The electric
Energy
That surges
Through my
Body
When someone
Mistakes
Me for a guy
Is probably
The strangest
Excitement
I actually enjoy

It makes me
Feel like me
When that
Mistake
Is made

When someone says
"Hey buddy"
I seriously
Want them to never
Find out the truth
That I'm actually a girl

I don't want
People to
Look at me
And casually
See a
Stereotypical
Girl

I never want
that realization
To occur

Is that weird?

I want
To be a girl
But
I don't want
to look like one

I want
To take on
The appearance
Of the opposite
Sex

I want
A flat chest
Short hair
A lean body
Toned muscles
And smooth skin

I don't want
To physically
Be
A man
Or
Take
Testosterone

I don't even like men

It's like
I don't want
To be
Either gender

I don't want
Boobs
Or
A penis

I don't want
To be
Labeled
Male
Or
Female

I don't want
Gender to be
A matter
That actually
Matters

as i slid it in for the first time
i said
i love you

i was confused.
she was confused.
(relieved, yet confused)

you see,
i did not mean it.
it just seemed right.
(the justification)

in hindsight we should have waited.
thought more intensely on our actions.
(my car had been very cramped)
we should have waited for a bed.

as i slid it in for the first time
i said
i love you

i was confused.
she was confused.
(relieved, yet confused)

you see,
i did not mean it.
it just seemed right.
(the justification)

in hindsight we should have waited.
thought more intensely on our actions.
(my car had been very cramped)
we should have waited for a bed.

I want to be retro hot dog iconic pop
I wanna wear red lipstick and rock my normal bod
And be in there, a step ahead, off off broadway
sharper, finer, a knife's edge leading the way
and meow to the groovy tunes
rockin' the moment of my delicious inner light
so not hollywood so much greater finer heights

(I think I've lost the ability to start things, so please forgive this poem for not having an attention grabbing genesis)
I've been twiddling my thumbs for almost eight months now
Putting off all that I care about
(And especially everything that I don't. Here's lookin' at you, AP World History)
Sitting around amassing a booklet of words to use in the future for novels and whatnot
But only using them in essays so I seem smarter than I am
(For example, susurrus means 'a whispering or rustling sound; a murmur')
Hoarding anything affiliated with Ben Folds because he makes me feel things on occasion
(I currently have 189 songs of his on my iTunes library; No one understands me.)
Making dick jokes at lunch while masking the thoughts of substance ricocheting around in my head
(Also your mom jokes because no one would think that you're crying internally about the uncertainty of the afterlife whilst making lewd stabs at their mother's integrity(and vagina. Ba dum tss.))
Apparently craving the lingering feel of another's touch
(I had a dream a few weeks back that Ben Folds licked my hand; My stomach folded (hahahah, folded) in on itself.)
Thinking that my feelings of misanthropy and apathy and everything else I can't find the words for yet are mine alone because everyone else is too stupid to have thought them themselves
(Even though I know that I'm not particularly special and I should stop being so elitist and stupid)

But I've finally found a light at the end of the table in the last place I'd expect--
(I meant to say tunnel, but hey, the source of said light does sit at my lunch table.)
A cherubic Presbyterian boy with an aversion to all things perverse,
(Which includes my sailor's tongue and occasional tendencies to want to put it on a member of my own sex, thought he doesn't know about that)
A spec of cleanliness on the grimy waistcoat of humanity who makes me want to be the best I can be
(Today when I saw him, I only swore once; I was very proud of myself)
But maybe I'm just jumping the gun
Because what would a good Christian boy want with a heathen like me who isn't even sure she believes in God?
Maybe his prolonged contingencies were merely contingent and I'm just overreacting because of my few and far between incidences of human contact.
(Seriously. Don't touch me.)
Maybe I just want someone to talk to for hours about everything and nothing at all.
(What with me being relatively antisocial, it's hard to find people with similar mindsets.)
Maybe I just want someone to funnel my adolescent attention into
(Because teen movies have taught me that one obviously can't be happy without having a crush on someone at any given time.)
Or maybe it's just because the way the Bible quote on the back of his t-shirt conflicted so humorously with the way he shook his hips to a J-Lo song on "Just Dance."
(Seriously, though, it was hilarious. I was dying.)
Or the way our fingers brushed when we were catching frogs
Or the way he blushed when I stepped out in my bikini
(I went to a pool party today.)
Or the way he held me momentarily in the delirious confusion of the flashing strobe lights
Or the way he got one point higher on his research paper than me a month ago
(He was excited; I was upset.)
Or the way that he does everything nearly to perfection.
I could go on..
But I don't know.
Maybe I'll get over him in a week and slip back into myself.
Because, like I said, what would a good Christian boy want with a heathen like me?

