I miss the look on your face when you saw me
I miss the smell on of the smoke on your skin
I miss the small, silver camera you held in your hand
I missed you the moment you'd taken me in
I miss the long drives past rolling corn feilds
I miss the tissue crumpled in my hand
I miss the trailer sat 10 feet from your porch light
I missed you the moment that I knew I can
I miss the family that I'd never known there
I miss my neices blue eyes, curly hair
I miss when Aunt Nikkie painted my nails green
It started chipping, but I didn't care
I miss the fireflies that I couldn't catch
I miss the movies you forced me to watch
I miss the ashtrays all over the house
I missed the jokes I continue to botch
I miss the grapes that you stuck by my bedside
I miss the feel of my neice on my lap
I miss my cousins attempting to drown me
I even miss Tristan, whom I wanted to slap
I miss the day that they took me out shopping
I miss watching movies with them late at night
I miss winning money on Grampa's 10 slot machines
I miss how hard those mosquitos would bite
I miss the day that you bought me a pizza
I miss the way that smoked everyday
I miss the drive to the airport that morning
I miss your face, as you drove away
I keep seeing hints of you
In forced synchronicity
Where everything adds up to 5
Maybe it's a sign
Or I'm losing my fucking mind again
Did you catch the hint?
Is the madman manifesting?
Impulsive manic mood swings to paper
Filling out with the Full Moon
As the Maiden waxes away
Light up my sacral bond
like shotgun blows to the sky
A peephole into Heaven's locker room
Blame it on the the rain
You caught me off guard
Out of sync
Girl you know it's true
That we're stranger than fiction
My siren in the satire
Muse in the mayhem of my mind
I could be your Vonnegut
As I'm Freudian slipping
On my spilled guts in the 5th slaughterhouse
They spoke of bears, I saw one last year while skating
And these women were chatting of their recent experiences.
Suppose I am lucky to have been only friendly with deer in the forest
To be bear meat would be rather traumatic
Last time I saw bears, they were getting ready to sleep
I could have stood there and watched them for hours
But it was the lovey dovey sea otters on a later, snowy visit
That captivated me more
They were so tender and violent, incredibly adamant, ardent lovers
I was embarrassed to be watching them mate while next to...
The children were confused, it was played off as parents tend to do
As nothing more than play and rough housing
The nearby people are in a heated relationship
I care not either side or their issues
But it is at such times as I see one of the mom's kids
Struggling silently with the boyfriend/half-brother/relationship crisis dramas
that I am more resolute than ever
to keep any potential relationship that one day may happen
Private, far away, from my children
As this has yet to be an issue,
no personl relationship of such a type
I am thankful for where I am in my life
crampon cleats tickle her bedrock
far below the frosty powder dusting;
released where her majestic peak
parted yester night’s obstinate clouds.
the alpine atmosphere
first chilled and then plummeted
as the starlight glistened;
illuminated ice crystals sparkled
like diamonds in the rough.
I am overwhelmed
by the peaceful aura
mark the snow
of my existence;
a conscious moment,
the realization of being.
since I am new to HP and do not want to wear out my welcome, I am going to pause for a bit right here.
This is a piece inspired by climbing a snow and ice packed, 12.000 foot dormant volcano in the cascade mountains of the Pacific Northwest. The original that this was intended to be an intro for is about a week old "Beyond the Telegraph Road" published on the front page my personal "Word Whisperer" poetry site found here @ : http://harlonrivers.blogspot.com/ with pictures of the ascent not allowed here. It is 42 lines and after publishing a piece here that is 48 lines with little reaction, that may not be the best thing to do here. Much of my writing is in that range of length and even beyond so it may be too long for here. I need to take the time to read more here 1st to get to know other writers by being a reader, so I will pause here to say thanks and find out which way the wind blows...
The Strange One
A boy asked God for a blue sky one night. Only the moon shone. The next day he felt lonely and disappointed. So he took his father's broken phone and tried to call God, nobody answered. So he went to play, when he went to put the broken phone back where it was he saw a text message which read: "Last week I gave you red sunset but you were sleeping. Last month I sent you a blue sky but you were watching television. Yesterday I tried to talk to you but you were listening to music. I had sent a bird to sing you the loveliest song but you were busy caught up in music and missed my orchestral fusion. Right now you are aspiring to be the heights of the infinite horizons, the beauty and depth of the seas. But what you miss is that refuge begins at heart's delight and at home with your family is the place right."
The boy quickly rushed to show his father but then the phone switched off. His parents didn't believe him. He was scolded and told to go to his room... 45 minutes later he saw a blue sky and a hollow opening with red and yellow bright streams... After this awe, stars were aligned in a way that showed pictures, the boy could see distant suns dancing in one motion. What followed was a thunder and whirlwind which brought music unimaginable, see this music he didn't hear with his ears, but the energy field which is his mind and by his crystalline-light-glass soul body . The boy grew up and became a healer and fortune teller and brought much happiness to his community.
A pair of identical twins, a pair of breasts –
I wonder if we shall stay as similar when I become an adult
or if December 29th, 2013, I am to be a sleepyhead
no more. I wake up early and go to work and come back home
without needing you, broad man, to prop up my bones.
