When the pitter pat of your mouse heartbeat fades utterly away
As easily and distinctly as throes of thunder in the stormy distance,
I may go - in melancholy, there will be nothing else to do or say.
And once the rains froth on warm cement and the winds sashay
Across the treetops, and of you there is a startling absence,
I will know the pitter pat of your mouse heartbeat faded away.
It will sting, surely, to wake up every Monday through Sunday
Knowing you are not here, but I will remember your brilliance
And I may go - in melancholy, there is nothing else to do or say.
Still, the years will fly by and someday my mind may neglect to replay
Those memories of importance, and I will forget your presence,
Even as the pitter pat of your mouse heartbeat has faded away.
Then the world will move on and storms will return. In the midst of the fray
I will arrive, on the way to my own departure, a mind full of grievances.
I may go anyway - in melancholy, there can be nothing else to do or say.
And while there may be some last moment of frenzied grief, a ray
Will eventually split the clouds open; of you, I will recall some semblance,
And the pitter pat of your mouse heartbeat will roar, not fade away.
Then, finally, I will go - in lieu of melancholy, there will be much to do and say.
Wrap me in a warm embrace,
Kiss me softly on the side of my face.
Tell me that this will never end.
Tell me we will forever be friends.
Your fingers intertwine in my hair,
Sometimes I think what we have isn't fair.
Heartbreak and sorrow,
Who know what we we'll say tomorrow?
Look at me in the eyes and say,
"Just for you, I will forever stay."
Stop reading this immediately,
If you are warm to the soul.
Stop reading this soon as possible.
Your insides will catch fire like coal.
I’m merely dead. I’m nothing but walking flesh.
Like pieces of broken-edged chipped shells swallowed up by the apathetic sea.
Stop reading this, this instant,
It’s my entire synthetic mind,
Slowly becoming a fractured aching hole.
These perplexities and burdens are only for me to grasp,
Always mine to keep.
Hope is a misused word; I’ll throw it off,
Gone from my vision, until it’s off so distant.
Stop reading this immediately,
For my thoughts are infectious.
Doleful is my disease.
Life is a beautiful music box never meant for me.
Echoing its prolonging tune.
Stop reading this immediately.
I've smashed the box,
The music has stopped.
Morbid has taken its toll.
Curtains fluttering gently, warm breeze floating in through the wide open window, humid the smell of summer evening, one of those intense nostalgic kinda smells, and the sound of people laughing in the gardens. Your arms wrapped around me, our bodies touching naked. The sun slowly going down on us, your lips breathing hot breath on my neck licking. Yeah that’s what I love about the summer, humid hot sticky sweaty sex during the day lying naked, smoking drinking sleeping waking fucking eating and then sleeping some more. And then in the evening we will shower, I’ll put on some jeans and a shirt, you wear a skirt and some heels, I want to show you off to the world.
The evening was awake full of history
wind pressing against warm skin
that forgetting would be too long
we didn't have a sail
or a boat
or more importantly an anchor
to remove or ground us in this swelling sea
I looked over your head wishing for sunlight
so we could go back to yesterday and the day before
so that maybe we would have never yelled so loudly
on the train tracks
watching humanity tear itself apart
on each side of us
we got lost in that
we lost everything we said we never would
and now these buildings aren't our friends
and their structure is pushing us out like gates
I'll become a stranger to another town
walking without your shadow underneath empty street lights
talking to the moon about things only you heard
about why I thought the world is ending
and how I planned on
(your hand helped the most)
tonight we said goodbye in tangled fists and heartbeats
tonight I shed away the secrecy of humming words I told you while you were sleeping
far away dreaming of me
I grabbed you like it was the last time, the way I always meant to hold you
tonight I sang to you in years
locked behind eyes you so swore chambered the sun
(on couches and floors)
watching you circle around me
like the earth
steady in your footsteps
in cold spring winds
but Im already in Portland missing you
walking streets and counting trees I wish I could show you
because you're not here
where I think I need you
Im already reading your book about the sand
and imaging the way you smile in the desert
tickling scars you gave me on a bed
wasted wine and razor blades
(now twisted like metallic woven thread pink and past)
Lucky You ,I tongued my lips
that red rust
pain killing love
love killing pain
fuck the way you made my thighs sweat
your arms are tied around me now
and Im promising myself I won't forget
amongst the screaming silent trees
your heart is beating faster..
