I love you as fish love water, as spring leaves love morning dew, as rain loves kisses. I love you as people love rainbows and rainbows love making promises and promises love to be broken to teach people a lesson. I love you as old botany books are loved but not read and as I love poetry but read none. I love you as children love fathers they haven’t met. I love you as you love certain things, in pride and in shame and in secret from me. I love you as I love to smoke, but also, in private, if I really love it. I love you like you will never comprehend and like I will never comprehend your love. I love you physically and emotionally and sometimes the sight of you makes me feel sick in the heart but I still deny it. I love you behind the hate and the depression. I love you before everyone else’s opinions, including my own.
I’ve got to sleep on the outside of the bed
closest to the window
closest to the door
it’s crossed my mind
more than once
more than a few times
more than enough times
that it must be because I like to run away
and an easy exit
is a relief
I’ve always liked to run away
I’ve always liked too much space
by the wall
my heart pounds
like I’m trapped
and there’s something so stupid
if I need to get up to pee or get a glass of water,
or stand underneath the moonlight,
I’ll wake him up
and the intimacy of sharing an
"I can’t sleep" moment
scares the shit out of me
because the question "why?" always follows
and I’m not ready to answer that question
just yet -
even though we’ve had sex,
I’m not ready to be that intimate
I can’t stand a man
though it seems like most of them do
and all I can do
is make do
and just lay there, until suddenly,
but then he’ll move and I’m awake again,
until suddenly I’m not
and then it’s morning
and our breath smells
and it’s embarrassing to kiss
until it’s not anymore
and then I’ll want him to leave
but it’s rude to ask someone to leave
even though everyone has the right to
want to be
I’m beginning to run away
Where could I go?
If there was nothing to stop me
If the world could let me cross all of its walls
If the universe really has no limits
Where could I go?
If I could run as fast as the wind
If I could run as fast as the currents of the water
If I could run as fast as light itself
Where could I go?
If I could fly
If I could reach the heavens
If I could touch the stars I've always dreamed of
Where could I go?
If I could see the world move forward and backwards
If I was not bound by the laws of time
If I could travel through time and space
If I could travel to and from any point
In all of space and time,
Where nothing could be able to stop me,
I wouldn't go anywhere.
What's the point of seeing the universe turn?
Who cares about the whole of time and space?
If there's no one to accompany you and
There's no one you could share it with.
You could come with me?
The air in this room is heavier at night,
it inflates my lungs like water balloons.
I think about what loneliness is,
learning that I'm the only breathing body here.
A twin sized bed is plenty of room for me;
I can't sleep in a crowded blanket
pushing two sets of shoulders together,
like a suitcase slipping overstuffed clothes
through gaping zipper teeth.
I only have one chair in here,
barley enough comfort for one.
But this room needs another life,
two more lungs to share the air.
There won't be enough seating,
or a place for your clothes.
But I won't mind stretching this blanket
to cover four shoulders.
I’d fling the sun far into your cut corner
and shove moonlight broadly onto your toenails
you would want for so little
as the oceans carry you to shores of your water borne desire
wicked is the world stream when high hopes pegged precarious
onto chalky lines that shift like changing clouds
and lend its kind illusory touch under the lee
end dashed like outcast mirrors whose use
is rod cracked like inside the core of acrid earth
where awaits hot lava in secret fissures to melt all ropes
to bridge so narrow a wing's gapped fluke
jerking maestroms circle overhead
inducing desultory plunge
finger pointing, egg-beating, giddy whirly-whirl
a day will come as yet unknown
when soul rags are panel worked and hylic sheathed
when latticed treats, as American as apple pie
will fill that tabled sky decked with cirrus tablecloth
averted seeker squint feels that cat-eyed wonder
flattened insect on a troubled screen with translucent beauty wings
lets in a dry smile chink of real life dust in heretical relief
bolt that flippin' door – shut out the vulgar world – make fast the curtain sides
broach the unslotted gap you know is yours and proclaim it wide: open sesame!
