The basement of my mind.
Cluttered with shit storms and broken promises,
Withered alongside reminiscent daydreams of passed past nightmares.
I stare...
Into the internal dwellings of my deepest catacomb.
Unable to process what resides in my literal unconscious dungeon.
It's everything i've attempted to hide.
To die.
To let dwindle between cobwebs and dust bunnies.
My breath falls short.
Sifting through the residue of forgotten treasures and material shackles.
They bond me.
Surround me.
Overwhelm me...
The unresolved burdens have taken residency within my hindered chakras.
My chest is heavy.
The weight distribution of disappointment is sharper than expected.
It eats away at me.
An elusive daily ritual.
Tucked away it remains far from common thought patterns.
Waves of emotion.
The tides roll in.
Upon their migration my muddled secrets and hidden betrayals are uncovered.
Discovered.
The look in your eyes when they fall upon my frailty.
My internal stack of unfiltered, unregistered, and unassured disheveled boxes.
Full of disheveled useless things.
Covered in a thick layer of problems i'm incapable of handling alone.
Alone.
It sits unaltered and ever growing.
The piles.
The filth.
The remnants of what should have been happiness.
It all falls into misplaced sediments.
I'm a mess.
It's showing.
I'm naked.
This hell.
This murky chamber of unwanted mementos from failed attempts and lost friendships
This dreadful, endless room.
Oh, to live in a home without a storm shelter.
Without room to store unnecessary baggage and all the unclaimed items in my mind.
To find solace in meager living.
All this weight fitting into a backpack.
To minimize my insanity into a carry on.
To leave.
To go.
To be light enough to feel the light.
To escape this cellar.
To live.
To release my self from my own idealogical prison.
To penetrate the bars of fear.
To dig myself out from all the things I never want to speak of.
To be free.
Ahhh, to be free.
To breathe fresh air over molded dust clouds and stale particles.
To touch without needing to rinse my soul clean.
To re-stack, rotate, and Tetris these piles of insecurities.
To break habits
that i've reinterpreted from childhood addictions and failed father figures.
To be better than what i've become.
To set fire to this sham of a lifestyle.
To be reborn in the ashes of this outgrown armor.
To let go.
To make you proud.
To find pride in myself.
To not be embarrassed by my place settings and mismatched knick knacks.
To allow souls into my temple without them stumbling into my isolated lunacy.
To welcome love.
To love.
To love even the darkest crevasses of my being...
I need to renew my license to live.
Overdue and out of line,
My past self has expired.
One step at a time, breathe.
One box at a time, breathe.
One thought at a time, inhale.
One lust at a time, exhale.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Breathe.
Repeat.
Awaken.
Accept.
Grow.
Repeat.
And so it comes to this: the end of days,
The sum of starlit nights and rain-washed years
I spent with friends who lie stone dead in fields
Of Troy. My faithful Andromache waits
With Astyanax, my son: I wish my stay
Would last one summer more; to see him grow,
To lie with her in balmy autumn nights,
And rest in fields where Golden barley grows.
But Achilles waits: no war is ever just,
And he is young, a boy who seeks his fame,
He does not understand my love for life.
The gods have foretold this: but I will not
Take shelter behind walls. I see old death;
He waits for me. What can a mortal do
When gods take sides, and all our years are bound
In dice that fates have rolled; and now death waits.
As long as mankind exists, Achilles wants
His name to last, but I just want to live
In peace, to tend my goats and watch the sun
In lands where neither men nor gods seek blood;
But Achilles waits: and death is waiting too.
And all my yesteryears have led to this:
This field, this god-infested ground, and I
Wait sword in hand for death: I am ready.
Diptesh Ghosh
Thoughts of you
swirl in my mind,
and remain stagnant in my heart.
Oh, how they haunt me so.
There are so many words
left unsaid by me;
words that may
never reach your ears.
These words would bring
to me much needed solace.
Simply said, they would dissipate
the shadow that
follows me everywhere;
this same dark shadow that makes me
question every step I have made,
and every step I am about to make.
My words left unsaid
will remain as such,
as time is needed
to heal the loss I now feel,
before I can face you and say,
word by word, what I feel -
what I will always feel.