'your emotions are heavy,
I'll keep them inside my chest'
When the summer dripped through my fingers
Like the last drops
Of the ocean on my skin
he smiled at me, a sweet and warm smile,
"Love my sweet Winter for me"
So the cold winds approached
And the leaves withered, died, and were cast away
And Winter mourned
Knowing the deaths written because of her name
But I, following the whispered guidance of my favourite passing time,
cold nights wrapped in warmth
the icy winds pushing me closer to those near to my heart
the harsh tear drops which refreshed, replenished, revived my dry and barren soul
And Winter, noticing the love
Warmed up a little each day
And on her last day
Breathed a warm sigh
And whispered, "I love you, and thank you for loving me"
She kept me warm
so i gave her my heat
and she re-gifted it
and i was cold.
He tucks me in
with sweet words
that evoke crinkled eyes
and upturned corners
and someone will be lucky
to be his love
She knows the sound
my tears make as they fall
through the ground
because hers have fallen the same
and she knows the taste of pain
when a heart breaks this way
because hers was broken the same
so she indulges me
and loves me
and carries me through the day
and i don’t tell her everything
but she feels my misery
She caught the choke
around my throat when
i didn’t know how to live
and she picked me up
and told me to walk
gave what she had to give.
I’m not fixed,
but I’m still alive,
and she is responsible for that.
He validates me
when i feel i must be crazy
he tells me i’m not
without any prompt
and says he’ll always be
Big Brother to me
She sticks around
even though I’m obviously crazy.
She’s already seen me go through my worst.
She just listens and takes it in
and we go for a walk
and another day passes
while she is my friend
"Bye", I said.
Over the phone, which was foolish.
You were entitled to more than that.
It was foolish to dwell on the inevitability of last days together.
For fifteen months I waited and doubted.
A beautiful hummingbird on my finger.
You never flew off.
Even when coldly advised you to do so.
Even when I had little to feed you.
Mesmerized by you, you delicacy.
But damn it all, it's ended.
I shook you off my finger and stuck up the other.
Tonight we bed down miles apart.
Lonely alone, and lonely in company.
And our love burned, but stung me sorely.
A man never repaired and prepared.
Old love scars that didn't heal.
Always frightened and delirious.
Letting my wells run dry.
So much of me hopes you call for me in the morning.
And come despite my cold heart and shoulder.
Reject my last word, my deadly three letters.
Persist as I resist.
Stopping only when we find our wings woven and our nest warm.
The moon peaks,
catching the glimmering
snow, the rustling trees
But I long for the cabin,
the cabin up ahead
Kissing the night,
as she would me,
with warm firelight
A small crack offers entrance
and, as in before,
I sit beneath the floorboards
Notes drift through the cracks,
and soft thumps echo down:
the ghosts of dancing feet
I catch them in stride
They show me glimpses,
but only glimpses
To reach, to touch, my
still heart yearns to
join the lonely dancer
But what would she feel?
The slip of one hair?
The chill of silent breath?
The crawl of closed eyes?
Better to stay, sleeping,
beneath the floorboards
late at night
and all I do is wonder
what it would be like
and what we would do
if you claimed me as your lover.
I wonder if you would hold
me tight as you chase my monsters away
and kiss me so hard
that my lips begin to numb
I wonder if you would gaze into my eyes
with a warm smile engraved onto your face
I wonder, and I continue to wonder all night long
I wonder if you do too