gouge your way into me.. till I’m fully plugged with light
caulk me with your fingers till my spine near cracks
spike my heart with currents from the milk rush of you
pierce my thigh strips and whip the whetted words out me
tap into the slinky slices of my pervious skylit want
there will be no occlusion as arches meet under shuddered pleats
no, I have precious little time or heart to draw cute sunshine panels onto your retracted sleeve
in that stead, I can really be just plain me
who’d eagerly wrench pale-blue patches from the sky cloth
and steal in zest moonbeams from lovers’ eyes
and heartily fling the sun your way and rob its life-giving warmth
and gladly rip up torn foliage from its homes
along with pert petals from fickle floral parties
if only these were things you’d want
yet, well I know whatever be the pains
there waits little gain
feral feline will trouble little more
heart swing derision flies poor as sad plighted answer rings on
each one breast
at a time,
thought of them
licked at them
like some hound
each rib place,
then she kissed
to get there,
she kissed deep,
but soft love,
to the boil
of deep sighs
and throat sounds.
in her turn,
to finger enter
such a place
(such as hers
of her hot
I read eulogies from time to time
to pass the time, I find in some rejected newspaper.
The language is foreign, for I am
alive and in two hundred or so words I am to know,
who this person was and that
they were loved or respected or validated in two
dimensions plus words and a
picture, when not so long ago they were three
dimensions that filled voids in
other peoples lives, striving to make the world
around them a better place,
battled hard in a war, and fell its only victim.
Swallow the bitter pill,
there ain't no better place,
than where you are right
now, with words written
as plain as the pain on
your face, so listen and
I will try to take you to
a better place maybe I
will transport you to
a ephoric utopia but
that will take opiates,
for my words will just
make you dizzy, Gillespie,
get off that computer and
go to bed, and then you
will dream dreams of us
meeting instead, where I
will be humble and you
will be dapper unless you
are a girl then you will
be "a beautiful rendition of the Mona Lisa"
pray what is behind that
smile and how do your
whites stay so pearly and
your hair, so light and curly,
like the clouds over head,
with a background of blue
sky that holds that daystar,
and reflects off the water in
the duck pond and blinds
my eyes and makes the tear
oft fall, salty on my sleeve,
as I hold one up to wipe
a tear, I feel your hanky
brush my eye lash and I blush with unabashed charm,
but if we were manly men
walking under the trees,
along a pathway of asphalt,
walking sticks pressed into palms
of hands, not those topical trees,
along side us grass, dotted with Canada geese,
oh do watch your step dear
boy, or you might grease your
soul, which would be a helluva
a way to let this perfect day
slip away and take us from
this better place.
It matters not who I am with, for when I am with you, whom ever you are,
I am away from here, therefore found in a better place.
Fuck I hope it stays.
The snow outside looks like the white noise I hear in my dreams.
It's like holy whispers too powerful.
Thousands of tiny frozen pieces of wind and water that stick to the sidewalk.
It's been seven years since it stayed this long.
Little eight year old Alex says, "It's supposed to storm."
You were my rock
I was just your stepping stone
So when you said goodbye,
Naturally my heart sank
And yours didn't skip a beat
How come you were the one who made me believe that you believed in me?
So I finally believed in you too
I believed in you more than anyone I'd ever been with before
So how come you were the one to make me the worlds biggest joke?
You took me higher than I'd ever been
Only to drop me so deep, the water barely rippled
You knew you had me in the palm of your hand
I thought you knew you were holding my heart, not just my hand
I could've waited for forever to end for you
But you turned the tide on me
And I was washed away by all your lies
I kept thrashing through them, trying to get back to the you I knew
I didn't realize that in that icy water my heart froze over, and hope died
I didn't want to go
I kept looking for your hand to pull me out, to stop me from drowning in the loss of a love I thought was true
But, you weren't there for me
And you never really had been
It took a lot of being stepped on and looked over for me to see...
So I wrote you this note
I folded it up nice and neat, and tied it to a rock with a red bow
I thought about throwing it in your face, like how your lack of concern for me was a slap in my face
But.. I can't wound you when none of my heartache is a weapon
The wind is brisk and harsh coming off the black, icy water below
The same water my heart sank to the bottom of when you just..let me go
So naturally I let you go there too
The water stung when it splashed on my face as I dropped my rock
It quickly vanished out of sight
Just as you had
Like my heart did that unforgettable day
You might have walked away as I sunk to the bottom but...
I stood there staring at the waters surface ,even though it had been still much longer than it had rippled as my rock sank
You were my rock
There’s an aging house across the street
with inhabitants we’ll never meet
a bright blue truck
grass with no luck
tall weeds that look like wheat.
Their christmas lights are inside out
rust is running all throughout
with creaks and groans
brown water out the water spout.