Sitting at the bar talking about poetry.
Talking about the girl I want to look at me.
Hold up my hands as those thoughts were fire
Burning me from the inside out, just had to get it all out.

"I met her for the one night, and I've been writing about her ever since"
Then she looked at me and just said "Wow".
I wanted to smile but I felt just dirty.
These are my true feelings and I don't want share them with you.

Hold up the time for me I can't see it through this mask.
My head hangs low and stitches are bleeding.
I want to fall in love with this girl, so I write and hope she'll read it one day.
Now I am alone, high as fuck, totally drunk on that idea.

Holy Crap,
They Sold My Name!

No big deal, your name, your email, bought n' sold daily,
Like a baseball card, your picture and vital stats are on the internet,
Your credit card in the fine print tells you they love you much,
But the data they collect, might get credited to such and such.

You're fair game if your sign up for anything.

Now I know I am getting on in years,
Tho spry rhymes with die, I flatly deny
Any notion that
My great beyond is just around the corner!

But Holy Crap,
They Sold My Name!

Got a color brochure
Suggesting that when my travels are over,
A nice place to rest my head might be
St. Michael's Cemetery.

St. Michael's Cemetery
7202 Astoria Blvd, East Elmhurst
(718) 278-3240
Friday hours 7:00 am–5:00 pm

In case you want to check it out too...

Tho I live not in the Borough of Queens County,
My zip code but a hop, skip and jump away,
The cemetery adjacent to the Grand Central Parkway
Which is actually quite thoughtful of
The mass marketer who dreamed up this scheme
(And got paid a plentiful amount of bounty!),
My kids could wave as they drive by,
On the way to LaGuardia or JFK airports
And say, guilt free, they visit me regularly!

Sadly, their plot foiled,
I will be buried in
New Jersey soil,
Near to my pop, who liked the
Wide open spaces of suburbia
And shopping on Route 4,
Where the selection is great
And there is no sales tax.

But Holy Crap,
They Sold My Name,
And I am now target marketed,
Niched, pretty soon the boys from AARP
Will come calling, reminding me of the gap
Tween Medicare and the poor house!

Ok ok,  grow up you say, tho your hair is full,
And not even a hint of baldness shines forth,
Nonetheless, its color is zebra striped gray,
And when someone says they got my back,
I think, please, please take it and keep it....

Oh yeah,
Dear St. Mikes
You might ask for some of your money back,
Cause this sily scribe is a member of the tribe,
Some call "those dirty (hint: it rhymes with mikes),"
It starts with K and ends in yikes!

But thanks for thinking of me anyway.

Your standing at a cross roads
And you dont no which way to go
To the left is a road you've never known
To the right is the life youve lived and grown
As the rain pours down along your face
Your confused on which choice to make
Your scared of change and risk
You always belive youll fail the test
Even though your stronger than most
You dont belive you have anythin to boast
A predictiable stable life is what you want,
Descions and stress give you haunt
A fulfiled life is all you want,
My Wandering woman just follow your heart,
Dont worry what others think, its about what you want
Let nature be your guide and show you the way,
Choose a path and dont ever stray
Follow the sun the moon and stars,
Theyll always stay bright for you,
Just look to the sky whenever your blue,
Take a deep breathe and let it all flow out,
Before you make a descions no matter what about,
While your at the crossroads wanderer,
Always remember not to ponder,
Follow your gut and nothin but,
Dont let outside fears take control,
Your demons are no match for your heart,
Even though they may never let go,
Fight through them all with courage and wit,
Think on your toes and never sit,
Youll get through this wandering woman,
Never doubt what you are doing.
Never let your smile go dim,
It will brighten up any room,
Keep your eyes open wide
They are as blue as the sky,
Tread your gorgous soul onward dear,
There is nothing for you to fear.
As you stand at the crossroads before you
Remember these words i said to you,
If you choose the road you dont know
Or the one that youve grown accustom too
Just make sure that youll be happy first,
Happiness is your primary first.
Everything else can wait,
And i myself can always wait,
Ill wait until your seas have calmed,
Until it is safe to climb a shore,
Until your storm has subsided,
And you can no longer deny it.
Never the less ill always be by your side,
And for you ill hang up my pride.
You'll always have a place in my heart,
You always have right from the start.

I don't want it if you don't want it.
I don't want it just because it's something to do.
I don't want it because of pity.
I don't want it because of a sense of obligation.
I don't want it as a result of lowered inhibitions.
I don't want it due to boredom.
I don't want it if it pushes us apart.
I don't want it just because you think it's what I want.

I want it because you want it.
I want it because it is what you do.
I want it because of mutual respect.
I want it to be from a sense of devotion.
I want it as a sober thought and action.
I want it when we're too busy to think about it.
I want it to be as glue, a part that holds us together.
I want it because you know it's what we want.

It isn't a need.
It isn't a want.

It is affection and adoration and respect and understanding and a piece of me and a piece of you and the world and a living, breathing thing.

It is Love.
And so much more...



That's what IT is.

I surrender the  battle,
But dare not surrender the war.
I will not let go of my dreams.
I have borne too many
Bruises and run too far to
Give up. All I want is to
Feel the sun the way I want
To feel it and feel how I
Want to feel. Without your look
Of disdain burning deep in
My eyes, making me feel much
Smaller than I deserve to
Feel. I will fight the shame you
Give me. I will continue
To fight and I will win in
The end. This is my life.
Live your own.

i'm either not feeling anything
or simply forcing myself to not feel
to grasp my own throat
until i feel i'm about to pass out
and let go as the veins are strained in my neck
and take in that big gust of air my body begged for
as my lungs begin to pump and work again
as my heart leaps and lurches
into all sorts of action, trying to make me feel
but i simply ignore the accusations
of trying to ignore them
altogether
because i just honestly
do not feel
or refuse against the very thought

-
Nothing
is more
scary than
realizing
you still love
the person
you told
you no
longer
want to
talk to.
-

I've been thinking about all the wrongs
I did to you and did while we were together.
And maybe it's that I want to apologize
and maybe it's that I've been feeling weird
all day and this is why.

I don't know what I want.
I want to not want you.
How terribly inconvenient attraction is.
How terribly inconvenient your beauty is to me.
I may regret this later,
after your eyes have chanced upon it
but that's only if you take it the wrong way.

We both found out simultaneously, coincidentally and instantaneously
Because when I saw him look into your eyes, right away I knew.
When he looked back at me, he knew.
When you looked at me, you knew.
And the pain in the pit of my soul dripped down to my stomach that then threatened so gratingly to let its contents out, as if smugly pronouncing that I was hollow, and I was.
The tears came in a hasty abundance and the words in an unfocused cluster and I attacked you.
And you were in the same state as I, but it was you whom my abrupt eyes saw fit to take blame.
It was you whom he used as a weapon to hurt me, and I know that guns don’t kill people, but at that moment I was ready to disassemble you, barrel, muzzle and grip because it was your trigger that was pulled when the bullet shot through my heart and I didn’t want to think about the shooter.
I didn’t want to think that he would hurt me.
I was used as a target by him and you would be used as a target by me
Because there is nothing easier than blaming those you don’t love, blameless as they may be.