I want you to know;
I've got nothing
but love for you.
(My father always told me
that the things we love the most
will always kill us
they never wanted us
they just want what we've got
because I must
before what I remember of liverpool
is ground into dust
of a cuntserving government
determined to sell off everything
that makes us
we must what we must
its time to take
what was ours in the first place
its in our blood
She walks in the door,
The chimes matching her steps-
Walks lightly to the counter
Where her fingers dance their reps.
She orders in a broken voice,
Raspy and rugged as hell,
Her cheeks are red with cold,
Her stoney eyes have tales to tell.
She sits at the corner table,
Wide eyes analyze the world;
She's listening in on other's words,
A quite peculiar girl.
She's only tables away,
Drinking her coffee void of cream,
Black as the paint that polished her nails;
Like a stranger from a dream.
She makes me lose my concentration;
I've stopped trying to look at my screen.
Everything she does intrigues me,
This severely different teen.
My desires fill my consciousness,
All I want is to say "hi",
But how she intimidates me so,
It would come out as but a cry.
Suddenly she rises to her feet,
Then slinks over to the door,
She stops and says she saw my stare,
And then she's gone forevermore.
White dusts turn ashes under burnt feet
sinking into a boundless ocean finding
grief most pleasing,
High on perfection
are the echoes in these ears that breathe
swallowing discord whole and
painting the soul in monochrome.
“Are you here?
Where are you?”
“Not here, I’m afraid”
Dead trampled memories of
spots on a wall, in the corner
and around a hall
Bludgeoning of endless dreams
stinging the mind, hive of the dead
that spits out grey, hunger for
nectar of heads. Pitiful, pitiful.
Stare out the window—
“Go forwards, don’t you want to fall?”
“But to fall is to wake up. To wake up
is to be living, to die. Here, I remain as is
wandering the labyrinth of mindfulness. Not a
soul to perturb this wakefulness,
not this watchful eye”
So, here I remain
but no sense of peace goes forever untouched.
on the other side?
And we're purging to be pretty,
and smoking to stay thin.
Starving until our bones feel light as air.
Wearing make-up like a mask,
using clothes to advertise the goods, to
make the boys want us
Mistaking life lessons for soul mates.
Physically putting out and
emotionally shutting down.
And we're dumber ourselves down.
Acting stupid because it's cute.
Hiding our wit because it's unattractive.
They want lady in the streets and
freak in the sheets.
But on their schedule, not yours.
But the lady has to be a tramp
And the tramp has to be domestic.
It's a trap.
And we're used up
We're twenty something and giving up on the world.
We're twenty something and dead inside.
And taking it all in stride.
The Frustration Is driving me insane
I thought I was Abel then turned out to be Cain
Sometimes I just want to step in front of a train but
that would be to easy these days seem so much the same
Patience is a virtue yet I'm frustrated and may hurt you
only to feel bad because the human in me hurts too
My quest for happiness is like a trek to find the end of a rainbow
I've lost my light and my path I don't know which way to go.
Seems a lot of people would like to see me fail and
well I've done just that since my boat has set sail
It's a wonder I'm still afloat seems it's not my time to die
I can't even control emotion at random moments I cry
Abused, abandoned, I wouldn't pay my own ransom
I'm damaged, unrepairable, yet somewhat handsome
Life threw me a fastball and I struck out every time
my days consist of nothing No wonder I learned to rhyme
trying to climb my way out of my hole hoping this may be my gold
I haven't accomplished much of anything at 23 years old
Yes, I've wrote a bunch of non sense
but to my name I have not one cents
I'm actually in debt for sharing my two cents.
College is my blueprint
My life is like a comedy I, myself laugh maniacally
at one point someone thought I was inspiring.
I write and smoke a lot hoping to ease this stress
as I feel the rope tightening around my neck
The lightning bolts my only hope the reason I log on
if you didn't give me strength there's no way I could write on...
Thank you to everyone for your support and love
it goes along way.
Help me open my heart.
I know what to wish for
All this time later.
She was in my arms last night,
And I had no wishes then,
Not a one,
And if there was a sky,
I could not have cared less.
Tonight I know what to wish for.
You are cold and clear
And the haze is gone
And I want
To fall into this love
Without fear lurking below me like a safety net of needles.
Please, help me give up that instinct
To turn to stone at the first sign of trouble.
Help me relinquish my misgivings and my doubts
That I clutch like weapons against the calm and joy I feel
In her arms,
Because we both know that if the end is coming
It will come whether or not I see it miles off.
Blind me with the light of her smile.
Let me see this moment,
Let me see what I have
And not what I could lose.
Help me unzip my skin and lay in the moonlight
Bare and honest
Exposed down to the weakest little corner of my soul.
Help me find the courage to believe the best of this world
With its barbed wire edges,
If I give my heart to these cold stars
And set aside the fear and doubt
If I show you courage
Will you show me comfort?
Because every little thing in my life reminds me of you. Everything. I see you in the books I read. And the songs I listen to. In the movies I watch. Every thought that goes through my head leads back to you. And I can’t help but think that you are the answer to my problems and the end to the pain. But thinking like this is a dangerous trap. Thinking like this gets me hurt. And I don’t think I can take any more hurt. Liking someone like you makes me realize that I will never be good enough. I will never be right and you will always deserve better. I know I can’t be that for you and I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I’m just a messed up, talentless, ADHD teenager who has no control over my feelings or words. I’m sorry that I’m not all you want, because that is all I want to be. But I know there’s no point because you’ll leave me anyway. Everyone does. Everyone just walks away with no goodbye. I am always the second choice, the back-up plan, the alternative until you find someone better. And I’m just tired you know? I’m tired of trying to put up with all this shit and telling myself that there are only 3 more years till I can leave this fucking state and leave all the pain behind. But a lot can happen in 3 years. And over any other emotion, I’m just scared and lonely in this nightmare that I call life.
You'd want to be remembered as
Someone who always appeared happy,
Because then your efforts would not be in vain.
Want people to know
How you're crumbling in your own skin,
You're dying from the outside in
You don't even really want to be remembered
But if you are,
You hope its for something
Because everything you are
Tonight I feel loney, I need you to hold me
Need to feel the warmth of your lips on the back of my neck
Humming the melodys and rap beats that never leave your head
And the smell of you to fill the air of my bedroom
Laying in bed, eating pizza, watching movies, and making out
I have the best nights when there spent with you
And you tell me I'm lovely, but never say you love me
That I'm the only girl for you
But your out somewhere, God knows where
Stumbling around downtown, causing chaos and drunken brawls
Kissing girls, picking fights, and doing things I'd rather know nothing about
You'll never grow up or leave this god forsaken town
Everyone tells me that deserve so much more, they tell me you'll never treat me right
You're a big dreamer distracted by fleating memories of glory days, a totally fucked up mess
I'm laying here alone and there's nobody else I want, I find your carefree life charming
You piss me off but I kind of like putting up with you and all your bullshit