On a bitter december night of '11
I stood alone, watching the glow
of christmas fireworks
clutching my phone in my mittens.
"This time in a year, I will be with you"
your message said.
"I will be holding your hand"
"I will plant kisses on your forehead".

The year passed and so came
the even more bitter december night of '12
your hands tightly tucked into your pockets
your face turned away from mine
your body impatiently shivering
lifeless to the weight of my chin on your shoulder.

As we stood silently
I remembered what you had said
this time one year ago
and as I looked up to the sky
the fireworks lit up what I already knew
as their sunset hue reflected the vacancy in your eyes.

I'm on fire my love
every inch of me burns
with the vodka mix of emotions filling me
And blurring me
The sky is on fire my love
it's falling down on me
are you watching this
or am I the only one that can see it
I know it's falling
but I guess thats just me
My bed is on fire
while I write this poem
my tears would sizzle on to my grey quilt
if I had tears left to cry
My hair is on fire
the natural red of it has enhanced itself
it's unearthly and magical and beautiful
and I appreciate this singular beauty
while blood pools round me
and soaks my bed
my blood is on fire love
and I set it free

Hope
By Shani Jonas


I actually believe that there is hope for this generation
For the boys and girls and adults of this nation
Even with teen pregnancies
And puberty coming too fast
With rapes and murders
And relationships that don't last
With mini thugs and thieves
With judement that's cruel
With abuse and hunger
And no religion in schools
I may be a fool
To think that we can possibly achieve something in this dog eat dog world
But I have a lot of hope
For just a 12 year old girl

I believe that men
Will stop treating women as objects
That they will stop watching her "twerk her stuff"
And really mean their "I love you"
Women will stop getting dragged by society into the black ashes of the souls that used to belong to confident girls
That they will stop being insecure
So they can see the roses among the thorns
And the buds among dry leaves
I wish that parents will stop beating their children
Because is it worth all the pain?
Killing your own flesh and blood?
I know I can't do much
To change all the evil in the world
But there is one thing that both you and I can do to help.
And that is to pray and
Hope
Hope
Hope,
And practice what you preach
And have faith in your children.

Breakup for the makeup, the sex is is poetry within itself. Loving you is bad for me...it's bad for my self esteem, and it's bad for my health. I feel bad when I see how I make you so weak...to see a grown man tear up, and do crazy shit without stopping to think. You love the curve off my hips, the scent of my hair and my soft full lips. The birthmark on my wrist, and the one on my ribs which you never miss to kiss. The tone of my voice when I'm grilling you, the sparkle in my eye....when you recognize just how much I'm feeling you. It hurts me every time when you doubt how much I love you, because you're not the only one strokin'.....but you're the only one I make love to.

And the passionate kisses tell it all. I got up from your lap and slid off your pants, then ripped down your draws. I worked my way down and started slowly, deep throated your love as I played with your.....You ripped me up by my hair so I can tell you're still mad, then you bent me over and slapped my ass, as hard as you could, and then you put him in me and I gripped every inch of your manhood. And you know I can't take it. Your nails dug into my sides, and thrusted so hard thinking I'd run...but you know I can take it. We switched then I started to ride, the anger in your eyes became harder for you to hide. Repeating your insults to you "I'm a bitch, I'm a hoe and I'm so fucking selfish." And I gripped on your neck, just as I felt your legs clam like shellfish. Fast and slow, I like watching your face, so I switch up the pace...and ride fast then slow. "I love you." Now I got you, not a second too early, not a second too late. You flipped me on my stomach and I felt all your weight. You started to pant extra hard and I told you to wait. I wasn't done, you pushed my face into the pillow as I felt you cum. Couldn't bring yourself to pull out.....fin.

But we know how your men swim. And I'm not on birth control so let's pray that I don't get pregnant again.

I don’t want to be something someone asks you about just because they don’t know any other conversation-starters.
I don’t want to be the last drag of your cigarette only for you to say “Oh well I’ll just light another one.”
I don’t want to be a suicide note you read over and over again trying to understand why you never understood me.
I don’t want to be the symbol behind your sorrow, I don’t want to be the last lilac sitting in a vase on your kitchen table watching you try to keep it alive.
I don’t want to be that song you listen to over and over trying to recreate something that you never even experienced to begin with.
I don’t want to be that picture you keep above your bed, I don’t want to be the half-eaten meal you fed to the dogs instead.
I don’t want to be compared to that thing that is killing you that I can’t control. But I am. I am. I am.
I’m sorry.

The eyes snap open,
Like the shutter on a camera,
Pupils fixed and tracking,
Watching every move,
Never blinking,
Pinholes peering into the depths of you,
Below subconscious,
Leering at your mind,
Keeping record of your every move,
Peering inside,
Knowing your thoughts,  
Knowing what it thinks to be 'you'
A total surprise,
'no one can tell, right?'
It's like beauty,
Obvious to some,
Invisible to others,
I know ,if you know, and dread these dreams,
Then release me.

You were practically my big brother
You watched out for me.
You protected me.
When my ex tried to hurt me
You beat him up for me.

You quit your bad habits,
So you could be a better friend to me.
When I was upset and crying me eyes out.
You took me in your arms and calmed me down.
How will I live with out you.

You are now looking at me in heaven
Watching over me
you are my guardian angel.
But I want you down here on earth.
With me once again.

Marggrette misses you SO much.
You were her husband
and the father of her unborn child.
She Cries for you.
Please Come back to us.

Megan misses you.
When I told her you had moved on she cried.
She read your note to her.
She wishes you didn't have to go.
Why don't you come back PLEASE

Your life was full of bad things.
But you were just turning it around.
God had no right to tear you away from us.
You deserve a second chance.
You were so full of life.

The way you took care of Kianna,
Your real little sister.
The way you looked at Marggrete.
The way you knew how to PARTY
and have a great time,

I'm missing you already.
I'm already missing our annual weekend meets.
I know one day we will meet again.
When you help me through the golden gates of heaven.
But that is too far away.

I can still feel you with me.
It feels to serial to be true.
I know you haven't passed away.
Its just a dream.
Your still here with us.

OK I have to face the facts.
You're in heaven.
And I can't change that.
But I know you will be there,
Watching over me.

So This is my goodbye to you.
I Love you Alex-Jordan Jones

The more that I know
I'm watching
The more that I hear
Always listening
The more that I know about
What I'm beginning to fear
Fear is real
Fear is forever
It never stops
I can't let it be
Someday maybe everyone will see
Fear is as real as you
And as me
Fear makes the world go round
It's hiding everywhere
It might never be found
All that I see
All that I hear
All that I know
It scares me