You are not god, you are not my Lord;
You are a beast that corrupts my soul;
I find peace not, when I pray in thee;
You feast on my soul--you pain and me.
You are a fiend, just like all my friends;
You are tied to an awkward time and space.
And is your soul as sharp as your false prayers?
I can find words that shall hear me better.
You are no safety, nor any assurance;
I hate your speech--within your cold bible;
You are not worthy of love, nor any true spirit;
You are a mere space no sane souls can ever meet.
I used to know, in Heaven, another Lord;
But my faith was marred, it was distorted.
This Lord of mine was kind and simple;
His heart was All-Resilient and Humble.
My Lord was gone in one sway of smoke;
As none wanted to hear more from me.
I was strong in faith--and t'is was no joke;
But none would look, and pushed Him fast away.
Ah, my Lord, in whom I used to hear salvation;
And not grief like this which burns my heart.
I found within me--a great deal of admiration;
But none would believe, and He was made gone.
I knew another, in more mature years;
But He was as crude as a grizzly bear.
With His soulless heart, he tore my faith up;
'Till my heart withered, and nothing remained.
He preached but the beauty of wealth;
And to forge maturity on this dire soil;
He turned one another an enemy;
He played with fate, as if ‘twas His doll.
I was in deep grief, I was in bare crises;
I believed not the sun sets and the moon rises.
Ah, Lord, and after I lost thee even more;
I roamed sightlessly like none before.
And now I’th been forced back to thee;
Art thou still hungry, or art thou satisfied?
Haven’t thou sent me enough agony;
When shall thou finally give up?
Now I hath been cramped back to thee;
Art thou still angry--doth thou want to kill me?
Thou explaineth never--why I taketh my breath;
Thou reasoneth never--what is in life after death.
For I believe triumphs are not for those who sin;
For I believe prayers are not done by the mean.
For I believe in life there is no such scarcity;
For I believe we are united by wordless destiny.
For I believe He is One; and is loved freely;
For I believe He loves back, with relentless mercy;
For I believe He is the One, and owneth no partner;
For I believe He is who rules, and not another.
For I believe none was made crucified;
For I believe He is alive, and shall never die;
For I believe such stories are all but a lie;
For He is who gives, and breathes sight to the eye.
For I believe the cross is no glory;
For I believe such is a vain myth;
For I believe He is absolute;
For I believe He is the only Truth.
And about this I can lie no more;
Nor stand back as I did before.
He is who holds my mortal hands;
He who cares better than my friends.
Still I am lost, I am lost in thee;
For thou hath betrayed my most questions.
For thou hath no words--nor poetry in me;
For thou ignore--and neglect me in disambiguation.
And I hate thee, I hate thee too much;
Thou hath blinded me and led me astray.
Thou giveth room but to desire and lust;
Thou lead my soul to ultimate decay.
Thou regard not shyness and virginity;
Thou accept not humble words and pure sympathy.
Thou encourage day and night ecstasy;
Thou disfigure us by mock forgiveness.
Thou told us to be unjust and sin;
Thou told us to pursue and be mean;
Thou loveth pleasure, and left me unsure;
Thou gave me disease, but showed me no cure.
Now I’th realised that my God is Him;
He who attends my day and night dreams.
I care not what thy devils may say;
I shall care for Him only--all through the night and day.
For the Lord who leads and forgives;
For the Lord who dies not and shall live;
For the Lord whose Throne is up high;
Veiled perfectly by the blue midnight sky.
For the Lord who creates life and death;
For the Lord who gives mouths and breath.
For the Lord who is One and only;
For the Lord who is sole and fair.
Then I can pray with my whole sane heart;
And rest my minds from this lifelong war;
My Lord is One who lets my blood flow;
Years back, presently, the day after tomorrow.
And by Him I shall remain prudent;
Though He is far and farther and invisible.
I shall long for His Paradise and Heaven;
One for the kind hearts; for the devoted and humble.
Then I shall craft even more poetry;
A poem for my Lord’s tremendous delights;
I shall make it warm and lively;
And tell tales of future years in Paradise.
And I shall turn back to Your prayers, God;
After years and years of fraying Thee alone.
Now I shall come back to my untainted faith;
Please hesitate not, nor make me need to wait.
For in You only doth I find my doors;
And answers to my once lonely heart;
I cannot lie back, I cannot lie no more;
That I and Thee can never stay apart.
And my faith will be like those stern winds;
They can be felt, while remain unseen;
Wish me a welcome, and not a farewell;
Keep me safe from Thy spells of hell.
And let me remain in my bows;
As I shout my praise, as my head goes low.
And let me remain where I am;
To cite Thy praise, say Thy Holy Name.