Everyone has their own story to tell.
A reason they came, a reason they left.

We are all writing our stories.
Some people will pause to re-read previous chapters.

But where is the sense in that?
We all must keep writing to live the life we want to.

Your moonlight shines
Quite brighter than the sun
I love how you love me
I just want you to know
You're my chance at something better
I love you
Forever
I will be in your shadow
Eternity
I will love you undeniably
You are the star that accompanies me in the sky
You shine so bright in my eyes
I fell in love at first sight
I love you more than Adam loved Eve
You bring me hope and happiness
I love you
Forever isn't enough
Together
Eternity sounds better
Our love is as infinite as the stars
My heart burns for you
Like the mountains of crimson light
Burning, radiating their existence
In the galaxies so far away
My love
Forever is oh so short
Let it be accompanied with Eternity
Because that is what you are
My Forever & Eternity
I will never stop loving you
Even if Father Times heart gives out
Or if Mother Earth began to cave in around us
Our love is truly infinite
I can't walk away from you
My heart fused to the very ground
Your feet have come to call home
Our love has shackled me freely
Still calling me free but finding home
Looking through the barred windows of your heart
Knowing I will die in your heart
Making going to war and dying
A very ugly thought
I know a beautiful death will come
By being your Forever & Eternity
I know I have asked you to marry me
But I don't want you to marry me
I want to marry you
So will you allow me to marry you
And be your Forever & Eternity
Till death of all things living and unexplained

Are we not gods of this place?
We could go anywhere,
We could be anyone,
We could know anything.
We have near acquired
omnipresence,
omnipotence
and omniscience
in this domain.
Are we not demigods of cyberspace?

On internet frequencies we chant: Hack the planet!

We write the script you never see,
We code, we own,
We dominate and emancipate.
You can't hide from us,
We are anonymous, we are legion.
But even gods have weakness;
Ego is our sole concession to pride
and hubris is one flaw of five,
Ignorance are the other four.
Know this if you want to survive.

We come online to be alive.

Floating through a crowded space
Of turning heads and curious eyes.
An echo of the worlds embrace,
A fleeting struggle your mind denies.

Once accepted, strong, a friendly face,
Yet as earth turns around each day,
Confidence falls, sand through lace.
Each moment poised a shade of grey.

A ridiculous cry you know its true,
Yet something gets ahold of you.
It grasps your breath and feeds your soul
Of bitter noise, now less than whole.

Just snap out of this silly game,
A dangerous sport too much at stake,
A lifes at risk, more than a name.
Endurance more than you can take.

This too shall pass, repeat, repeat,
Struggle on, hold your head up high,
Stand and stay upon your feet
We never want to see you cry.

Today is the day she was born
Press---- really who is she?
Ooooooohhh!! My sweet  Karin Naude

Press-----who is she to u
Good question, she is my love
My heart, my honey, my inspiration
The only one my heart longs for
The one I love and will always love
She is my everything, she is all I have and all I wanted

Press-----wow I can see how exited u are, so tell me more
Ooohh yes what more can I say about her  who take me for who I am
Even when I never believed in myself she do believe in me
When i was in the mood of despondency, she gave me hope
She always say to me, baby u can do it and I always find myself doing it

Press----- interesting, so what other thing do u want to tell us about her
Yes she is meek she is a  person who loves, who cares,
who sees a person’s need and fills it,
who encourages and lifts people up,
who spends energy on others
rather than herself,
someone who touches each life she enters,
and makes a difference in the world

Press---- wow she got good heart
Ooh man good heart is understatement, I have never seen a word, I mean a single word to qualify who she really was

Press---- so what do u wish her in her birthday
I wish her the best in life,
because ripples of kindness flow outward
as each person you have touched, touches others.
Your birthday deserves to be a national holiday,
because you are a special treasure
for all that you’ve done.
May the love you have shown to others
return to you, multiplied in million folds

Press--- isn't dat too much wishes for her,ooh man u just said national holiday
Yes nothing is too much when it comes to my love, she worth more than what I said, I wish I have more to say dan happy birthday my one and only Karin Naude
I love u so much