold words behind teeth in fear of grief.
For they must be freed if life is to breathe seeds.
Whom sow and sprout forth,
in this garden true love grow north
toward bluer skies from open wounds,
dark thoughts and even darker moods.
Passion swoon like most fevers do
soon to pass as wellness looms.
This is not forever.
I know this to be true, sing of me to future lovers.
No matter how off beat or out of tune
Sing the way most old lovers do
full of hate, regret and true dismay.
Make mockery of my poetry
the heart felt things I'd say.
Call me a liar, a bastard and a no good cheat
but remember with each word you speak
remember; to remember it was always me.
a letter written with flowers on cream
for your tidy empty box, the metal case
a formal defense
any other day of the year would be fine to dine at the table
of the ideas of your health & wellness; your inner peace
which you won and once when deserting me, the end
to defend your self righteous decisions: to unmake me
could i write it on gum paper; scratch down the 'three, one, six,'
the 'four, five, three, seven, three'
and be content
vent my resentment towards
see if you would
alarm your heart-box: for it –maybe alone– receives the letters, the words
though you may have never heard them, or opened it to see
My body and my psyche are in sync.
In pain and wasting away.
It's only a stomach upset
But it feels right,
Feeling 'well' felt incongruous,
Now, I feel as I should -
I wonder if recovery
Will stretch to a lifting of the spirit, too?
As I nurture my body with soup, sleep and rest,
Will the rest of me find sustenance, and come back
Can I drag my heartsick mind back to robust health?
Or is my body
Stronger than my soul?
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints; we spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less.
We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time; we have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too seldom, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life; we've added years to life, not life to years.
We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor. We've conquered outer space, but not inner space; we've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul; we've split the atom, but not our prejudice.
We write more, but learn less; we plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait; we have higher incomes, but lower morals; we have more food, but less appeasement; we build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication; we've become long on quantity, but short on quality.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men, and short character; steep profits, and shallow relationships. These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare; more leisure, but less fun; more kinds of food, but less nutrition.
These are days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw away morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer to quiet to kill.
It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom; a time when technology has brought this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to make a difference, or to just hit "Skip Ahead"...
Holding on for dear life,
I pity myself in grief and despair,
Stir up mixed emotions,
I can only contain deed, on your behalf,
Stop the tears from falling,
Sadness shall fade away,
The scares you've overcame,
The worries you've overturned,
The bare pain of the unknown,
But it's okay,
You've sacrificed your mind, soul, and heart,
Your physical, mental, and emotional state,
Mixed up with each other unknowingly,
It's my own fault for these causes,
I've awaken again,
This time I know I'll promise to raise above into wellness,
I want to continue my cycle of life,
My love until now and before,
Till the beginning and end,
I want to cherish each moment with you,
I can't stress it enough with these repetition of words,
I love you.
I'm stuck at the bottom
Of a wishing well
I stare at the sky
To the sun greeting me
And the moon kissing me
People occasionally come by
Dropping loose change down the well
Never noticing my silent screams
Yet i hear all their deepest desires
Some pray for
I wish i could plant the coins
Until they grew enough happiness
That no one would have to wish anymore
They would finally be satisfied
But since i can't
I've been thinking
If i can collect enough coins
I can stack them
End over end
And climb to the top
I'll take as many as i can carry with me
I'll have enough to buy your heart
I wished you would fall in love with me
But instead i fell down the wishing well
”Just come home.”
Tears over a hospital phone
”I'll get sober, we'll get better together”
The year after that:
Polish. They're yelling about who owns me.
”Jest moj dziewczynka!”
spit flying, he grabs me by my hair
He wreaks of pills.
We're separated again by miles and states
Of wellness and
And for once, I'm okay.
space is vast
and the wood is wild
the waters are dark and deep
this is as true as my love
as keen as my discerning eye
and discriminating sense
when it comes to you.
i saw you.
without haste, i watched.
like an owl in the night, my eyes gleaming under the light of the moon.
i learned the rhythm of the man,
and in love i joined the dance.
in the light of the sun you shone like music
your face a radiance that warmed those near
your voice soothing, a weapon on my heart
fingertips on strings….whispers in ears…hand in hand.
ideas shared and seeds beginning to grow
lazy afternoons under blankets
walks around the neighborhood
subtly scented smoke dancing in the warm breeze
I knew you. I saw into you from the start.
what you do not know of yourself, i know for you. and i love.
of this you can be assured.
shining metallic futures
brilliant, advanced, and p o s s i b l e
so close….r e a c h i n g
for truth and sense and purpose
for the future
two peas in a pod
masked the harshness of the truth
we saw together in the world
without beckoning me to follow
you turned from the shining of the light to the deepness of the wood
with hard eyes a dark magic was summoned
a desire in the man i could not fulfill
I reside in the vastness of space.
of love of possibility of life
you reside in the deepness and the wild of the wood
you require a final song of love to a dead man walking.
in your sleep i have wished you well.
in your sleep i had whispered for fate to grant your health your wellness and your happiness
the ocean deep beckons
wet eyelashes and big brown, searching eyes
my love i am here
what you are seeking
you refuse to see
i am right here.
i can only watch in confusion and anguish at the edge of the deep
i am light and free of the tangles that snare you in the wild
you stubbornly refuse my gentle hand
reaching to pull you into the light
my love for you is without beginning or end
my anguish electrifies a growing empty space
thoughts collide, repel, attract
what i mistakenly took for a growing bloom
was a withering branch
what i took for honesty
what i took for love
was a black hole.
You are my sweetest poison
You are my favourite notion
Of sweetness so adoring
And of all my darlings’ so boring
I need you every morning
Along with the caffeine
to clear my head
I need you before going to bed
for you are here to stay
I use you every which way
Oh, my sugar!
I use you everyday
I use you in my diet
I use in my dessert
You are not so light
But we are rather tight
And though you kill me sweetly
I cannot avoid you quietly
I would rather kill
the people who introduced you
than make you pay the bill
you are just one of my special few
Oh my sweetest sugar
For me wellness you don’t augur