I find myself wanting to be alone
In the darkest hour of my life
Hoping no one finds me as I fight
Choking on my tears as I gasp for life
Living in this black hole of depression
When I'm at a low it sucks me in deeper
I fight to get out of this dark hole
But my mind it tells me stop
It makes things worse as it goes
I'm at the lowest of my lows
Hiding in my secure corner
Hoping that it all just ends for me now
Fighting the tears that just want to stream
This blade that sits in front of me
Trying not to touch my veins
Avoiding the blade that stares at me
I'm cursed with this pain
The obsession for blood that makes it better
But seeing my skin so delicate
Scared of reaching out
Fearing the thought of being helped
I find myself wanting to be alone
In the darkest hour of my life
What is it about
want to kiss me
but when they are
hands no longer
melt into my skin
they no longer
to see me
in their presence
I wrote you words full of hate
With the intention to hurt you
But I couldn't give them to you
I didn't want to leave like that
But I must go
I can't follow you anymore
And watch her twist my words
To burn your soul with
You can't be the cause
Of my tears anymore
My biggest regret is holding on so long
When you clearly didn't want me anymore
I don't think I'll be seeing you around.
there was a kangaroo he just loved to hop
he would hop for miles and never want to stop
one day when he was hopping happy on his way
he saw his friend the wombat and decided they would play
they played along together having lots of fun
then they had a race and kangaroo he won
they played along for hours and passed the time of day
then they said goodbye and both went there seperate ways
You want me to fall for you?
Talk to me about theories,
and how you think they are all wrong,
Convince me that the earth isn't circular,
even though i'm sure it' is!
I just want a little taste of what goes through your mind,
to see how far our thoughts can go -so wild-
Keep me questioning about the things you say,
Confuse me with your puzzled words,
And amaze me with your unusual sense of style,
and how you can be so messy but still look like a piece of art!
Okay you don't have to share the same music taste as mine,
well we can share our beloved songs together sometime,
And let me seek for you when I've no one to understand me,
Then I'll surrender my soul to you,
and let you see what goes through my mind too
and this is only is I fell for you!
When I called the visual appeal of your body topography, you laughed. You misunderstood.
The sharp angles, the planes, the curves and the hollows of your body, of your skin stretched thin over bone, these are what I find beautiful. This is the topography of you, the places I want to map with my lips and teeth. The familiar places, my home within a home, my love.
Your body is geometry, trigonometry, mathematics you hate almost as much as the way I can trace your every rib and vertebrae. Perspective translates your flaws into aesthetic beauty, but your perspective is your own and you will never see what I do. I will love you enough for the both of us, darling, love your flaws more than your perfection just to give you what you deserve.
I woke up today
I just knew I didn't belong with you.
You always make be blue, I can't ever handle you.
My favorite memory I replay all the time.
Lying beneath the oak tree while your hand inter-wined with mine,
we were talking about our future,
turns out each one was just a little lie.
I don't want to see you anymore.
Get out of my life.
I was born forgotten, and grew up alone.
But i always saw an ambient light shining down on me..
I can feel the pain in people's hearts and cry for them.
I can't cry for myself..
abandoned, judged, and forgotten, yet smiling like i have everything in the world..
and suffering on the inside..
I was born forgotten...and grew up alone..
But i still found a way to give people there happiness..
I never gave up..
at a young age i knew everyone deserves to smile..
I was born forgotten.. and grew up alone...
of course i had "friends".
but i also had a best friend
he knew me so well and i loved him dearly.
he's always been there..
I was born forgotten...and grew up alone..
My bestfriend died..
but i still smile..
thats a plus right?
i'm so strong..
i can still help people..
I was forgotten and growing up alone...
I have a new bestfriend..
but he understands me..
he gives me the best advice..
"die, your better off"
"i can't, not until i've helped everyone find there happiness "
I'm dying forgotten and will die alone.
depressed says im stubborn..
i tell him to fuck off..
he says no one loves me..not even her..
i tell him but i do..
depressed says i should stop trying..
I tell him i still have to help..
I'm forgotten and alone..
I'm giving up now..
depression introduced me to death but he just understands himself..
that's probably why he has alot of friends..
i want friends..
death says he will be my friend..
i was born forgotten... and died alone...
death is waiting..
but there are still people crying..
i know im better off...
but i can still help..
or maybe not.
If I knew then, what I know now?
I wouldn't change a thing.
For life growth comes from mistakes.
Which as we go along we will continue to make.
We always say things out of hate.
About spouses,lovers and blind dates.
God knew Eve and Adam would sin.
He didn't stop it.
He let it happen.
And he has the power to eradicate everything.
Because growth comes from growing up.
Sure, we will have regrets.
Sure, we will ponder many things.
Once you realize what truth came to you?
Then you comprehend the growth within.
Let visit the scriptures for the changing of things.
You soon realize Sarah wouldn't have offer Hagar to her husband,
If she knew she would have soon be blessed with a son.
Who essentially had a half-brother?
So to say, If I knew then.
What I know now?
Is just you blowing smoke in thin air?
Question, how thin is air?
What do we measure it by?
If I only knew?
Then I don't really want to know.
Because I be asking God for more information.
Like, why does hate exist?
When love can erase all of it