I wonder if adolescence is merely acting as a canvas
perhaps off-white, but not intricate,
expecting, waiting for an artist to sculpt from the material:
mine mine mine a man of twenty-five, small feet
big fingers soft toes a heart that bleeds paint clumsily.
I became him somehow, and the opposite of him, too.
The body language, stepping chest-first,
it appears so similar as if we were ghosts of each other but it
nevertheless feels that he and I are never in a same room
watching separate films on TV with the same words.
To be careless, I wonder if that is adult
because if the contrary is true I have been there forever
and the train I made him venture did not have that destination.
I wonder if being a lady is different than being
a man. I wonder if we can be identical when I turn 18.
Its a shame
things ended this way
Not that I ever
thought you would stay
I dont like conflict
But its all for the best
I guess anything worthwhile
Is bound to hurt
Once its gone
As soon as you were
Out of site
It started to pour
It was symbolic
Of how I felt
Watching you walk away
Holding back from
Wanting to tell you
For the last time
you looked today
Like the turning sheets
of a monthly calender,
life has layers after layers.
How would he know that ,
just a callow youth on sea shore
playing with smooth pebbles,
that was when he saw her first.
She was the woman who
taught him, whole cities lay merged
within a woman, like wave after wave,
she was a mystery like life itself.
There is no way to decipher.
They first met
in the city of light,
Diwali lamps were lit
in all courtyards,
It was an immortal moment
in his life, he realized,
leading him gently to the light
which evaded him though he assiduously sought,
she parted without a word
Did she belong to someone else?
The city of sorrow,
yet again brought them face to face
Ridden with angst of existence
he stumbled, was about to fall, then
he could experience her iron will
more than a woman, she stood, like a pillar of strength,
she took his weary head in both hands, pressed to her breast,
pulled out the crown of thorns, their paths
diverged again, inexplicably complex, was their relationship.
In the city of guilt,
an unexpected meeting again,
they were surprised. Here, they were on their own.
They wanted to take their lives in their hands,
in spite of the currents that pulled them to different directions.
But he knew all the while that her self, was divided between
three cities within in her.They co-existed, Light.Guilt.Sorrow
will their love survive? Not all loves are intended to live long,
a parrot in his tree of loneliness always whispered.He pretended he didn't hear,
A game of dice, almost was their lives, mysterious forces did bet on their love,
Having traveled through fire and water, she was beyond pleasure and pain,
Kali with a fiery nose stud, female power that overcomes all pain,
she became, that shattered his dreams for them.
He was thankful, to be awakened by her,
the light she lit, burned bright, within.
Now or never.He crossed the river.
Deliverance comes from an inner source,
otherwise all will end as an idiot's tale
Her flame lighted his wick, liberated him.
Fire spitting dragons one can tame,
but in the duel with demons of life,
it could be a blood letting end,
call it play of chance or what ever
they are the easy game here
He packed his backpack and
started to move eastwards,
Westward bound was she, invariably,
her heart had still a song left for him,
the void was filled, the pain was stilled
with anesthetics of mind.
Just for one last time they went to the beach,
watching the sunset was their good bye to each other.
They never met again.
Running my fingers through your hair,
Cuddling in your arms all night,
Watching you sleep because I'm not tired,
Waking you up with the light touch of my lips,
You ticking me to get your phone back,
Whispering back and forth I love you,
Everything I want to do in life with a certain person.
I am so tired of chasing love, so tired of begging and pleading. I am just tired.
You can tell me you love me over and over and over again but it makes no difference to me.
I can see it in your eyes, feel it in your touch, you don't mean it anymore. But still I beg and I beg to feel like I am anything at all and with every cry for your attention, I grow more tired. I lost trust in you long ago. Maybe you slept with her, maybe you didn't. Maybe it's all in my head. But even so, it's there and it's a nightmare I dream every time I close my eyes. This has happened to me before, I've been cheated and lied to time and time again and I want to believe you're different. I want to believe that you're the one that's going to stay. But I can feel you leaving, every day I wait for you to say your last goodbye. And mean it this time. I love you so goddamn much and I hate myself for it. I hate myself for wanting you so bad that I'm willing to get hurt in the process. I've built my life around you, I've created a future in my mind that I don't think I'll ever have. Maybe everybody was right, I'm too young to fall in love but if I'm old enough to get my heart broken than how can that be? I'm sick of seeing love letters to my friends, I'm sick of reading the words that they write. "I'll always love you", "we are forever", "you are the only girl in the world for me", you used to write these things. These are the things that made me feel safe and secure. Now I'm always watching my back in fear of turning around to see you writing these things to somebody else. I'm tired of waking up every morning asking the same questions, Am I pretty enough? Am I skinny enough? Am I good enough? and I always give myself the same answer, no. Because I'm not any of those things and nobody can tell me otherwise. I'm just tired of hurting and you telling me that you've been trying. You want to fix things. But what you've done to my mind isn't easy to fix and you don't have the time or patience to deal with it. And you're tired too I bet. You're tired of me constantly asking you to love me, constantly not trusting you, constantly being upset with you and I know that. I don't want to do those things but you have to meet me half way. Treat me like a queen and I'll treat you like my king. It's really as simple as that. I'm so tired of hoping things will change.