“I love you, I miss you,
and I need you.
I want you in my life.
I am sorry for my indiscretions.”
When these words
have finally been said,
I hope, we both find comfort
in knowing that as your friend,
I will always be there,
wishing you well and
hoping that life fulfills you.
Vicki A. Zinn
2008
Everybody is looking
for some light; redemption is
deafened by the blinding glare
Squeezing the last drop out
from within
stunned cold silence
Throwing the dice;
blindly rolling
circle of life roulette
Once there was a way
for wild eyes gone blind,
to learn to see again
Once there was a way
to see beyond an empty space
too big to fill
What will become of love
if we keep it
hidden?
Walking away… fighting shadows;
while what won’t matter
always remains
What is lost is gone forever;
what is found is
yours to keep
The distance between
what is and what isn't overshadows,
the symmetry you want to feel ...
© 2013 … Harlon Rivers
People call me heartless
But never wonder why
Even though I'm smiling
I really want to cry
People call me heartless
They cannot understand
When I look back to the past
It's footprints on the sand
Memories washed away
With the flowing of the tide
I want you to greet me again
With arms open wide
People call me heartless
They can never comprehend
When I was there with you
I thought it'd never end
But as was sure enough
You went, left me behind
I wish I had gone with you
If fate had been so kind
People call me heartless
I remember what I heard you say
"I'm off to join the army,
We'll meet again some day"
I waited every day for you
Until I got the letter
I knew it was for worse
But hoped it was for better
I opened up the envelope
And read what was there wrote
The words 'your lover is deceased'
My breath caught in my throat
I remembered what you said
On that summer night
You told me that we'd meet again
But you had to take your flight
People call me heartless
And maybe it is true
I no longer have a heart
For it belonged to you
I put the gun up to my head
In my eye formed a tear
I used my voice to comfort me
"I'll see you soon my dear"
I pulled the trigger quickly
Said one last goodbye
Thought about deaths impact
The people that would cry
But the world doesn't matter
The only thing I want to see
Is for me to be with you
And you to be with me
Everything was black
Then came a blinding light
My life flashed before my eyes
What a breathtaking sight
People call me heartless
But they don't understand
I couldn't let you walk alone
On the beach with all the sand
Now that I am with you
I can finally be content
I understand those words you said
And what they truly meant.
I wonder if she knows how lucky she is,
To have you by her side late at night.
I need you,
I want you.
Am stuck with stolen moments.
A few hours here and there.
Stuck in an alternate reality,
where we have all the time in the world.
In my dreams you are mine.
You hold me close and whisper in my ear.
You serenade me in a million ways,
With your touch and words.
I tremble for a moment in your arms.
It's the only place that makes sense.
I can't help loving you.
I fall for you in a million ways,
everytime we steal moments from fate.
i love school
because i love
to learn new things
and find out what
i want to do
with my life
and i haven't
decided yet
but i suppose
i will
when that
time comes
here we go again
that's what they say
when they hear things
about me anyway
they are true of course
every part
the stories, the mischief
the betrayal of the heart
you don't know me
and I don't know you
so why are we still here
saying things out of the blue
you don't like me
but you don't want to say
all of the things
that will cause me pain
you want to be the nice person
you race for people's love
but you're not really all you say you are
you really want to give me a shove
so here I am again
on the floor, crying
because words hurt
even if you are lying
i like it
even though i
get bullied on
and called names
because i want to learn
and i am always learning
new things at school
school is also for
making mistakes
and i make
plenty of them
because we
can learn
from our
mistakes what
to do better
Tears come streaming down my face,
Wiping off my make-up
Tears are streaming down my face,
Am I good enough for you?
I don’t want to try anymore
I don‘t see the point
Will this be the end
The end of me?
When I jump, I want to fly,
Would be better than staying here
I can’t stand watching
Everyone leave
Why can’t I be alright?
Why can’t things be the way
They way I want them to, be?
I just want to be happy and
Feel like the other girls
With their glorious curls
and lollipop swirls
There is no crime in being kind
To those who find
That being kind
Is hard enough
When they can't even smile
Just for a while.
